For once..im not confused. Everything is simple once more. I am no longer confused with the troubles of young love,crushes,obessions, infatuation and lust. I know what i want. BUT what do you do, when you think you've stuffed it up with the one guy that ever liked u, and actually did something about it. And i mean - did sumthing other than telling you..that he liked you.
Before, I almost though I knew what I wanted. But I'm seeing things differently now.
You know that feeling, where..you think you know what you want - but your feelings are clouded by something else. Well I was like that, and now I feel like I should break into a chorus of that "I can see clearly now the rain has gone..i can see all obstacles in my way" yea..well...for me it wasn't raining. More like a fog or as i might like to call it "The fog of deception."

"Your a sexy guy, and I'm a nice girl...Lets turn this dance floor into our own nasty world" - Boys

OK..so put into even more simple terms. I want him.
I know..last blog I was saying I liked two guys. Well, if you don't know already from a number of alternative sources, My goal was to ask a guy out. I had given rach permission to kick me if i hadn't by the end of the night. LOL..she did kick me..really hard in the foot i might add..but at that stage - everything seemed resolved. He was right - going out probably wouldn't work. Anyway...he's a cool friend, and good to chat wit. So in the end..the night wasn't a failure after all..even though lisa and rach were all very..sympathetic for me...But to me, it wasn't a big deal. It was just a crush. But that whole night...i couldn't stop thinking about...the other guy. The one..that I want. I guess itz my own fault. I mean...i'm still new to this. But i can take a hint when a guy that I only talk to over the net, cancells on me - then fights with me - then an hour later apologises - then i say "Friends is best" - I mean...maybe I was just being played around. But i can't deny my basic instinctive feelings, but then again..i can;t deny my..other feelings. Ok..that sentence was so screwed up the ass it wasn't even..making sense. I bet i know what ur all thinking... "EVELYN..START MAKING SENSE!!!"

"I need time, love, joy...I need space, love...I need me."

*muah* - visit me www.geocities.com/evesygal

I learnt the truth at seventeen
that love was meant for beauty queens

OK..how is it possible. That..I ..Evelyn C. Hamlett is going through a difficult and emotional time. That's just not possible for the seemingly happy young girl who just turned 18.
Nooo..i have to make things extremly difficult. By - and ur gonna love this - I LIKE TWO GUYS! ok...i'm a horrible slut who's never slept around with anyone...Ok..so i flirt with one of them..alot. And..shit..he drives me insane. He's like...sleazy but in a good way! and i kno guys wit a one track mind u kinda have to be careful with. Maybe he's just playing with me, but i can't say i don't like it.
The other guy - is nice and a dude. Ya know..i would say..i'm more attratcted to his personality more. And plus..i like his slippers.

The most depressing thing I can do, i read my horoscopes for the day online. And since i want the most accurate horoscopes, i'll check out three different sites for the most reliable one. MSN site is a personal fave of mine because of the mood thing. But today, it just didn't cut it for me. My horoscope was ruined by the fact that it told me, i would go all..lovey dovey over a guy. Well..it hasn't happened. And i'm still single..so that says sumthing about the msn horoscopes. The other two sites, were kinda..critical of me today. Nothing good was to come out of today, so I was told by two different websites.

I need to go out. And see some friends. I'm feeling sad. I need a hug. Cos i want to see my close friends, and forget about the troubles of uni and pressures of normal home life.

I'm gonna go join the uni radio station. That's it. I'll do it...next week. And i'll get my I.D - cos i need some Alc...

Playlist
Michelle Branch Goodbye to You - *as seen on buffy last monday!*
Jimmy Eat World - Crimson and Clover
The Donna's - Rock and Roll machine & checkin it out
Usher - U turn & You don't have to call
Incubus MTV unplugged - Clean
Jamiroquai - Where do we go from here
Ashanti - Foolish
Counting Crows - Catapult
P.diddy feat. Usher - I need a girl
Goo Goo dolls - Here is gone
Alicia Keys - how come you don't call me?
No doubt - Hella good *****recommend*****
Silverchair - Luv your life

WHEN THE PAWN hits the conflicts he thinks like a King
What he knows throws the blows when he goes to the fight
And he'll win the whole thing 'fore he enters the ring
There's no body to batter when your mind is your might
So when you go solo, you hold your own hand
And remember that depth is the greatest of heights
And if you know where you stand, then you know where to land
And if you fall it won't matter, cuz you'll know that you're right
- Fiona Apple

OOH LOOKIE HERE!!! Lil' Ev ain't so Lil any more...yes..i turned 18 on monday..The 15th of April. Yay for me. I'm legal now ;)

Ok..ya know how I was dissing beauty magazines. Well..everything I said..now..is contradicts and makes me seem like a fricken hypocrit. I have nails. Long...square..white fake acrilic nails. And they are a bitch.
Now i didn't ask for these nails. Last saturday my mom said she had a surpise for me. So i got up early, went to pick up my b'day cake (*SHAMLESS PROMOTION - ARNOLD'S CAKES HEIDELBERG - BEST CAKES IN TOWN..TRUST ME*) then mom was driving..and soon i found my self a her fricken nail salon place. which incidently is in heidelberg also. So I was all WTF is going on here? And two hours later..i come out of the shop with nails. Ok..so..they look cool. But long nails are an absoulte pain in the fricken ass! My fingers hurt cos i keep bashing the fake nail on stuff...and i got pen marks all over them...and pen ink doesn't come off these nails easily...ahh well. I'm stuck wit em for a few months now.

