I'm not sure of what I'm feeling now. One minute its hatred, the next its sadness and lonliness all mixed up, and earlier today i was agressive and dirty, and i was jealous, and only a few moments ago I was peaceful.
Go listen to some new Hanson Acoustic. I bet u all think i'm a fucking teeny bopper, but i promise you its anything but that. music always calms me down, yet it also reminds me of my current single status, i find there is a song for almost every one of my moods.
But if u want an example of the most perfect chorus in a song go download Penny and Me by hanson, and just listen, its fantastic..i luvvv it.
Shit australian idol is on! oooohhhh.
I have an idea for the novel me and theo are planning on writing. My idea could get dirty ;)
Judging by what i wrote today, it could take a nasty dirty turn. despite my, not wanting to actually write an erotic novel. ooooh...how naughty of me. lol. All my years of fan fic writing and reading will finally come to use. woo.
anyway. i've been busy with essays. yes, in one of my last posts i mentioned an essay I had to write well..uh...funnily enough the essay was due the day before i wrote that post, and uhh..i handed it in today. finally. I also handed in the cinema 1000 word essay on jacques tourneur. So its all done. now i got to start on my cinema take home test, which will be difficult, cos i don't understand the questions so well, and i have a whole heap of reading to do this week. Wednesday i'm spending the day in the lib, and i'm gonna read this huge book on History of Hollywood Cinema, its gonna take me awhile, and i have two more films to watch, welll maybe one...depends on the question. It shouldn't be too hard, but because i haven't actually done any of the readings for the subject this semester..i'm fucked :)

anyway, i'd better geeet offf.

playlist:
Sum 41 - Over my head
Sugababes - hole in my head
Kelly Clarkson - Low
Hanson - Misery

9th September 2003 News on msn.com

Settlement reached over Aaliyah's death


The parents of rhythm and blues singer and actress Aaliyah have reached an undisclosed settlement in a negligence lawsuit over her death in a 2001 plane crash, family attorneys said.

A chartered Cessna 402B carrying Aaliyah and eight others crashed shortly after takeoff on a flight from Marsh Harbour in the Bahamas to the Miami suburb of Opa-locka. Investigators believed the plane was 315 kg overloaded.

Attorneys for Aaliyah's parents, Diane and Michael Haughton, have filed a notice in federal court to say the case has been settled with an agreement to keep details confidential.

The parents sued plane operator Blackhawk International Airways Corp, owners Skystream Inc and Gilbert Chacon and flight broker Atlantic Flight Group. Blackhawk did not have permission from the Bahamas for commercial flights.

Aaliyah, a million-selling singer turned movie star in Romeo Must Die and Queen of the Damned, was 22 when she died.

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/Entertainment/story_51596.asp

I found this article this morning, while taking a break from my essay. Its been two years since the plane crash, and finally they've settled it. I just hope aaliyah's family can now rest and move on now.

heeey all.
i really shouldn't be online rite now. me have an essay to start and finish. Who knew writing a literature review could be sooo damn hard. I still have like 6 books to read, then i can write the damn essay, its not even that long. I'll be soo thankful once this week is over, I have another essay due on friday, but i guess i could always hand it in on the Next monday...i wonder if they count weekends as days late also? hmmm...
i'm trying to watch some atomfilms. but streaming video has never liked me, but i've bee downloading some stuff and looking for some new music. Getting bored with all this old shit, but the one song I really want i can't find on Kazaa. its' soo weird, Dido's white flag...i need a copy of that song, and every time i search for it its not there. but i really like the video clip for that song too, you should all check it out - watch rage, cos they play it.
I've had a busy weekend, and so far my week has been good. I went to uni yesterday and it was cool, i didn't feel like i was wasting my time, the weather was good, and i suppose i was happy because i spent awhile with lisa and her funky friends, and their pretty nice people. i still feel weird though, i mean, i can't seem to really make friends in my own classes. I know people, you know, u say hi to them, sometimes u have discussion with them, but no real friends you know. I like Jon's friends, but i think they don't know how to act or talk to me, and i never really speak alot with them. But their still all very nice people. it's kinda strange how i make friends through friends, there has never really been anyone i know that i haven't met through a friend. anyway, i shall leave you now with a small sample of my current playlist (the one thats in my head)

playlist:
Pete Murray - Feeler
Thicke - Brand New Jones
Utada Hikaru - Automatic (mtv unplugged)
Jet - Are you gonna be my girl?
Third Eye Blind - Forget myself

I have had no sleep. i had some. like maybe three hours and a half. i feel like the walking dead. I have finally finished the first essay of the semester, the gender and spectatorship essay which was about...gender and spectatorship, funnily enough. The essay, which i only started writing on Sunday night, was finally finished this morning at about 1:30..and then after that i stayed online and chatted with Tristan and Steve. Steve finally finished his game of final fantasy X..he had to share the "experience" with me..lol.
The essay is finished..alittle over due (due last monday) and maybe i can finally get some sleep - but i have that wonderful lit review to write that is due next monday...soo no sleep for me, again tonite. I have to stay back late for fucking media again...grr..i could skip it, its oh so tempting. I have to watch the film cat people...i have to do that this week. Cos after i write the Lit review, i then have to write a 1000 word essay on jacques tourneur, a director who directed really great films with really shite titles. So I will be soooo glad once all these damn essays are over. AND then i shall sleep. i'd better go now, i have to hand in the essay and borrow another book, and the re-borrow the six books i already have out.
*sigh* damn uni. i don't remember being this busy last year..and i had like one extra class last year..fuck. anyway. cya.

playlist:
dido - white flag
bowling for soup - punk 101
Linkin park - numb
matchbox 20 - bright lights
utada hikaru - For You

I am worth $1,501,042.00
thats pretty good. lol. maybe one day i'll find someone willing to pay that much for me ;)

www.humanforsale.com

This week has beeeen pretty sweet so far! Yesterday I went out with Morgs and Aimee - who has recently returned to melbourne. So it was like a reunion almost. lol, but it was good. I feel like we're all still the same, just older, more outgoing and happier i guess. Today I actually turned up for class, i've been sooo lazy lately. But we watched "Strange days" which is a cool film, i recommend it. I also saw JON today. i haven't seen jon in awhile - and i love hanging out with JOn. i especially love it when he offers to give me a ride home :) lol, but i've missed chatting with him. We picked up a friend of his from high school..and jon totally went from la la la to heeheee hee. like a giggly school boy. if school boys giggle. he was kinda like an evil pixie.
ANyway - i've been going crazy the past few days because this book i needed for my media literature review was out at the lib, and then i checked today and they had it! SO yay! now i have the book i'm ok, but im starting to feel a little stressed, this weekend i have to write an essay! i have so much reading to do also, and tomorrow morning i have to get a copy of this week's cinema reading and i have to write an essay due in two weeks...arghhh...allll so annoying. I hate uni work, i really do. i SPEND so much money on photocopying, and essays are just stupid. I'd rather be doing anything else than writing essays, i really really hate them...because they are stupid. i can't stress that enough - ESSAYS ARE STUPID.
Anyway, earlier my sis alerted me to the fact that the alec from darkangel was in tonite's episode of dawson's creek. he was like chatting up jen...grrr. he's too good for her, but his hair was weird. cute but. So while i'm watching his performance, lisa calls and is like - alec is on dawsons. hehe..it was a funny moment.

songs in my head
DC - so beautiful
MB - its you
JT - you always say goodnight
GF- strict machine

i'm about to sneez. ok. maybe not. its gone now. the sneez has gone.
I have eaten sooo much today, here is a list of exactly what I have snacked on during today:
1 muffin
1 bowl of soup
4 pieces of toast for the soup
1 hershy's cookies and cream chocolate bar
1/3 of a box of large hot chips with chicken salt
1 bowl of stirfry & noodles.
1 tiny chocolate
And i have drunk lots of water and had half a glass of orange juice(only because there wasn't enough for a full glass).
Some dickwad left like the smallest amount of orange juice in the fridge. I mean, what the fuck is the point of doing that? So others can have some? is that sharing? i think fucking not since there's hardly any left to share so you mite as well drink the whole bloody lot! honestly, some people really piss me off. i bet my sister did that, she does that with lemonade too - i go to the fridge to have some and find there is only enough drink left to slightly cover the bottom of the glass.
Anyway today i went for a walk to my local vid store - and i picked up a few dvds and vids: The rules of attraction, just married, casablanca and jackie brown - i couldn't see bambi.
Just married was amusing, but it was fairly predictable. The rules of attraction was very very good in my opinion. I mean if u don't like the film and script or whatever you gotta love the cinema photograhpy and that cool split scene trick. But i really enjoyed the film because it wasn't your stupid usual teen college type film - it wasn't as predictable, but i liked it alot. I have yet to view the other two films, and when i do i'll make my appropriate/or inappropriate comments then.
OH i got the michelle branch cd and the christina Ag cd...so i'm fairly content now.
I visited my friend Tristan on monday - i skipped my one hour lecture to visit him and play Halo - which was pretty cool. I admit now i wish i had an xbox so i could play that game - that and the buffy game would be sweet.

Our vcr has stoofed up. For some reason it dislikes video head cleaners, likes some tapes and hates my tape which has perfect blue taped on it from last saturday nite - which i wasn't allowed to watch cos my stupid sister wanted to watch romeo must die -but she fell asleep half way thru the film, and i fell asleep during the last ten minutes of it. Well saturday nites are never that good for me...i can stay awake late on a week night, but weekends just don't agree with me and the staying up. I do enjoy watching rage though on a friday or saturday nite - thats were i saw that sickly infectious song "star treking" i mean i hate star trek cos i think its stupid - but that damn song just gets me singing along.


