I don't want to make any mistakes.

I've figured out exactly why I've been so scared by relationships and the like. I'm a perfectionist in that sense, I like things to go as planned. I like things to be perfect, just the way I invision them. Most of the time, nothing goes right. That's probably why I hate myself 95 percent of the time. Kinda sad though, this is my life, running scared every time someone says they like me, or want more from me. I only want friendship most of the time. I've always believed that friends are more important than boyfriends. That i'd never let a guy come between me and my friends. And as yet, i can say I haven't. Loyalty to friends is more important than chasing after some guy.

I think i'm old fashioned, in my ideas about love and romance. But then again, maybe not. I had a dream the other night, involving the hots boys from 'queer as folk'. now not going into complete detail, but the main idea of that dream was that, someone liked me, and was trying to prove that they were worth my time, worth my friendship, proving to me that it was worth it to take a chance, to risk something. If its fear that's keeping me single, then i want to get over it now.

But the truth about romance, is that there is no such thing. Everything I've read, every film i've seen. Its just not right, its never the same. I think I'm still holding onto my teenage fantasy ideals about what love is, the way people go about romance and love. I loved reading all that, pride and prejudice is a personal classic. Can a girl still find love in her early twenties with a rich, handsome young man? There are no Mr. Darcy's of this world. And while I think having a relationship might be fun or a living hell (i opt for the latter) I still don't know if thats for me or if that is what I really want from another person. I haven't had a serious crush on any one since, 2001, when i was in year 12 and it was the worst thing for me to do, was to have a crush on someone. I've always gone from one crush to the next, from one obsession to the next. And now, i kinda don't have that anymore. When i was young, in kindergarden i had a crush on a boy there, so i kissed another guy on the cheek to make him jealous. didn't really work. Then early primary school I thought that New Kids on the Block were the cutest damn boy band I've ever seen (ever known at the time). Jordan Knight was my god. Then primary school, i had crushes on a number of boys, there was andrew french, ryan, kieran (i sat next to him in grade four, and he mostly talked about sport, but he was nice), then high school rolled around and by year eight I had fallen again into a deep obsession involving all three of the Hanson boys. Taylor was my god for about two and a half years. Then there was the bakery boy, james, tom and carlos then back to tom for two weeks. There, total listing of my crushes throughout highschool. after highschool doesn't count. I may have left a couple out, who knows, but if my own history is this easy to plot out, then i reckon i could predict the rest of my life. I bet it'd go something like, finished university, tried to make it in the real world and failed, and lives till the old age of 91 in a small house with lots of cats.

I almost scared myself this week, while riding the bus to university, it occured to me, that i would be 19 this year. And next year i would turn 20. I swear my heart stopped for a full five seconds. I was overcome with shock, i didn't expect to be so old so soon. The future is ahead of me, and what ever lies ahead, i don't think i want it. Youth is fleeting, and now, youth is becoming my enemy. I guess from here on now..all i have is time. -sigh- boring.

listening material:
Aztek trip - Opportunity
Boomkat - Wasting my time
Taking back Sunday - Your own disaster
The starting line - The best of me
Ultimate Fakebook - forever, forever
Something Corporate - you're gone

did anyone else see david franj perform on GMA last monday? well it rocked. and only prooves further what a hottie david franj is...my oh my. mmhmm.
anyway, just reading msn at the moment. alot of shit is going down with these assination of the Serberian PM..and now nicole's oscar is threatened by stupid rumours that she supposedly was having an affair with Jude Law. I mean..if the rumours are true - who could blame her, jude law is a hottie. His performance in The talented mr. ripley prooved that! lol. And watching morning tv news is getting depressing, all this talk of war and phone calls to john howard from george bush...makes u wonder what their really talking about..what their really up to these politicans.
To tell the truth, i'm kinda excited about the oscars, but i always get pissed off by the end of them cos they always give the awards to the wrong damn people. I'll admit some of their choices are spot on..but lets just say, Gwenth P. for Shakespear in love? nah uh. that was just wrong.