HoTmaiL Is A BiTcH!

and plz..no more mail to my kittymail addy ppl - i never use it..its for all the crap mail - similar to what i get in hotmail..lol.

*muah*

Playlist
The cars - Let the good times roll
Imperial Teen - Yoo hoo
Letters to cleo - I see
Transistor - Flow
Jack Drag - We are we
**These songs are from the Jaw Breaker soundtrack**

Well..Media and Cinema studies are a bitch. Two essays due on my birthday. I am very busy. I have..now..less than four days to whip them up and hand them in! But tomorrow..i shall conquer this media bitch essay and start on cinema studies on saturday.
Well tomorrow i'm having my birthday at TGI friday's - just a gathering type dinner and drinks thing. hehe..But for tomorrow only i'll be 18 - cos i wanna be able to drink at TGI's..so..itz cocktails and flings for me!

I have decided that teen magazines are the scum of the earth. I now believe that magazines have probably caused alot of teen eating disorders which could have been prevented if these magazines didn't publish such stoopid articles about weight loss and the ideal body image. But magazines sometimes don't even have to publish these articles - its the magazine as a whole that contributes to the bad influence. The pictures of young 14 year old models that look like 20 somethings are enough to make you want to be sick.
And the wonder why now bulimia and anorexia is becoming more and more acceptable with teens. Just look anorexia up on the internet and all these websites and communities about being thin as a lifestyle which follow the commandments "Thou shall not eat."
Society is letting this happen - it is letting these images of young women be advertised. Dolly magazine and girlfriend or the American Seventeen - who's main audience is 14-15 year old girls - They are promoting this type of life style which is only attainable through constant exercise/dieting and thru the purchasing of commodities (eg, fashion and cosmetics) and that somehow this will make them a better person "inside and out." Isn't it the same beauty magazines that tell their readers - to love and accept their bodies - to love who they are, but instead they give advice on how to change your looks so you can pick up, and how to "make you self popular." Popularity and trends are superficial. Of course the world is very superficial these days - You only have to watch an episode of Absoutley Fabulous to realise how superficial the trend and the people are.

"I didn't eat today, and I didn't eat yesterday, and I'm not gonna eat tomorrow - cos I wanna be a supermodel"
- "Supermodel" Jill Sobule

Girls read these magazines for advice, and because their curious about certain subjects. Of course - if everyone in the world thought that they were ok - and that they were beautiful in their own precious way, there wouldn't be a need for these types of magazines and advertising. Advertising is a form of education - it teaches us to be consumers, cos otherwise - how else will they sell these products to mindless and influential "potential" consumers? One advertising big shot once said "Take a 7 year old and introduce him to adverstising - and you've got him for life." If you want to know about modern and contemporary lifestyle/society - all you have to do is look to advertising.

Advertsing plays on our desires and emotions - it tells us "You're not Ok..cos your not using our products."
It will never say "Your ok - your fine just the way you are" because to do that - would mean you wouldn't need their products and you wouldn't help them make a profit off you. So they play on your insecurities, they make you feel ugly and tell you that your fat and not perfect - and not cool. They try to make your life easier by saying "Our product/service will make u lose weight" "We can change your lifestyle" and "You can be a better person(eg. Mother, friend, daughter) if you own one of our products."
You can't escape this advertising. It's a big business. Millions is spent each year on marketing products, and only 50% of advertising actually works - the problem is - which 50%? So it's a superficial world - and we just live, eat, breath and think consumerism.

I shall leave you now with some interesting quotes...

"I want to be the girl with the most cake
I love him so much it just turns to hate
I fake it so real I am beyond fake
Some day you will ache like I ache"
- Courtney Love

"Everybodu knows I wear Gucci and Chanel and I feel a more valuable person if I have them." - Atsuko, Japanese schoolgirl prostitute

"For when I ask him if this necklace is alright he replied, 'Yes, if no means looking at three others.' - Wendy Cope, 'My Lover'

"Sometimes when you can't feel anything, you'd rather feel pain than nothing." - Lydia Lunch

Playlist
S.O.A.P - Miracle *the whole album...too many songs to write up here*
Watch The princess diaries, the princess bride, crouching tiger/hidden dragon. THE MUMMY*oooh..spoookky*
Read: Cinema studies - 80 pages...grrr....

