WHAT IS YOUR MALFUNCTION?

I've been busy this week. Monday I finished the Anime essay. I handed it in at like 8pm. LOL. I got my brother to drive me to uni and he almost got us lost on the way home. But luckily we got back just in time for queer eye. I've been busy doing readings for the pornography essay though, lots of reading to do still so i'll finish that today.
I watched Ring 2 last night. And i watched THE O.C..in fact i also taped it. and will watch it again in the next hour. Im cooking ravioli at the moment. mmmm...

I've been watching lots of naruto and love hina episodes, but in fast forward mostly. I've been looking at the anime style, stillness and time is very important in anime.
Also the Miyuki-chan in Wonderland video arrived yesterday. And i've watched it, and well its not the best anime i've seen, but its certainly weird. Very perverted. And there are no males in that anime at all!

So for your lyrical pleasure, here are the words to my fave anime song at the moment - Wind Sung and written by Akeboshib from Naruto:


Cultivate your hunger before you idealize.
Motivate your anger to make them all realize.
Climbing the mountain, never coming down.
Break into the contents, never falling down.

My knee is still shaking, like I was twelve,
Sneaking out of the classroom, by the back door.
A man railed at me twice though, but I didn't care.
Waiting is wasting for people like me.

Don't try to live so wise.
Don't cry 'cause you're so right.
Don't dry with fakes or fears,
'Cause you will hate yourself in the end.

(Repeats)

You say, "Dreams are dreams.
"I ain't gonna play the fool anymore."
You say, "'Cause I still got my soul."

Take your time, baby, your blood needs slowing down.
Breach your soul to reach yourself before you gloom.
Reflection of fear makes shadows of nothing, shadows of nothing.

You still are blind, if you see a winding road,
'Cause there's always a straight way to the point you see.

Don't try to live so wise.
Don't cry 'cause you're so right.
Don't dry with fakes or fears,
'Cause you will hate yourself in the end.

(Repeats)

for you 

wish me luck

CUT THEM OFF! CUT THEM ALL OFF!
the world would be a better place.

I've finished my radio documentary. Now i'm writing essays.

playfed FFX-2 today
watched love hina every night this week (BAKA BAKA BAKA!)
watched the hit man - starring JET LEI!
watched a bruce lee film that was on tv last nite, crrrraaazy...WWWWWAAAAAAAAH!
written - one essay plan
Read - two chapters of Susan J. Napier's "From Akira to Princess Mononoke: Experiencing contemporary Japanese animation"
Listened - to five britney songs
Ate - two pieces of toast with nutella, one bowl of special K, one bowl of soupy instant noodles (with 5% more apple juice!), hot chips and 1 potato cake.
Yet to do - write my essays. Finish my readings, watch that episode of angel i taped.

madness - wings of a dove
kofee brown - quickie
third eye blind - the misfits

I have a cold. *sniff* I thought I could dodge it, but all those natural herbal pills i've been taking haven't totally stopped me from getting sick. I feel okay, just sniffly. I've been busy doing work, reading articles on anime, lots of articles on anime. I'm about to read some on the hentai. Then i have to start my essay on porn. And for that I've been watching some films:

SEX: the annabell chong story & The girl next door
I recommend both, because they really give you an inside look at the porn industry and the life of a porn star.

Lis, if u want articles on porn i have a few academic one u mite find interesting.

I went and borrowed like ten videos yesterday, i got legend of the overfiend, frank mcClusky C.I , the Ring (jap ver.), and three Peter Jackson films...i got a few others but can't remember them all here. I was thinking of getting some porn films to help me with my essay, but i want to find some feminist porn films instead...and i dunno where to find those. And since i don't have too much time I'm not really gonna start looking for them now.

Things were going well Friday morning. I felt really confident that things were going well. That the doco would be finished that day. By 1pm I realised that if we didn't work quickly it would not be finished. By 4pm I knew that we were royally screwed. And by 4:10 I knew that we would be finishing the doco a day late from the due date.

So from the 3 sessions we had during the week- we didn't finish the editing or anything else. We're only just putting it all together now. And Im confused about the editing because i thought we fixed it all up. We went through each interview and did it. Although we may have skimmed over the main kazaa interviews and the graeme phillipson one, but other than that it was all edited. And that logic audio program is giving me hell. It hates me. It always loops on me when I try playing back what i've edited. And we moved our script, and everything just went weird. What we had edited had the starts and ends cut off so we had to fix that again. There were spaces throughout the kazaa interview that weren't there b4. Its not a mess, but its not far from it. I just want it to be over. But wednesday is the last chance, after that - i cannot continue working on it. So far the weekend is totally booked out at the editing suits, and we could have had monday night to work on it from 4.30pm till 8:30am the next day, but thats more of an inconvience. So i booked wednesday. All day wednesday. We'll see. If i miss out on that A or A+ then its okay. As long as i know its my best work then i'll be happy.
But right now, i can see it won't be my best, but it won't be my worst. But once its finished, i'll be sooooo happy. Anyway. this weekend im doing readings essay plans and starting things for next week. So i'm pretty busy with all that. But It'll all be over soon thankfully, i'm looking forward to just relaxing and doing nothing at all.

brand new - secondary
planet funk - who said
basement jaxx - where's your head at
ludacris - stand up
incubus - talk shows on mute

Nova 100 brings you DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL

Thursday 29 July 2004
The Metro
Tickets On Sale: 18 June 2003
Tickets:
Gaslight 9650 9009, Missing Link 9670 8208, Platos 9781 5977, Metro 9663 4288
Over 18's Event



here's the details kids. go crazy.

Its been a long week and thank god tomorrow will be the end of it.

Today I got to uni early, photocopied a few books and found i had some time left so I sat down and watched the film Porco Rosso and half of Laputa: Castle in the Sky. I think i have some new stuff to write my anime essay on. Im thinking of discussing strong female characters in anime, and maybe even a whole section dedicated to Miziayki films such as Nausicaa and Princess Mononoke. So that essay will be good to write. Only have a few days for it though. Once i finish this radio doco te better.

Meanwhile, i had a few troubles with the doco yesterday. Im worried that beate's accent will be too strong and difficult for people to understand. Maybe we should have mixed the scripts up alittle with my voice. Secretly I wish i was doing the scripts and inbetween bits for the doco. But then i'd be doing almost everything. So how i wanted the doco to sound in my head..it won't sound like that at all. But tomorrow i'm gonna hijack the computer and do the music myself...im thinking basement jaxx's plug it in will work nicely for an intro. I have alittle more editing to do, and i need to work out how to make a digital copy of the doco onto cd. Because i'd really like to make a cd with all my work on it, not just a crappy cassette. So i need to learn how to do that tomorrow also. Otherwise i'll book the studio for tuesday or the weekend and do more work on it. I want it to be perfect, and its almost perfect. Just need to put it together. When its done, i'll try and make it avaliable for ppl to download and listen or something like that.

Well also today, I met up with Lis and Will. we had lunch at TGI's. except Will. Because he had already eaten before hand. Which totally defeats the purpose of going out for lunch. He figured he was there just to 'visit' with us. Not happy will.

lol. but it was good. i had a nice afternoon. Its always good to do something like that to get my mind of things.

um also. we were thinking of having a party sometime b4 the 5th of july. If anyone is interested...in maybe having it at their house - tell me. lol. I dunno..just need to organise something..cos poor marko street is starting work on the 5th. So we need to party and go crazy for the days b4 it. muahaha.

anyway.

playlist:
Hanson - hey
basement jaxx - plug it in
N.E.R.D - she wants to move
Chingy - one call away
Count the stars - fight the fade

Watch:
Utada hikaru - Hikari (live in Budokan 2004)
Naruto & love hina episodes

im tired, so very very tired.
Spent today doing interviews, vox pops and editing interviews. Tomorrow more of the same editing and also we'll be in the recording studio doing the scripts. So that shall be exciting, except we have to write the scripts first...i'll do that tonite. Not sure what we need yet though. It hasn't all come together quite yet. I need to work a few things out, mite do that early tomorrow. I'll listen to all the audio clips maybe and just work out what should go where, get the "story" happening. lol. story. its a fucking doco. there is no story, only facts! But my lectuer is kinda craazy. nah he's cool.
But yeah. i bumped into alot of ppl today..or rather they bumped into me....bit of both. found some ppl in the lib, founddd some ppl in the agora (lisa, will grace..) it was alll good.

I found my mum at shopping town this arvo, i scared the shit out of her...hehe.

playlist:
brand new - tautou
the darkness - black stuff
funeral for a friend - red is the new black
utada hikaru - with or without you (U2 cover @ mtv unplugged)

I don't know if anyone has noticed but my tag board has returned! *scroll down* TA DA! there it is again. With all the exciting and rude original comments that you all left me there the first time.

I have an interview this morning with Graeme Phillipson, who is a journalist for the age newspaper. But at the moment he's in the US traveling. So we're gonna do an over seas call at uni (hehe) and record it and its gonna be great. Also we'll probably do some vox pops today. But there aren't too many ppl at uni this week, so it might be a little difficult. Mite have to scrap that idea.
We'll see. I spent yesterday afternoon doing the transcripts for the tapes, but i got lazy on one of them and didn't put in any of the duration and time stuff. Which is actually bad for the editing, it helps to know the approx time of something or of what was said on the tape.

well i'd better get a move on. its 9. i gotta get to AV. cya

Trucker hat that i want 

Dashboard is coming 29th of July. Nova is sponsoring the gig. Its at the metro. I dunno when tickets go on sale. I'll find out soon :)

I'm only writing this for one person. He knows who he is.