anyway i gtg to class. bye byes

"God Only Knows" - david franj

Look at the street there's a crack in the window
Draws my attention into the kitchen
I never noticed, I never know why
Waitress is smiling up at the ceiling
She's thinking 'bout some place she'd rather be
Maybe she's restless, maybe I think too much

God only knows if she laughs when she's sleeping
God only knows what she says when she's dreaming
God only knows if she laughs when she's sleeping
I never know why

I catch the rain as it pours through the window
I do my best to make sure that you notice
'Cause I think you're someone who's gonna go places

Now I'm gonna leave before I say something stupid
I write down my number and I draw a little star
So lets run away tonight, into that rain outside

God only knows if she laughs when she's sleeping
God only knows what she says when she's dreaming
God only knows if she laughs when she's sleeping
I never know why

God only knows if she laughs when she's sleeping
God only knows what she says when she's dreaming
God only knows if she laughs when she's sleeping
I never know why

-------------and while ur at it..go download 'Help' recorded by Howie Day------------------------

It seems i'm doomed to be last. I'm forever cursed. I'm forever left with this mean face and honest mouth. Some people think i'm harsh - but i'm bluntly honest..its not my fault if the truth hurts, and it does believe me.

Today while taking the bus home i noticed my wrists. pale, except for the visible blue vein stretching under the light skin. I though about what my wrist would look like with a scar across it, the kind of scar only a blade could make. also today while traveling on the bus, i notice the guy sitting across from me :)
It makes me wonder, what makes me so un appealing to the rest of the population. Why i am always alone, why am i always stuck with being too shy, why i am always lacking the confidence i need to survive, to strike up a conversation with random people on a bus. why is it i became like this, a recluse to most people, invisible? i used to joke about being invisible girl...i guess somehow its turned out a little like that. but its also a little different. I like my friends, lisa and rach are everything. even other people whom i've lost touch with a little over time, they still mean alot to me. I wouldn't be who i am if it wasn't for them. and also, i wouldn't be who i am if it wasn't for the shit i suffered when i was younger. like they say 'what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger'. but thats a lie. i think i became weaker. i think i created different acts, different personas for certain people. I can make myself appear very dumb and very young if i want to. I can also be argumentive and opiniated. I can be the victim or the bully. most of the time i due to my..slow mind, i make myself the target of many jokes, but i don't mind, if i didn't hear it i don't care. I can be loud, or extremely quiet and shy. of course, alchol just throws me out of whack, so i never say no to a drink. but alchol is weird, i either become more talkative, more "daring" or i become quiet and depressed. and i don't want to say i'm an emotional drunk, but i think we've all had our moments. mine happened last year, and i've never touched another tequilla shot.
I used to have people tell me that i was so negative. about what? mostly about myself i guess, and certain things. its not that i am negative, i just see things differently. but i'm always positive and thinking good thoughts and wishes for everyone else. i guess i just kinda dig myself a hole and sit in it, thinking that there's no point surfacing because its shit up there..and not so bad down here. i take whats given to me, and i deal with it. despite my bitterness, my dislike, my stress. there's no such thing as stress. its just a figure of speech i guess. a word to describe something thats more to do with tiredness and the weight of responsibilty than anything else. i don't really stress, i panic. But finally, i wonder why i can't be like other people. why am i clumsy, why am i the one with butter fingers. why am i not graceful, or pretty, or why don't i have a life that is somewhat normal. why is it my normal, isn't the norm. then again, what is normal. define normality, then define reality for me. (and not just cos the two words rhyme). This is the reality of it. there's no explaination for it, for me. but thats just it, the reality is this is me. this is how i interact with people around me, even in my attempts to change how i am, i still would be me. and thats the reality of it. of my situation anyway.

jeff buckley - last goodbye

So which of the bold faced lies will we use?

it's 8:37 am. tuesday morning. at uni. using the lib computers again. and they have these new mointors..and their huge. i feel weird looking up my hotmail and stuff...cos these screens are so huge..everyone can see what ur doing. it almost feels like i'm hanging out my dirty laundry for everyone to see.

i just found something interesting on msn. its alittle media trashy cos its from 60 minutes..but i think its interesting.
moonstruck
plus, its funny. the interviewer is a riot. she's more concerned with the subject being portrayed as insane rather than to go into details about the so called moon landing conspiracy.