I just wrote my whole anthropology assignment. It was long and difficult. 1000 words of bull shit that's supposed to be an essay is very hard to fill. And now i'm dead tired. So i'll probably go to sleep early tonite because I have uni tomorrow.
We're watching Dity Harry in cinema..hehe :)
But my uni work doesn't stop there. Tuesday i have to hand in my linguistics sheet..so i'll do that monday night. It's pretty easy.
Then on the 15th *MY BIRTHDAY* I have two essays due, which i need to complete by the weekend. Cos my mother came home this afternoon and started yelling at me for having people over yesterday and not doing my essay then. I finished the essay! The cinema studies one should be easy - but all damn essays have refrence systems and stoopid bibliographies. Ya know...i haven't written a bibliography since...........ya know my essays at mlc never had bibliographies..or refrences. how long is that word..Bibliography...I'm probably not even spelling it right..lol..
I hate work. I do. only school work of course. I hate essay writing...itz such bull shit.

Anyway - Friday night was Andrew's party. And it was carlos's birthday! yay! So we all went to La Porchetta *how ever ya damn speel it* Yes...Lisa got impatient with the old waitress person. mmhehe.
But Andrew's party was good - maybe i mixed a really digusting drink and got horribly tipsy within my first 20 minutes of arriving. And yes I did dance my lil feet off - but the alchol got the better of me. Now i know what they mean by it not being a stimulant. I'm gonna stick to caffine. No more vodka - unles itz in a ruski or cruiser :)

But the party got me thinking. I'm seeing all my friends around me - and their all with someone. It got me thinking about Chris. Now if u don't know who he is by now...i'll fill u in. I met him at Matt T's party.
I don't know if i've made any mistakes - i don't feel like i have. I mean - i like being friends with people. Friends always come first. Guys second. that's how i've always thought of it. But it just gets so annoying when ur the odd one out.
I mean...I'm not really looking for any one. I just wish i could feel like I had someone. Someone who understands me...someone who actually likes me - and does something about it! No more dancing round the issue and no more crushes. I'm sick of crushes! They cause more harm than good to a person! trust me..i know. My whole Taylor hanson crush back in 97-99 was just not healthy. nahuh.
I guess maybe i'm just fustrated. I'll be 18 soon and i've never had anything - interesting. I have had a boring life so far. I had a shit childhood...and a few crappy teenage years. SO adult hood...well...turning 18 is nothing interesting. I'll just be one year older. BUt i'll be able to drive and buy alchol *and not get kicked out of safeway liquor store for not having ID* I'll be able to get into pubs and over age gigs. All this shit i couldn't do b4. But this means nothing to me. It's not important. Well it is - because when i'm 18 i'll have more freedom. But honestly, i lack knowlege and experince in so many things still.
Maybe all this - is just me trying to make sense of how I feel. I feel inadequet. not good enough. But that;s just one part of me...one part of how i feel. Yes i'm confused. and maybe i just confused myself more.

"What is a place doing in a girl like this!"

whateva..i'll post more later. *muah*

:: I have alot of stuff to put up here - but i don't think that even half of it will be posted. So here is something i wrote not that long ago. It's not too personal, but there are a few personal elements included. And some of what I had written was kinda...angry. and long. lol. So for some reason i don't think I'll be stuffed to write it out. ::

This was written the day after the antioch weekend...whenever that was. lol

The most heartbreaking thig is liking someone so much it hurts - then to realise that they could never like you back.
"The greatest thing you'll ever know is to love and be loved in return" - Moulin rouge.
I guess forawhile back there, someone was liking me. But of course it all went downhill. And All I remember was two blissful weeks of phone conversations that lasted hours and that dizzing high I got from it. I was so happy - finally.
I had never felt that way about anyone, but sadly it turned to shit and it was obviously never ment to be.
Of course that disappointment I felt lasted weeks, it tortured me inside and out. And then learning the truth that he had already found himself someone else - other than me - I didn't break. I didn't cry. I just didn't feel anymore. I just couldn't care.
I can't hate her for being the one to get the guy I liked at the time. It's no one's fault but mine - for letting myself fall so hard for someone.

Someone once said to me "That if a guy makes you cry, he's not worth it."
I did cry once - during those two intensly emotional blissful weeks - but that was part of the High. What goes up, always comes down hard. I had hit several lows that liking him so much made me cry and become upset over it.
Love hurts. I think when i fall in love, I'm gonna wear kneepads...to cushion my fall. But through whatever happens, you need to pick yourself up and try again.
"You never truly get over your first crush" - Well then i'm doomed for eternity.

I guess I hope better for my friends, that they all find what their looking for. They they find love, peace and happiness with someone.
For myself I want to be more open to people. To express my feelings better, not to run away from the possibility of love, no matter how much it scares me.

