mood: can't be fucked.
listen: screaming infidelities - dashboard confessional & missy E's work it
watch: dashboard confessional live peformance d/l directly off da net :)

good morning everyone! how are we all? well melbourne weather is offically fucked. its november and we have beautiful hot weather...this probably would be good - if victoria wasn't having water problems, and droughts etc. considering water restrictions are being enforced, i certainly haven't seen much of a change. Ok, the other week, we saw an old man lesuirely watering his garden. Where are the water law enforcers where u need them huh?! in these days of drought, you don't just lesuirely water your gardern, you water it carefully, so as to not waste or over water ur plants (this old man in question, was sitting down reading a book while he was watering his gardern!). next time i see someone doing that, i'll wind down my car window and yell out "ARE YOU A WASTE OF WATER" - the line i took directly from a segment from the hugely popular show, sesame street. lol.

Our dvd is out of order at the moment. We took in it last week to be fixed. a suspicious dvd fucked it up. I have no idea how it did that, but it did. so no more suspicious dvd's. because i'm thinking, maybe i was the one who fucked it up with the foo fighters VCD disc that comes with the "there is nothing left to lose" album. kinda a pointless vcd. its only got a few videos on it, nuthing special. But of course, we were blaming my brother and his 'something for kate' dvd - cos its the only dvd that still works, but i could be blamed for that aswell, since i told my mom to buy it for my brother's birthday. so i guess i'm in the shit for it.
But star wars is coming out soon, and queen of the damned is out. so i need my dvd fixed now! i need my dvds. i need films and movies to inspire me.
meanwhile, i should be studying for my anthroplogy exam, which is tomorrow morning. Fuck. i hate bloody readings, i mean after i spend all that time, energy and money photocopying them, i can't be stuffed to actually read them.
Quads! - series return was on last nite. i taped it of course :) it is the funniest episode, i love how animation can be so controversial and poke fun and be satire and all that about the media and get away with it. The episode was about reality tv shows, it was very entertaining.

Echidna's are pests. in new zealand they think possums are pests(road kill!), in australia - they just piss and live in our roofs and keep us up late at night with their midnight antics. But all this is nothing compared to the australian echidna. It appeared in our courtyard(dump), right in the corner of the front fence, where my dog lives, on friday morning. It finally left on saturday night - sunday morning. thank god. Because i don't know how much more shit i could take from my dog's barking, and that damn echidna that wouldn't budge. I called the rspca on the friday, and they told me to move it..well i tried. so i called 'helpful wildlife' who weren;t so helpful, they just told me to leave it alone, and get my dog out of the way. it was just hell. damn echidnas. ya know, they look all cute with their spikes - but their bloody devils. I now dislike them. i wonder....is it an offence to kill a native animal? not that i killed it..i just thought about whacking it with a spade...or covering it with dirt. i wouldn't kill it! i'm not that aggressive.

anyway..quake 3 is the coolest damn game i've played in a long time. its better than playing tekken or sailormoon - cos this game is like running and shooting and killing ppl and blowing them up into lil tiny pieces with rocket launchers (my personal favourite).

anyway, must dash. studying to start. *muah*
www.geocities.com/evesygal - bookmark the page and sign the guestbook!

luv, eves.

"Without You"
(feat. Michelle Branch)

It's been two weeks
Three days long
I'm all alone since you've been gone
I can't keep myself from asking why
Just wanna see my reflection
In your eyes

Just know that I'm with you
And what you feel
I feel it too

[Chorus]
I'm feeling lately
I'm going crazy
Wondering how I'll go on without you
I keep on trying
Slowly dying
Thinking about how I need you here with me

I wear your shirt
The scent of you
Reminds of the night that we became two
There's nothing else
That feels the same
Everyday there's sun, it feels just like rain

Just know that I'm with you
And what you feel
I feel it too

[repeat chorus]

If you think it's easy for me
Well, you're wrong
Sometimes I'm weak and baby you know
I'm not that strong

You're in New York
And I'm in L.A.
There's so much to tell you
Words I need to say
But your phone keeps ringing
[ringing, ringing]

[repeat chorus]

I need you here with me

How will I go on without you?