Listen:
Michelle Branch - Tuesday Morning
Goldfrapp - strict machine & twist (did u all seem them on rove? hehe)
Hanson - down
mary j. blige - love at first sight
dashboard confessional - knock em dead
faye wong - eyes on me

MICHELLE BRANCH IS AMAZING! she totally rocked my socks off last night...and rocked my hearing - so after the gig i was temporaryily deaf. and my voice got lost amongst the whole crowd yesterday too. It was a very very very good performance...but the only thing i'm really bummed about from last nite is that i spent my only 20 bucks on expensiveism drinks when i could have purchased myself a copy of the album. After the gig michelle was signing stuff, me and lis hung around only for a bit and then left. I didn't realise how tired i was last night till i finally sat down..and standing for like two hours-or more in the same spot kinda hurt my knee alot. BUT it was worth it. all of it was worth it. totally. if i could i would fly to sydney and see michelle again - she was that good! and she played alot of songs from the new album...and couple of ppl in the crowd yelled out for songs like "sweet misery" and "paper pieces" but her little acoustic set of songs was very good - she played 'game of love' and my personal acoustic favourite 'desperately'. lol..it was very good.

anyway. i need to get some lecture notes before i go to uni today. buh bye.

Here I am, take me
It’s easier to give in
Some people mistake me
They only hear what they want to hear
If you’re losing sleep
Forgive me
I just can’t keep pretending
I’m packing my bags ‘cause I don’t wanna be
The only one who’s drowning in their misery
And I’ll take that chance ‘cause I just wanna breathe
And I won’t look back and wonder how it’s supposed to be
How it’s supposed to be

There’s a prism by the window
It lets the light leak in
I wish you would let me
You feel the water but do you swim?
And it’s only me empty-handed
With a childish grin and a camera

I’m packing my bags ‘cause I don’t wanna be
The only one who’s drowning in their misery
And I’ll take that chance ‘cause I just wanna breathe
And I won’t look back and wonder how it’s supposed to be
How it’s supposed to be

La da da da

I’m packing my bags ‘cause I don’t wanna be
The only one who’s drowning in their misery
And I’ll take that chance ‘cause I just wanna breathe
And I won’t look back and wonder how it’s supposed to be
How it’s supposed to be

‘Cause I’m packing my bags
And I won’t be back

- empty handed - michelle branch

I didn't go to manifest. I wanted to. but my head decided to fuck up and give me lots and lots of head aches all day..or just one big head ache that lasted alllll day. Anyway. i have been watching plenty of tv lately. so far Im half way through series 3 of black adder - and i sooo love every episode so far. I have so many other buffy episodes to watch, a video of hornblower and one ab fab video to start this week. And its the last episode of Buffy this tuesday night!!!! i'm so excited, because i can't wait to see what happens, while it may be the end of a great cult teen series, buffy will live on forever..in the form of dvds.
Meanwhile how addictive is Australian Idol. There have only been like four episodes of the damn show and already every one is hooked! It will be exciting to see how it all turns out. But it is a very good replacement for big brother.

playlist:
bowling for soup - girl all the bad guys want (i wrote this one on the blog awhile ago, but i love it)
Christian Ag - Impossible
Boomkat - what U do 2 me
Thicke- When I get you alone
Lumidee - never leave you

It seems the world is becoming more and more fucked up.
The recent bombings in Jakarta seem more threatening now that the "smiling assasin" Amrozi, is to receive the death penalty. UK victims of the bali bombing are scared that this could make a martry out of Amrozi and more bombings could follow. Prime minister John Howard has said that Australia is at risk from terrorist groups, but other countries are at greater risk compared to us. So this is all getting a bit weird, I mean, Amrozi is being dealt with by Indonesian local law, most people are happy that he is getting the death sentence - but what about those others involved with the bali bombings? What about those people who bombed the Marriott Hotel in Jakarta? Why is one man being punished for the deeds of several? His involvement in the bali bombing seems very important, but to be honestly opinionated he seems like a bit of a smug wanka - someone else smarter must have planned and developed the attack. So why don't they locate the person who iniated the plans for the bombing? why not arrest the person who recruited people to be involved with a terrorist organisation?
The death of one man will not solve these problems. In fact it could make it alot worse, more bombings could occur in indonesia, Australia could find itself a target - even if it does seem unlikely to the rest of us - but the threat of increasing terrorist attacks or "risks" does seem to be looming over our heads.
I'm almost wishing they'd get it all over with, bomb every fucking western country and see how far that'll get them. i bet once they realise that there is no where else to bomb, that they won't quite get the desired results their looking for.

After watching bowling for Columbine on the weekend I've decided that America is one fucked up country. Fear is what leds to gun ownership, fear is what is fed to Americans night after night. IN Australia since the Monash University shooting last year - new guidelines state "semi-automatic pistols with a barrel length under 120mm, and revolvers or single-shot handguns with a barrel length less than 100mm will be banned"(ninemsn.com).
So every time Australia has a tragedy, eg. Port Arthur Massacre and the Monash shooting, the government tightens the gun laws - while in America even after Columbine guns laws are still lax. Americans feel the right to protect their families and country - yeah its nice to be patriotic but not idiotic. I like to think that we live in a civilized country - or world - one that is modern and logical. If every country was like america and had access to guns and ammo that is so freely avaliable, then the rest of the world would be just as fucked up and just as scared of everyone else. Or everyone would become tofu farmers and make home made bombs and use guns like their a right and we'd all be fucking hicks and red necks. Thankfully most people in the world - and even in america, are smart and realise that guns are a problem. But things like that have taken a back seat to terrorism - which i agree is an important issue to tackle. But now the whole world is living in fear of being a country that is at risk.

OK. EVELYN'S SHOPPING LIST:
1. Fuck me bands - THEY ARE EVERYWHERE. fluro fucking pink and orange ones.
- Portman's cost 3.95 for ten.
- Sportsgirl cost 4.95 for ten. (have heaps of colours though)
- The little cart in the middle of the shopping mall - 20 cents each (but no more black and only ugly colours)
2. Fishnet gloves!
- Sportsgirl costs 12.95 - Only in Pink though. So i mite buy two pairs...and dye on pair black. That would be cool.

and i saw heaps of other cute shit..but i can't remember what it all was.

I was out with lisa today at shoppo..wonderful shoppo. We looked around...we were in Kmart for awhile...lisa wants to plant some flower bulbs, and i learned that kmart has this cool barcode zapper thing which tells u the price of things.
FUCK its cold in here. I'm in my room today, and its freezinggg. I'm sooo hyper today, i need to keep moving around and stuff.
I need to get off this. ahhh. soo cold. byes

for every action there is a reaction. Cause and affect. Life is like one endless narrative. Causality I believe its called, when you get into the chain of events and the linking causes. Its like a system almost, well thats how it makes sense to me. Its like whatever bad you do to a person comes back three fold. Like that time at Marshmead when I cursed Nikki three ticks. instead i got three evil ticks and she got none. And I'm talking about the insect, ticks are those horrible little things with legs that bury their heads under your skin, I still have marks from where I had them removed.
Anyway, i'm alittle sad today. i was last night, But i'll be ok. But i'm not that worried about myself, because I know i'll deal, i'm like that. I move on pretty quickly, except that crush on taylor hanson that started in year 7 didn't end till way into 2000.
I'm listening to B2K "Girlfriend" thats an odd choice of song for me to be listening to right now. Earlier I was listening to Michelle Branch, I think thats alot more appropriate for my mood. But slap me if i start listening to fiona apple. I was listening to Nelly Furtado, Vanessa Carlton, Lene Marlin, and Pj Harvey yesterday.
lol. Last night I fell asleep on the couch while watching the news, and I woke up in the middle of a Blossom repeat, lol. I fell asleep reading and writing too - i was watching the news at the same time you see. I remember that news report about the musician in queensland who had his fingers hacked off. That was pretty brutal, the poor guy may never be able to play the saxaphone again. I remember I once read a Hanson fanfiction about Taylor, and he had his vocal chords surgically removed by some angry ppl. That was a really interesting read - but I was thinking last night, i would die not being able to sing or speak. But then I thought there are worse things, like not being able to hear - if I couldn't hear music I think it would be alot worse.

Playlist:
Boa: Amazing Kiss
Dashboard Confessional: So beautiful
Mis-Teeq - Can't get it back
Rikki - Suteki da ne (final fantasy x theme song - orchestral version)
Goldfrapp - Black Cherry
New found glory - head on collision

Yo. I'm at uni again. its almost 9am. I have nothing to write because I've already written it all somewhere else. but its all in my head, i just don't want to write it all here for you all to see. But I was struggling inside before with a decision that needed to be made. And I'll be the brave one and make it happen. I've never been good with starting things and ending them. Like an essay, its so hard to make the first 250 words come out, and then they just start flowing as your mind starting spurting all these words and sentences and meanings. Most of it makes sense, but not all of it. And if your not clear on your intention then it just doesn't work. Then comes the conclusion, and you re-write your beginning. And if you were clear and concise it'll work and be a good essay, but if its scrambled, sensless and all over the place, then your not going to get a good result. I want to clear and full of direction and purpose. And research makes a good essay, but you can't research some things. Like life. There is no guide to life, on how to be successful in your career and love life. There are self help books, but there are never any real true answers for you, because you need to experience them all yourself. ahh..even my words confuse.
anyway I am 41% pick-upable according to the spark test. Thats not too bad. lol.

I'll tell you all the decision I made by next week.

hello all. Back at uni again. not much is happening, just waiting for my first class of the day to begin. I have a 25 minute wait so I thought I would waste it in here in the lib.
This morning I came to uni had a coffee - therapy has good cheap coffee i've discovered - and its really really hot. I burnt my tongue lol. :P And I finall saw the lecturer and got the tutorial I wanted for Thursday's media class. yay. I love it when things go my way. and when I get exactly what I want.
So i'm just checking my e-mails now, i got invited to a 21st - woohoo. its for this really cool guy Reddy - he's hot and asian...mmm. I probably shouldn't have written that. LOL. thats the kind of stuff that'll get me in trouble. Maybe I should go to that, i could meet some new ppl...and I haven't been really social for awhile now - so maybe its time to get out more.
Michelle branch is touring here on the 13th of August - and I have to go to it. Considering my parents money is my money my dad is usually pretty happy for me to go to gigs and concerts and pay for them, but $48.20 is how much the ticket will cost - but thats a small price to pay to see one of my favorite artists. I don't think i'll be able to save the money or anything in time for the gig though...

