i was gonna post but now i don't feel like it.

I just wrote a whole thing. AND NOW ITS GONE! ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!STUPID COMPUTER STUPID INTERNET THAT DECIDED NOT TO WORK!
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

I'LL COME BACK LATER AND WRITE IT ALL AGAIN. I REALLY CANT BE BOTHERED RIGHT NOW ANYMORE. argh!

Im trying to sort out my feelings. And maybe thats wrong of me to do so right now. But i need to figure out how i really feel, why im feeling like this, and tonight is just a test for myself. Can i do it? Can i be what he wants? Can i be what i want? WHAT the fuck do i want? it would be nice if i wasn't so complicated. I don't know why i am. I think im just in a weird place, and i don't need ppl reminding me of what a past bf was like - because it just makes me regret and think i made a mistake and makes me wanna slap myself for not being smart back then. But i live with my mistakes. and no, i don't like steve or anything like that. BUT im gonna compare right - so steve compared to jon - so far steve gets the brownie points - but i know jon reads this and he will get offended - BUT fuck these are my thoughts, deal with it. BUT then again with JOn i like the not being bugged every day by a boyfriend - of course steve didn't really bug..he did afterawhile though. maybe i shouldn't be writing this here - i'll stop. i'll continue on my other page.

this blog mite get deleted cos of its content - SO for a good few hours it'll be online - and tomorrow i mite post something i actually wrote b4 all that junk up there - but for other reasons i won't be posting today.

This morning I was greeted to th sweet sounds of 1970's Funk on Syn fm. and it was sooo damn good. And now im craving more! but rite now i lovveeeeee missy E's pass the dutch - makes me wanna boogie.
Im trying to write a cover letter and fix up my resume for a new job i want to go for. But for some reason i doubt i'll get the job, but i might as well try you know. No harm in that, just another rejection letter.
OOh i have my results for the last semester of uni! It seems i have passed yet again. My marks could have been better - but yayness its over. Next year will be better, im doing funkier subjects, animation and radio will be soooooo damn cool. I don't get why they put all the good subjects in first semester though - cos second semester is just so...shite. My only options were digital media cultures and two other odd subjects. I can't see how im gonna do film critism, i know i can be opinionated, but can i be detailed in my dislikes of a film? big words are not a part of my vocab either...well not my everyday vocab anyway. and my spelling had worsened, as you can tell just by reading this blog.
Im gonna go do something interesting, like watch neighbours...or eat chocolate.

byesss.

playlist:
Missy E - pass the dutch
P.diddy etc - Show me your soul
Cowboy Be Bop OST - Tank!
Third eye blind - Misfits


I am soo very tired. And i can't type well rite now, cos its dark and i can't see my keyboard. damn black keyboards - should be fucking glo-in the-dark.
Anyway, so how was everyone's weekend? Mine was interesting.
Went to amber lounge. then went to spy lounge and danced. And was there till 5 something..my feet are still a little sore. My big toe is itchy - which is weird and it feels fairly numb. Im reading a book called "the ice storm" which was made into a film a few years ago...a really good film actually directed by Ang Lee.
There are some good shows on tv tonite - monday nite is the best nite on tv me thinks. Sbs has some new sketch show on which rocks my socks off..and south park is still v. enetratiing
And im just talking shit now. So i'll go sleeep.

playlist:
sugababes - hole in the head
blue + stevie W and angtie stone - signed, sealed, delivered.
NFG - head on collision
mxpx - everything sucks (all i ever needed was to eat popcorn with you)
Michelle Branch - breathe
black eyed peas - shut up
bodyjar - glossy books
Cat power - Cross bones style
Eve6 - think twice


so it turns out that i have ONE little spot on my tonsils. ONE. But its ok now, cos im on drugs now. So by tomorrow or monday i should be totally clear. But im feeeling really good tonite, like i wanna boogie. But those of u who know me, know that out of all my habits - singing everywhere is one of my worst. Usually i try to limit it to singing in ppl's cars - but when im home and say for instance, when im in front of the comp with my playlist running - im probably singing along. BUT cos im sick - im trying not to sing cos im having trouble talking at the moe so singing would make it so much worse.
Also another bad habit is talking to myself when im on the comp lol. My mom just came in here b4 and asked who i was talking too..I didn't even think i was talking that time!

