I'M IN!
woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot!!!!!

I can't believe how bad i was stressing out over the myer job...but yay! I just have to fill in some stuff which will be sent to me soon and organise some training and stuff and YAY.

Of course this is just for christmas trading...but my plan was to get my foot in the door - so lets hope i don't fuck this up.

I need black and white clothing ....i think another shopping trip will be needed soon....OOH. im gonna go to Cue and buy that hot black skirt i saw...mmm...i love that store.
Anyway. i got an essay to write, have fun kids.

Also does anyone want to come to manifest?

20 MINUTES!

ONLY 20 MINUTESS...it was so quick I didn't even notice it.

And to think I left my film criticism class early FOR 20 MINUTES OF NOTHING?!!!!

all we had to do - was turn up. sit in our designated seats. then listen to some nice person talk - then we had to stand up, introduce our selves and say why we wanted to work at myer.

im not gonna go into details here about what I said. BUt lets say - i was original compared to everyone else. and i made a total fool of myself! BUt the worst thing was, when i sat down I thought...hmm maybe when we get to the good stuff i can redeem myself...BUT noo..they thanked us and we all left....and i was on the 4.20 bus back to warrandyte going home. That was it. anti-climatic. oh well..i guess in a few weeks i'll find out if i impressed anyone...but i doubt it. but..then again..I still hope it was okay and that i get the job! lol.

I can't seem to shake off this feeling today.

Like I've messed up, that my good streak has finally run out.

I haven't felt this lonely or depressed in awhile. I feel like no matter what I can do, nothing will change this feeling.

I've been thinking of ways to improve myself today, maybe there are little things i can do to salvage a friendship which i think is near the edge of no return. But one particular person has been on my mind the past week - and its driving me crazy, because i think i don't deserve this - what have i done to deserve this attention?

Its the not knowing, the not talking to them which gets to me. I think i finally cracked today. My mind has been wandering all over the place, I've been asking myself questions like 'What did i do? how can i fix this?' what did i do, except be myself? is that why i should be punished? And some things just don't help. I've had almost no contact with people the whole weekend, I'm tired, I'm sick of everything. I just want to crawl into my bed tonight, and i just want to cry out all these feelings and hope that tomorrow will be better.

But I feel so alone even when I'm with people. I saw tracey today, and we talked alittle about Theo...he's very sensitive to gay jokes. And on the bus i talked with this nice guy called lee who is a first year agriculture student. I met him last week, on the bus...incidently. But I just don't feel like myself today. I just felt drained and emotionless. apart from the depressing emotions - but void of anything resembling happiness.

I bought a second love hina manga today - in hopes that it would cheer me up. It did alittle.

And i bought a pencil case also, because I'm sick of finding my pens all strewn at the bottom of my backpack.

I have a job interview tomorrow with myer. I don't know what I'm going to do.

All i know today is that I've been wanting to get online, i've wanted to blog this all out of me. get it all out of my system. I remember feeling so horrible, so sick in my stomach that i wanted to leave and not resolve anything. and i still don't think any thing has been resolved. then again, this could all be in my head.

I just want to stop thinking things over too much. i can't handle it anymore. if i over analyse one more thing, one more line, one more gesture - i'm going to crack...like an egg. and go splat.