Anyway, On tuesday, on my way back from uni I was at doncaster shopping town...so i went up to electronic boutique to ask if I was getting my final fantasy 6 game anytime soon. Since I had ordered the game in May - they finally did something about getting me the game. There are only five copies of this game in the EB stores across australia, so they got on the phone and after calling three stores they found me a copy and I should have it by next friday. FINALLY. see if i had waited and not bothered to ask about the game, i probably would still be waiting a few more months for it. I didn't want to be demanding, but i had a 20 dollar deposit on that game and I still didn't have it.

wishlist:
ticket to michell branch's show and the Hotel Paper album
FFx-2 (i'll buy the jap version if i have to)
Aaliyah poster
Sailormoon poster


Download list:
Basement Jaxx - Jus 1 kiss (you won't believe the trouble I have d/l this song)
Dashboard confessional - a mark, a mission, a scar (new album)
Bowling for soup - punk 101
Sean Paul - get busy (aiii)

Tonite's TV Viewing:
Kath and Kim
Tlc
Will and Grace
FatCow Hotel
Angel

I'm in such a good mood today. Maybe because my throat doesn't hurt. Maybe because i stole a chocolate bar from my dad (he's trying to lose weight so i'm helping out). Maybe because lisa called me today.
I just made a quiz, but i decided it was stupid so i'm not sending it out to anyone. My net is slow today, thanks to Kazaa - grr. But the download list is unbelievable. Its huge..all these mp3s we want downloaded, its gonna take months on this internet.
MEanwhile i'm finding i'm feeling alittle hungry again, that chocolate bar just didn't cut it - of course i could always steal the hershy's crunchy chocolate bars.....NO i'm must resist the naughty evil temptation.
Anyway, my uni timetable seems pretty ok at the moment except for thursdays, and because i don't want to come into uni on tuesdays on wednesdays i've decided I must get the Thursday media tutorial at 4pm - so i won't finish till 6pm on thursdays..nasty.

Tomorrow I mite be going to the city for lunch at Santes with lisa and co. which will be sooo good cos i will finally get out of the house and do something on my last day of holidays! And we mite go see Terminator 3...yay! I was watching T2 last night, the director's cut, very cool. One of the best god damn blockbuster action films ever made. Plus it was made by the mastermind behind Dark Angel, James Cameron. Fucking genius. Shame about dark angel though. but dark angel series two has been released on dvd here..so YAYness.

last nite we had singapore take away - practically like chinese food, but with bigger noodles. lol. i'm feeling like eating that right now, i was told there were some left overs. I hate left overs, i just think there's no point leaving food un eaten in yoru fridge. That and if you have too many left overs you use all ur tupperware containers and it just clutters the fridge.

On a musical note, Hanson (scroll down to the next para if you want to skip this) have finally come out into the open and performed on jay leno. And "my god look at Zac" was the first thing that came to mind when i viewed this clip from hansonhotel.com. Its not a big deal, but i thought i had to mention it - to prove that they haven't died yet and are still kicking on with their little guitars and shaker things. I just wish i could seem them on their acoustic tour and get myself a copy of their EP.

Michelle branch's album recieved only two and a half stars in the herald sun's hit lift out on thursday. I was disappointed considering how good the songs all are on her new album. But i guess i would have to agree that her sound is very pop and pleasing for radio.

Playlist:
Eve 6 - On the roof again (once you get past the crappy intro its not bad)
Howie Day - Morning After
Sean Paul - Get busy
Michelle Branch - Desperately (album version not live version i orignally had)
Eagle Eye Cherry - Falling in love again (this is worth the download)


Watch:
Dirty Dozen
T2
FFX-2 Opening sequence

I'm so bored right now. I was bored yesterday too, and the day before that and the day before that too. I was so bored yesterday that while on my searching for my missing kitting needles I found my sisters old glass bottle painting kit and i did some painting. So I now have a pretty badly decorated bottle sitting on my desk. But at least I wasn't bored for 20 minutes out of yesterday. I've also finished two books - Dune Messiah and Queen of the damned (i downloaded the pdf. file of it and read the ending of it last nite). So yesterday was almost a productive day, but I still haven't found my knitting needles.
I've tried writing, but that doesn't seem to last long. TV is boring, radio is boring, my PS2 is boring, my small collection of DVD's
bore me, playing computer games for longer than 10 minutes bores me. I could be playing the sims right now but it takes too long to get into the game so fuck it. Maybe i will go looking for those knitting needles again...

Movies to watch:
Sugar and Spice (Cheerleaders that rob banks - amusing)
Crackerjack (dvd commentary is cool)
Movies not to watch:
Sample people (Crap. Australian movies just lost all their credibility after this bad egg)
Striptease (crap)

Playlist:
GoldFrapp - Train
Basement Jaxx - Jus 1 kiss
Benny Benassi - Satisfaction
B2k - Girlfriend
The dandy warhols - You were the last high
Michelle Branch - Hotel Paper
Kelly Osbourne - Right Here
The Juliana Theory - To the tune of 5000 Screaming

I'm listening to jpop at the moment. and I'm downloading the scenes from FFX-2 of yuna singing 'real emotion'. yay.
OK. update for now, i'm sick - very sick. My flu/sinus sickness has turned worse, i now have icky tonsils. Yes thats right folks i have tonsilitis (excuse the poor spelling). And it sucks. I have like one week of holidays left and i'm stuck inside nursing a killer of a sore throat. But at least i'm on pills so hopefully it'll all clear up soon in the next few days, cos i would suck going back to uni still sick. I mean i hate uni (reminds me of high school those damn tutorials) and going to uni sick is not fun, i recall a day last year when i turned up to a tutorial and i was feverish and dying and fucking pain. That was two hours of hell i shall not forget. and i suffered silently too, when i should have asked the tutor to leave early - but oh well, i endured.
Well since my holidays have been boring as hell lately (but i reckon hell would be more interesting) i don't have much to say in my bloggie.

At the moment i am currently reading two books. Dune Messiah and Ninteen-eighty four - which so far has proved an interesting read. The television show 'Big brother' is loosely based on this book, i'm sure the book is better than the show though. Meanwhile tonite is the second last eviction of Big brother - which shall be entertaining to watch and see which contestant will be evicted. I personally think its between Patrick and Chrissy. But Patrick is the next to go honestly, but it all depends on what the audience votes for and audiences are stupid. i am an audience member but i'm not always actively particpating with the show and my opinions are different to the majority - I mean they voted Jamie out instead of Vincent! That was wrong, so very very wrong.

Playlist:
Gerling - Get Activated
The Dandy Warhols - We used to be friends
Goldfrapp - Strict Machine
Planet Funk - Who said (stuck in the U.K)
Michelle Branch - Breathe

Why is it HMV - has to put giant big black round stickers all over CD covers. Its like they see a CD case and they have to block the cover completely with a sticker. And what is up with charging $4.99 for a CD? Why don't they just say $5 and be done with it. The buyer isn't fooled into thinking that they've just save 1 cent - How can they since in Australia there is no such thing as a 1 cent or 2 cent coin anymore. But seriously, i remember the old HMV stickers, the $4.95 ones i used to pull off my single cases, they came off with hardly any mess and then they changed type of stickers - the backing was alot stickier and was a bitch to take off - *see exibit A - my Janet jackson feat. missy E single case* They ruined my CD case, and now its horrible looking at the cover of it - its so ugly with that huge sticker residue mess in the right hand corner. So after that i completely stopped trying to take the stickers off, knowing that if i tried i would have a whole lot of ugly CD cases. And this new single i purchased just today has this huge mutha of a sticker price tag on it - and i'm so not even going to attempt it. But its horrible, cos the sticker almost covers Michelle Branch's head - and HMV that is NOT COOL.
Meanwhile, the CD is fantastic. sounds beautiful in my CD player but shit in my computer.

I've been thinking alot of things over today, and i've realised what i am doing wrong. which is writing exactly how i feel in this blog. So if u read anything in the past few hours, ignore it. i was pissed off.

I've changed the template. I have to edit it and stuff now. its not as funky but i like it. Since blogger has been revamped all the old templates have disappeared!
Meanwhile, HOW GOOD IS THE FIFTH HARRY POTTER BOOK? it was very exciting. I won't go into details about it at all, cos i don't want to spoil it for those smart people who are reading the book, but itz alll good.

YOU MUST ALL GO AND BUY THESE ALBUMS:
The Juliana Theory - LOVE
Michelle Branch - Hotel Paper
Third Eye Blind - Out of the Vein

Yesterday i wrote this HUGE post. and u know what, when i clicked the post & publish button I got a friggen error instead! So all that effort...wasted!
Well tonite is THE juliana theory gig, and i am very excited. Its gonna be very very cool.
I did feel like writing b4..but i've lost that inspiration now. and my right hand has freezed up. so this is particularly difficult to type.
anyway. i'll write more tomorrow when i actually have something of interest to report ;)

I am gonna die. of stress. is that possible? i remember watching 'beauty and the beast' the tv panel show - not the disney film- and stan would be saying "There's no such thing as stress..woff woff woff" and all the beauties would be arguing that it was a medically proven condition.
Maybe this isn't exactly stress, maybe its the panic starting to set in. Maybe i should start kicking myself, cos this is all my own fault. OK. my problem exactly is this. I have two essays due on monday, thats tomorrow. they'll both be due by 4am.
Now my Radio Theory essay took a couple of long hours to write today, but its done and finished and i'm almost satisfied with it.
My researching the media essay is a different story, not that it will be harder, its 2,500 words i think i can do that. But it requires a 2nd piece of research to compare and contrast with. So i'm manically looking on the internet for policy research, or research done on eletctronic entertainment and parental monitoring and regulation. So while i'm looking for 2nd piece, which only has to be short, i've just realised i probably could have used the research monograph i had on community views and the australian broadcasting tribunal, cos that was like policy research, and..i'm fucked. there's all there is to it, because simply i have been too fucking stupid to ARGHHH. ok, so its 7:14pm now sunday night, and i have to write a friggen 2,500 word essay - which has no 2nd compartive piece, and hardly any references. My university career is over. i might as well give up, but knowing me i'lll still do the damn thing, and hopefully i won't hand it in on tuesday, cos then i'll be fucked.
I should have started this yesterday at least, and i should have done the radio essay during last week, cos i could have done it then, but i kept fucking around cos i wasn't sure wether i should have gotten an interview or not, i see now it probably would have been a good idea if i did, but i didn't so fuck it. And i'm beginning to feel tired, and i have no caffine.

ok songs to get down and boogie to:
Feel good time - Pink and William Orbit
Ben Harper - Diamons on the inside & WIth my own two hands
Marliyn Manson - this is the new shit
good charlotte - boys and girls

ok i'd better get back to it. *muah* i hope you all survive exams and ur essays.