It's been two weeks
Three days long
I'm all alone since you've been gone

watch: Sailormoon(moon cosmic make-up!), baybladers(sucks), Zoids(I LUV), Passions(urgh), Girlfriends(funny) & THE MTV MUSIC VIDEO AWARDS (from august).
listen:
dashboard confessional - screaming infidelities
justincase feat. michelle branch
matchbox twenty - disease
silverchair's 'neon ballroom'
Daft Punk's 'Homework'
Robert miles - 'childern' & 'fable'
Hanson's 'this time around'
Vanessa carlton's 'be not nobody'
***The AVALANCHES 'since I left you' ***

OK..two essays done, one to go.
Two exams, start this wednesday and finish on the 13th.
I've had two subway interviews, and numerous calls asking them why the fuck(not in those words) don't they call me back.
Expecting one phone call today from subway. If i don't get a call...i shall be one angry hippo.(that is an intertextual reference, not literal - i do not look like a hippo at the moment).
And i've discovered i no long need to spend an extra 8 dollars at the beautician this week. So i'm thinking I shall go to the vid store and get me "QUEEN OF THE DAMNED" on DVD. but first, i would like to watch 'citizan cane' because i have it on vide at the moment.

I watched 'the blair witch project' for the first time on wednesday. I watched it in the early afternoon, had the volume up, to increase the scare factor. Well considering the film is based on suspense and mystery to get its kicks and thrills from the audience. Also the hand held camera work was making me sick, over all it was an interesting film, and i give it 7 out of ten. Mainly because, it was probably one of the most low budgeted films ever made, and it was more effective than those big budget event films like scream etc. Blair witch focused alot of its tension on the un-seen dangers and threats. And i'm sure if i ever go camping again (fuck no) i'd get no sleep for fear of the blair witch attacking me in my sleep. Which reminds me, i've been meaning to see the film 'final destination' again.

well must dash. i have some readings to finish.
OK..for my essay - should i focus on darkangel fandom or music/hanson fandom? e-mail me evesygal@kittymail.com with ur suggestions. soon i'll post parts of my essay up - cos fandom is really inetersting, especially the stuff about trekkies or "trekkers." its amazing to think that 32% of trekkies are virgins(thespark.com).

www.geocities.com/evesygal

"Big Machine" Goo Goo Dolls

Ecstacy is all you need
Living in the big machine now
Oh, you're so vain
Now your world is way too fast
Nothin's real and nothing lasts
And I'm aware

I'm in love but you don't care
Turn your anger into lust
I'm still here, but you don't trust at all
And I'll be waiting

Love and sex and loneliness
Take what's yours and leave the rest
So I'll survive
God, it's good to be alive

[Chorus]
And I'm torn in pieces
I'm lyin there waiting for
My heart is reeling
I'm blind and waiting for you

Silly love with all your sins
Wait and stop and I begin
And I'll - I'll be waitin'
Livin' like a house on fire
What you fear is your desire
It's hard to deal
I still love the way you feel

Now this angry little girl
Drownin in this petty world
And I'm who you run to
Swallow all your bitter pills
That's what makes you beautiful
You're all a lie
I won't leave what you ain't got

[Chorus]

I'm blind and waiting for you
I'm blind and waiting for you

And I can't believe it's coming true
God, it's good to be alive
I'm still here and waitin' for you
And I can't believe it's coming true
I'm blind and waiting for you


"No Such Thing" John Mayer

"Welcome to the real world", she said to me
Condescendingly
Take a seat
Take your life
Plot it out in black and white
Well I never lived the dreams of the prom kings
And the drama queens
I'd like to think the best of me
Is still hiding
Up my sleeve

They love to tell you
Stay inside the lines
But something's better
On the other side

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the
Top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
Just a lie you've got to rise above

So the good boys and girls take the so called right track
Faded white hats
Grabbing credits
Maybe transfers
They read all the books but they can't find the answers
And all of our parents
They're getting older
I wonder if they've wished for anything better
While in their memories
Tiny tragedies

They love to tell you
Stay inside the lines
But something's better
On the other side

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the
Top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
Just a lie you got to rise above

I am invincible
As long as I'm alive

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the
Top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
Just a lie you've got to rise above

I just can't wait til my 10 year reunion
I'm gonna bust down the double doors
And when I stand on these tables before you
You will know what all this time was for

photocopying makes my hands black. *shakes fist at photocopying ink for being so damn inky*

good morning one and all! hows everyone's week been?
mine has been exciting. I've been working hard, i helped out at the phone shop on monday - i did very well indeed. And i actually finished my linguistics assignment - and handed it in on time - AND i have photocopied all my readings for anthropology this week - and that is a first! wooohoo. I'm on time and doing fine! sorry, that was so corny even i had to cringe.

Damn uni computers, damn mouse's that don't work properly. And the mouse pad is too far away, i can't move it, cos i think its stuck to the table now.
Ok..remember october 17th. Michelle branch is on letterman. must remember that date.
I'm in a very good mood this morning. I have been chatting with a new friend lately. still on to the simple conversation topics..but its a wonder i'm making friends at all in this uni.