I wrote the cover letter last nite. I take back what I said, they don't suck that much. kinda easy really once you know what to write.
Yesterday was labour day, the public holiday for everyone but uni students, which is prettty silly. I didn't end up going to uni, public transport was a bitch, so i stayed home and watched the new austin powers flick "goldmember". its funnier the second time round. plus the dvd special stuff is cool. deleted scenes and out takes kick ass.
I also got a Shane West flick while i was out at the vid store yesterday, "whatever it takes" looks like a shite teen film, but hey. shane west is a hottie.

anyhoo. i got class. cya.

So which of the standard lines will we use?

Well good morning everyone that is awake and living this shitty weathered morning of the 9th of March.
I was out last nite. which was interesting, it was good and it was bad. the espy rocks. that place is great. i liked it.
Well i got home last nite at 2 sumthing i think..not sure. but i couldn't get the damn front door open quietly, i woke up my dog and she started barking and the door was being a bitch, so i had to go round to the back door. thank god for mobile phones, they make great little torches in the dark. and now today i'm in a tired mood, i woke up too early me thinks. And i couldn't find the nutella for breakfast, and tv sucks, and internet sucks, and i have to go to the video store later. i'm just..urghh. in an odd mood today. and right now i'm listening to dashboard confessional. i'm gonna listen to every single damn song of his that i own.
and i have to write a cover letter for a resume..which i have no idea how to do that. cover letters therefore suck.

My dad is going away to new zealand for a month this week. which will be good. cos he will be gone, and the house will be very quiet with just me, my mum and lil sis home. its gonna be even weirder later this year when aubrey goes off to marshmead in term 4. living with just mum and dad..it will be like being an only child...but worse i'm sure. but it's my sisters birthday on the 16th. everyone has their birthday in march. maybe i shall make a list of people having their birthday this month..Happy birthday to leanne for the 8th of march. I sent her an e-mail wishing her happy b'day..but i haven't heard or spoken to her in aggggeeeessss. its been sooo long.
Nat has her birthday on the 21st. and if i dare mention it...taylor hanson's birthday is on the...14th of march i believe...and i think amy mite be having a birthday soon aswell. but i could be wrong about that one...i can't remember. but i still have to wait..about a month till my b'day. i can already tell, 19 is gonna suck. why..cos 18 sucked. and 17 sucked worse. and every birthday has been shite. i'm just doomed i guess. 17 was the worst age, cos i was past 16 and i was ready to be 18..but i was still stuck in a mess of shitty angsty teen emotions which led me astray too many times. 17 was a shit age.

The places you have come to fear the most

(this was written previously - and may be edited from what i originally wrote down)

Thursday 6th March 2003
third day of uni
9:45am
In room HU2 122
Waiting for radio theory class to begin
Situation: I'm early. too early.
Thoughts: Well at least I found the room.
Three hours of this - 2 hour break. or 3 hours break?
Then two hours of media @ 3pm. Then home. yay.
I think there might be a few third year students in this class, but god willing I won't feel "too young".
looking at my nails now...the polish is all chipped and worn away.
{end}

Well this morning was eventful. I had class. it was long. interesting. But it looks like i'm in for a hard year. lots of research. so much i'll be knee deep in books and papers and essays. i hate paper cuts.
Anyway. after my morning class, i had my break then met up wit lisa and went along to her biology lecture where i took notes for her. that was fun. and informative. I was learning about cells. and i saw her chickens. live baby chics. and ever since then i've been thinking about eating chicken nuggets.

Musically speaking:
HOWIE DAY - Ghost + Sorry, So Sorry
BOOMKAT - Wasting my time

Hi my name is Job-less evelyn. I've never had a job that's lasted longer than two weeks. I have experience in retail, communications, and customer service. I am in dire need of training for any job i apply for.