"I could give away everything I posess - but If I lack love - then I am nothing at all" - lauryn Hill "tell him"

I know that someday I'll figure this all out. Love won't be such a mystery, and I'll understand it better than I do now.
I'll find out that love isn't like it is in the fan fiction I read. I'll learn that it's even better than anything i've ever imagined - Or it could just be a shotty experience and a terrible let down. But i don't think it will be....hopefully. God willing.

I do have something to post...But itz like...almost 6 pages long. So when i get time to de-code it all...cos itz all in messy hand writing...I'll post it..friday! I'll do it friday since i have the day off.
And if i don't post it - well..i'm a lazy ass..don't expect any miricles.

I can only do one thing per day..
and today is not ur day.
And tomorrow doesn't look good either.

PlayList:
Brandy - What about us?
Daniel Bedingfield - Gotta get thru this
Tweet - Oops Oh my
Dawn Robinson - envious
Ja rule feat. Ashanti - Always on Time
Aaliyah - Rock the boat & More than a woman
Puddle of Mudd - Blurry
The Calling - Where ever you will go & Adrienne
N'sync Feat. Nelly - Girlfriend

I was at the Antioch weekend...last weekend. from the 8th - 10th.
Well it wasn't as good as last years, It felt a little flat. Like the enthusiasm wasn't there. It didn't pick up until Kath and LJ arrived and the music came to life. I've always found music to be very important in things like this...and the weekend started a little slow.
But I did have a good time other than that. I'll admit..i found it hard to concentrate on what they were on about this year. I did fall asleep...for a few seconds...in a few of the talks. Because they are just so damn long. I swear..they go on forever.
But I wasn't bored, because I did enjoy what i was doing - and I appreciated what they were trying to get across to us all.
OK...so I had a few problems with some people there. Several people actually. But i won't go into that because it just makes me angry. grrr.

I was at the Queen of the Damned Australian premier in Melbourne on Wednesday night. It was at the Sidney Myer Music Bowl. And it was an overall top night!
Rach, Justin and Rach's older bro came along - and we all had a fan-tastic time. Seating was a little tricky cos we were on the lawn. A hill to be precise. But picnic blankets rock. LOL. Yes..the one I brought along was very nice indeed.
The movie was good. Not great. But I think everyone should see it - because the acting was half bad. The story was alittle patchy in places, but overall I enjoyed the bulk of it.
The Aaliyah scenes were excellent though. The Vampire Bar was cool. But it was a little disturbing seeing Aaliyah pull out a beating heart and eat it..hmm. But Stuart Townsend is a hottie. Oh yes..bring on the accent...he is to die for...literally.

I'm going to a party tonite. I'll be seeing a few friends i haven't seen for a long while. It should be good though. My homegirl Lisa will be there :) And Fresh Meat! hehe - *that's my term for...new guys...lol*

cya all later! *eves*

I don't usually post messages on message boards. I just...don't seem to get into it because the conversation is either really boring or doesn't apply to me. And I haven't been a fan of the Hanson message boards either. I am always the antisocial member of a yahoo club. I just join them cos people ask me to and not that i don't like recieving those long newsletters in my e-mail, I just don't particpate much. I've never been one to be actively involved in anything...not that i'm lazy I just don't find myself interested in doing that. As Ms. Duncan put it last year, I like to sit back and watch things go on around me.

Well yesterday Tracey (online buddy) asked/ordered me to post in her yahoo club. Cos her club had been pretty quiet for some time. Well i was kinda like...nahhh..not in the mood. But i posted something anyway. Now, my side of it before you read it - you need to understand the mood I was in. I was missing out on Charmed to be on the net - and i was hungry as a hippo - I had been having cravings all day (No I am not pregnant!) and i was grouchy.. Now what I wrote wasn't meant to be taken seriously at all - I was gonna write "IGNORE THIS MESSAGE" for the subject title..but i thought Bitchin was more appropriate.
Well here it is for you :
hello....so...nothing much is happening in the world of Hanson..well unless u consider the fact that they are "supposedly" recording another album...but do they seriously expect us to believe that? It doesn't take that long! Some bands take two weeks to record whole albums. And with all the music technology these days you don't have to spend months and months recording!
If u ask me..(which u didn't but i'm gonna tell u anyway) they are all just sitting on their cute lazy lil butts thinking "Oh..the fans are loyal..they won't stray after waiting this long!" HA! Boys..don't even think of coming back to Australia...cos they've already forgotten u there :P

OK..i know it was mean. It was 'Evelyn sarcastic bitch mean.' I was bitchin about my fave band just cos i could. OK...maybe I wanted to take out my fustration on Hanson (A museli bar was tormenting me on the desk in front of me). I just wanted to spark a reaction from other club members...See what other people thought...spark a conversation.
Now this was the reply I got...