I want to write this here because I know you'll read it. And also because right now I don't want to see you face to face. It would be better to say all this in person I think, but at least I'm going to tell this to you here. And I want to avoid the confrontations with you, because it would be useless anyway because no matter what you might have to say - nothing will change my mind.

We can't be friends. At least not now, not for a while. I can't be friends with you while you keep those feelings for me. I don't want to be rude, I don't want to hate you. That's why I'm doing this. I can't give you what you want ever. I made my mind up about us a long time ago and I've moved on since then. But for you to suddenly just tell me that you want to start again - just took me by surprise and it angered me. Because right now, especially after last friday, You are not exactly my favourite person. And the last thing furthest from my mind was starting again with you.
I'm sorry, I know this isn't what you want to hear. But what do you expect? I can't give you what you want. I can't help you, I can't fix your problems. And I won't enter into a relationship with you for those reasons and others which are too complex to explain here - and which I will not explain further.

All you want is a chance, but I'm not prepared to give it to you. I know what I once said to you, "I wasn't ready then, But I am now". I've realised how much of a lie that really was. So that makes us both liars then.

So there it is. I can't be friends with you now. Maybe some day, later on we can be friends again. But right now how can I be friends with you, knowing what you want from our friendship. But it was silly of me to think that we could go on being friends. So I'm sorry if I've led you on, it was never intentional.

I don't really know how to end this. But this will give me closure, and you'll just have to be satisfied with this.

http://p2pnet.net/story/1565

http://rocknerd.org/article.pl?sid=03/07/20/1141231&tid=7

http://themusic.com.au/

Today I was running around the uni literally. I was in AV forawhile this morning, then me and beate left and went to see John our lecturer and then I realised i had a message from julie the lovely lovely person from iicon communications who does the pr for Kazaa...and she was ready to do the interview today! So that was perfect timing. Totally perfect. We got everything set up for the interview to sydney. After alot of running around, had to go to the library and check my old emails because we realised we didn't have a list of the kazaa questions ourselves. So that was all rushed, and i went and saw John again and talked about the interviews and about radio and my other options and stuff for next year. So finally had the kazaa interview after being put on hold and waiting and calls back and forth. But we got it done, and I must say the people at Kazaa rock socks. They were soooo nice! Julie set up the interview for us, and she was totally very very cool about it. And they wanna hear the finished product. So now i feel like i need to make it extra extra good. So me and Beate deserve a pat on the back after getting thru today, and just getting the hard part over with. But it was great. After we did the interview we both hung up and did a few squeals and i did a jump around the room. I just got this huge buzz from doing that interview. It was funny cos b4 we even started the interview I was shaking, and after being on hold for almost 25 minutes all my nerves got calmed and it all ended well. So im REEAAALLY happy about that.

In fact life is suddenly very very good at the moment. Im in the mood for livin' it up alittlee...and go alittle crazy..and alittle naughty me thinks ;) well thats how i feel..once holidays kick in...woot.
i have cake here. And its been sitting on this plate next to me...for a good 25 minutes now...and i haven't touched it. I guess chocolate isn't my guilty pleasure anymore...its more of my 'fuck it i'll exercise the weight off later' pleasures.


playlist:
Rufus feat Chaka Kahn - Ain't Nobody (one of myyyy all time fave songs!)
Count the stars - Fight the fade
koffee brown - quickie
hanson - strong enough to break (maaaaybeeee you could take a look at urself lateeely)
Rufio - like a prayer (cover from the punk goes pop)
chingy - one call away
The darkness - i believe in a thing called love
yellowcard - way away

Yesterday I did alot of traveling. I went from Warrandyte to Doncaster to Heidelberg to Bundoora to Kew to Blackburn to Templestowe to Warrandyte.

That was my day basically. With stops inbetween. No yesterday was good. We did our interview with Andrew, who is mark street's friend and he is all knowing and knowledgeable about computer and direct connect hubs and stuff. I think it went well. A few sound problems. we'll try and fix them in the studio. I wasn't very steady with the mic...well can u blame me. I had to hold it up..a comfortable distance from the interviewee..but this meant i wasn't heard...and there was mic cord sounds...but it should be okay. I'll clean it up as much as I can in the studio. muahaha. destructive editing as we call it...muahaha.

Right now im logging the james interview...which was a good interview. The sound is okay..but i can fix that and make it sound FANTASTIC. woot. but its 12 pages long...urghh...i dunno if i want to print 12 pages of interview- i'll shorten it. But i gotta do the duration stuff first...urgggh. i mite just finish off the commenst by hand..anyway.

Today went shopping down bridge road with Mark S. It twas good. he got some funkeee clothes. Meanwhile im going back to bridge road some time in the future..i found this fantastic store with heeeaps of the Kitten label clothes...and the cool zoo york stuff...i want me one of those trucker caps..the kitten ones are great. Anyway..this store was like a general pants, but smaller.
And in every store we went to all the shop assistants thought we were tourists or from interstate. Apparently locals don't do much shopping during the week, hmm.

Im so very tired. after i do this log sheet i think i might pass out somewhere. I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow. 9AM start, im meeting Beate at the av loans desk and we;ll so some transfering of interviews and probably some vox pops and rough edit alittle. Yep. so thats what im doing. And i have to study for that stupid TEST! oh lordy...shit fuck shit fuck. I haven't studied at all. Okay well thats what im doing all friday i guess. Time to go over all the lecture notes i have........oh lordy. oh my. And friday is the test and i'll go home and then do some databasing research from there for the next two assignemnts.

Sorry, this post is more for me than for all of you. Nothing much of interest, just uni work work work. anyway. more from me sometime later on...maybe tomorrow. maybe not.

Sunday, May 30, 2004
Its strange how comforting music is at a time like this.
It reminds me that there is still hope left. That I still have so much time ahead of me to experience so much more. So I've been thinking alot, about so many things. About uni work, about people and relationships. About feelings and about growing up.
And I'm 20 years old. I feel like i've nothing to show for these years, I feel like i should have done something amazing with my life by now. But in the greater picture and scheme of things, i've yet to come into my full potential. I've decided that radio is what I want to do. For now. And that if i had to i would move from my beautiful melbourne to regional areas or interstate. So i'm prepared to do that, not that i've applied for jobs yet. I'm thinking about it though, about doing something soon. We'll see, i want to study alittle bit more first.

"Vindicated"

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine ahead has caught my eye
And roped me in so mesmerizing
It's so hypnotizing
I am captivated
I am

Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now
The things you swore you saw yourself

So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intention
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me so
Isolated so
Motivated I am
Certain now that I am

Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now
The things you swore you saw yourself

So tired of the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment for forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim
Against the current

So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip away

Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now
The things you swore you saw yourself

My hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption


Lyrics by Dashboard Confessional

My NEW favourite things:

Photoblogging
Dashboard on the radio! - Vindicated (for ther spiderman 2 ST)
My new tweed jacket
Jumbo Cookies from muffin break (it's HUUUUGEEE)
coke with lime - it's limey goodness
tim tams with tia maria

I've discovered some sites of late that might be of interest to all of you who like to download your music for free:

www.pro-music.org
- Its a site designed to bring about awareness of illegal file-sharing.

downhill battle - my new favourite site. Has info on whats going on in america - and is very very critical of the music industry system and of the RIAA. It also has a great article by Steve Albini - who most of you would recongnized as a record producer for Nirvana's "In Utero" album. So get informed!

Electronic Frontier Foundation - This site is very much update to issues of technology, and copyright etc.

the moses avalon company
the future of music
negativland.com

Im going crazy. seriously. and not the good kind of crazy.
I have so many thoughts running around my head, my emotions are in over-drive. I feel alittle stressed and yet relieved. Im going crazy because of people, and things i haven't thought about all day but suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks and now make me want to cry...for the sake of crying. I finished writing something yesterday which i started back in my high school years, and you would think i'd be more emotional or relieved about it, but im more fustrated with the annoying fan fiction sites that haven't upadted fast enough for my reading habits. I kid you not, something odd is happening to me. And its not even that time of the month (so don't even start with the pms jokes) so i don't get why i have this suddent emotional crisis. Its not even a crisis, i don't know why i used that word. I guess im just in an odd mood.

I've got a bit of work ahead of me. i should send off the questions to kazaa..but i want beate to approvee of them first...so i mite do it tomorrow.


playlist:
brand new - okay i believe you
taking back sunday - a decade under influence

ani difranco - what if no one's watching

im feeling the pressure. Oh yes indeed. while i love this radio subject im doing. While i find it easy and fun when im doing editing and studio stuff...i cannot do the interviewing stuff at all. And talking on the phone! Omg i actually called aria today. and the straight after i called the company that does all the media stuff for kazaa. And i've been told to submitt some questions and length of interview to this nice person called julie. but i couldn't understand a thing she was saying. her i's sounded like r's. So im doing that tomorrow. and then i'll have an interview with someone from kazaa..so success! I can do something right! well almost. i'd better not count my chickens until they've hatched.