Its funny how so many jobs are advertised, and even though you don't need a whole lot of experience to do the job - they still want someone with experience. How the hell am I supposed to get experience when no one will give me the chance to get the experience. See what happens when you spend high school studying instead of working?
I can't even get a job at some cafe's beacause i don't have enough experience to take orders on a pad, or serve a customer their coffee. It doesn't sound that difficult. I can handle stress, i can handle standing up on my feet for four hours on end. I won't like the standing up bit, but i'll do it as long as I get paid.
And what's wrong with employers? they don't have the courtsey to call back and say thanks for the resume, but no thanks? Is that too much to ask for? Just a little confirmation that my resume experience sucks. Even if i gave in a five page resume i'd still get told I didn't have enough long term experience or whatever they like to say.
But being a university student, and looking for a job that can fit around my schedual can be hard, but its not impossible. I mean, i'm an art's student for heaven's sake! We're the biggest bludges of the lot! All i could want is just one little break, one little chance to proove myself. but even that seems like i'm asking too much.

anyway - i recently opened a new e-mail account for professional purposes (i signed up with monster.com.au - i don't want job e-mails getting mixed up with adult porn junk or chain letters), and on msn they have this sign up for newsletters thingy before you go into ur account for the first time. So i thought, well i'm single and all i'll be doing is reading the advice colums in these e-mails- so i signed up for the lavalife newsletter. And I found something interesting, and relevant to current situations that i've been placed in of late.
here is something from that e-mail,
"Obviously, you're going to have your best experiences with the partners you find most attractive...don't feel pressured by your friends to get interested in someone they think is attractive. If you don't agree, it's sure to backfire. Attractiveness is a highly personal thing. Everyone's entitled to an opinion, but in the end, the deciding vote goes to you. " quoted by Dr. Irvin Wolkoff .

I agree with that, thats probably another reason why i don't always like people trying to push me into sumthing i'm not comfortable with. I believe that for me to like someone, i have to feel physically attracted to them also, not just like them. I have to feel like there is that attraction between the two of us. I'll admit, this attraction i talk about has perhaps only happened...three times. Of course, i'm an idiot and let each one of them slip away. ok. it was all for the best then, but now if i find someone that i'm attracted to, the way i was to those past "interests" of mine, i'm not gonna give up that easily. But for awhile i haven't met anyone i'm really attracted to..or anyone I really like. Its good that i'm meeting people again, but there's no one i'm interested in. i guess thats just the way it goes. when your looking for "it" you'll never find it..but when your not looking for it..it finds you. damn one day those words will turn on me and bite me on the bum.

time and date: 10:47 pm 16th of Feb 2003.
listen: anything

its oh so quiet: I never used to be one of those people who could sleep all day. I've always been an early riser, mostly out of habit. But I like the mornings when i'm not feeling like shit, or the ones when i don't feel as tired. But while sleep is good and all, I also like the staying up late, and getting to sleep at 5-6ish am then waking up around 9:30-10am. that's always fun. Then when i wake up i feel like a zombie, or like i have a cold in the hed, and i'm about to drop any second and sleep where ever i land.
This morning was different, when i got home i was bouncing around - quietly until late afternoon when i finally got my well deserved sleep.
I suppose I should talk about the last few days here on blog. Friday nite - the dreaded valentines day - Lisa was my valentine's. lol. Well we all went out to brunswick street. and thats rocked, bars are cool. expensive, but cool. and anywhere that has good drinks and comfy couches rocks.
Last nite was switch at casey's. and that was a lot of fun. it was also very loud, my ears were slightly buzzing afterwards. Lisa said to me that her ears had gotten used to the loud music and stuff - then i remembered yr 11 Vet music when we did the module on safety and hearing protection, and that your ears never get used to it - its just your hearing fucking up on you. But i hadn't the heart to tell her. lol. anyway, i was deaf to begin with. But i think its just me, i seem to tune out alot when people speak. lol. habit i guess. Or i concentrat so hard on trying to listen to what someone is saying, and the i realise i hadn't heard a damn word of what they just said. Like my first subway interview..the guy was speaking but i just didn't catch a word of it. maybe thats why i didn't get the job.
But last nite was like "hi" "WHAT?" "HI!" "WHAT!" i didn't hear much. i decided to was safer to stop talking than scream in people's ears and have to repeat everything three times. but anyway, it was good. i liked it alot.