I am impressed. Blogger has this whole funky new look. I know those of u reading can't see what i am seeing, but its funky and prettty. yeah.
Anyway, i've been so busy lately, lots of work to do and still to start and finish. This weekend i have to write my whole cinema essay. which sucks cos i really wanted to go out tonite to dinner @ georges with justin &co. but sadly, alas i am forced to sit here and stare at computers and ugly books all weekend. Monday i'm hopefully taking steve to the footy, and i mite be able to get extra tickets to the game cos i have acquired some very very very good afl membership passes ;)
Yes, well the essay i'll be working on today is due on tuesday arghh! its about the affect of miramax and indpendent cinema...blah blah..i haven't actually read the question yet, so i'm not sure..but its about corporate stuff etc. Yeah, not too hard cos i already know alot of stuff, i just have to pick two films to write it on. which mite mean i have to make a trip to the video store...woo.
anyway i'd better get offline, things to do ppl to sms and cancell plans with..grr. i hate doing that, but right now i seriously can't fail uni, and i think i'm slowly heading in that direction. I've been waaaay too slack lately, and way to distracted.
OK. byes.

Listen:
Utada Hikaru - In My Room
Third eye blind - blinded
midtown - like a movie

SONGS IN MY PLAYLIST:
Shawn Desman - Shook
Beoynce - Crazy In love
NOFX - Franco unamerican
Liam Lynch - united states of whatever
Michelle Branch - Are you happy now?
Utada Hikaru - Colours

its saturday morning. 10 am. and i am awake. i've been awake since 8.30ish. i saw the michelle branch video on rage...i saw it last nite on the net. but .life could be good. i'm doing my work, i'm starting it all, and i'll have something written down soon. but tonite is steve's b'day gathering in da city. and while i really really want to go, i know i can't beacause the amount of work i've got to do has just been piling up. and i have to do it, cos otherwise i'm fucked basically. and while i thought maybe i could get away with going out tonite..its an absoulte bitch going to the city right now. getting home isn't an option if i went out..and it costs way too much just to get home. its almost not worth it. anyway. my inner vibes and instincts..what ever u wanna call them..are telling me not to go tonite. cos i mite regret it in the morning. i think im starting to stress now. yes...panic and stress is setting in now.
anyway. i've decided that the male species suck, except for a few which i can actually stand. I think maybe i'm missing my single life. I have all these restriction..i mean i can't flirt, i've been told not to perve..but i do it anyway. I have to talk on the phone constantly..i actually have to see steve, which means organising something and i'm too lazy to even bother with things that involve organisation. i mean i like talking on the phone and stuff...i feel more like i'm just friends with steve. last nite he got shitty and threatened to dump me because i made a joke about flirting with another player in quake. lol. stupid shit to get all jealous over. seriously, but i could have my share of being jealous about all the chicks steve talks to...but i honestly don't care...i'm amused by the idea of him flirting with someone else. lol. i have my own issues, some of which i'm not prepared to share online..i will eventually. fuck it all. i can do whatever the fuck i like. this relationship isn't supposed to be serious, therefore jealousy shouldn't even be an issue. i don't care enough. whatever.
MEANWHILE. my i got my nails done yesterday. yay. lol and i got a cute little star on two of them. looks gorgeous. hehe. lol. yes i am excited about the smallest things.
If anyone knows anything about community radio in melbourne or australia. like history or about the stations syn, hitz or kiss fm please contact me evesygal@hotmail.com!!!
I would appreciate any information i can get!

i better get back to work *MUAH*

www.geocities.com/evesygal

My foot hurts alot. I hurt it yesterday while my stupid father left the house leaving the front door wide open, and then my dog who was sitting in the hallway decided to take that as her chance to make a run for it outside (and she got hit by a car last time she did that) so i ran to the door stopped the dog, shouted a few abusive words to my father who just looked like a dumb deer on the outside steps once he realised his mistake, and i slammed the door and then found myself limping back to the room and my left toes throbbing in pain. So i've been hobbling around, limping, hopping..walking strangely, whatever u wanna call it. And its painnful..and i've been really whiny about it..getting sympathy from everyone..lol. I finished my media essay at 8:30 tonite..which i'm very proud about, cos it was due last week and i won't be up all night finishing it. It wasn't that hard after all to write, i dunno why i was making such a big deal over it.

anyway. im getting sleepy. nite *MUAH*

"Try Again"

What would you do
To get to me
What would you say
To have your way
Would you give up
Or try again
If I hesitate
To let you win
Or would you be yourself
Or play your role
Tell all the boys
Or keep it low
If I say no
Would you turn away
Or play me off
Or would you stay

[Chorus]
If at first you don't succeed
Dust yourself off and try it again
You can dust it off and try it again

If at first you don't succeed
Dust yourself off and try it again
You can dust it off and try it again

I'm into you,
You into me
But I cant let it go
So easily
Not 'til I see
What this could be
Be eternity
Or just a week
You know, our chemistry
Is off the chain
Is perfect now
But will it change
This aint a yes
This aint a no
Just do your thang
We'll see how it goes...ohhh

If at first you don't succeed
Dust yourself off and try it again
You can dust it off and try it again

If at first you don't succeed
Dust yourself off and try it again
You can dust it off and try it again

[Hook]
If you dont wanna throw it all away
Might be shy on the first date
What about the next date
huh, huh, huh, huh

If you dont wanna throw it all away
You might be buggin' on the first date
But what about the next date
um, um, um, um

If at first you don't succeed
Dust yourself off and try it again
You can dust it off and try it again

If at first you don't succeed
Dust yourself off and try it again
You can dust it off and try it again

- Aaliyah.

When i first heard this song probably back in 2000, I was completely in awe of it.
It was like nothing I had ever heard before, it was cutting edge, dark and modern. The video clip was slick, and Aaliyah was like this leather clad- biker-gothic- vixen.
Aaliyah's smooth and gentle vocals just flowed over the top of the beats and jagged loops, and I was completely in love with the song and Aaliyah's presence on the screen held me entranced. And the song was dark, it didn't have this poppy bright destiny's child feel about it, it was almost like a ballad, but it almost wasn't because it was something else entirely. Everytime I watched that video I could hear every pop and sqeak, I could see the production I could see Aaliyah's music in my head. This song just set the bar for 2000 and for r&b and Hip-hop music. And I can remember waiting for the music to get better, I was waiting for this stuff to go completely maistream, because it was so good and so refreshing compared to other music at the time. And I remember being very fustrated with music, because it was taking too long to reach this perfection, that was 'try again'. Thank god for artists like Kelis, and N.E.R.D and Missy E and Timberland (otherwise i'd have gone insane a long time ago) - and all the best artists are producers these days too :)
Of course, 'Try again' was the first Aaliyah song I hade ever heard, and sent me on a frantic search for the rest of her music, because in my mind it had to be as good. And I wasn't at all dissapointed with it. Her music stuck a chord with me, and watching her on the screen in her videos, in 'romeo must die' just made being a fan of her's worthwhile. It's funny how u could never be dissapointed with her work, i know Queen of the Damned was a pretty crap movie, but Aaliyah made it decent, and vamped up every scene she was in. Even if that only amounted to about 15 minutes of screen time.
Getting back to the song, 'Try again' has to be my all time favourite song. I can never get tired of it, i can still listen to it and love it the way I did when I first heard it. So for all of u who don't have it, just listen to it, let it take u back. it may seem a little 'old skool' for 2000 now, but its still one of the best songs of alllll time.

Real Emotion - Koda Kumi

Ano hi kokoro no kanata ni egaiteta basho ni iru
Toho no kuretetari suru keredo mo modorenai
Yume ni mita katachi to wa nani mo ka mo ga chigau
Genjitsu ni wa memai sae suru

Real na sekai ni yureteru kanjo
Maketakunai
Mo tada hashiru shika nai kono mune ni kikoetekuru
Kimi wa hitori janai

Kessite furimuki wa shinai anata ni wa tayoranai
Nani ka ga areba kanarazu sugu ni kitekureru kara
Ima boku ni dekiru koto sore wa shinjiru koto
Shinjitsu nara kono mune ni aru

Real na sekai ni yureteru kanjo
Sasaeru no wa
So anata ga oshietekureta subete ima no watashi
Dakara hitori janai

Real na sekai ni yureteru kanjo
Kanjitemo
Anata ga me o tojita nara soko ni iru kizuna ga aru
Dakara hitori janai

Real na sekai ni yureteru kanjo
Maketakunai
Mo tada hashiru shika nai kono mune ni kikoetekuru
Kimi wa hitori janai

I may have posted the lyrics to this song b4. i dunno and can't remember if I did. But just a quick blog from me today. I spent four hours on the phone with steve when i should have been writing my essay. of course, i was doing some work today. hopefully i'll have it done by friday. 2,000 words is pretty hard to spit out in one night.
And I'm having trouble getting stuff for my radio essay, i'm thinking that the topic i've choosen isn't such a good one. maybe i'll just stick to the hitz fm or the syn fm topic. but doing interviews mite be hard, i don't think i have the time for them. grr. i wish i could do a really good job on the research for the radio essay, but i know i won't be able to. IF anyone knows anything about a melbourne radio station called 3XY plz, contact me. evesygal@hotmail.com i'd appreciate it.
I freaked out steve on the phone today, told him that not only did i have a fioncee, a girlfriend, a boyfriend(thats steve) - i now have a fuck buddy. LOL. i don't think he appreciated the joke. i thought it was funny.