Meanwhile im interviewing James tomorrow here. we'll just talk about music, mp3s, itunes and the band he's in. so im starting and things are going well...but i probably should have started this last week, but im not far off. and the 2000 word essay will be easy. which reminds me. im supposed to write a diary of what happens..to keep track of the process..i guess this is the diary. I'll probably be online late tonite. so much to do...more email stuff to do. i need to send some stuff to beate. tell her about the interview question things...she was wanting more input in the interviews..well here's her chance..she can write the questions out. hehe. of course she's still alittle hazy on all of it..i guess so am i...there's so much to take in. this whole kazaa business is no easy thing to document and read about, there is just so much information about the legal stuff but not alot to do with the actual company itself.

I've been thinking of changing this layout. im kinda not into it that much. I would love to have a really cool black and pink layout. maybe a more personalised layout, because i've just been finding ones on blogskins. I found some reeeally nice ones, but i don't understand how to install them...anyway.

so write me a comment. tell me what u think.

saves the day - hold

Maybe I'm tired of being the strong one, maybe my romantic side is taking over me...

hey kids.
Okay i've turned to mush. Yes I've been reading too many romantic fan fics, i've been watching too many silly slushy mushy movies on tv that involve keanu reeves (who is a hottie but looks the same in every film he does- even wears the same clothes most of the time) and maybe i've listened to one too many love songs.

Okay so for those of you who are willing to succumb to the mushiness that is love, here is my playlist for today:

One kiss -Sweetbox
On my Way - Steven Speaks
It's you - Michelle Branch
Let's stay together - Al Green
First Love - Utada Hikaru
Just one kiss - Basement Jaxx
Perfect Kiss- New Order
Hands Down - DC
Sweetest Goodbye - Maroon 5
I miss you - incubus
Hanging by a moment - lifehouse
Something about us - daft punk
Falling in love - Eagle-eye cherry


side note: marko - i read ur msg on the last blog comments - plz the contact details of ur friends and info on their filesharing thing would be most appreciated!

well i'd better go. im off to uni today. got work to do. yep.

im just looking at marko's photo site. i like the photo of one of the treees from NZ. i have a picture of that same tree on a placemat at home....it always used to scare me though when i was younger...cos one of the branches looks like a leg...like some odd bird was hanging on up that tree...and sticking one leg out.

anyway. im stressing out. uni work is getting difficult, my radio doco seems not as easy and straight forward as it should be. I have no clear story or contacts in melbourne. And this topic on mp3 and file-sharing is too broad and difficult for me to do. But its too late now. So im trying to find the confidence to call up this guy on monday at Aria and sydney. I don't know if any of u know..but i get scared when i call ppl i don't know. There must be a name for it..but its almost a phobia. lol. odd i know. and to think i want to do radio and it involves doing all this scary stuff. I just have to put myself out there and not worry so much.

Soooo its only thursday. Im sick of this week already. I want it to end. Thankfully it will end tomorrow. But i still gotta live through today. im glad i did my presentation last week, but now i gotta go back to that class...the class where i made a dick of myself last week...and face all those strange people again. oh no.

I'm thinking it would be cool to go see James's band 'the glasses' which is on the 27th of may i think...i haven't seen him ever perform with a band..so i think it would be cool to go to..so if any one wants to go, tell me. we'll work sumthing out.
If not. i'll just wait for their next gig. I said i was gonna interview james..maybe i still will..never know. it could come in handy. Maybe i'll find a story somewhere in all this mess i've made.

I've joined a few more fan listings last nite. so go check out my site www.geocities.com/evesygal and scroll down on the front page for the full view of all my new pretty buttons...and you'll see a few extras. so click click!

The girl next door, through and through! You have a kind heart and a good sense of right and wrong. Your down-to-earth nature doesn't allow yourself to become swayed by petty distractions. Your pretty face and a sweet soul draws admiration and respect from everyone around you! Do be cautious that you don't become blinded by your morals and ideals. Sometimes, to get along with others, you must be willing to compromise and offer a little understanding. Which Love Hina Girl Are You?

playlist:
sweetbox - One kiss
hanson - penny and me
beyonce - naughty girl
christina milian - dip it low
brandy feat. Kayne west - talk about our love

Hi all. wassup? no one has written any comments. the idea of them is to tell me what u think. If any thoughts pop into ur head while ur reading this blog, just write them down in the comments. And i'll try to reply to the comments. Its just a nice way of communicating with you all.

Well its monday. tomorrow is tuesday. the electricity man is coming over to read the meter so i have to be home, to hold down our dog because supposedly she is very dangerous, and the fat guy who does the meter readings regularly is scared of her..which is funny cos that guy is ten times bigger than my dog.
Also the electricity will be out from 9am-2pm tomorrow. So i have nothing to do for half a day. So i was planning on doing lots of reading, because i can't use tv, or comp, or listen to the radio...i mite go visit my grandma..get her to fix my jeans and the three holes i've made because i was too lazy to go and get the pants taken up in the first place. I mite re-read the buffy magazine...look at some more pretty pictures of spike. mmm...does anyone want to go and see spike's band? I should say James Masters, but no one would know who the fuck im talking about. Come on..anyone wanna go see a shaven headed spike (mmm) and his band 'Ghost of a Robot'? the tickets are like 50 something bucks...so if u wanna go..tell me.

anyway. im gonna go and finish some work and do some printing.

how's it gonna be?
when you don't know me anymore?

let's take this overboard now
i want you to rock the boat

And if you could only let it be
you would see

I've paid my dues, in the mood
me and the girls wanna shake the room

So you stood at your door with your hands on my waist
and you kissed me like you meant it

Lately I'm beginning to find that I should be the one behind the wheel.
Whatever tomorrow brings i'll be there.

Please can you tell me so I can finally see,
where you go when you're gone.

We've been on the run driving in the sun looking out for number one
California here we come, right back where we started from.

Love is whatever you make it to be
Sunshine instead of this cold lonley sea

Its just the thought of you in love with someone else
It breaks my heart to see you hanging from your shelf

Some people's blogs are so interesting. Especially when they leave little hints and clues to things. And when they announce things out of the blue. lol.

Things this week for me have been strange. Im stressed, things are getting hectic. But it almost feels unnessecary, i don't have to stress, or worry, or panic. Do i really need the approval of my peers? I've never looked for it before, so why such a big deal now when I have a presentation to do? I will be so glad once this day is over. I'm just going to relax tonight, take it easy. But i should be taking it easy now. I'm fully prepared for my presentation, why am I fretting over this? Things got worse last night for me, my printer decided to go crazy in the middle of printing, but crisis was adverted when it decided to work for me again.

Then I see you standing there wanting more from me and all I can do is try

Is anyone else impressed by the new blogger site? It looks rad.
I've been hit with the need to write again. I'm updating this blog alot now it seems. I feel like less of a dork writing here now.

I wonder if any mail came today. I'm expecting a video in the mail of miyuki-chan goes to wonderland - an anime about scandily-clad characters trying to hit on the poor alice of the piece, miyuki-chan, an unsuspecting teenager who falls into this perverted world. Cost my dad a pretty penny on ebay, he's usually so tight when it comes to spending money on other people, but he agreed to it when I said it was for school. so there ya go - ways to con your parents for money - just say its for school.

I've spent the day sitting here and sitting on the couch. I was awake at 6:30 this morning, so I did what any sane person who can't sleep would do. I turned on the PS2 for two and a half hours of FFx-2 fun. Which funnily enough for those who've played FFX and FFX-2...right now i'm doing the cactuar challenges for both games - makes u wonder how hard it would be to find a miniature cactus...but the lil guys are evading me well.

Im going to finish the cinema presentation tomorrow. It's almost done. I have to make a clip of the gundam 0083 movie. proof-read, print then i'm done! woot.
I've thought of an idea for my radio documentry, on weds i'll tell it to Beate and see what she thinks, it mite be interesting working with someone on this - i haven't done a shared group project for awhile. Usually i don't like to because someone always fucks up on the communication side of things, and people do too much work, and others do not enough.

Anyway. i mite go. check the mail. start the fire, actually cook dinner. *sigh* I me.

Then I see you standing there wanting more from me, I'm all I'll ever be

I don't know how I got so tangled

Thanks to ETHANZ for the wonderful comment - i had forgotten about the david bowie competition. I was thinking of entering it back in april when i first heard of it, but I guess i don't have the time to put together a few loops and wav files in acid - even though its the easiest thing in the world to do. Acid takes no skill whatsoever. But i encourage you ethanz to enter yourself and to who ever else mite like to. www.davidbowie.com for details.

Im watching the new strong bad email now. hehe...barbzerdry lol. this is the funniest thing i've seen all day. except when patlabor gave me the giggles after i watched tokyo get blown to pieces in yet again another anime. I finished two books in the last week. Praise and How to be good. Both were good books.