alright first off you lazy, lifeless, beast of burden... They arent lazy they are being professional. It may take other bands two weeks to record their albums, but Hanson is taking their time in doing this so that they can get it right. You should'nt call youself a real fan if you keep bashing them like this. They are taking so much time to please the fans...of course your not being that thankful. You're acting like you own them you self-centered bitch. I usually don't reply to these messages but you need to get it right.
Tasha

I was thinking of writing something really mean back with alot of Fucks and Shit in my reply..but i thought against it.
I like how she says "IF you keep bashing them like this" If she must know..it was the first ever time I've actually bashed them on a public forum. OK..hehe..this one's a winner "They are taking so much time to please the fans...of course your not being that thankful"
Hey...does anyone remember the last time Hanson pleased their fans in Australia?....well..dang I must have missed it.
"I usually don't reply to these messages" - Ya know..she should have just ignored my message..cos now she's got me hurt by the "self-fish bitch" line.

I thought the Internet was about expressing your opinions? And considering that was the first time I ever wrote more than four words in a message board..I don't think i'm gonna do it again. These Americans are too aggressive for my liking.

'I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.'

That is the Bene Gesserit "response from the Litany against fear." It is from the fantastic book Dune - which I am a big fan of.
Now i know its like Sci-Fi...But itz not like "And the Captain of the star ship cruiser fought the devilish demons from outer space" Not that type of crap. Nooo. These books are based more on politics than that trekkie type of shit.
It's a complex story with lots of characters..in fact there are so many its hard to keep track. So there are so many other sub-story lines inter-woven in the story.
I love the books, well i've only read so far the 3 prequel books which do help give more insight into the already complex storylines. It just also makes it easier for the reader to better understand the characters involved.

Anyhoo. I like to think that passage above works. That something like that can calm you or have a soothing affect.
Maybe i'm being silly...but at the moment i think i have alot to be scared about.

What do I fear?
I fear old age
I fear getting fat(ter)
I fear dying
I fear that i might have hives...or some unknown disease that hasn't been detected yet..lol.
but i don't think i do.
I fear that i will be forever lonely
I fear love
I fear the future
I fear my past
I fear the unknown
I fear what I will become
I fear that i'll never be truely happy
I fear Fear itself, that the thought of fear..is enough to make me fearFUL.

Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart too broken
Do i cry too much
Am I too out spoken
Don't i make you laugh
Should i try it harder
Why do you see right through me?

I live, I breathe
I let it rain on me
I sleep, I wake
I try hard not to break
I crave, I love
I've waited long enough
I try as hard as I can

Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart too broken
Do i cry too much
Am I too out spoken
Don't i make you laugh
Should i try it harder
Why do you see right through me?

I laugh, I feel
I make believe its real
I fall, I freeze
I pray down on my knees
I hope, I stand
I take it like a man
I try as hard as I can

Am I not pretty enough
Is my heart too broken
Do i cry too much
Am I too out spoken
Don't i make you laugh
Should i try it harder
Why do you see right through me?

Why do you see
why do you see
why do you see right throught me?

- Kasey Chambers

I found myself crying the first time I heard this song. I'm sure that everyone can identify with the theme of the song.

Hey sister, go sister, soul sister, go sister
He met Marmalade down in old New Orleans
Strutting her stuff on the street
she said "Hello hey Joe, you wanna give it a go?"
Gitchi gitchi ya ya da da
Gitchi gitchi ya ya hee
Mocca chocolata ya ya
Creole Lady Marmalade

Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi!

Labelle baby! Original versions of songs always sound so much better...hmmm.

How was valentines day people? goot goot? hmm...mine was uneventful. Because valentines day is like every other day to me. Dull.
But thank u to carlos who drove round to my house (his mum drove, but itz not like he lives that far away) and he gave me a card. I found it amusing, and cute. So i guess u could say that it is offically the first valentines day card i've ever recieved. Which is kinda cool in a weird pathetic way(pathetic for me). And e-cards and sms text messages don't count by the way :)

I was updating bits of my webpage before, and i felt like i needed to advertise it all over the web. So i went into the geocities*coughGeocitiesisabitchcough* and clicked on the list member link thing. So the first thing i have to do is decided what my webpage is about so it can be classified underneath one of the genres or sub-genres. Sadly "Personal pages" don't come under this, so i tried teenagers...didn't come up with anything. Then I tried issues and cultures and somehow found myself in the female section. So i decided to check out the women sub-heading. Well itz kinda sad to say that more than half of the websites under that heading are porn sites. So i'm not gonna put my site under that heading with all those porn sites..cos ya know someone might come looking to my site for naked pics of me..and be sorely disappointed.

i might be going to my beach house tomorrow...i dunno...depends on the weather. It's supposed to be a shitty weekend...so maybe not. Plus i've still got this damned cold. but i'll live :)