URggh. nuthing is working for me. DATABASES SUCK. la trobe sucks. everything sucks, i won't be prepared for my thingy tomorrow..grrr. i have to be at uni by 10am. grrr. i should have made it later...but i thought that the morning would give me time. i need my sleep though. friday was supposed to be my sleep day. but it's my 'finish-essay-at-the-last-minute" day.
more from me later *muah*

IT is a grand day in the land of Ev. why you ask? Because, someone out there - in the wide world of websites - has actually updated. And it's made my day :)
But yes, i can now continue my fun online.
I have discovered one thing better than tv, and that is quake. and i mean the game for those few of u who don't know. Quake online is soooooo much fun. OK, so cos i'm a girl, naturally we suck at most video games - but at least i still try to kick some ass. I was playing it with steve this morning, i think its brought us closer together. Quake is like bonding. Steve told me today that i am the coolest gf he's had. probably cos we somehow like almost the same things. Except he likes white chocolate. White chocolate is an abomination in my eyes. Dark chocolate is so smooth, and rich, and melts so perfectly...and i dare to say it, erotic. I have had a one track mind for the past couple of days, but u can't blame me for it. BLAME the dirty dancing, blame the alchol i consumed friday nite, blame TV..and blame quake! or i could just blame steve for it ;)
I think i'll blame steve.

Today i didn't go to uni, i wasn't gonna make myself sit through another hour of pure hell called MEDIA. that is one lecture i'm gonna skip from now on. its just..HELL. pure evil. So instead i've been home, watching episodes of angel series one, and doing my semiotic analysis and talking on the phone with steve. and i played a little FFVII. and watched half a silent movie. it was all good today. But seriously i have to start on the work. i have soo much to do this week. uni work is gonna be the death of me. And i have a tutorial presentation next week. YAYness. urghh..that means i'll be hitting the video store this weekend. whoopee.

good night and bob bless.

ok. at the moment i am sitting with lisa in the computer study hall at latrobe. she is working. and i am doing nothing...as per usual.
these are such lovely computers, with such virgin keyboards...their not shiny enough yet. lol, i like shiny keys. Like my old laptop..where ever he might be...my lappy had the shinest keys around. Everyone always asked me how i wore my keyboard out so much..i just told them 80 chapters, an epilogue and still going. Ahh..i miss my laptop, things used to be so much simpler and easier with it around. maybe not simpler, it was a bitch to fix.
anyway, i'm really not doing much at all. but i just want to go home and eat and watch some tv before i get started on my work. Tomorrow is photocopy morning, yay. i know i know i love being awake at 8:30 am and stuck infront of a photocopier. All those radiation waves must be doing my head some good. *sarcastic voice*

lisa is now making pretty tables in excel for her presentation. personally i think its unfair that they made her put it all together, the poor lis was having major problems with stupid unformatted disks earlier.
I've decided that i hate all my media subjects, and i don't want to go to another media lecture ever ever again. I swear i was scratching my eyes out, and i was hammering my ears in by the end of it. The relief i felt when it was over was amazing. meanwhile today, i saw jon. The whole time he made jokes about me and steve, for the record just i have not seen his hardware yet, and matt and jon were again making fun of the hentai, while jon only realised that i mite like porn for its eroticism. Also I took jon to the library to find some dvds, and he managed to do the creepy-library-stalker-haunting thing while i was browsing the bookcases. When he started to speak after i realised it was time to take that little boy away from the multimedia section and back out into the world of "slices" where he belongs. He's so much safer when he's in a group.
LOL. i'm joking, hanging with Jon is funnnnn. lol.

well lisa is now hungry, and i must admit i am also. but i think a hot chocolate will do for now. I've already eaten bad pasta and a pie today. And i don't want to over do it. plus i so want some hot chips, but i've told myself i must stop consuming them so often, because their really not healthy, despite their...oh so yummy and fried taste....ok i'm off. *MUAH*

I haven't posted for awhile, well i did the other week. But i think i mite have something to say now. not that i didn't before. But i think i'm finally now steps closer to my ultimate goal (which for the sake of my dignity, and self-respecting pride i shall not mention that exact goal here) but yes, it seems like i'm only steps away from it, when actually i'm probably months away. OK none of u are getting what i'm talking about, but thats cool, you don't have to know everything - you just have to know that i'm closer to achieving something good in my life, closer than i've ever been before.
In other news (unrelated of course) i guess you could say that i'm not single anymore. I kinda said goodbye to single life, rather quickly just the other day. And well, i'm not really missing it, but i don't feel any different. I suppose i'm not used to it yet..i mean nothing major has happened. I feel like me and steve (his name is steve - i should have established that earlier..but i didn't), well i feel like at the moment we are just friends with previlages. which is a good thing, considering i'm still getting to know him, but i like him :).
Well we all went to footy yesterday, me, rach, steve and steve. LOL. too many steves. and i had a good time, i didn't think i would have a good time, but surprise surprise i did. It was the Carlton vs. Hawthorn match. We were all on the Carlton side. Hawthorn won, naturally. lol.

These next few weeks are gonna be tough, i have a whole lot of assignments to start, a few to finish. So i'm being kept very busy by uni work. And i hate it. with a passion.
I really do, i have no motivation to do it anymore. maybe cos i chose shite subjects, and now i'm stuck in them and their not as interesting as they could be.
anyway, i'd better do my lastest assignment, it was due last thursday :) cya.

My top five films for the week starting monday the 21st of April:
5. Nightwatch
4. Ben Hur
3. Johnny English
2. Chicago
1. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

My top five songs for the week:
5. Richard X vs. Libery X - Being Nobody
4. Utada Hikaru - Simple and Clean
3. The White Stripes - Seven Nation Army
2. Sahara Hotnights - Alright Alright
1. The Starting Line - I'm Real (j.lo cover)

HAPPY EASTER! I hope you've all had a great weekend and stuffed urselves silly with as much chocolate as possible. This year I've been on a hot cross bun binge, cos their just so damn tasty. Well lst week was my birthday. I turned 19, yes i am now older and i certainly feel it in my bones, but as i've said to people, i feel older physically but mentally i've scaled down to the the intelligence of a 14 year old.
Speaking about age, today i let slip that my mom was old and she went off at me. i've made a reminder to self to never speak these words, about my mom to her face ever again, Old, Fat, and bitch. I would say that's her in a nutshell, but just getting her into a nutshell would be a more difficult task. No honestly, she's not that bad, but those three words - i must never say to her face especially when speaking about her, cos i once called her a bitch and it was a fucking nightmare. I hate having to keep my opinions to myself, especially around people who claim to be sensitive, but something just have to be said. Personally I like it when people are honest with me, and if the truth hurts then so be it. But i take it as constructive critism, and thats what i call my "judgements" its all constructive critism - so never take what i say personally. lol. anyway, i saw chicago today for 5 dollars. and it was pretty good. i've been hummming the soundtrack all afternoon since we left the cinema, so its catching.
I went out on thursday night, i don't really want to re-live the nightmare that was thursday, especially the first half of my night, once i got to goo everything sort of began to get better. But my stupid brother, he came along for the drinks, and boy did he ever drink. Everytime i saw him that night - which when we got to goo it wasn't often, but everytime i did see him, he had two beers in his hand. And from what he told me he made friends with alot of nice people in the bathrooms. LOL. I picked up. lol sort of, his name was Mark. he must be the fourth Mark i've met this year. didn't get his number so i'll probably never see him again LOL. i think its a sign. but i dunno we'll see ;) but i have plans that i must put into action soon, but i dunno we'll see what happens.

i'd better go. there is a party on tonite, but i haven't decided if i'm going to it or not. and i have phone calls to make, i want to talk with lisa, i've been wanting to talk to her since thursday - i didn't say all i wanted, so i've still got stuff on my mind i have to get off. i shouldn't keep feelings inside and just brush them off, its funny, when i'm around people i'm fine, but when i'm by myself i get really odd thoughts. ok, they borderline on depressing sometimes but thursday night i hit an all time low. i think meeting that Mark dude was a god send, cos i was certainly sinking into some sort of self depression, or self pity thing. either one.

but while ur all on the net reading this, turn on ur Kazaa and download BEAUTIFUL by snoop dogg feat. Pharrell.

my whole post was lost. LOL. bloooody hell!

i can't be stuffed now. but happy birthday to me. and i've found out that i can dance in heels but not walk in them..thats kinda weird.

my feet are cold. freezing in fact. Thats why later, after this, i am going to go outside and sit on our brand spanking new decking. it looks so inviting, i just have to sit on it and read a book. i keep borrowing all these books and cds, and i'm borrowing things on other people's library cards, so i never know when anything is due back or anything. Its all muddled up. But i have all these books to read, and no time to read them. Well I suppose i could be reading one right now instead of being on the net, or instead of watching tv i could be reading. My dad suggested that to me yesterday, and i just looked back at him in shock. No tv? for me? never, especially on thursday nights? Last nite, from 8pm onwards everything good that was on tv, was on. Scrubs @ 8, then 8.30 the kumars, the comedy gala, and the fast wordward special. Then at 9.30 Will and grace was on, for about two hours, and then Something stupid. That's my thursday nite, tv and more tv.
But today i don't feel like tv, i want to go out for a walk with my dog for once, mite give her a bath first though...urgh. I just fixed the fence. Isn't fixing fences a man's job? lol. there are no men in my household. their all big girls with beards.

hmm..i'm having template problems. i can't find one i like, and i can't make my own damn one..cos i suck with the graphics and with the whole html thing. Its just not my bag baby. so bare with me while over the next few posts when these templates keep changing.
i don't really have much to say today, except its been a weird day, i sound all nazal cos of this damn cold which is still bugging me alittle, i'm very tired at the moment, and i feel like being creative, or going to sleep right now.