I watched "birthday girl" today, the film with nicole kidman playing a russian mail order bride. It was an interesting little film. I rather liked it, and i thought the acting talent was pretty good, but it was lacking in a little..oomf. i dunno, i just thought that perhaps there could have been more to the ending, really make it climatic, but still while being a good ending for the film, it could have been just a tiny little weeny bit better.
Also, another film, "strange fits of passion" - while the title is cool, the main female lead gets on my nerves. its an aussie one, so all the actors are extremely familiar.

well i feel another sleep coming on, i might leave while i'm still somewhat awake. nite.

www.geocities.com/evesygal

"Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got - im still jenny from the block" - j.lo

who the fuck calls j.lo Jenny? its always jennifer lopez, or j.lo, not this jenny shit. And bragging about your career and sucess(failures) in ur songs isn't cool. Its more like miss jenny lopez needs to be reminded that she's still jenny from the block. so basically this whole song is a piece of cod's wallop. (what is cod's wallop you ask? i don't know, it just sounds dirty and fishy).

"Till i ride to the very end.."

Well i got back from anglesea just today, the 8th of feb and i arrived home sometime in the late afternoon. And the first thing I wa greeted with was a threatened punch in the face if i complained about my lack of clothes (i really need a new pair of jeans and sneakers), also i got yelled at about my nails (wtf?) and my bro was being a shit to my sis, and i (badly) threw a shoe at him. So it seems life goes on even when I'm gone. But after returning home, i very quickly realised how far away from my family I wanted to be. The are seriously shitting me up the wall. Anglesea was so peaceful and fun, and now i'm home and everything is loud, and horrible. Raised voices and fights over the control of the tv remote greeted me. I stayed right out of the firing line. I've realised how sane I feel when i'm not at home living in this fucking hell hole. So on monday when they all return to work, i shall have the house back and everything thing will be quiet and sane, if only for a few hours.

Anglesea rocked. I had a blast. but i've returned feeling a little heavier, and bloated. also tired, and not to mention on the ride home, i was tipsy. But it was a great week, and i honestly didn't want to leave. I think what kept me sane about returning home was that i would be able to listen to my music again. I missed my mp3's more than my family. now thats fucked. The beach was great, the walks and fishing was fun. it all just kicked ass. and the company wasn't too bad either ;) i would so love to do something like that again, because it was just so good to get away from everything that was driving me crazy. I swear living in this house is making me mad - i feel like a caged animal just waiting to jump out and run away never to return.
Ok, i feel like i'm about to be sick, but b4 i run off and spill my guts out (hardy ha ha) happy birthday to Lisa, Mark and Justin.
*MUAH*

the music of the moment:
Justin Timberlake - Rock your body/What you go (oh no)
Missy E - work it feat. 50 cents
Eminem - lose yourself & 8 mile road.
Aaliyah - miss you

the wonderful world of me:
Well tomorrow i'm leaving for anglesea! finally! Its so funny how much everyone has been looking forward to it, and now its here. LOL. so the party on the wednesday will rock. i'm looking forward to just doing stuff. I've spent too long on my ass. And a week without playstation? How will i cope? easy. i'll be back on the 8th and in time for justin's birthday! shite. i haven't got lisa a present. It's her b'day on the 5th, and Mark Street is having his b'day also (its a joint b'day - a very smart idea. so it'll be huge, hopefully). OK. so no b'day presents. I haven't bought a present for anyone in ages, i've just been giving ppl cards. lol, i'm getting lazier in my old age. hehe.
Anyway, i don't have heaps to say at the moment. But i'm very excited about tomorrow. yay.

Peace out - and have fun for the rest of ur holidays kids!

luv eves.

What i'm listening to at the moe: John mayer, missy E, jimmy eat world, justin timberlake, alicia keys, christina Ag, puddle of mudd, new radicals.
what i'm doing at the moe: reading a Dune book - the prequel to the prequels! lol. Also, doing a lot of writing finishing stuff and doing some rom searching on the net - I got all the final fantasy game roms - except no. 2 is fucked, but oh well. FF I-III are way too slow for me to bother with. also watching alot of vids, 'bend it like beckham' and 'Australian rules'.