Mood : Sick - again. I have been sick three times recently..once in Nov, Dec and now Feb. All those times i've had colds, sore thraots and i've been coughing like the seal. And all three times..it hasn't been fun.
Listen: hanson - wake up (on the princess diaries soundtrack) & Toya "I do!"
Album: The tea party "The interzone mantras" - EXCELLENT -

I've been reading up on Passions lately. I found this really cool site with episode archives- so i guess u could say i'm too impatient, considering i find the pace of the whole show..rather slow. For two weeks the characters were stuck in a timewarp, it was the same day/night for two weeks. Ya know the whole jazz club thing? well thankfully that all ended yesterday finally - now their onto a new day. And i've calculated that its gonna be at least two-three months worth of episodes before Ethan finally admits his love for Theresa. But for those of you who wanted to know - a lot of shit does go down. Let's just say, Theresa ends up drunk and does something really dumb with Ethan's step father Julian Crane. Oops! Did i say step father?...i won't spoil it for u all. lol....but i know what happens.
The beauty of the internet.
And the whole Chad and Whitney thing - let's just say it goes on and on and on and on and on......

hey..itz valentines day tomorrow..how unlucky. But ya know..i think tomorrow i write a blog about the evils of commercialised holidays. I mean..just look at easter. Supermarket's have no morals...they start selling hot cross buns and easter eggs like two months early. I don't know why though...do they think people are gonna stock up on chocolate and buns early? cos they'll be rotten by the time easter rolls by.
Itz pathetic if u ask me.

I was on Nova 100 last nite...i was doing the "Evelyn Hamlett's Nova 19's" which basically was songs i had choosen off a list and the station screwed up my song order...but oh well! I was on the radio. and yes..it was lots and lots of fun.
They picked me up in the Nova "Cassanova" car - which is the coolest car with a wicked sound system...the car radio is permently fixed on Nova.
I won't go into all the details here - but it was loads of fun and i got me a free size 14 tee shirt. Despite itz largeness...it's a damn cool tee shirt.

OK..i did see the tea party at gaslight on wednesday..that was very cool indeed. They are excellent performers - and i'm glad to say..that despite the fact that i only own two of their cd's (tangents and the interzone mantras) i knew all the songs they performed.
I think they played five songs..i'm guessing here - but it sounded fantastic.
And i got my cd's signed - which is very cool...cos now..they have the band's signatures on it - in gold ink. ooh ahhh.
I was with james the whole time - and we were on our feet for three hours...cos first we had to line up to get into the performance..and then we had to line up to get our stuff signed..and of course..we were at the back of the line.
But going in was weird - i remember james said to me "Don't say anything" or sumthing like that. I dunno what he thought i was gonna do...like go all teeny on him and start blabbering and saying weird shit like "i love u."
Well..i might say that if i was meeting hanson or mandy moore (i luv her music - not her..but hey i'd like to be blonde, thin and be talented).
Well..when i went first to jeff - the singer and lead guitarist - i was like "hi sign my stuff..thankx' then i moved on to the other jeff and stuart (bassist and drummer) who were very cool.
That day i was wearing my joy enriquez top - those of u who have seen it know which one i'm talking about :) - and jeff and stuart asked me what my top said..and of course being the blonde that i am..lol...i said "Ya know..i don't really know what it says."
You know how most ppl try to say something...deep and meaningful to a band so that they might remember them..well i kinda ignored that and went straight for the first answer at the top of my head there.

For one thing...the tea party's music reaches out to a broad audience. There were goths there, hippy looking ppl, i saw one of two ska kids. I thought i would stand out and ppl think me some lil wannabe trendie or shit like that. NOt that i am a trendy..i just like the clothes :) Or that they would think me a teeny...and i felt weird that all i had to show for myself as a tea party fan was two cds.
But ya know...i wasn't the only person like that there...so it was cool.

I was at the www.queenofthedamned.com webpage just b4...there is a lot of stuff to look through on the flash site! lots of music...and itz actually quite good. So i advise that u all check that out..but be warned..the pages take ages to load.

Music wise...hmm - i was in a downloading mood today. I'm getting sick of the old mp3's on my playlist - so i've recently downloaded a few damn good songs.
Toya - I do!! & "I do! pt2"
Play that funky music white boy
Natalie Imbruglia - Wrong Impression ***recommend***
Mary J Blige - Dance for me
Kasey Chambers - Am I not pretty enough ***recommend***
Labelle - Lady Marmalade
I really like that Kasey Chamber's song...itz very simple and nice. And i find i can easily relate to the lyrics :)
hehe..but i was playing that "funky music white boy" song all day...cos..since i saw the movie evolution...i've been obessed wit the song...lol.

me going now...nite kids *MUAH*

hey all!
well...what a weird time it has been. Sorry about all my emo crap last blog. I was kinda in a bad place back then.
I gotta stop with this whole negative thing cos i think its starting to get to me.lol.