It may be 9:30 am but i am in a good mood. Ok, so i'll admit i'm still a little tired. I stayed up late last nite to watch the arias and buffy. It was very good. yus yus yus. But i missed sailor moon this morning. but i don't mind. its only repeats..of episodes i haven't seen.

I was just wondering, where are all the hot boy's at this uni! they must all be hiding somewhere. probably in archelogy. but cinema does have an average collection of boys. but not enuff to tempt me. aww well. Yesterday was such a strange day. I swear, i felt like i was coming down with a fever or sumthing. The weather was fucking with me. it was cold, then sunny, then cold and windy, then a little rainy. urgh! damn melbourne. can't we just have normal weather. Like 20 degress, little cloud. hardly any wind. that would be perfect. I'm looking forward to summer. so i can shed all these layers(of fat&clothes). It may be spring, but it doesn't feel like it. It feels like we are in a transitional period. its not really winter, its not really summer. spring weather is fucked in my books.

damnit. time for class.

listen:
Christina Ag - Dirrty (video is softporn w/o sex)
Mya - Fear of Flying (Album)
Craig David - What's your Flava?
Dashboard Confessional - Best Deceptions & Hands down
Goo Goo Dolls - Big Machine (one of the most overlooked bands..they simply rock)
John Mayer - Love song for no one & No such thing
Missy Elliott - Work It
N.E.R.D - Rockstar (video version)
Beck - Paper tiger
Midtown - no place feels like home

OK..i had my first ever job interview. @ subway. LOL. but ya know..its a job. its experience. and despite the stress of a subway lunch shift - it sounds like fun. they guy who interview me..said they would teach me to cook eggs.
LOL...yay.
my lip doesn't hurt anymore - its a little tingly now. lol. and my nails are *silver* ooh ahh.
I've been watching 'Mallrats' this weekend. Its soo good to watch that film again. I love the characters and script. Despite the fact the film didn't do half as well as 'Chasing Amy' and considering is was lacking the raw satire humour and strange characters and fucked up situations of 'Clerks'. Still 'Mallrats' is a favourite of mine.
I think I know what to get rach for her birthday :) its a surprise..so i'm not saying it on the blog for fear she might read it. Its nuthing great or extremely expensive - i did want to treat her to nails - but i don't have over $70 to pay for a set of nails - with french tips.
But its the thought that counts right? Anyway..i like to give ppl things. Gifts containing sentimetal value. even something that may not appear to be special (like a cd) will always carry a special value or memory - because maybe it was given as a present. All presents or gifts..no matter how big or small - or who they are from - have value or memories attached to them. Some people believe that the 'spirit' of the gift-giver is carried over. I like that thought. Gifts create bonds between people.
I feel like going for a walk. Its dark outside..but its still warm. perfect weather for a stroll at nite.
OMG..M1 was on today. or maybe still going on today. LOL. I missed the tea party. grrr. makes me wish i tried harder to win tickets to M1. oh well..i'm sure that was one bogan and mullet fest..and i should be glad i missed it.
ahh well..there shall be others. eww. mullets.

my lip hurts.

getting my nails done tomorrow @ 11am. 1pm - art house..lots of bands. still don't know if i'm going. Probably not. Saturdays are exteremly busy days. anyway, it my driving day. And i love driving. There's nothing better than causing a muck or recking havoc on unsuspecting drivers with my reckless, carless and unpredictable behaviour. I'm sure to get my P's by Janurary next year.
"BABY GIVE ME WHAT YOU'VE GOT - COS I'M EVERYTHING THAT SHE'S NOT" abs. long live 5ive the best british boyband ever.
i will write again tomorrow..after my whole day. Something exciting is happenin tomorrow - and i'm in an extremely good mood. I better stay in this mood too. my fastfood career depends on it.
"Would you like fries with that?" - Evelyn's (mis)adventures in the fastfood world.
I think..i need to learn some time management skills if i am to survive in this world of University. Damn essays. Do u know, next year i will have to write 2 essays in one semester...three subjects a semester...6 essays. That's 12 essays. And lord knows what else.
Oh god. what am i getting myself into? Is this what they call life? the real world outside of schooling and education?
Is this when they say "One day..when you grow up, you'll have a job..and live in a house..." I think my days of slacking off are coming to an end. But this will be good. I like being busy, it keeps my mind off other things - like what to eat for breakfast - and what shoes look better with that skirt. I should be thankful, but appreciative of the situation. Because this new found opportunity has come at almost exactly the right time. Finances at the moment are becoming tight. Ya know..uni student..lack of cash. It's funny because everyone knows university students have no money - yet they still charge students the earth. Have you seen the cost of just one univeristy text book? Its murder i tell you! It's unfair that we must suffer and pay full price - for a book we shall maybe only use for one semester! its stupid and inane. And what's funnier is that all the food places at uni are fucking expensive - slices at la trobe is a fucking ripoff. but i still go there..cos its closer than having to walk downstairs to the plaka(which is the dumbest name for a food place i've ever heard of. But it rhymes with tucka).