I was with lisa, eamon and dan before. Dan is eamon's friend and he's a dude. i like him. It was a nice relaxing afternoon, which was good. i didn't cost me too much, except in alchol. me and lisa went and bought a mudslide shaker. it was yummmmy. but now i have no money. but i'd still like to go out tonite, but for sum reason i think tonite might be spent sleeping again. i could do with the sleep, but i think i function better on less sleep. the more sleep i seem to get, the worse i am.

I'm in a writing mood at the moment, finishing off some fiction, doing a bit of reading. I'm loving the vampire chronicles, i'm up to "queen of the damned" and i'm two pages into it. exciting stuff. i'm so excited about reading it, that i've gone and borrowed the next book "the tale of the body thief". now all i have to do is finish queen of the damned so i can start the next. and i got another buffy video..i'm loving these old episodes, their fantastic.

OK on with the music:
LISTEN to The Starting Line - Best of Me
New Found Glory - My friends over you
Natalie Imbruglia - Beauty on the fire

*yawn* thats about it this post. when i have something worthwhile to add, i shall.

my last blog..didn't really get posted till today (25th) so sorry about that. blogger was being a biatch to me last week. but its been awhile now since I've been doing this blog, and i kinda still wonder if anyone..other than my bestest buddies..still read this? the truth is, i write this blog for myself, and no one else. Just the fact that i have an audience, a small one, but still people do find my little place on the web, and some enjoy this blog, others don't..but i don't care cos this is for me, no one else. I wonder of my audience is angsty teenagers who are sexually fustrated? or perhaps bored geeks sitting at their computers with nothing better to do than read this? maybe my audience is dirty old men..and every time they adjust their pant belts, you know exactly whats on their minds...

anyway, i've been hiding since last saturday. I went out friday nite with lisa, mark and eamon..and while that kicked ass, i had an essay to write - so trying to spend saturday and sunday..preparing my mind for the essay writing was difficult. I actually didn't start writing it up till monday. it was due today. but i'm sick. so fuck it, they can take 2 percent off my mark for each day its late, i don't care anymore. GOLDEN HONOURS KEY CAN KISS MY ASS - ACADEMIC ACHIEVEMENT - LOL.
Golden honours key thingy is this society thingy where if u do well..as an undergraduate student..they invite you to join them...and pay money..lots of money. Not that much money..but enough. it basically doesn't do much but give u a chance to win scholarships and stuff..my mum thinks i should join it..but i dunno..i'm not exactly honour student or academic material..just cos i didn't fail a subject last year doesn't make me smart.

anyway, i'm sick now. i got sick yesterday. i have a shitty cough. and sore throat..so speaking is difficult..though not impossible. i just don't feel like talking, i guess thats why i'm on the net blogging to my little heart's content. ahh.. my heart is content. meanwhile..buffy is on tv tonite. woohoo..i wanna see spike kill a few ppl..today while i was home sick, i watched dr. strangelove & simply irresistable. ya know..the sarah michelle gellar movie..i now offically own it on video. my bro paid 2 bucks for it..so thats nice. also got a couple of shocking b-grade action films, like Reindeer games (CRAP - BEN AFFLECT SUCKED IN THIS ONE) and NIGHTWATCH..which could be good..but gets the B-grade anyway...and jackie chan's first strike..and i luv jackie chan..he rocks. but his earlier work is his best. but rush hour was pretty funny...

anyway. my head is getting dizzy. more from me later i guess.

I don't want to make any mistakes.

I've figured out exactly why I've been so scared by relationships and the like. I'm a perfectionist in that sense, I like things to go as planned. I like things to be perfect, just the way I invision them. Most of the time, nothing goes right. That's probably why I hate myself 95 percent of the time. Kinda sad though, this is my life, running scared every time someone says they like me, or want more from me. I only want friendship most of the time. I've always believed that friends are more important than boyfriends. That i'd never let a guy come between me and my friends. And as yet, i can say I haven't. Loyalty to friends is more important than chasing after some guy.

I think i'm old fashioned, in my ideas about love and romance. But then again, maybe not. I had a dream the other night, involving the hots boys from 'queer as folk'. now not going into complete detail, but the main idea of that dream was that, someone liked me, and was trying to prove that they were worth my time, worth my friendship, proving to me that it was worth it to take a chance, to risk something. If its fear that's keeping me single, then i want to get over it now.

But the truth about romance, is that there is no such thing. Everything I've read, every film i've seen. Its just not right, its never the same. I think I'm still holding onto my teenage fantasy ideals about what love is, the way people go about romance and love. I loved reading all that, pride and prejudice is a personal classic. Can a girl still find love in her early twenties with a rich, handsome young man? There are no Mr. Darcy's of this world. And while I think having a relationship might be fun or a living hell (i opt for the latter) I still don't know if thats for me or if that is what I really want from another person. I haven't had a serious crush on any one since, 2001, when i was in year 12 and it was the worst thing for me to do, was to have a crush on someone. I've always gone from one crush to the next, from one obsession to the next. And now, i kinda don't have that anymore. When i was young, in kindergarden i had a crush on a boy there, so i kissed another guy on the cheek to make him jealous. didn't really work. Then early primary school I thought that New Kids on the Block were the cutest damn boy band I've ever seen (ever known at the time). Jordan Knight was my god. Then primary school, i had crushes on a number of boys, there was andrew french, ryan, kieran (i sat next to him in grade four, and he mostly talked about sport, but he was nice), then high school rolled around and by year eight I had fallen again into a deep obsession involving all three of the Hanson boys. Taylor was my god for about two and a half years. Then there was the bakery boy, james, tom and carlos then back to tom for two weeks. There, total listing of my crushes throughout highschool. after highschool doesn't count. I may have left a couple out, who knows, but if my own history is this easy to plot out, then i reckon i could predict the rest of my life. I bet it'd go something like, finished university, tried to make it in the real world and failed, and lives till the old age of 91 in a small house with lots of cats.

I almost scared myself this week, while riding the bus to university, it occured to me, that i would be 19 this year. And next year i would turn 20. I swear my heart stopped for a full five seconds. I was overcome with shock, i didn't expect to be so old so soon. The future is ahead of me, and what ever lies ahead, i don't think i want it. Youth is fleeting, and now, youth is becoming my enemy. I guess from here on now..all i have is time. -sigh- boring.

listening material:
Aztek trip - Opportunity
Boomkat - Wasting my time
Taking back Sunday - Your own disaster
The starting line - The best of me
Ultimate Fakebook - forever, forever
Something Corporate - you're gone

did anyone else see david franj perform on GMA last monday? well it rocked. and only prooves further what a hottie david franj is...my oh my. mmhmm.
anyway, just reading msn at the moment. alot of shit is going down with these assination of the Serberian PM..and now nicole's oscar is threatened by stupid rumours that she supposedly was having an affair with Jude Law. I mean..if the rumours are true - who could blame her, jude law is a hottie. His performance in The talented mr. ripley prooved that! lol. And watching morning tv news is getting depressing, all this talk of war and phone calls to john howard from george bush...makes u wonder what their really talking about..what their really up to these politicans.
To tell the truth, i'm kinda excited about the oscars, but i always get pissed off by the end of them cos they always give the awards to the wrong damn people. I'll admit some of their choices are spot on..but lets just say, Gwenth P. for Shakespear in love? nah uh. that was just wrong.

anyway i gtg to class. bye byes

"God Only Knows" - david franj

Look at the street there's a crack in the window
Draws my attention into the kitchen
I never noticed, I never know why
Waitress is smiling up at the ceiling
She's thinking 'bout some place she'd rather be
Maybe she's restless, maybe I think too much

God only knows if she laughs when she's sleeping
God only knows what she says when she's dreaming
God only knows if she laughs when she's sleeping
I never know why

I catch the rain as it pours through the window
I do my best to make sure that you notice
'Cause I think you're someone who's gonna go places

Now I'm gonna leave before I say something stupid
I write down my number and I draw a little star
So lets run away tonight, into that rain outside

God only knows if she laughs when she's sleeping
God only knows what she says when she's dreaming
God only knows if she laughs when she's sleeping
I never know why

God only knows if she laughs when she's sleeping
God only knows what she says when she's dreaming
God only knows if she laughs when she's sleeping
I never know why

-------------and while ur at it..go download 'Help' recorded by Howie Day------------------------

It seems i'm doomed to be last. I'm forever cursed. I'm forever left with this mean face and honest mouth. Some people think i'm harsh - but i'm bluntly honest..its not my fault if the truth hurts, and it does believe me.

Today while taking the bus home i noticed my wrists. pale, except for the visible blue vein stretching under the light skin. I though about what my wrist would look like with a scar across it, the kind of scar only a blade could make. also today while traveling on the bus, i notice the guy sitting across from me :)
It makes me wonder, what makes me so un appealing to the rest of the population. Why i am always alone, why am i always stuck with being too shy, why i am always lacking the confidence i need to survive, to strike up a conversation with random people on a bus. why is it i became like this, a recluse to most people, invisible? i used to joke about being invisible girl...i guess somehow its turned out a little like that. but its also a little different. I like my friends, lisa and rach are everything. even other people whom i've lost touch with a little over time, they still mean alot to me. I wouldn't be who i am if it wasn't for them. and also, i wouldn't be who i am if it wasn't for the shit i suffered when i was younger. like they say 'what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger'. but thats a lie. i think i became weaker. i think i created different acts, different personas for certain people. I can make myself appear very dumb and very young if i want to. I can also be argumentive and opiniated. I can be the victim or the bully. most of the time i due to my..slow mind, i make myself the target of many jokes, but i don't mind, if i didn't hear it i don't care. I can be loud, or extremely quiet and shy. of course, alchol just throws me out of whack, so i never say no to a drink. but alchol is weird, i either become more talkative, more "daring" or i become quiet and depressed. and i don't want to say i'm an emotional drunk, but i think we've all had our moments. mine happened last year, and i've never touched another tequilla shot.
I used to have people tell me that i was so negative. about what? mostly about myself i guess, and certain things. its not that i am negative, i just see things differently. but i'm always positive and thinking good thoughts and wishes for everyone else. i guess i just kinda dig myself a hole and sit in it, thinking that there's no point surfacing because its shit up there..and not so bad down here. i take whats given to me, and i deal with it. despite my bitterness, my dislike, my stress. there's no such thing as stress. its just a figure of speech i guess. a word to describe something thats more to do with tiredness and the weight of responsibilty than anything else. i don't really stress, i panic. But finally, i wonder why i can't be like other people. why am i clumsy, why am i the one with butter fingers. why am i not graceful, or pretty, or why don't i have a life that is somewhat normal. why is it my normal, isn't the norm. then again, what is normal. define normality, then define reality for me. (and not just cos the two words rhyme). This is the reality of it. there's no explaination for it, for me. but thats just it, the reality is this is me. this is how i interact with people around me, even in my attempts to change how i am, i still would be me. and thats the reality of it. of my situation anyway.

jeff buckley - last goodbye

So which of the bold faced lies will we use?

it's 8:37 am. tuesday morning. at uni. using the lib computers again. and they have these new mointors..and their huge. i feel weird looking up my hotmail and stuff...cos these screens are so huge..everyone can see what ur doing. it almost feels like i'm hanging out my dirty laundry for everyone to see.

i just found something interesting on msn. its alittle media trashy cos its from 60 minutes..but i think its interesting.
moonstruck
plus, its funny. the interviewer is a riot. she's more concerned with the subject being portrayed as insane rather than to go into details about the so called moon landing conspiracy.