I read an interesting article in dolly magazine today. I know. dolly magazine. What am i doing reading it. Well its one of the only current magazines in our house- due to my sister being an annoying angsty teenager and all - except angst and dolly magazine doesn't really go that well. Its kinda too perky for all that depressing stuff. But the article reminded me of one of our friends. Which is kinda sad that someone like her, can be typed out and sterotyped into a dolly magazine article. maybe not sterotyped, i can't think of a better word though.


anydangway.


playlist:
steven speaks - out of my league
mario winans - i don't wanna know

must be a curse.

dashboard - hold on
count the stars - fireflies
utada - never let go (even on shuffle winamp plays this ALOT)

i didn't think getting myself off a sailormoon email list would be so hard. but whoops. turns out it is.
I took today off. did my cinema presentation. still not quiet done. I went through all the anime, gundam and patlabor. gundam 0083 is pretty cool. i didn't mind gundam W either...the same story and characters are all there - you know..the angst ridden characters and the gundams and lots of war. lots of war. but i get a feeling i've seen gundam 0083 before..or at least parts of it. But it was good. Patlabor is better now that i know more about it, and i found a great article online at the miyazaki website which was an interview with miyazaki and mamoru oshii the director of patlabor.

What is this? are you some kind of hypnotist?

I really don't remember writing that previous blog.

I have Gundam on the mind. I just read an article for my cinema presentation and i've been looking at websites about the series - and i am very confused. I feel bombarded by gundam. There is waaay to much gundam...the whole series spans over more than 15 years - there are like ten different series(slight exaggeration), a few movies, and too many characters and its just making me scared cos i have to sort through all this for the presentation.

Im just tired today. I had a nail appointment at 9am. one of my nails was severly broken and it was bleeding alittle. turns out its been six weeks since my last appointment. I got scolded for leaving it so long.

My mind has been wandering alot lately. I've been concerned about old things, freaking out over new things. one day i'll tell u all about it. but for now i'll leave it. there are just some things i shouldn't share.

playlist:
sweetbox - one kiss (acoustic) 'i can't get over this one kiss, one touch its not enough, can't you feel the same'
Howie Day - morning after 'we opened up our party gifts and you fell down the stairs on purpose...'
eagle eye cherry - falling in love 'im so tired of playing this game
koda kumi - 1000 words ' Kikoeteru? 1000 no kotoba wo'
brand new - mix tape 'you're always made up'
Michelle branch - are you happy now? 'you can't run away from yourself'

there is a time and place for everything.

I was at uni this morning. Handing in the radio assignment, which as i found out yesterday is now due on friday...so i panicked and got myself in a tiz over nothing. But at least its done. Uni on a sunday is an interesting. Its very quiet, not many people. and most of the doors are locked. But those hours i was there for were alright. It does get alittle quiet and boring when your working solidly for four hours in front of a computer. last friday when i was in there i wondered why it was so weird, then i realise it was because i wasn't playing any music while working...i always have music on. when ever im in front of a computer there has to be music on somewhere in the background. But considering how well i've worked lately, music might be a distraction for me. But i feel weird without it.

Well im home now. I've almost finished reading Praise, it reminds me of some things that have happened to me. experiences and such, and things i wish i had spent more time on instead of running away from. I need gundam and patalbor episodes..so if anyone hassss any of the above. i would love to get copies b4 thursday. after thursday is no good.

anyway. big brother started last night. and jon stevens was kicked out of american idol. That boy can't sing in tune at all!!!! he's terrible. he just sounds like shit most of the time. and what was with that "mould my style" comment he made in one of those lil packages - honestly, that boy couldn't mould any style of music...he'll just go back to sinatra and dean martin impersionations and one day im sure he'll be famous for that up in vegas, but he shouldn't give up on his education. singing won't be his career, at least not for awhile.
Im still annoyed about the jennifer hudson thing, that was just wrong. Everyone knew it, then why did it happen? my guess is someone fucked up - or that white america is voting like crazy..or were voting like crazy.......then everyone else went WTF and voted like crazy the next week soo that none of the girls would get kicked out. poor jasmine though, i feel like her time is almost up. That diana chick is the dark horse for this comp.

listen
david bowie - china girl (good for 7:30am)
daft punk - something about us
dashboard - bend and not break

hi ya all!

im in a writing mood tonight. Haven't been In awhile. everytime i start something i never want to finish it or i just find i don't feel like it anymore. its werid, i used to write so much, i used to be good at Making up things And stuff like that. i can still write lyrics and stuff, but i can no longer write fiction Really for long periods of time. i Keep trying but its hard finishing some things - and some things just don't want to be finished or solved or completed.
theo and i were talking about Writing A novel last year, his writing is different to mine, mine is crap - and well not like his. plus my grammar is worse. nah its all the fanfiction i Started too many years ago, and the fantasy type novel i Started getting ideas for in yr 9. it's a good idea, im fond of it, bUt i just don't want to write it! the motivation even to start something new has died. i used to just write so much, i could just let it all spill out, there were always so many Pages. now i can't even write one page without getting bored or getting lost for words. i guess my motivation now is different, im older now i've let go of those lil fantasties i used to have, but i've always liked writing but i just can't write the long stories anymore. i don't know why its so hard, but im sure once the motivation kicks in again i'll be passionate about it like i once was.

im going to uni tomorrow. yes. on a sunday. how very odd. they gave me keys and a key card to get into the media editing suites, so i can finish my radio project. i'll probably spend all day doing it though. and im gonna take heaps of food in with me, cos i starved on friday. i only moved from that room once to go to the bathroom, but i had no food since 7am that morning...when i got home yesterday at like 6pm i ate those cheese and bacon rolls i found in the kitchen...i haven't gone without food for that long in awhile...i used to not eat lunch all time back in high school, but its not healthy, and probably my lack of nutrition is why i got sick all the time then.

listen:
bijou phillips - i'd rather eat glass

the most fustrating thing right now that could happen to me.. is for my cd burner to fuck. i just used my last remaining blank cd, and now roxio cd creator has decided to BUGGER UP THE WHOLE FUCKING THING! muthabLOODYSTUPID PIECE OF POOOOO CRAPOLA FUCKING SHIT FUCK. these were just some of the obsenities that were shouted in the last five minutes at the computer when the error popped up on the screen.

So now my radio piece won't be finished till this weekend/and or monday. i have to buy another blank cd so i can transfer a few sound effects of something going SPLAT (sounds nice and bloody) into my radio project which is on the latrobe apple server thingy. unless i can use the mac's at uni to go on the net and download the sounds (im not sure if i have net access in the edit suites) i am fucked.

So thank you Roxio, my last cd, and to the stupid sound effect which it did copy. YOU fucked up my WHOLE FUCKING ASSIGNMENT YOU FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

listen:
eagle-eye cherry - living in the present future

HI everyone. wassup? i didn't get home till 6 something - i've been out doing lots of things. bumped in to julian whitty person at the bus stop at shoppo, that was alrite...then near the pines the bus decided to fuck up, it almost made it to my bus stop...just a few more meters and it would have been there. oh well...i was greeted to the sounds of Mum yelling At dad because they had to go out to dinner tonight and he was putting the clothes on the like and pottering around doing stuff when they should have left straight away. at the moe im doing my Radio assignment, listening to cds with sound fx of ppl yelling, burping, making 'excited'groans, and of doors and Key's opening and locking etc!

i'm just dead tired tonite, i couldn't wake up this morning at all. my sister usually wakes me up, that didn't happen, my mum tried i kinda lifted my head then went back to sleep, then my dad kept bring the dog into my room...which is stupid cos im on a bunk bed, the dog can't reach me from up here - thank god the dog isn't annoying like my cat has been this whole week. I have had no sleep at all...stupid cat. i love my cat, but he can be so annoying when it comes to sleep. and at 2am i like to sleep not be subject to his whims. I swear that cat needs you to just go with him to the laundry (where his food bowl is) haha..maybe he's a scardy cat. muahaha.

i need a wav sound..of someone getting hit over the head by an axe or something...

I've realised this morning that instant coffee really doesn't like me. It made me sick last week, and its making me sick this week again. I don't understand why though? Why do I have to put up with this icky feeling in my stomach and throat that makes me want to hurl the entire contents of this morning's breakfast across the room (nice image there huh).

playlist:
new radicals - you get what you give
the beatles - norwegian wood
third eye blind - jumper
xtina - fighter
nina gordon - hold on to me

First we run, then we laugh till we cry

I think im getting paranoid. Yeah. i think i am...certain little things have got inside my head. Comments, about people, things, and blogs. Yes maybe im reading into some things, but i think im now paranoid. Or it could just be all the coffee i've just consumed in the last hour. Im still not finished with my bodybuilding essay - kudos to those who took the quiz on tickle...if you'd like to take it, msg me i'll email you the link in a pretty email. So far lisa knows me the best - but i made the questions tricky on purpose. And one of two questions i may have lied on......

I'll finish the essay tomorrow arvo i think. Then get started on music and sounds for the radio project. yeeeahp. Friday morning i'll be busy in the radio edit suites..starting and finishing a project in only 2-3 hours. it may take longer though.

Okay. I saw Kill Bill last friday nite with my buddy carlos while everyone else saw Starsky and Hutch...mark told me it was okay - he didn't sound too thrilled about the film...im still gonna see it eventually so busy at the moment.. But i did watch Love actually today - and i really liked it even though i was confused as hell as to who each character was and how they were connected, most were friends or family..and others were connected through jobs..so once it all came together it was cool. I really enjoyed the couple who didn't mind getting their gear off for their acting work, but when it came to asking the girl out for a date the guy was shy and awkward about it. LOL.