To be honest, to myself esp, my life really sucks at the moment. I mean, i haven't been going out that much due to lack of cash. Every day i've been out in the sun - i've been badly burnt. I'm still feeling the effects of last sunday. my sun burnt legs are now itchy and scratchy. so the rest of the week has been spent hiding from the sun, and the rest of the world. But i did come out of my hole last nite to go to lisa's house for a vid night, and while waiting for my lift home played a great game of 'trouble' and I won due to dumb luck. of course, in the state i was in last nite, i was kinda only half there. Tiredness is consuming me. I almost fell asleep in front of the computer this afternoon. I think perhaps i need more sugar, but my tiredness could be due to many things. Laziness, heat..laziness. I'm not being that lazy, i mean i went for a walk today! returned a couple of videos. The more videos i borrow the better, cos it means i have to get up and walk back and forth to the video store all week long. So thats my exercise.lol.

anyway my highlight today was seeing the quick lil piece on the matrix that was shown on ET this afternoon. I dunno about you, but two matrix movies in one year? FUCK YEAH! i cannot wait, it shall be tooo good. and plus ET mentioned Aaliyah in their lil exclusive report, which was nice.

anyway. i'm off for sum blitzball. ta ta.

"Screaming Infidelities" dashboard confessional

I'm missing your bed
I never sleep
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak,
And this bottle of beast
Is taking me home

[1.]
I'm cuddling close
To blankets and sheets
But you're not alone, and you're not discreet
Make sure I know who's taking you home.

I'm reading your note over again
There's not a word that I comprehend,
Except when you signed it
"I will love you always and forever."

[2.]
Well As for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs
And sit alone and wonder
How you're making out
But as for me, I wish that I were anywhere with anyone
Making out.

I'm missing your laugh
How did it break?
And when did your eyes begin to look fake?
I hope you're as happy as you 're pretending.

[1.]
I am alone
In my defeat I wish I knew you were safely at home

I'm missing your bed
I never sleep
Avoiding the spots where we'd have speak, and
This bottle of beast is taking me home.

[2.]

Your hair, it's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities
And taking its wear.

Today I got out my old notebooks. I hate to refer to them as journals or diaries, because their not just for documenting the past, but my life, and my thoughts and my lyrics and poems and stories. especially my stories. I have pages of unfinished fanfiction that I started such a long time ago. It makes me wish for the fantasy world I used to surround myself in. The world that was un real with its false expectations and dreams that were never meant to come true. At least I can look back on that period in my life and smile, and think fondly. And for some reason, my stories still live on in my notebooks. whats left of them anyway. and i still get sucked into the stories and the characters that i created. I can look at them alot more critically now, and i almost feel like finishing one of the last stories i wrote. It needs closure. That time in my life when fan fic writing meant more to me that the real thing, so i think it needs to be finished. I finished my other stories, this one needs to end properly. I always wanted to post them on the internet, that being my original intention, but i dunno if i can be fucked since most of the stories are all on paper.

anyway. must dash. books to read. playstation games to play and enemies to defeat.

songs for the day:
HOW COME YOU DON'T CALL ME - alicia keys (remix).
I CARE 4 U - aaliyah (i was listening to it this morning, and i keep the cd case on top of the player..but somehow while listening to track 8 on the album, the case flew off the cd player, and crashed & broke on the floor..i now have to buy a new clear cd jewel case for it..)
SHE FUCKING HATES ME - puddle of mudd
KATE - ben folds five
DON'T MUG YOURSELF- the streets
BLACK HOLE SUN - soundgarden
CRY ME A RIVER - justin timberlake
CRIMSON & CLOVER - jimmy eat world (recently nova started playing this track. i believe its a cover song..but i'm not sure yet.)