I wrote the cover letter last nite. I take back what I said, they don't suck that much. kinda easy really once you know what to write.
Yesterday was labour day, the public holiday for everyone but uni students, which is prettty silly. I didn't end up going to uni, public transport was a bitch, so i stayed home and watched the new austin powers flick "goldmember". its funnier the second time round. plus the dvd special stuff is cool. deleted scenes and out takes kick ass.
I also got a Shane West flick while i was out at the vid store yesterday, "whatever it takes" looks like a shite teen film, but hey. shane west is a hottie.

anyhoo. i got class. cya.

So which of the standard lines will we use?

Well good morning everyone that is awake and living this shitty weathered morning of the 9th of March.
I was out last nite. which was interesting, it was good and it was bad. the espy rocks. that place is great. i liked it.
Well i got home last nite at 2 sumthing i think..not sure. but i couldn't get the damn front door open quietly, i woke up my dog and she started barking and the door was being a bitch, so i had to go round to the back door. thank god for mobile phones, they make great little torches in the dark. and now today i'm in a tired mood, i woke up too early me thinks. And i couldn't find the nutella for breakfast, and tv sucks, and internet sucks, and i have to go to the video store later. i'm just..urghh. in an odd mood today. and right now i'm listening to dashboard confessional. i'm gonna listen to every single damn song of his that i own.
and i have to write a cover letter for a resume..which i have no idea how to do that. cover letters therefore suck.

My dad is going away to new zealand for a month this week. which will be good. cos he will be gone, and the house will be very quiet with just me, my mum and lil sis home. its gonna be even weirder later this year when aubrey goes off to marshmead in term 4. living with just mum and dad..it will be like being an only child...but worse i'm sure. but it's my sisters birthday on the 16th. everyone has their birthday in march. maybe i shall make a list of people having their birthday this month..Happy birthday to leanne for the 8th of march. I sent her an e-mail wishing her happy b'day..but i haven't heard or spoken to her in aggggeeeessss. its been sooo long.
Nat has her birthday on the 21st. and if i dare mention it...taylor hanson's birthday is on the...14th of march i believe...and i think amy mite be having a birthday soon aswell. but i could be wrong about that one...i can't remember. but i still have to wait..about a month till my b'day. i can already tell, 19 is gonna suck. why..cos 18 sucked. and 17 sucked worse. and every birthday has been shite. i'm just doomed i guess. 17 was the worst age, cos i was past 16 and i was ready to be 18..but i was still stuck in a mess of shitty angsty teen emotions which led me astray too many times. 17 was a shit age.

The places you have come to fear the most

(this was written previously - and may be edited from what i originally wrote down)

Thursday 6th March 2003
third day of uni
9:45am
In room HU2 122
Waiting for radio theory class to begin
Situation: I'm early. too early.
Thoughts: Well at least I found the room.
Three hours of this - 2 hour break. or 3 hours break?
Then two hours of media @ 3pm. Then home. yay.
I think there might be a few third year students in this class, but god willing I won't feel "too young".
looking at my nails now...the polish is all chipped and worn away.
{end}

Well this morning was eventful. I had class. it was long. interesting. But it looks like i'm in for a hard year. lots of research. so much i'll be knee deep in books and papers and essays. i hate paper cuts.
Anyway. after my morning class, i had my break then met up wit lisa and went along to her biology lecture where i took notes for her. that was fun. and informative. I was learning about cells. and i saw her chickens. live baby chics. and ever since then i've been thinking about eating chicken nuggets.

Musically speaking:
HOWIE DAY - Ghost + Sorry, So Sorry
BOOMKAT - Wasting my time

Hi my name is Job-less evelyn. I've never had a job that's lasted longer than two weeks. I have experience in retail, communications, and customer service. I am in dire need of training for any job i apply for.

Its funny how so many jobs are advertised, and even though you don't need a whole lot of experience to do the job - they still want someone with experience. How the hell am I supposed to get experience when no one will give me the chance to get the experience. See what happens when you spend high school studying instead of working?
I can't even get a job at some cafe's beacause i don't have enough experience to take orders on a pad, or serve a customer their coffee. It doesn't sound that difficult. I can handle stress, i can handle standing up on my feet for four hours on end. I won't like the standing up bit, but i'll do it as long as I get paid.
And what's wrong with employers? they don't have the courtsey to call back and say thanks for the resume, but no thanks? Is that too much to ask for? Just a little confirmation that my resume experience sucks. Even if i gave in a five page resume i'd still get told I didn't have enough long term experience or whatever they like to say.
But being a university student, and looking for a job that can fit around my schedual can be hard, but its not impossible. I mean, i'm an art's student for heaven's sake! We're the biggest bludges of the lot! All i could want is just one little break, one little chance to proove myself. but even that seems like i'm asking too much.

anyway - i recently opened a new e-mail account for professional purposes (i signed up with monster.com.au - i don't want job e-mails getting mixed up with adult porn junk or chain letters), and on msn they have this sign up for newsletters thingy before you go into ur account for the first time. So i thought, well i'm single and all i'll be doing is reading the advice colums in these e-mails- so i signed up for the lavalife newsletter. And I found something interesting, and relevant to current situations that i've been placed in of late.
here is something from that e-mail,
"Obviously, you're going to have your best experiences with the partners you find most attractive...don't feel pressured by your friends to get interested in someone they think is attractive. If you don't agree, it's sure to backfire. Attractiveness is a highly personal thing. Everyone's entitled to an opinion, but in the end, the deciding vote goes to you. " quoted by Dr. Irvin Wolkoff .

I agree with that, thats probably another reason why i don't always like people trying to push me into sumthing i'm not comfortable with. I believe that for me to like someone, i have to feel physically attracted to them also, not just like them. I have to feel like there is that attraction between the two of us. I'll admit, this attraction i talk about has perhaps only happened...three times. Of course, i'm an idiot and let each one of them slip away. ok. it was all for the best then, but now if i find someone that i'm attracted to, the way i was to those past "interests" of mine, i'm not gonna give up that easily. But for awhile i haven't met anyone i'm really attracted to..or anyone I really like. Its good that i'm meeting people again, but there's no one i'm interested in. i guess thats just the way it goes. when your looking for "it" you'll never find it..but when your not looking for it..it finds you. damn one day those words will turn on me and bite me on the bum.

time and date: 10:47 pm 16th of Feb 2003.
listen: anything

its oh so quiet: I never used to be one of those people who could sleep all day. I've always been an early riser, mostly out of habit. But I like the mornings when i'm not feeling like shit, or the ones when i don't feel as tired. But while sleep is good and all, I also like the staying up late, and getting to sleep at 5-6ish am then waking up around 9:30-10am. that's always fun. Then when i wake up i feel like a zombie, or like i have a cold in the hed, and i'm about to drop any second and sleep where ever i land.
This morning was different, when i got home i was bouncing around - quietly until late afternoon when i finally got my well deserved sleep.
I suppose I should talk about the last few days here on blog. Friday nite - the dreaded valentines day - Lisa was my valentine's. lol. Well we all went out to brunswick street. and thats rocked, bars are cool. expensive, but cool. and anywhere that has good drinks and comfy couches rocks.
Last nite was switch at casey's. and that was a lot of fun. it was also very loud, my ears were slightly buzzing afterwards. Lisa said to me that her ears had gotten used to the loud music and stuff - then i remembered yr 11 Vet music when we did the module on safety and hearing protection, and that your ears never get used to it - its just your hearing fucking up on you. But i hadn't the heart to tell her. lol. anyway, i was deaf to begin with. But i think its just me, i seem to tune out alot when people speak. lol. habit i guess. Or i concentrat so hard on trying to listen to what someone is saying, and the i realise i hadn't heard a damn word of what they just said. Like my first subway interview..the guy was speaking but i just didn't catch a word of it. maybe thats why i didn't get the job.
But last nite was like "hi" "WHAT?" "HI!" "WHAT!" i didn't hear much. i decided to was safer to stop talking than scream in people's ears and have to repeat everything three times. but anyway, it was good. i liked it alot.

I watched "birthday girl" today, the film with nicole kidman playing a russian mail order bride. It was an interesting little film. I rather liked it, and i thought the acting talent was pretty good, but it was lacking in a little..oomf. i dunno, i just thought that perhaps there could have been more to the ending, really make it climatic, but still while being a good ending for the film, it could have been just a tiny little weeny bit better.
Also, another film, "strange fits of passion" - while the title is cool, the main female lead gets on my nerves. its an aussie one, so all the actors are extremely familiar.

well i feel another sleep coming on, i might leave while i'm still somewhat awake. nite.

www.geocities.com/evesygal

"Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got - im still jenny from the block" - j.lo

who the fuck calls j.lo Jenny? its always jennifer lopez, or j.lo, not this jenny shit. And bragging about your career and sucess(failures) in ur songs isn't cool. Its more like miss jenny lopez needs to be reminded that she's still jenny from the block. so basically this whole song is a piece of cod's wallop. (what is cod's wallop you ask? i don't know, it just sounds dirty and fishy).