ok..must go. My brother is back from geelong and is already demanding to use the computer. And i should clear all my stuff off his bed..damn him..ruins my whole system of working...

ok..ta ta *muah*

I think I'm alot happier since the weekend. Like I can deal with my problems and issues now. After finally (somewhat) getting out how i've been feeling of late, i feel a lot lighter. Like a load has been lifted off my back, and now i can deal with what's troubling me. I think now i can act on how I feel. I've been too lazy this year, not motivated enough to so anything about it. I haven't done anything about anything! Its almost time i forget the bull shit, the little insecurities that make me weaker, and its time I did something about it. I've always dealt with whatever came my way. I've had to deal with alot of shit in the past - alot of un-expected things. For some reason i think my motto is "Deal with it". straight out like that. I'm not a cop out. I don't always make stoopid excuses, i just take the responsibility thats mine, and get on with it. And that's what I'm going to do from now on. Hopefully your going to all see a change in me. Maybe not right away, but soon. You know what they say "It doesn't happen over night, but it will happen."
Ok..so i stole that quote from a shampoo add. it still makes a point. despite its lack of cred.

So what do u all think? Do I need to change the template for this site. Green is becoming uglylier to me. its so heavy. Well considering my lack of html talent, i won't be able to make my own layout for this blog, unless i move it completely to my geocities site. But, i would rather my own dot.com or sumthing. geocities is just such a bitch. anyway, i'm not much of a wiz on the photoshop - but i try. i've been thinking i should maybe do a short course in photoshop..but i dunno. I'm thinking of getting back into singing lessons. that might be a good thing to do since now i'll have more free time and once i get a job - i'll have money to pay for my own lessons. Thats why i want a job..not just because i want material things..because i want to be able to pay for my own singing lessons. It's my dream, my parents don't need to pay for it anymore. (not that they really did b4 - my parents aren't very supportive of my choices and decisions - i bet they'd like me better if i became an architech..or an orthodondist..). I've never shared my plans with them. they just have to learn to accept that i actually am serious about pursing a career in the music business. Well actually my dad wants me to do some microsoft course - then i'll be stuck in front of a computer for the rest of my life taking IT customer service calls. and funnily enough, i don't think thats my particular calling in life. lol.

I need to get rach a b'day pressie. Dunno what yet. Maybe some jewllery. But i got her that last year. Maybe a giant teddy...with some jewllery? lol. i'm making her a mix tape/disc. I'm gonna be making everyone one eventually...and i'll make lisa one - but she hates my taste in music..well maybe not hate, just strongly disagrees with it..LOL. something like that. I think she thought i was gonna put pop and hanson music all over it. LOL. yeah right. I have got better musical tastes than that.

well i think i'd better go, got an assignment due tomorrow. yayness & gayness. i think taxiride(the band) is playing at uni tomorrow..not sure. but i think its free @ lunchtime. so if anyone wants to come along..just come visit la trobe. it'll be fun..and free food.

*muah* www.geocities.com/evesygal

"Hands Down"

Breathe in for luck breathe in so deep this air is blessed you share with me this
night is wild so calm and dull these hearts they race
from self control your legs are smooth
as they graze mine we're doing fine we're doing nothing at all.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst or break or bury or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.
The words are hushed lets not get busted,
just lay entwined here undiscovered.
Safe from the earth and all the stupid questions..
"hey did you get some?" Man, that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear, so we can get some.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy. My
heart is yours to fill or burst or break or bury or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.
Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
the dim of the soft lights,
the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers and
the time on the clock when we realized
it's so late and the walk that we shared together.
The street was wet and the gate was locked
so I jumped it and let you in and you stood at the door
with your hands on my waist and you kissed me,
but you meant it and I knew that you meant it,
that you meant it, that you meant it,
and I knew, that you meant it, that you meant it.