Another social casualty....I really wish i had something to say right now. But i really don't. mostly beacause in the last few hours since my las post, nothing has happened. well, after i finished my post i did return to the faithful playstation for some more FFX but realised that i couldn't play because i had no fucking idea wtf i was doing. i realised that i had become dependant on my brother for his rpg skills...he does all the technical stuff like customising weapons and armour, i just play and kill the characters. But can you believe that when we didn't have a memory card for the PS2, we played the game for the 3rd attempt, and left the playstation on for 48 hours..or longer, without saving the game once. we didn't play for 48 hours, we just left the PS on for that time till we got the memory card, then we turned it off knowing finally our game would be safe, and no more late nights of endless playing till 5 in the morning.
But really, it is all worth it. final fantasy 10 is the best rpg i've played yet. and i've played alot, especially the old skool rpg games, like chrono trigger, and the first final fantasy games to suiken(secret of mana) and suikoden(personal fave). of course all rpg are pretty typical, but ffx pushes the boundries of an ordinary predictable game, and makes game play exciting and of course the story and characters just kick ass. i honestly can't stop going on about it because the game really is that damn good.

CARD CAPTOR SAKURA: i was awake at 7:30 to watch card captors. i love it. my new fave anime. hehe. which reminds me, i have some wall paper downloading to finish.

I have returned. if any one noticed - i have been away from good old melbourne, and hiding out in a little holiday house near the beach. Its good to be back home with all my lil luxuries, like a playstation, net, a phone (other than a mobile). my mobile phone bill will be pretty expensive..yikes.
But alas, my return to civilized society will be short, hopefully i'll be going back again next week. Good, cos i have a really un-even tan at the moe. lol. lets just say, it looks funny with a bikini. which also reminds me that if i want to look half decent, i need to starve myself. chubby thighs are not the best look. but at least the weathers good at the moment.

Well friday nite, since the tv almost blew up at the holiday house, everyone was going a little fustrated because of lack of things to do, so we all went off to the cinemas, and saw "Catch Me If You Can" and it was a a good entertaining film for a friday nite. leonardo was great as the hero, yet villian, at the same time. villian because you knew what he was doing was wrong, yet so fantastic and outrageous. It was so great to see leo in a good role and no sinking ships. I was skeptical about seeing it, mostly because it was a steven spielberg film - and i'm not his biggest fan..and yes, the south park episode did put me off a bit (the episode where spielberg fucks up Indiana jones with his special effects). meanwhile, since i've had nuthing better to do while i've been away, i've also been catching up on my reading. I finished "Pride and predjudice" the other day. I have to say that while the book is good, and the original, i prefer watching the tele series of it, cos then i can perv on Mr.Darcy just a little bit more.

Watch: Scrubs 7:30 sunday on 7
play: Final fantasy 10 "Some can't wait to die!"
listen: john mayer "my stupid mouth" jay z "bonnie and clyd 03" counting crows "big yellow taxi" and others

I changed it :)

i'm hating this layout. I wish i knew how to do my own, but i don't and probably will never learn. no time for these things anymore :(
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
tomorrow...in a couple of hours, it shall be christmas day! woohoo for the 25th of december. I've done most chrissy shopping, haven't bought gifts for friends though. I sent a few cards out..about 5. lol, i was running out of time and money. And if i had money i'd give everyone gifts and cards. but i have none to spend.
i did buy two books today, i got 'interview with the vampire' by anne rice and 'area 7' by matthew riley. i thinhk thats how u spell his last name. anyway, he rocks - best damn books i ever read.

I saw "spirited away" with lisa last week. THE most beautiful, wonderful, imaginative, fantastic anime or film for that matter, that i've ever seen. I loved it. I want to see it all over again. It was amazing, and i left the cinema content and calm, thinking about the ideas put forward in the film, and the specatular animation. i can't seem to find the right words to describe the film, only that it was so good everyone has to see it now!

and happy new year while i'm here online. by the looks of it..mine's gonna be fucked up.

I really want my own bay blade. Like i know, its childish to want such a stupid toy. But i'd really like, two fo them, so i could see how they work in reality. Cos the tv show is(crap) all nice and shit, with these little blades fighting each other, but i'm sure the toys that can be purchased for $14.95 or for $50 on ebay, are pretty shite. I mean, these little plastic spinning top things, they can't fight each other, not like in the tv show anyway.