When im not writing my essay Im playing games of freecell and listening to henry rollins' spoken word cds. No matter how many times i listen to it, i still laugh like crazy...and i just love the sound of rollins' voice...My personal favourite tracks on the THINK TANK spoken word album is Russia, Airport Hell, and Brazil.

i have a box of home brand water crackers in front of me (for so long i was puzzled by why they were called water crackers - i didn't get wether it was because they were made with water or eaten with water. I have images of the first fleet and horn blower eating water crackers out at sea) and this box is white, boring as hell, no interesting serving suggestion images just this huge ass barcode! Made extra big for easy scanning. Fuck its huge. its almost as tall as the box itself.

hold me love, I can't sleep again
Will I have to kiss your nose,
I wanna lay here next to him love...

"This Old Wound"


I’ve been bleeding well
From this old wound
Cleaning it with salt,
So it will still feel new
Sometimes eyes turn black,
And sometimes scars are tracks
But every time that you’re gone
I wish that you’d come back


And everyone watched me waste myself
And everyone cheered at last
And all of them found it comforting
Its better it’s me then them.


I think I’m doing well from what they say
They’ve taken both my belt and shoelaces away
Well I believe in luck
I think I do
Well I believe for sure
If ever I see you


I’ve been fanning flames from these old coals
Feeding them with tender
And hoping they will grow
And I’ve been savoring
What I can’t hold
A blind belief in goodness
That doesn’t seem to show


But I’ve been bleeding well
From this old wound
Cleaning it with salt,
So it will still feel new




- dashboard confessional

What do women want i saw a book titled that in the lib yesterday when i was looking for references for my bodybuilding essay.
I've figured out that If theo thinks women don't know what they want, then he is very wrong. We know extactly what we want, we just know we'll never get it from any male on this planet. If you get rejected by a female - obviously your not what she wants. Women aren't fussy or picky - we just know what we like and what we don't like.
So my new assumption is that Men only think that women don't know what they want. But its the opposite. We know what were looking for, but i think the main problem is where do you find it?

Today Theo and myself got into one of those conversations about relationships with friends. And the old age argument that males and females can never just be friends. Okay well it got well off topic, but the idea of dating friends was the main discussion. He argued that its better to be friends and to get to know a person first - I said that sometimes knowing someone too well can be bad, then he pointed out after i said that my first relationship was with someone i hardly knew, that i had jumped into it impulsively. Ultimately in my case that may not have been the right decision, and i think i agree that next time i'll be more careful. BUT it is possible to be too good a friend with someone and then try a relationship which is just too awkward and odd. We both agreed that some friends you just don't see them in a certain way, some are just strictly friends and other you kinda think about as something else but usually nothing eventuates from that (in my experience, i dunno about theo...never insult him about him getting with chicks- its something he doesn't take lightly). Theo was telling me about one of his good female friends and how one night she kissed him then the next day acted like nothing had ever happened. My guess is that sexual attraction got in the way of their friendship for a moment and she probably was wondering what he'd be like, so that kiss was basically just to confirm something she either already suspected or knew and she probably did it just to get that sexual attraction out of the way. Obviously she didn't mean anything by it, but left Theo very confused (and he's easy to confuse). So basically by this stage Theo had concluded that Women don't know what they want. But Men do. Theo also said he was an honest guy (but i can only take so much weird bullshit theories in one day). So do women know what they want? or are we a confused lot?
Theo did go on to speculate that guys who are insecure with themselves are usually confused and don't know what they want either...but is that saying women are also insecure. probably. I countered with "But most women have a list of what they want in a guy" theo countered that with a blunt "Women are too picky".
He thinks that every guy a female rejects could have been a postive relationship/partner for her, but because she was too picky she passes it up not realising this. Theo said i would probably end up alone...he said that jokingly of course.
I told him he could come visit me and my cats.

Okay, i believe in attraction. Its not always about looks, but i feel there must be some kind of attraction or some feature in a person that stands out. If any old joe comes up and asks you out, i'd expect you would say no unless something about them was really appealling to you.
I know that being rejected by someone is not the nicest of feelings. But obviously everything happens for a reason, just have to figure it out before its too late. and that's what fate is. And that as they say is that.

$130!!!!!! YOU must be kidding me! I would even pay that much to see ...ANYONE! let alone Justin Timberlake. No. im sorry, but you won't see me there unless by some miracle I get 130 dollars to spend on a concert ticket. Anyway, i'd rather see the producers right now than JT.

Evelyn's To do list for this week:

Photocopy cinema and media stuff
Write 500 word cinema topic statement
Write Media essay, approx 2000-3000 words
Find sound fxs for radio piece

...I really don't want to go to uni tomorrow. Maybe because i know it'll be another class where i sit and get bored for a good hour and a half, then finally find myself in front of a computer at 12pm helping people who don't pay attention in class...why oh why. Then at 1pm i'll leave, get a bus, then maybe another bus or a train, then another bus home. Then by about 3 i'll be home...and then write my 500 word topic statement. Or sit in front of the ps2 for a good hour and a half.

I just don't want to wake up tomorrow morning at 6am. This morning i slept in, and i would have slept in longer if i didn't have to get up because the woodfire heater thing ppl were coming to install it at 10:30...but they turned up at 9:30. totally catching me up awares and in my pjs. I could have slept in. I haven't slept in all week, and i've been on holidays. But when i have uni, i don't wanna get up. I just want to stay in bed...Ok truth is, im not having a great time at uni. I sit in boring classes, while the topics are interesting, the lack of interesting people annoys me more. I have made friends in the radio class, but in animation i sit alone (almost prefer it though) and in the media class the girl i talked to for the first three lectures has disappeared...Okay, i snubbed her off - but only cos i wanted to sit further in the back. Im more comfortable in a lecture theatre when im not up close...But in animation i sit usually three rows to the front only cos in that room less ppl sit in the front, andtherefore less tall annoying ppl will sit in front of me and obstruct my view. What annoys me most are the people who are late and come in half way during a film and always choose the seat in front of ME. shit always happens to me, I always get looked over in a class, or stuck in some weird awkward situation. Im sick of it. I shouldn't say the words "SCREWED UP" to describe to logic audio programe when it fucks up. Especially not to my lecturer, cos it just sounds vulgar and stupid. But hey, thats me. The girl who burps and plays ps2, and is weird, and used to chew blue tack (actually im kinda not ashamed of that. Most kids ate dirt or crayons.. but obviously my love for all things gummi springs from my early blue tack chewing). Basically i feel fustrated in that class, like im surrounded by idiot people or idiot tech people (seriously, the woman who takes us for the logic audio tutorials is a boring, dull woman who repeats the simplest of steps and treats everyone in the room like they have never even seen or used a computer b4 in their life. Honestly, how would u even get to 2nd or third yr uni if u didn't know how to use a comp or do the most simplest of functions like SAVE).

The only thing good about uni at the moment, apart from the radio stuff when i go wild in the editing suites, is when i see lisa or go shopping with theo. Or when i hang with jon and chris and others. To me uni is boring. Without the random social interactions with my friends, uni is just another dull place with stupid people, bad lecture theatres, and boring lecturers with monotone voices.

But maybe tomorrow will be different? Maybe something will happen. but then again, maybe not.

music:
black eyed peas - weekend
Maroon 5 - this love
dashboard - as lovers go


I had the strangest dream last nite. I won't go into details but it was odd. You know when you have dreams when the person in ur dream is someone u know, but they look like someone else? well i had something like that happen. The dream was probably a result of the phone conversation I had with steve earlier yesterday. Anyway.

Final Fantasy X-2 IS GREAT! im loving it. the dress sphere changes rock, okay can get annoying in the middle of battle sometimes, but its pretty coool.

My birthday was last thursday. I had a good nite. almost everyone turned up, and i think ppl liked the cake. But i was suprised with the getting of presents, to be honest i was happy with everyone just turning up. It was great having morgan there, hadn't seen her in awhile, and seeing everyone else was very cool.
Afterwards at the irish pub in donnie, that was alrite...me and theo (he's my new drinking buddy) had a good time. But thank you to everyone who came, i appreciate that you came along to help me celebrate my birthday. it was a good nite all round i think.

I went shopping friday, got the dashbaord cd with the bonus dvd. Just watched it. It kicks booty and makes me go all "AWWWWWW" and mush like. Well i gotta give credit to any guy who could do that to me..sadly its a guy who i've met once and screamed at him "AND I REALLY LOVE YOUR MUSIC". ...lil chance of anything happening with a guy who lives in America anyway. I know what those rock idol crushes can do to a girl, and it can leave u pining for a hot blonde guy who ultimately will never know you, and never love you because of the fact that you are a fan. Right now the line "But i can still dream" usally would sit here, but its stupid to create these little fantasies. I don't think i want to succumb to those unreal dreams and unattainable goals.

oh btw. there was a tiny tiny article on hanson in thursday's herald sun. www.fansfromoz.com but only if u care to look.

im gonna go now. and play some ffx-2 b4 i have to start my reading for uni tomorrow...hehe. can you believe its only been like one week? feels longer some how eh.

17 PEOPLE!

wow. i'm amazed - i didn't think I could organise anything AND that people would actually want to turn up to it. So tomorrow nite, dinner and movie after ya? It hasn't really hit me or anything yet...im happy...not fully excited. Well im excited about the organising - since organising that lil minature shindig for carlos (and when i say minature - it only involved one bbq, one flashlight and approx six ppl...but was very fun) I've got a case of the organising bug.