OK..HAPPY BIRTHDAY LISA! for tomorrow..cos she turns 18! yay! geez..everyone is older than me!

right..now..what else......wednesday...1pm at gaslight, the Tea Party are doing an instore. I'm going to dat..cos i luvvvv the tea party and i wanna get my cds signed. Should be fun, cos i'm going wit my buddy james :) if anyone else would like to come..u are welcome to.
I honestly don't have much to write in my blog..lol. Oh..if ur into mandy moore fan fiction..and u don;t mind a bit of hanson fan fic thrown in...i found this really good story sweet as candy..itz kinda amusing actually and some interesting views of mandy moore. Read the story and you'll get what i mean.

I was at Antioch last nite. it was good. :)

watch: Romeo must die DVD and Gladiator *roar*
listen: tea party - The interzone mantras
eat: those sour worms - hehe the gummi ones and the star burst ones...mmm...sour.
thought for the day: "It's a girls world. Boys just live in it."

*MUAH*

Do you want to know what i realised today? That i am living a lie. I am a lying fraud.
I'm fake, phoney, and i'm beginning to see clearly since...last wednesday..that i am making the biggest mistake of my life.
And i'm not joking here...cos this is serious. And i've only just realised what i'm supposed to be doing with my life.

You know how some things just simply make a person. A passion for art can mould ur personality, interests and likes.
What i mean is, Music is something that is the driving force behind me. Without music..i won't die..but i won't be able to be me. Music is who i am..and i've only just accepted that. While i love listening to music, and i love the business side of the industry...i see that I was given the ablity to sing. I'm not fantastic...but i'm not that bad either (*www.mp3.com/studio_414 -listen to pretty eyes*).
The real thing that has been holding me back (apart from my parents who don't fully support my music ideas..but pretend to go along with it anyway) is that i haven't always been an out-going person. Even now i will argue that i'm still not like that. I'm not always loud or bitchy. Despite what some people might think of me; is that i have feelings and fears. I've always wanted to be someone else...something that people won't expect. But the truth of it is..that I am very very shy. That's why meeting people can be scary for me. Now if i find that scary...Imagine performing in front of strangers...and your friends. People who will judge your every move..every wrong note. Cos when your on stage..Someone is always watching you. Always.
Now i dunno about u..but all that attention kinda freaks u out if ur not prepared for it. And my confidence levels have always been low...u could say that by me being shy..kinda affects my confidence.
Now for those who know me..don't think i'm shy at all. not at all. I remember first telling some people about it..and they laughed at me and didn't believe that i could ever be shy. Well..now itz a known fact.
But i have to say that..i'm not always lacking in confidence*hehe ;)*... Only when it comes to my limited "musical ability."

The last time i did a public performance was mlc speech night. And i have to say that it was finally nice having people tell me they thought i was good. And ya know..being told ur fantastic kinda makes ur day :)

And what brought along this realisation?
It wasn't until a few days ago...when i accepted my offer from la trobe uni to do arts...instead of accepting JMC's music business offer..i realised instantly the decision i had made. I had trashed my dreams of working in the music industry...to waste three years of my life doing an arts course..that i don't really want to be doing. It's what my parents want me to do. And since when have i taken career advice from my olds? I mean...i fully intend to pursue the music industry career..i'll only be 20 by the time i finish the arts course..so i guess i still have time.
I just hate thinking that i'm signing my life away for three years...when it's music i should be doing. And ya know what..i realised that performing is what i should be doing. I should be performing to my hearts content. Because if i wait too long...its not gonna happen.

Do you want to know my biggest problem? That itz taken me so fucking long to figure this out.

Do you wanna see something? Well...do ya? Punk
*I know what some ppl on da net are like.. So please don't steal - cos otherwise i will hunt you down and gut you like a fish :)*

30th December 2001:
"Live like this"
He never exsisted
Only a shadow in my mind
The tales and stories were mock-ups
a cruel lie to tell us all

I knew a greater being existed
beyond the depths of history
books with thoughtful words,
buildings with empty meanings.

The higher power was true
in the realms of my imagination
They swore us salvation
And all we got was the future

If man is a dying breed,
what are we doing to stop it?
Leaking poision into the generations,
the human rats of the world,
An Oceania worth the populace,
dragged to the end of its resources.
Yes he intended for us
to Live like this.

30th Dec 2001
"Fool to you"

A broken heart that was never meant to be broken,
mine was an easy target,
vunerable to all things new
I was bound by curiosity
and hurt by my lack of...

Knowledge and want of these things
led me to this place,
Where i'll never find peace while i'm tortured like this.

I was easy game
Prey right for the killing.
I was a willing victim,
I let myself fall for those irreplaceable first kisses
-which never came.

I'll never be a fool to your kind again.

A broken heart always leds to tears,
mine wasn't torn by your cruelty,
But by your lack of...
I never cried those tears
Only conterfeit tears to fool your kind
into believing me.