OMG ZOIDS THIS MORNING ROCKED. fuck bayblades when u can have ZOIDS! i think it was the last episode of the Chaotic century series of zoids. but i want more. i love zoids. and i haven't watched sailormoon for like a week. But i hear on foxtel they have a sailor moon marathon on this weekend. i want foxtel.

anyhoo. today another session at syn fm @ rmit wit lisa. should be fun again. woohoo!

i need to get drunk.

shut up: my theme song for the moment seems to be TLC's 'No scrubs'. and probably for far more reasons than i am willing to entertain here on blog. so, you'll all have to be satisfied with the obvious reasons, 1. that i like the song and 2.i don't want no scrubs.

Bills Bills Bills: I have almost spent all my money from last week. I started with a hundred dollars on monday, and now its thursday and i have only 30 left. Well my nails cost a fair bit, and i joined syn fm with lisa. Its great, sort of, cos now instead of being just bored teenagers, we're bored teenagers doing something. Kinda exciting. but its a very depressing time at the moment, a lot of shit is happening at the moment, and though its not stressful for me at the moment, i can see that lisa is feeling the after affects of year 13.
I'm still amazed that she managed to get through a whole year of folio prepration. Almost seems a bit much, but her work rocks. Well i think so, but then again, what do i know about fashion? i only wear clothes...
Christian la croix!

BE BOP COWBOY: I must remember the 10 & 11 of december. because thats when i get my end of year results and when i can re-enrole via the web again. Also next week on wednesday - the syn fm training session. then the next day, its the practise/rehersal stuff to see if me and lis are any good at radio. lol, the moment of truth before we put in a tape for program submissions. lol.

job finders suck: i need a job. but finding one is proving difficult. grr @ ppl who have to put no effort into finding jobs. There are jobs everywhere, yet i just can't seem to get one. Maybe its just not my time. THEN WHEN IS IT! and i've decided that if i am to continue living the way i do - i need a job. i need a little bit of independance, sadly it seems that everytime i get somewhere, i keep falling back into the trap of what my parents call 'home'.

harry pothead: TOMORROW NITE WITH MY HOME GIRLS! woohoo. finally, i'll get to see my bestest buddies all in the same place at once, and see the harry potter flick. sweet. i can't wait. maybe tomorrow i'll ask lisa what time the syn fm training session is supposed to start on wednesday, cos i think maybe i got it wrong. lol..whoops. and i've worked out how to use the calender on my mob phone. it rocks, and it reminds me of stuff. so thats pretty damn cool. see, i learn something new everyday!

I'M SOOOO TIRED
*burp*
sooo tired. so very, very tired.

i hate: buses and school kid fucks with their stoopid mall rat ways & gatorade bongs. pathetic.

listen to: 'Stina feat. alicia keys - impossible. its interesting, and out of all the divas- christina's got da betta voice.
kelly osborne - shut up, its raw, its punk, i love it.
TLC - Girl talk - its tlc - it rocks. but it's 'no scrubs'.

ok. so i'm tired and bored right now. and i have 21 e-mails to delete :) most of them from the bangers list. not that i'm complaining, i like being on the list, but four word e-mails are a waste of time and inbox space.

more later.

mood:starting to get tired..its almost 11pm on sunday, i have to wake up early tomorrow..
listen: 30 seconds to mars, kelly osborne, the streets, john mayer, imperial teen, sugababes, tea party, tlc & Missy Elliot

hurt me more: i've run out of things to say. i'm working tomorrow! yay, just as a temporary thing though. But still experience is better than none. and i still haven't figured out how i'll get to justin's house for the bbq on thurs...hmmm.. public transport is the devil.

intervention: coming soon. I think its nessecary to achieve understanding. So i'm planning one for a friend(s) :) except, it won't be like one of those "you need to stop drinking because we say so" type interventions. No this will be the, "its ok, we all feel like that sometimes". I think that sometimes you just need reassurance, just to feel needed, wanted and useful again.

blah blah blah: the dvd broke a week ago - we got it back on wednesday, then the tv broke on thursday. useless. But tv is fixed again, so all is good in the land of ev. Do you know, that every time i watch 'monty python's meaning of life' i fall asleep, right in the middle of the film. Every time, i've tried watching it at least 5-6 times since wednesday, and i keep falling asleep. Maybe its just me - or the film bores me? i dunno..i'm more amused when watching monty python.

anyway. bye for now.

www.geocities.com/evesygal