- dashboard confessional

Well this morning was bad. I went to bed late last nite after watching Ally Mcbeal. I never watch Ally. But lately i've been getting into it, its kinda funny and yet stoopid at the same time. Sadly the show got Axed. so its kinda a funny time for me to finally start watching it. But i bet i know why the show's ratings went down..it was because of that fugly vonda shepard. I mean, the woman's whole career is based around a fricken tv show's soundtrack. It just gets boring when ally and her lawyer buddies go out for drinks at the same place every nite. pathetic.
Normally when i don't have work to do, i try and get to sleep not too early not too late. But recently i've taken to eating chocolate covered coffee beans, and i think they're the reason i've been staying up so late - like sunday nite, i watched both back to the future films and read a book. But the real hell is trying to sleep, and getting up in the mornings is such a bitch. this morning i was contemplating to just skip school and go back to bed (this was after i got up) And even being awake so early, i still missed sailormoon! grr.damn cheez tv show it at 6:30. i guess i should be thankful since now i can actually watch it every morning.
Thank god there's only a few more weeks left of uni. I really like my sleep. screw sailormoon..if its not the third series, i don't need to watch it as religiously.
But i'm bummed about my media essay that i need to write, i would have so loved to write it all on sailormoon - but i did the presentation on anime..so i guess i'll just have to be boring and write about reality tv.
I have a lingusitics assignment - i got it off the net last nite. And i don't understand a thing. I'm so lost with it, so tomorrow i'll go and get some help with it. i think its about time i caught up. And anyway, after the essay are all done, linguistics is my first exam..so i'll have like a whole week to study (and hopefully not waste time watching tv).

I've thought about creating a zine. like about music, main stream or what have you. Or maybe just opinions about music and artists. I have alot of opinions, too many in fact. especially about music. the great things about zines is that they can be annoymous. So i could write shit about anyone and get away with it.

thespark.com have revamped their sex test. so i'm doing that right now. its kinda funny, i encourage u all to take it. lol.

well please drop me a line @ www.geocities.com/evesygal - i have e-mail there, guestbook(s) so please sign them. I really like feedback and i don't get enough of it. so sign away!

"Goodbye To You"

Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said,

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star

- One of my favourite songs ever. And today I was able to think about the song in a different way. I realised that, it doesn't have to all be sad to lonely when things (or ppl) go awry. Situations in life can motivate you. Like at the moment, I'm having a huge wake up call. And i've realised, that i've been stupid and silly about everything I've ever done. Last nite was a mistake. I had fun..i guess. before the barfing, after the dizzy double vision thing finished. Considering I couldn't even walk straight, and today I'm still feeling the after effects of it. Of course when i wokr up this morning, and my left eye was stinging - I remembered that some shmuck(andrew) squeezed lemon in my eye. I remember the evil feelings of alchol swirling around my insides then wanting to be brought up. I still feel guilty about the rug.
And I feel guilty about everything i said last nite. Because i know if she caught wind of any of it - i'm dropped as a friend forever. But i didn't bitch. It wasn't bitching. It was telling it like it is. I don't want trouble. I just needed to vent - and alchol gave me that release even if it was short lived. Of course, if anyone wants to know my true feelings, please try and live like me for a few days, see how i see things, try and feel the hurt, rejections and uslessness from my P.O.V.
But I see now, i know my limit. When i start seeing double, that's the time to stop. When i can't walk straight anymore..thats the time to stop. when all i do is fall and hurt my knees(i have a huge bruise on my right knee) that is when alchol is enough.
No more shots. well..not more than five.

"Tomorrow"

And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Ya I try to believe you,
But I don't

When you say that it's gonna be,
It always turns out to be a different way,
I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today, today...

I don't know how I'll feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day

It's always been up to you,
It's turning around,
It's up to me,
I'm gonna do what I have to do,
just don't

Gimme a little time,
Leave me alone a little while,
Maybe it's not too late,
not today, today, today, today, today...

I don't know how I'll feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day

Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, and I know I'm not ready,
Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, maybe tomorrow

And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Yeah I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today, today...

Tomorrow it may change

p.s there is a point to my cuting and pasting (&editing) of these song lyrics. i have used them time and time again(papa roach) in my blogs, but today they seemed poigant, and in some way might be able to explain a little about how i feel right this moment. *muah*

"Ender Will Save Us All"
Dashboard confessional

It's just like you to contest
you wear it like a label on your breast
don't you see what this takes of me?
A certain callousness complies
with your charm & in your pride
a hopeful look draped in despise.

I want to give you
whatever you need.
What is it you need?
Is it what I need?
I want to give you
whatever you need.
What is is you need?
Is it within me?

It's hard to explain how I am getting by
on so little from you.
It's hard to believe that I would let myself
get so wrapped in you.
There's got to be something that would
be worthwhile for me to give to you.
We need a connection but you
seem to push me far away from you.

The harder I push the further I fall.
Well you don't mind me being headstrong.
But you don't want to sing along.
Maybe it's trite but I can always be wrong
Try not to be wrong.

BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO SING ALONG - I CAN'T ALWAYS BE WRONG

don't fuck with me today. I am not in the mood. I am sick of some people and their stoopid insecurities and problems. They let them get in the way of everything. And I mean everything! I wish i could tell people to grow up - and stop acting like lil bitchy primary school brats. My closest friends - are not so close anymore. I mean, I knew this year was going to be hard. I never thought it would be a walk in the park. Considering we are all split up and in seperate places, doing our own things. I just hate the distance factor. It seems now we all have new friends, new groups. New ideas are coming up. I mean, we're all growing up slowly. I hate being older. things suddenly become so fucking complex, especially when they don't have to be. Things are not all black and white. Now things are grey, and off-white.
But why can't ppl put the little things behind them. I don't see my friends that often. And you'd hope that when u call them or see them - they can be a little happy to see u or hear from u. I just don't like it when i call a friend up - and they sound surprised to hear from me. WELL DUH. i am ur friend. Friends do call each other to see how each other is doing. Just because one friend is too fucking lazy(bitchy) to call the other...ARGGHHH!!! I COULD SCREAM. AND WHAT IS IT WITH BOYFRIENDS. You know how you all say "I'd never let a guy get between me and my friends" OK - we'll when someone says that, then does THAT - in my book that person is generally called a Hypocrite. I mean fuck. THIS IS NOT JEALOUSY. tHIS IS a friend speaking - who misses another friend. who funnily enough..doesn't seem to give a shit. I've been asking myself, why do I care? Why - because she was my friend. And i don't dismiss friends that easily (not without a fight anyway). I guess it just hurts. friendship is a fickle business. they come and go so quickly. I feel unwanted. and it sucks.

"The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most"

Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself,
and covered with a perfect shell,
such a charming beautiful exterior.

This is one time
that you can't fake it hard enough to please everyone or anyone at all.
And the grave that you refuse to leave
the refuge that you've built to flee
the places you have come to fear the most.

Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself,
and hidden in the public eye.
Such a stellar monument to loneliness.
Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes
and perfect makeup but you're barely scraping by.

I'm thinking about moving my blog. But we'll see. at the moe, even though i may not like it..this does somewhat work.
remember to visit my site www.geocities.com/evesygal and sign the guestbook. I really do like feedback. I mean that. I luv it. It inspires me. And god knows we all need a lil inspiration in our lives.

I went to geelong today..to see my bro. Took forever to get there..and even longer to get back. But I rather like Torqay and bells beach. I would luv to get a beach house down that way. I'll buy a lil run-down shack perhaps. lol. that would be fun. And plus - every single surf label u can think of has it's shop down there. There's like this lil mall-ish place, and its just roxy, quicksilver, and all those brands. its like a heaven. And everyone down there dress like trendies. I found this shop though called rubarb. it had this tee shirt said something like 'I hate smiling in photos' and it was like 70 bucks. But extremely cool. almost made me wish i had 70 dollars to spend on a tee shirt. *sigh and thinks "One day...one day"*
go download 'hands down' by dashboard confessional.

i'M THinking about ideas for rach's b'day pressie. Do u know it's the 2nd of october! I had no idea it was october till this morning. The days just pass me by. I gotta keep up to date though...cos enrollments is coming up..when ever that is.

*muah*
p.s Yay for free CD's in the mail!

listen: I've renamed my moody playlist to 'rockme' i thought it was less depressing.
Is it just me, or does the internet suck. The final 15 minutes of fame is over, the internet is boring. Nothing is updated, there are no new things to look for, and e-mail and messaging is just a pain in the butt.
Even the downloading is slower these days with all the sites and gnutella programs getting sued by the RIAA.

I wrote a song last nite, its called 'She's a bitch'. It's not as angry as I thought it would be. I guess I can't stay angry at the people I care about. especially about my friends. Sure they can piss me off - but i can't hate them the way I hate other things, like busy supermarkets or human nature. I mean - I hate those things with a fricken passion - but hating my friends? I can't. not for long any way. I guess I just hate fighting with them more than anything.

mood: I wish I could see you again tomorrow..to take all this sorrow.. I'm hollow.. When I touch you can you feel it, when I need you can you give it, when I look in your eyes can you see me...when I fall will you catch me? Misery is what I feel when your not around so I can't heal(feel).

I can always rely on music to tell me exactly how I'm feeling. I feel good around my friends, I guess i shouldn't spend so much time without seeing them. Maybe next year, when things are a bit more settled, I'll organise things. I just miss my friends too much. Maybe its time I started doing something about it. I'm gonna get my P's...then I'll be able to drive around, and see my friends. There's something about getting my P's...and finally having more freedom to be able to do what I want. But i do need a job. Money is such a hassel. Nothing comes for free these days, it just sucks. Everything we do has a price. I spent 20 bucks today. All gone. But i guess it was worth it, since most of it was spent on food. mmm..food. itz all good.