I had captured your attention,
I never lied or told false,
You never said and you were never honest.
It was your kind i never knew.
It's my heart and secrets I never told
It's your head i never understood.
I let your inconsistancies pass me by.

I always wondered if-
I always played with "if only"
of dreams and thoughts that would never happen or begin.

You'll never understand the full workings of my emotions,
I grow intelligence and awearness of your actions.
Because i was your fool - i'll never trust myself near you again.
And it's pathetic how you'll never know...
I won't be another fool to you.

copyright - Evelyn Hamlett, 2001-2002

What do u think about dat? Write me evesygal@yahoo.com

*muah*

i'm gonna put up some stuff...i should have done a long time ago.
It's all just basically stuff i've written over the past year..ya know, poems, song ideas, thoughts, rants, etc.

September 01'
Fate - (rant)
I got into a convo with lisa (while at ruffy lake) and she asked me what i thought about Fate.
And it got me thinking, about what my definition of fate was.
So i believe that life presents us with opportunities and offers us "Yes or No" choices, Which can led you in different directions.
And It's the decisions we make that affect our lives. Fate can take you places and led you to people. You might meet someone, and itz fate that got u there.
For example! When I arrived extremly late to see a Drama play earlier in 2001...I arrived at the same time as someone else. Who i started talking with and sat next to during the play. Now..this guy was yr 12 marcellin boy who was studying drama. And in the interval we stayed and chatted and the guy was also doing media and photography for his project. The whole time i was thinking "Do you want to come to my formal" and "FUCK Evelyn! Get his phone number!" But ya know..i could have asked..but i didn't. I let the damn opportunity pass me by. All he said was "Yeah i'll see you at the next play" So obviously..he could of asked me for my number..but didn't. Well of course..MLC didn't book the same night as marcellin for the next play..so i've never seen him again.
But that was fate. There was this guy..who i had something in common with and i could get on well with. I was presented with a golden opportunity, but i didn't take it.
See..i could have had a boyfriend by now...or him as a formal date instead of having a drunk rach ask Tom for me(it wasn't my idea).

Ringwood (thing)
Ringwood makes me sick. It's like box hill, but less chinese groceries and there isn't a morning glory in ringwood.
It's like a hole. I hate holes. Their like ruts you can't get out of. Their like pot holes in the road, ones that you fill up and fix, but after awhile it creeps back again. A shotty hole once more.

More later Kids *muah*

Helllooo my blogger friends...i've missed u!!!

Where have i been? I dunno..but i was very busy last week. I was at the city Mon and tues...then Wed i was hanging around shoppo wit my boo lisa and carlos. And i have learnt that some guys just aren't into chick shopping. And that they don't appreciate being dragged around shoppo going to every chick clothing store. It can result in some bad moods.
I met up with James on the tuesday in da city. Thanx for the blue "I SCREAM" sundae! appreciate it..considering the thing almost made me sick. But James is a very interesting person...and a little gross. he has a metal rod thing in his leg. I swear that boy get into accidents on purpose. But he's a dude..and he's smarter than he looks.
Tomorrow evening i believe that first round offers come through...so good luck to everyone! I hope u all get a place at uni!
Lisa visited me yesterday - we went for a walk in the 30 something degree heat. It was very hot.
But she stayed over awhile at my place and we cooked dinner. That was weird. She has a thing for being healthy all of a sudden.
Or more like..reminding me that i should eat more healthy...cos my junk food habits are baaaad.

I actually gave into my parents today - They finally got me to vac the car today. After months of nagging..i finally cleaned that god damn little piece if shit of a Honda. *if u ever see a car round Melb called JUMO..honk for me*
Its really weird how that car hardly breaks down...yet our Saab - which is newer than the Honda...always seems to fuck up at the most inapropriate times.

Ya know..i've been listening to some pretty funky shit lately....112 are fucking mad r&b - go download 'dance wit me' cos it'll have ya grooving all over da place. And Nivea's "Run away" is very cool also.

*muah*

Hello.
Watch: SURVIVOR!
Listen: UNIT WAS ON NOVA FM TODAY!!! WOOOOHOOOOOO!!!
OK...i knew Ethan was gonna win b4 i tuned in tonite...so it kinda ruined the surprise. Actually..ICQ fucked the surprise for me. I found out on there.
But overall - i found the episode interesting. The lil studio twist at the end was smart, i would never have guessed that they were in a studio..except for the fact that when Kim last spoke b4 the vote...she didn't speak into the mic properly. That was a give-away.

Also in the non-exciting news department: Hanson made a guest apperance on Sabrina the teen witch - Isaac Hanson has the dorkiest hair around. If u want pics...go visit hansonhotel.com.

Happy b'day to Jon Tu - You're a dude :)

Thought for the day: Damn i wish i re-taped that Raw Spice special on channel ten...

Cya round kids! *muah*