"Till i ride to the very end.."

Well i got back from anglesea just today, the 8th of feb and i arrived home sometime in the late afternoon. And the first thing I wa greeted with was a threatened punch in the face if i complained about my lack of clothes (i really need a new pair of jeans and sneakers), also i got yelled at about my nails (wtf?) and my bro was being a shit to my sis, and i (badly) threw a shoe at him. So it seems life goes on even when I'm gone. But after returning home, i very quickly realised how far away from my family I wanted to be. The are seriously shitting me up the wall. Anglesea was so peaceful and fun, and now i'm home and everything is loud, and horrible. Raised voices and fights over the control of the tv remote greeted me. I stayed right out of the firing line. I've realised how sane I feel when i'm not at home living in this fucking hell hole. So on monday when they all return to work, i shall have the house back and everything thing will be quiet and sane, if only for a few hours.

Anglesea rocked. I had a blast. but i've returned feeling a little heavier, and bloated. also tired, and not to mention on the ride home, i was tipsy. But it was a great week, and i honestly didn't want to leave. I think what kept me sane about returning home was that i would be able to listen to my music again. I missed my mp3's more than my family. now thats fucked. The beach was great, the walks and fishing was fun. it all just kicked ass. and the company wasn't too bad either ;) i would so love to do something like that again, because it was just so good to get away from everything that was driving me crazy. I swear living in this house is making me mad - i feel like a caged animal just waiting to jump out and run away never to return.
Ok, i feel like i'm about to be sick, but b4 i run off and spill my guts out (hardy ha ha) happy birthday to Lisa, Mark and Justin.
*MUAH*

the music of the moment:
Justin Timberlake - Rock your body/What you go (oh no)
Missy E - work it feat. 50 cents
Eminem - lose yourself & 8 mile road.
Aaliyah - miss you

the wonderful world of me:
Well tomorrow i'm leaving for anglesea! finally! Its so funny how much everyone has been looking forward to it, and now its here. LOL. so the party on the wednesday will rock. i'm looking forward to just doing stuff. I've spent too long on my ass. And a week without playstation? How will i cope? easy. i'll be back on the 8th and in time for justin's birthday! shite. i haven't got lisa a present. It's her b'day on the 5th, and Mark Street is having his b'day also (its a joint b'day - a very smart idea. so it'll be huge, hopefully). OK. so no b'day presents. I haven't bought a present for anyone in ages, i've just been giving ppl cards. lol, i'm getting lazier in my old age. hehe.
Anyway, i don't have heaps to say at the moment. But i'm very excited about tomorrow. yay.

Peace out - and have fun for the rest of ur holidays kids!

luv eves.

What i'm listening to at the moe: John mayer, missy E, jimmy eat world, justin timberlake, alicia keys, christina Ag, puddle of mudd, new radicals.
what i'm doing at the moe: reading a Dune book - the prequel to the prequels! lol. Also, doing a lot of writing finishing stuff and doing some rom searching on the net - I got all the final fantasy game roms - except no. 2 is fucked, but oh well. FF I-III are way too slow for me to bother with. also watching alot of vids, 'bend it like beckham' and 'Australian rules'.

To be honest, to myself esp, my life really sucks at the moment. I mean, i haven't been going out that much due to lack of cash. Every day i've been out in the sun - i've been badly burnt. I'm still feeling the effects of last sunday. my sun burnt legs are now itchy and scratchy. so the rest of the week has been spent hiding from the sun, and the rest of the world. But i did come out of my hole last nite to go to lisa's house for a vid night, and while waiting for my lift home played a great game of 'trouble' and I won due to dumb luck. of course, in the state i was in last nite, i was kinda only half there. Tiredness is consuming me. I almost fell asleep in front of the computer this afternoon. I think perhaps i need more sugar, but my tiredness could be due to many things. Laziness, heat..laziness. I'm not being that lazy, i mean i went for a walk today! returned a couple of videos. The more videos i borrow the better, cos it means i have to get up and walk back and forth to the video store all week long. So thats my exercise.lol.

anyway my highlight today was seeing the quick lil piece on the matrix that was shown on ET this afternoon. I dunno about you, but two matrix movies in one year? FUCK YEAH! i cannot wait, it shall be tooo good. and plus ET mentioned Aaliyah in their lil exclusive report, which was nice.

anyway. i'm off for sum blitzball. ta ta.

"Screaming Infidelities" dashboard confessional

I'm missing your bed
I never sleep
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak,
And this bottle of beast
Is taking me home

[1.]
I'm cuddling close
To blankets and sheets
But you're not alone, and you're not discreet
Make sure I know who's taking you home.

I'm reading your note over again
There's not a word that I comprehend,
Except when you signed it
"I will love you always and forever."

[2.]
Well As for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs
And sit alone and wonder
How you're making out
But as for me, I wish that I were anywhere with anyone
Making out.

I'm missing your laugh
How did it break?
And when did your eyes begin to look fake?
I hope you're as happy as you 're pretending.

[1.]
I am alone
In my defeat I wish I knew you were safely at home

I'm missing your bed
I never sleep
Avoiding the spots where we'd have speak, and
This bottle of beast is taking me home.

[2.]

Your hair, it's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities
And taking its wear.

Today I got out my old notebooks. I hate to refer to them as journals or diaries, because their not just for documenting the past, but my life, and my thoughts and my lyrics and poems and stories. especially my stories. I have pages of unfinished fanfiction that I started such a long time ago. It makes me wish for the fantasy world I used to surround myself in. The world that was un real with its false expectations and dreams that were never meant to come true. At least I can look back on that period in my life and smile, and think fondly. And for some reason, my stories still live on in my notebooks. whats left of them anyway. and i still get sucked into the stories and the characters that i created. I can look at them alot more critically now, and i almost feel like finishing one of the last stories i wrote. It needs closure. That time in my life when fan fic writing meant more to me that the real thing, so i think it needs to be finished. I finished my other stories, this one needs to end properly. I always wanted to post them on the internet, that being my original intention, but i dunno if i can be fucked since most of the stories are all on paper.

anyway. must dash. books to read. playstation games to play and enemies to defeat.

songs for the day:
HOW COME YOU DON'T CALL ME - alicia keys (remix).
I CARE 4 U - aaliyah (i was listening to it this morning, and i keep the cd case on top of the player..but somehow while listening to track 8 on the album, the case flew off the cd player, and crashed & broke on the floor..i now have to buy a new clear cd jewel case for it..)
SHE FUCKING HATES ME - puddle of mudd
KATE - ben folds five
DON'T MUG YOURSELF- the streets
BLACK HOLE SUN - soundgarden
CRY ME A RIVER - justin timberlake
CRIMSON & CLOVER - jimmy eat world (recently nova started playing this track. i believe its a cover song..but i'm not sure yet.)

Another social casualty....I really wish i had something to say right now. But i really don't. mostly beacause in the last few hours since my las post, nothing has happened. well, after i finished my post i did return to the faithful playstation for some more FFX but realised that i couldn't play because i had no fucking idea wtf i was doing. i realised that i had become dependant on my brother for his rpg skills...he does all the technical stuff like customising weapons and armour, i just play and kill the characters. But can you believe that when we didn't have a memory card for the PS2, we played the game for the 3rd attempt, and left the playstation on for 48 hours..or longer, without saving the game once. we didn't play for 48 hours, we just left the PS on for that time till we got the memory card, then we turned it off knowing finally our game would be safe, and no more late nights of endless playing till 5 in the morning.
But really, it is all worth it. final fantasy 10 is the best rpg i've played yet. and i've played alot, especially the old skool rpg games, like chrono trigger, and the first final fantasy games to suiken(secret of mana) and suikoden(personal fave). of course all rpg are pretty typical, but ffx pushes the boundries of an ordinary predictable game, and makes game play exciting and of course the story and characters just kick ass. i honestly can't stop going on about it because the game really is that damn good.

CARD CAPTOR SAKURA: i was awake at 7:30 to watch card captors. i love it. my new fave anime. hehe. which reminds me, i have some wall paper downloading to finish.

I have returned. if any one noticed - i have been away from good old melbourne, and hiding out in a little holiday house near the beach. Its good to be back home with all my lil luxuries, like a playstation, net, a phone (other than a mobile). my mobile phone bill will be pretty expensive..yikes.
But alas, my return to civilized society will be short, hopefully i'll be going back again next week. Good, cos i have a really un-even tan at the moe. lol. lets just say, it looks funny with a bikini. which also reminds me that if i want to look half decent, i need to starve myself. chubby thighs are not the best look. but at least the weathers good at the moment.

Well friday nite, since the tv almost blew up at the holiday house, everyone was going a little fustrated because of lack of things to do, so we all went off to the cinemas, and saw "Catch Me If You Can" and it was a a good entertaining film for a friday nite. leonardo was great as the hero, yet villian, at the same time. villian because you knew what he was doing was wrong, yet so fantastic and outrageous. It was so great to see leo in a good role and no sinking ships. I was skeptical about seeing it, mostly because it was a steven spielberg film - and i'm not his biggest fan..and yes, the south park episode did put me off a bit (the episode where spielberg fucks up Indiana jones with his special effects). meanwhile, since i've had nuthing better to do while i've been away, i've also been catching up on my reading. I finished "Pride and predjudice" the other day. I have to say that while the book is good, and the original, i prefer watching the tele series of it, cos then i can perv on Mr.Darcy just a little bit more.

Watch: Scrubs 7:30 sunday on 7
play: Final fantasy 10 "Some can't wait to die!"
listen: john mayer "my stupid mouth" jay z "bonnie and clyd 03" counting crows "big yellow taxi" and others

I changed it :)