I'm in a singing mood today me thinks. Or a song writing mood. All these lyrics have been slowly spilling out of me these last few weeks. I'm getting enthusastic again about it.

Downloads:
Justin Timberlake - Like I love you (THIS IS THE BEST DAMN SONG OF THE YEAR - ITS EXCELLENT)
A*teens - Can't help falling in love (aww lilo&stich soundtrack)
Raven Maize - Fascinated
Avril Lavigne - I don't give a damn

*muah*
p.s - I think I finally learnt how to tie..a tie :)

Listen: my moody winamp playlist
mood: ...

I've finally figured it out. That I don't belong anywhere. That I'm not welcome anymore. That I'm losing touch with people I cared about, and thought actually gave a damn about me. But now I realise that I was never liked as much as I thought.
Maybe it's just me. That I'm looking for attention, but in all the wrong places. Or that, i get pissed off with ppl for not trying to make an effort to get to know me..when i'm the one doing exactly that. I haven't been out for awhile. It was good going to the city with lisa the other day, i miss our outings. I miss leanne, and amy and rach. But i never seem to do anything about it do I. I just let things happen..let things pass me by. Or I let others do things for me, cos i'm nervous - or shy..or just don't know how to help. I just don't know what to do. That's the story of my life. I never know where to begin, how to act, how to do things the right way. What's the right away about doing things? I want so many things, I wish I could be so many things I'm not. But I'm just me. I'm just evelyn. The same old girl, who has basically been driving herself down her own little path of destruction.
Do I want anyone to care? I think I do. I think that's why I write this. Maybe someone out there will relate, and feel sympathy towards me. no. I don't think I write for that. I like to think I write for me. A place for my own fears, dreams, and passions. A place to put my emotions down.
Fuck. How can I let myself be so stupid into believing that anyone actually gives a damn. I don't understand this world, the way people work. Why friends hate each other so much in e-mails, then be so fucking fine with it in person. I don't understand anymore. I don't want to understand either. I'm sick fo trying to understand others and no one giving a fuck to understand me. I don't know what I want anymore. I'm just fucked. I have emotions spewing. All I want to do is cry, but fuck, this is for the tears that I can't let go.
Maybe i'm just selfish. I'm living a selfish life. Everything is a mess.
Isn't anyone trying to find me..won't somebody come take me home.
It's a damn cold night, trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand, take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are but I'm with you.

mood: i'm feeling empty and alone...
listen: to the humming of 40 something other computers.
passions update: sherdian is awake, not brain dead like they all thought. kay has lost her soul and is doing evil deeds for hecaba. while tabitha and timmy are trying to get out of harmony (timmy - the actual actor, passed away recently). Gwen and her mother think they can break up ethan and theresa with the truth about ethan's hertiage. but theresa already knows, so good fucking luck gwen. meanwhile, louis won't give his blessing to ethan and theresa..but their still going to marry no matter what (yeah, right).
Days of our lives: well its christmas in salem. and evil is still running rampant. Stepheno- the pudgy evil old man - not only did he marry vivian..and put some strange chip in her head that's picking up radio signals(literally, its very funny) but he is waiting for an eclipse so that Hope will turn into princess gina again. Princess gina is the missing identity of hope, while she was brainwashed by stephano. Billy is making trouble for Bo, cos she lied about not getting the divorce papers. Carrie and Austin's marriage is slowly breaking up, thank mike for that one. Meanwhile, Sammie almost tried to kill that guy - and his mother kate. But sammie is probably going to jail for the murder of her husband..so that doesn't really matter. I hope i've brought u up to speed. Considering u watch only five minutes of each hour long episode and u know the whole fricken plot.

Getting back to reality - what ever reality is - I am feeling fine again. The sick cold i had has almost gone away, i'm on my vitamines..and feeling somewhat normal. But i just want this year to end right now..so i can sleep in every morning...i'm so sick of uni. i really am. I just want this hell to end. thankfully, it will end very soon. But of course, i'll have like three essays to do, and two exams to attend..and grr. as long as i pass this year, i shall be happy.