Okay, sooo what have i been doing of late...lemmme think. Well the other nite a few ppl came over for boardgames..i missed the first nite at mark's house due to a weird sickness that hit me while preparing prawns for dinner that night...but I had lis, eamon, mark and carlos over for a very lonnnng time..but it was great. I got to make coffee for eamon, played scrabble badly, and went for a walk at 3am. i think it was three am. They didn't leave till 5 something..but i didn't mind. I had fun :)

last nite went to ROBOT BAR with mark, carlos and eamon. It was cooool. Had SAKE! i liked it, made me feel all warm and squishy and ...my hands and wrists just felt reeeeallly cool. They show anime on tuesday nights, and while the anime was patlabor which i find kinda boring and slow...it was still cool. I'd like to go back there again soon. and try some more sake. Then my bro came along, and we all hung out and finally after walking around finally we went somewhere..then me and red's left...then went to macca's drive thru. We criticised the terrible indoor deco and the fake plants, sang a little of the cheat theme song and then finally got my large mc chicken meal (reeeallly good mc chicken burger and the chips were super salty).

today i went to doncaster...my mum is stupid and doesn't know how to use a phone..and takes forever to do things.
I was in the cue store today...and....omg...i saw the nicest skirt and this amazing coat....and they have pants..reallly nice black pants. I love that store...i just wish i had a job or a reason to dress up all nice and business and cue like every day. But first i'd have to find a job that would support my clothes shopping budget, cue is not cheap.

Anyway...i m stuck. i'll post something that i wrote last nite up here later....

Hi ho everybody.

I've been wondering about alot of things lately. Like why is it I always have odd socks? and why is it the world is a sphere..and not an oval shape...or like a rubix cube..cos that would be cool. alittle squishy though.
But no matter all this, I am still here and ready to write a blog for you all. Well my weekend was dull. I baked cookies on sunday, used all my mum's lint chocolate bunnies to make them, now she's pissed. But she likes the cookies anyway.

I have to buy mum a b'day present, i have nooooo idea what to get her. Probably a norah bloody jones cd...but i really don't want to subject the rest of the family to that.
My parents are thinking of going away for the weekend, starting Friday. So they'll probably be gone for the few days of easter, but will most likely be back for my b'day.
I shouldn't go away, too much reading I gotta catch up on. And anyway, i like being home for easter. Mite go visit grandma and my uncle and have easter lunch with them on the sunday.

Im currently researching an essay on male and female representations in bodybuilding. Should be an interesting essay. I mean i could have gone with the Mulvey feminist question but the sport of bodybuilding is reeeeaaaly weird and interesting. I mite have to watch the films pumping iron 1 & 2 - which are interesting documentry films on the subject.

I've been looking at a few websites of late, white ninja which are really weird, dark, yet humourous cartoons. Also i've taken a liking to a few cosplay sites, http://www.acparadise.com/ this one is for female cosplayers - look up the final fantasy series and you'll find some prettttty coool costumes. Most are of Yuna from FFX- but its pretty impressive to see these fans dedication to cosplay. this other site makes anime wedding dresses destiny's ending.

anyway, i got some books to find.

YAY!

two reasons I'm feeling YAY!

1. I just finished an assignment
2. I've almost downloaded all of a utada video. WOOOt. 5 minutes to go!

BUT im not so yay now.
1. because i just got burnt by scolding hot water in the bathroom. My father has a habit of using reeeeeeaaaaly hot water when washing his hands, and we all have a habit of being next to use the taps and get burnt.
2. Because stupid people. ie. My father - are asking me questions which have already been answered by myself BUT he's too fucking dumb and stupid and FUCKING IDIOTIC TO listen THE FIRST FUCKING TIME! arGHGHGEFHDJKGFSEARGHAFJKGAJK.

gfSDHYFHERJKGFEJKGFERKGTJEKFTMKLERGJUIERGFHUG.

i STIll don't feel better after that out burst.
wait.

ARghghghwguejlfrnhkfweftheidfjklwejkflfuck ehfriekfrhweufdefnjkefnsdfmuthafuckersdhfsjfjkhejksfrejsfhdjfhksefsdjkasd
nope.

sfhsdfeayfrgasdfhawjkdhrwkdrjilswjfuckwnhawsjkfhskfjiefrklefseilfhjfhkfjkswankadgsufgejgfrwjdsijdwuhwduckheadhdgahsjfsjkfhasihkasjlasdkillgsdfdhsfeufhksfhsdjfhskkillgjdjagdruawydrwuagfsfhusdfhksdfhsuaujuddfjsdfhasasfkhsdknifeufhysukhuhayihalahdalfhufJKASDLASBLadeuhukhwkadasdhawkwijwuhdfjhfdsfhjssfhshfkiwiBaka!

okay. i think im done.

Im thinking about not doing honours. I was thinking about doing it - but i don't think i want to write a 12,000 word essay. I mean im sure i could write one, and honours would look reeeeaally cool on a resume somewhere, but honestly i think i just want to get on with it. At first - my first year i was having a hard time I just was miserable for most of the year. I totally got all caught up with doing my assignments and all I wanted to do was get out of there and finish this damn course. And then last year things got harder work wise, but things were also looking better. Some how having lisa there kinda balanced things out. And this year, well i don't see lisa much...or any one else other than Theo - which is okay cos me and theo hang at shoppo - we are insider shoppo hangers - and i don't mind looking at guy stuff and we talk about cool shirts and belts and stuff. And theo has another fantastic idea - start a cleaning company. Yeah. he can do the cleaning, i have a deep hatred for anything that requires using a vacuum cleaner. But on the upside if i clean the house tomorrow i'll get 40 bucks.
But getting back on track - this year I finally feel comfortable. Like i know what Im doing, and its great because Im starting to find people i like. And everyone else i know will be there longer than me..and i kinda don't want to miss out on being there for another year. I feel like another year and then I will be ready to get out of there..i don't mind the idea of honours, honestly because i'll get to spend more time doing things i finally like. Im loving my radio subject, im just bummed that i couldn't do more subjects last year...But now im thinking the post-grad thing might be a good idea.
Maybe it is time to move on from latrobe. in 2002 all i wanted was to leave, and now im here im finding it hard to want to. But its been my plan to do this post-grad thing or do jmc academy after i get my BA. so maybe now is the time. I feel like I haven't done enough in my life, and i just want to do as much as I can now. I don't know why now is so important, but I need to get out there now and start experiencing more things. And career wise, fuck the part time job - i'll never get one, i should be thinking about what I want to do and radio is looking pretttty good to me right now. But we'll see. who knows, in a few months i mite hate it. But i doubt that, right now i doubt that. Anyway the post grad is just a year...at swinburn..arghhh...down near our old hang out - glenferrie road. woot. oooh viva. mAYBE i'll apply for honours and post grad..and if i get honours i'll take it..and if i don't i go for the post grad..but if i don't get offered that then i'll do...something else. .....hmmm. Or maybe i should take a year off? work? get some money happening so i can pay for the post grad. and pay off my hecs. I feel like i should keep studying though...i'll look into some other options. see if i can find a music course or something. Im just afraid if i take a year off i'll totally slack off..and i'll forget how to write essays and such. I mean the day when i won't have to ever write an essay will be...the greatest day of my life...but until then i don't wanna slack off too much. anyway. OOh its downloaded...my utada video..that i've been trying to download since sometime last year..........finally.

boogie on down:
Koffee Brown - quickie
Pulp fiction soundtrack - Jungle boogie
Timbland & magoo feat missy E - up jumps the boogie
Eddie Kendricks - boogie down
Kenny loggins - footlose
Irene Cara - Flash dance (what a feeling)

Ninja's and Pirates

i'll finish this tomorrow.

Ok. so here it is. the blog i said i'd write again. But now i don't feel the need to write up the same stuff as yesterday, so this will just be about today and the previous couple of days i suppose.

I've realised that my internet at home is stupid and doesn't refresh blogspot pages.
anyway. i think i've done some thing stupid. I volunteered my services to the la trobe channel 31 tv program. Which is cool. But this means now i have responsibility.
BUT to any of you out there with nothing to do on monday @ 2pm come along to the athenaeum theatre(did i spell that right?) 188 collins street for a darren and brose comedy festival gig. It should be greeaat. and for those of u who like their prey young, i believe a few high schools will be there so come along and check out the show and sum chicks mate. But it'll be full of uni humour and these guys always put on a good show so come along. Im not sure if it'll cost you anything - bring money in case - but probably not. Well i dunno..i mean i know i will be getting in for free.
And i mite as well help them out monday, i mean...i got nuthing better to do.

Meanwhile, i applied for a job yesterday! woot go me. You should see my resume. its damn funky now. Its amazing what a change of font and a few lil lines can do for you!
I've been thinking for awhile now to change this blog skin. I found a great one of beyonce and it even plays music...when i can be bothered i'll change it. But changing requires re-doing the tag board and the comments. Not that its hard, its just annoying. Please TAG my lil board. it's feeling lonely. and please write me some comments. nothing stupid. i don't want to be flooded by annoying useless comments again.

also i'll update my website again soon, i'll change the pictures and buttons around again, i've recently cleaned up the site and my geocities account cos it was full of old pictures and stuff. And i mite put up a few select pictures or something. There haven't been any new pictures for awhile.

I've also been writing again. I've decided maybe its time to get myself motivated and write something about what i know about life. I was thinking of having only two or three characters and creating some kind of relationship between them. But i don't really want some joey-pacey-dawson love triangle thing cos thats been done to death. Also i've been writing lyrics. maybe soon i'll put some up here. Cos i mean that was the original point of this blog to post lyrics and stufff up. My own lyrics - i usually post other people's stuff cos it means something to me at the time.

I was talking to james the other nite. (i think he's avoiding me on the net - like most ppl- or thats just paranoia talking) and he was making his own blog which is v.cool - but he said that i was a blog queen cos i have soooooooo many archives etc. Well basically cos i've been doing this for awhile pretty consistently. Well rite now i've decided to look back on my blog - see what I've written. And im really still as confused about things as i was two years ago.

Nothing has changed. And thats pretty depressing really. Im still single. But im not crushing on two guys as I was back in April 2002. I couldn't remember who the second guy was but now i've figured it out lol.

So much has changed though. How i feel about things. Instead of wanting to be in a relationship - if u read those blogs from 2002 i was pretty interested in those things, i have a lot of blogs/rants about relationships - but right now i choose to be like this. I am single by choice now it seems. And im okay with it. Seriously. I am okay with it. But i guess right now im falling back into that "bUT IT would be nice to kinda have someone.." thinking. But if all i do when im with someone is wish i was somewhere else with someone better than maybe its best not to even bother with these things.
So i shall become a nun and live happily ever after with a cat and eat chocolate for when ever i get 'those' cravings.

If you read blogs from March 2003 you'll see im very much depressed with being by myself. But honestly, I must like the single life..*shruggs* i dunno. its just i don't feel the need, and im glad im like that. That im not one of those people who needs someone constantly for comfort ot reassurance. Maybe this means that i've accepted who i am and who im going to be. Maybe this means im happy with life and where im at right now. and thats not such a bad thing is it?

i just wrote a blog. and now its gone.

fuck it. i'll write it again later.

'I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.'

I feel like I've been wondering around. Lost in my own thoughts for too long. I feel like Im waiting to wake up any moment now and all this will be a dream. The un-satisfying ending, but an ending and a beginning to all of this. I suppose i would feel cheated if I was to wake up and realise everything I'd ever known so far was only a dream. But sometimes I feel like im watching life rather than living it. I've always feared growing up. Getting older. and wasting my life. I think I'm wasting my life right now. This time next year, i don't know where i'll be. I had it all planned out - and then i went to university and my plan changed slightly. Now its changed indefinitely. So now I fear not being able to get a job, now I fear all my dreams have died, now I fear the change that's to come. Some how this litany of fear is comforting. Some how the ideas within it, the thought of it is almost calming like it would be to the fictional bene gesserits. But my world is non-fiction. There are so many realities within realities. One person's lifestyle would seem extreme compared to mine or vice versa.

'To the world you are one person - but to one person you are the world.'
Is this how I used to think it would be like? That I would be stuck here, living this mundane existance. Im confused about a few things at the moment. I read something the other day - about things I already knew about myself, but seeing it written, from another total neutral point of view was alittle scary. Maybe i do need to change my ways. About how i play the game. As i was watching today, 'Love is a game. Easy to start. Hard to finish.'
When i say game - i could be refering to the game of life..etc. depends on how you want to interpret that. I know how you all will anyway. so that was pointless. anyway.


sneaker pimps - walking zero
blondie - heart of glass
de la soul - stakes is high
new order - blue monday
sweetbox - unforgiven
pete murray - please
basement jaxx - get me off


Im drowning in what pity is left for you
here in my heart only darkness surrounds
what i used to believe in was you
Now only i remain
i feel the weight of the world on my shoulders
you've drained me emotionally.
I want to walk on my own
i can do it without you
i know that it'll hurt you
But im too tired to care

Whats happened? to all of us. What happened to the traditional forms of communication? No one writes letters anymore. Letters were personal, usually hand written. And there is no other feeling quite like it when you recieve a letter in the post. Someone out there cared enough to write you a letter, stamp it, then send it. But the traditional methods of communication concerning the letter is beginning to die now that Email has become the most common form of communication on the internet. Its quicker, you don't have to deal with ques at the post office just to buy one stamp and the other person is just one click away from the send button on your screen. But email is one of most annoying things ever invented, because its become a chore. You need to always be checking for junk mail, you get sent these stupid chain-letter emails, and usually viruses and other nasty thingys get sent to your inbox. The only thing Post mail has to worry about is the odd anthrax letter, but that sort of thing usually only happens in America.
But the other point I wish to make is how impersonal emails can be. Okay, i have had the odd occasion where someone sends me an email, and its the most expressive thing and a true insight into the other other person's mind, but usually its the "Hi, how you going" type of email. I can have conversations like those any time. But email has become the way we all communicate with each other now. Its good, because it can reach everyone quickly and it doesn't cost a thing if ur using a public computer and hotmail. So it does have its advatages when organising events and things alike.

My other concern is the lack of telephone conversations. We now use msn, icq, irc, aim etc. We chat sometimes once a day, a few times a week. Most people now have mobile phones, which means you can reach people anywhere, no matter where they are - as long as they have good reception. So we chat on our computers, we chat on our phones using text messages. But what happened to the long phone conversation? The one that went for longer than an hour, where you'd stay up all night just talking about anything and everything. The kind that leaves you feeling afterwards that now you really know a person. And just like mail, getting a phone call from a desired person or from a friend is also one of those little pleasures in life we sometimes take for granted. Speaking now from my own experinces of late, i don't talk on the phone as much as I used to, like back in Highschool i would be on the phone to one of my friends every single night. But since everyone has gone their own ways, I hardly hear from some people unless their on the internet. And sometimes talking to them on the internet is so different to what it would be like if we were to talk in person, that i just choose not to talk to them while on msn or icq. Because the conversation really would go nowhere, like so many I have with alot of people. And I prefer to talk in person to alot of people, because that's how we met, that how we are friends. From the conversations and meetings we've had. Not from the long night chat conversations. I don't meet many people over chat anymore because I got bored of the same old thing, the same typical "getting to know you" conversations that usually start with some horny nerd on the other end wanting to see a picture of myself and asking if i have a bf.
And why would someone in the US want to know if I have a bf? their too far away it shouldn't even concern them (unless it concerns the content of the chat).

Now, we are too lazy to pick up the phone, pick up a pen and paper. Or are we too "busy". What's so important that we can't take just ten minutes, 15 minutes of our time to write a letter or call someone? But it seems we're never too busy to blog or to meet up with people for a couple of drinks or a movie.
This blog is just an example of what free time I have. I have archived blogs from 2001, from when i first began this blog to now. Some even have two - three blogs that they keep up in their free time. I always have time to come online, like i always have time to write in-between classes at uni, during those breaks I could write a letter. And sometimes I did. Back in first year I wrote heaps of letters, but i never sent them. But i have a blog, so now instead of writing letters and telling people how im doing or how i feel - people can just look on this site and get some sort of idea of my going-ons and happenings. So that means basically once people read my blogs, then i see them in person or talk on the phone - every time i mention something they just say 'Yeaah, i read your blog'. Im glad people are reading it, but now i have nothing to say cos you've read it already.
But now instead of calling people, writing emails to people etc, we just look at a person's blog. I admit it, i read blogs. I love blogs and online diaries. I read some frequently, and others less so. But its now got to that stage where all we do is read blogs and diaries online. And now all i do is write these for you. And i don't get any feedback from any of you, so I feel like this is a one-way conversation - and its become a conversation with myself. I used to nag people to read my blog, now i don't have to because this blog is the thing that stands between me and other people. This is what people refer to when they want to know something about me. When they can't be bothered to call me they read my blog instead. Now everyone knows i talk alot, and i probably could talk about myself a whole lot more than I do on here. This is not an accurate report on my life though. Due to censorship reasons, and for the sake of some people, I do not write everything. And it angers me that some people just read this blog, and then don't bother to call me or talk to me when they could get so much more out of me than they could out of this blog. But then again, this blog is me right? what i write here is me? At least some part of me. And i don't like how some people are using blogs as a battle ground for their own hate and insecurities. If there is a problem with someone, fix it. Don't just talk about it. If you really care about the people around you, don't just call them or a be a friend to them when it suits you. Don't just say, 'I do care.' but how? By reading a blog? We all do this, we all have limited our communication by creating these blogs. I admit that i am also at fault by taking the time to read a blog, instead of writing an email.


Lets get a little communication back into our lives, considering we are living in a communication rich age, where the ability to speak to someone is only One phone call away, or even just a text message. Be impersonal if you have to. But it would be nice to see sometimes just one person taking the time out of their 'busy' lives and just say hello. So how come its so hard for us to communicate? How come its so difficult to just be honest and say what you mean and feel? If we have all this technology, if we could call someone at anytime we want to and just have a chat, then how come we can't do it? Is it because we feel no need to? or because we don't want to?


if you have any opinions, or understood the above HUGE paragrahs please leave a comment or write in the tagboard. thanks.

playlist

Johnny Lang - Breakin' Me
Taking Back Sunday - You're so last Summer
Utada Hikaru - Letters
Yellowcard - Way away
Usher - Yeah
DC - so beautiful
Hanson - penny and me (i've been watching the clip of the video Over and Over and Over)

Random thought:
That Zac Hanson is so hot right now.

Idea for a post:

The internet, blogs, and You.