Music news: arias are coming up - and on talk back radio they were discussing it, and they mentioned the vines...it was quiet amusing. And holly vallance's new video was screened on the weekend. Can u say Crap? Not only did she rip off J.lo, but she assured by comments of her the other day(you can sing and you can dance, unless ur holly vallance), with another non-display of her dancing. It's true..she can't dance. Why is it a non-display? because the editing in the video is so fast - it avoids her completely when she is dancing. thank god. not that torture again, like in the last video. urgh yuk.

anyhoo..more from me l8ter.

mood: sick - again
listen: johnny lang has one of the most..sexy husky growling vocals i've ever heard.
passions update: they dug up sheridan's body- she's alive, and ethan has chosen theresa over gwen. While Ivy's secret is sorta out there, i believe that evil bitch hotchkiss woman knows about it. And Kay is still bitchin' about charity and is now joing with the evil witch hectate. ooooh. and i'm still waiting for chad and whitney to get together :)

i have already taken tuesday off and now wednesday(today). Channel 7 programming has been totally dedicated to the events of sept.11th. I've watched one doco already, and tonite its like..all there is on tv. Ahh..i hate being sick! grr..ruins my whole week. And i havent been to a lingustics lecture for two weeks now..or a tutorial for three weeks. and i;ve missed three anthropology tutorials..i'm getting lazy again. bad evelyn *slaps hand* .
anyhoo,,must go. i'm starving, its 3:30 and i haven't eaten since 9:30 this morning. cya kids. be good. be safe.

mood: i hate moths - and I want(&need) cake
listen: dashboard confessional 'Screaming infidels'

ello - seen the new layout piccys at the site yet? www.geocities.com/evesygal
make sure ya'all sign my guestbook(s)! hehe..i am in a fairly good mood right now..unlike my mood earlier while supermarket shopping - which is becoming a permant hate of mine. Its evil. I only go supermarket shopping, cos i get to see bec, even if it is only for a brief five minutes while she is putting out the chickens, or when she's handing me chicken loaf over the counter.
Ahh..i miss seeing her and ther others from the bus. My new bus, stucks.
The people on it are funny, but not my crowd dude. I feel like i'm in year 7 again - like a virgin to public transport. Heidelberg buses suck ass. their ugly, and ugly. LIke ya know those buses with the seats that face the aisle..their bad, cos all u do is spend the trip trying to keep from sliding and falling off them. I like back seats, more comfortable, less people there. And i get a better view, and everytime the bus drives over a bump in the road, i feel it.
And all i want to eat at the moment is pie. I mean..meat pies, and chicken pies, and apple pies. Actually apple pies are starting to make me sick, i used to eat them all the time. I want more pies. But pies, though their probably from england, they should be classified as an aussie gourmet..just cos.

anyhoo..i must dash. that anthropology essay of mine won't write itself (i wish it would).
*MUAH*

eves.

www.mp3.com/Brandon_Wiard
I like his stuff.

www.mp3.com/stations/Evesy - My own station on mp3.com. It's on the Weezer artist page - yay for more hits. yay for more plays. YAY!

*MUAH*

I've been searching deep down in my soul / words that i'm hearing are starting to get old / feels like i'm starting all over again/ the last three years were just pretend/ and I said...Goodbye to you/ goodbye to everything i thought i knew / you were the one i loved/ the one thing that i tried to hold on to...

Woke up @ 7:30am. Started essay. finished @ 11:45am. left the house @ 1:30pm. what did i do in that 11:45-1:30 time period? Wouldn't you like to know! muahaha!

Missy E's 'one minute man' has to be one of my fave songs- ever. I can't stop listening to it. I'm listening to it right now. I remember one time someone asked me what she was singing - ha! If u can't guess from the title, which is a dead give away, i think u an idiot.
But if u download it, get da version wit Trina - its even better.

listen:
Olivia - bizounce
Saves the day - Firefly
Aztek trip - beautiful
Shades apart - Chasing after daydreams *I will catch your fall, and keep the world away. Catch a falling star..*
Sugarbomb - Hello




You're slick, sleek, and you waste no time when there's a mission to be taken care of. You do what you're told, even if it sometimes means risking your life. You care for others to such an extent that you'd do anything for the ones you love. Not only that, but you're stylish, original, agile, and passionate.





What's your claim to fame?

*If you sing..for the love you bring won't mean a thing unless you sing*

*muah* wit much luv and hugz..eves.

Mood: fustrated - I can't seem to write my damn essay!
listen: Vanessa Carlton 'Be not nobody' / Smashing Pumpkins 'Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness'/ The Cars

www.mp3.com/stations/Evesy

- my online mp3 station, its good. I also have a launch.com station - but that one was kinda crappy.

I don't have much to write. At the moment i have a serious case of writers block. And my only inspiration at the moment are old episodes of Absoutly Fabulous. classics though :)

well i must dash, i have an essay to start since i've wasted all day doing nothing already.
*muah*