Want to know how im feeling? because reading this saves making a phone call - or bothering to contact me. But im not gonna make it easy on you. The song lyrics below are almost exactly how i felt about half an hour ago. Rite now, i don't feel anything except this numb feeling..........because i no longer care.


How's it going to be - third eye blind

I'm only pretty sure that I can't take anymore,
Before you take a swing, I wonder what are we fighting for,
When I say out loud, I want to get out of this, I wonder,
Is there anything I'm going to miss, I wonder
How's it going to be, When you don't know me,
How's it going to be, When you're sure I'm not there,
How's it going to be, When there is no one there to talk to,
Between you and me, 'Cause I don't care,
How's it going to be,
How's it going to be,

Where we used to laugh, There's a shouting match,
Sharp as a thumbnail scratch,
A silence I can't ignore,
Like . . The hammock by the doorway we spent time in, Swing empty,
don't see lightning like last fall when it was always about to hit me, I wonder

How's it going to be, When it goes down,
How's it going to be, When you're not around,
How's it going to be, When you find out there was nothing,
Between you and me, 'Cause I don't care,
How's it going to be,

How's it going to be
When you don't know me, any more
And How's it going to be

Want to get myself back in again,
The soft dive of oblivion.
Want to taste the salt of your skin
The soft dive of oblivion, oblivion

How's it going to be, When you don't know me, anymore,
How's it going to be,
How's it going to be,
How's it going to be.

I've been asleep all day. well almost all day. Saturday nite I went out with shazz to saratoga. very cool, but tiny place. Then we went to zimmer(?) down st kilda way, which is one funky cooooool as place with lots of comfy couches and nicceee musssic. Didn't get home till 5:30 - then about 5 minute later my brother also arrived home. I stayed up on the couch playing FFX for about an hour, then at 6:45 decided that i should probably sleeeep. Woke up at 8:30 on Sunday. And i was like the walking dead - or waking dead. I had like no sleep but somehow i was awake all of yesterday tilll that nite when we were watching Moulin rouge on tv, then i just closed my eyes for a second and woke up during the end credits. That is stillll one of the most entertaining films i've ever seen.......but i suppose it would have been good if i was awake for the film last nite. After that To die for was on...which is one of my faaaaave films. But i fell asleep through that also and ended up sleep walking to bed at about 3am. So now im still catching up on sleeep...i was lazing around on the couch earlier watching the goodies and i fell asleeeeeeep again. My eyes feel tired...my skin feels tight on my face, and if i was to lie down right now i'd probably sleep some more.
I had KFC yesterday...went all out. I had the buger, the chicken, the graaavy, the chips. it was sooo good. oooh i could go for some fried chickeeen rite now..



playlist:
joss stone - fell in love with a boy
chemical brothers - come with us
sweetbox - unforgiven

Im bored. Entertain me!!!!

I don't finish till 2pm todaay...and its gonna be 38 or something like that degrees....grrr. I like hot weathe..But not when i have to take public transport home. I just spent wayy too much money one books for two of my uni subjects. Well when i finish class i'll meet theo afterwards, we're gonna get our cards updated and then prolly go to shoppo and hang. lol. we're shoppo hangers now...hehe. I do still have a craving for kfc though. I want to start saving money now. But ittsss so hard when you don't have any money to begin with.

I had 52 new emails in my atsroboy email. some of them were interesting. Most were about stupid sailormoon fan fiction shit that i don't care about. Im sure i've ranted on about this before..BUT it really givess me the shits. Im thinking of unscribing to that email list because its just soo fucking annoying. i got class in a few mins. mite go now.
cyaaa

Im trying to recreate the dashboard experience with a copy of a live show that was taped awhile ago - and i downloaded it awhilleee ago. like last year...but its coool. nice and live.
Im excited today. had a good class at uni. And i just looked up a utada hikaru site and her new album will be released in MAY! woot. thats not too far away. the new hanson stuff will be released in April in japan and americaa...dunno about Oz though.
I was at eb today....i stood and stareeed at the FFx-2 games on the shelves for a good minute. Im thinking maybe i should do the trade two ps2 games and only pay 50 bucks..but i dunno what games to trade. I was thinking the bouncer maybe..and something else we don't play often...but we don't have a lot of games anyway..so...i dunno. but its an idea..i would get the game sooner that way. But i have a cunning plan. So cunning you could brush your teeth with it.

Im still reeling from last night. It seems like it happened in a dream now. But i know I was there - my clothes are outside airing - the smell of smoke and beer attached to the fibers. I woke up at 10 am, to my cat who was begging for food and to my dog who was wondering around the house, her paws scratching the floorboards.
I was right, I knew i would have a hard time speaking today. I sung my lungs out last night - like the rest of the crow at the Hi-fi bar. so right now, my attempts at dashboard's "swiss army romance" is terrible. lol.
Im not going to uni today, because yesterday i spoke with my lecturer for radio and i've signed up for wednesday's class, so lucky me gets mondays and tuesday's off. Im still tired, didn't get home till 1am. I stayed up alittle longer sitting on the couch watching 'just for laughs' and some weird show afterwards while eating left over safeway salads and doritos. that might explain why im not hungry now. But i feel like i could sleep again.
I just felt the need to play dashboard songs this morning, since the songs have been swimming in my head all night long. I couldn't go back to sleep before because 'ghost of a good thing' was playing in my head.
The gig last night started at 7:30, the bands b4 them were pretty cool actually. I can't remember the name of the first band but the singer was hot, and Blueline medic played and they were pretty good. My brother will be jealous that i saw them, hehe.
Lisa told me the plan for the night before we got into the venue, while we were eating her KFC chips. Go straight to the merchandise table then straight to side of stage for a good view. So we picked up a teeshirt and some badges each (im now broke, i only have three dollars left in my wallet and that's supposed to get me to uni for the rest of the week), and headed down to the gathering crowd. We met up with Mark and Melissa in the pit, watched teh first band from there and then headed up to the left side of the stage on some stepss which weren't the most comfortable spot, but we had a clear view of the stage. So we watched blueline, then waited a good 40 minutes for dashboard to start. Once the stage went dark, the crowd was just hyped. And chris dashboard walks out onto the stage and plays like first two songs acoustic and the crowd was nuts just singing along. The whole show was just purely amazing. The acoustic songs, they played a cover of Wheatus' 'teenage dirtbag' which wassss coooool! lol i actually like that song now that they played it. They played like two new songsss and they were prettty goooood. I tried to learn the words to a few songs from the new album - but i was stuck only knowing the choruses forn most..lol BUT all the old stuff was great. Chris doesn't even need to sing, the crowd does it for him. He could have a gig of just instrumental stuff and the crowd would do the rest for him.
Actually they played one song, it was really short it wall all instrumental very cool though. The band just kept adding more songs to the set list - so instead of a 11:30 end the show went to about 12 i think. It was very very cool. Just blew me away how amazing Chris is. He has this amazing presence on the stage, and just being apart of that audience last night was amazing. OKay. im over using the word Amazing here - but reallly no word comes close to howwww good dashboard was last night. but one word describes chris dashboard - HOT. yes indeedie. Overalll it was a great night, i wish i could hear dashboard play every night, i wish i could have the dashboard hoodie i like, i wish i could have Chris - and he could write sad songs about me - But right now i wish for some KFC. it may only be 11 am today, but KFC sounds really good right now.
Im so excited about my DC tee shirt - i mite wear it to uni tomorrow. hehee. but after seeing dashboard last nite made me realise i really should go buy one of their records - cos im a bad fan with all my illegal downloads....umm..anyway.
im gonna go find some junk food. KFC. nahhh...i think today im gonna be a lounge lizard and just play some FFX. while listening to dashboard. hehe, yeaaaa.

cyaaaa! *muaaah*

So Beautiful - Dashboard Confessional

I heard that you were home again
But you don't look like you're back to me.
Well, if your focus is changing,
Your gaze is transfixed on the part I cannot see.

You've got your new ties.
I've got my old lies.
You've got your inside line
But you're never happy with what you've got.

Careful now, you're so beautiful
When you've convinced yourself
That no one else is quite as beautiful

I heard that you were living well
But you don't look like you're living to me.
Although the sparkle is gone,
Your smile is in place so that everyone watching will see.

You've got them all convinced,
And I know it so well.
That you have missed your friends
But you can count on them.

Hold it now, you've got everyone convinced
That you're alright.
No one else is quite as wrong with it.

As soon as you've got it you want something else.
It's not the sell that you love, it's yourself.
It's the not price that's gonna cost you.
It's just the weight that's gonna bring you
Down, down, down, down
It's gonna bring you down, down, down, down, down

Hold it now.
You've got everyone convinced that you're alright.
No one else is quite as beautiful.

Careful now, you're so beautiful
When you've convinced yourself
That no one else is quite as beautiful

As soon as you've got it you want something else.
It's not the sell that you love, it's yourself.
It's the not price that's gonna cost you.
It's just the weight that's gonna bring you
Down, down, down, down
It's gonna bring you down, down, down, down, down

Careful now, you're so beautiful
When you've convinced yourself
That no one else is quite as beautiful

As soon as you've got it you want something else.
It's not the sell that you love, it's yourself.
It's the not price that's gonna cost you.
It's just the weight that's gonna bring you
Down, down, down, down
It's gonna bring you down, down, down, down, down