You know everytime im on the net and i read someone's blog, im always inspired to write in my own but then i run out of things to say. i duno why. i think i used to write alot more back in the days when i didn't think anyone read this. And i don't think anyone actually does read it, but those few who do...thank u :)

I got an e-mail today from my old music teacher from back at MLC. Mr. Gardiner. He still has my e-mail addy...so he sent me info on a music lable cd launch thats on the 9th of dec. Its for electronic music and stuff...im not gonna go of course, cos that would be weird, but it sounds interesting.


I just got d/c by my mum. she used the phone WHEN she KNEW i was on the internet...grrr. meanie.
anyway gtg.

playlist:
joy enriquez - tell me how you feel
filter - take a picture

im off to the doctor's today! to have a check up, to check out my throat. woo.
So i'd better have breakfast, cos i won't be home till afternoon....cos im leaving in 30 minutes.
My jeans smell like smoke. ewww. i haven't decided if im going out tonite or not..rach wants me to come...but i have no cash..If i go i don't drink..i'll just try and be hyper without the alc.

went out yesterday with lisa and mark street. We went to studly park and fed ducks...lisa had one trained lol, and we sat on a pipe..looked at the boat house.

if you would like to bitch at me please SIGN MY GUESTBOOK ON THIS SITE www.geocities.com/evesygal - cos i was there the other day and i have no new entries! so give me some love or hate...just wanna know what u think

OK. first off. While i am insanely happy...i am also alittle weirder out already. I'd like to thank Justin for his e-mail - BUT please don't scare me with the Mr & Mrs Tu stuff...cos that just makes me wanna scream...i really don't like it...and i hated it when Will used to tease me about becoming ms. maunder....don't freak me out just yet. I don't like expectations...cos in the end whatever happens happens. And im not gonna get ahead of myself just yet. lol.

Also i'd like to say to JON - thanks for the icq msg, you told me not to take the last line seriously...BUT when ever u say not to take u seriously - I think u need to be taken seriously. Whatever happens in the end..you are worth my time....never think your not. I will give this relationship a try..but even if it doesn't work out u know i'll always love u as a friend - and as a friend you are always worth my time. I value friendship over many things, and some things will never change. I'll give u a better explaination later ok?

Anyway...I'VE MADE THE LEGO CASTLE! WOOt. i shall have pictures soon once i bother to upload them on the comp. I thought it would be cool to make a little web lego comic or sumthing though with it...cos...it would be a waste to take down the castle just yet.

I remember stormy weather
The way the sky looks when its cold
And you were with me
Content with walking
so unaware of the world

Please don;t drive me home tonight
cos i don't wanna feel alone
please don't drive me home tonight
cos i don't wanna go

Tuesday morning
In the dark
I was finding out who you were

I took your picture
While you were sleeping
And then I paced around the room
If I had known then
That these things happen
Would they have happened with you?

Please don't drive me home tonight
'Cause I dont wanna feel alone
Please don't drive me home tonight
'Cause I don't wanna go
Tuesday morning
In the dark
I was finding out
Who you are

And if you turned around to see me and I was gone
You should have looked outside your window
'Cause the sun was coming up
The sun was coming up

Please don't drive me home tonight
'Cause I dont wanna feel alone
Please don't drive me home tonight
'Cause I don't wanna go
Tuesday morning
In the dark
I was finding out
Who we are
who we are


Michelle BRanch - Tuesday Morning -

i need to write this. my other blog just has three lines. Maybe i should go into detail.
I know later on when i calm down, and when my thoughts settle...this will all make more sense.
I feel so excited about this, im scared too. I don't want to run away again, cos it could be the biggest damn mistake of my life, and i regret too much already.
But this is the next step I guess, and i think im ready to take it. I dunno if i deserve it, but fuck that.

I wasn't looking for this, i was hoping that it would happen eventually. Maybe not this soon, but this is good. Sooner than i expected. I've been happy lately, but i can't explain how i feel it would be impossible. Because there cannot be one word that sums up every little thing i'm feeling. i feel like im at the top of the world. For real. But im scared too...because this could just come crashing down, i could make all this just fall and fail. But i can't let myself do that before i've even given this relationship a chance.

Tonight has been sooo weird. So good though. I never imagined it would end this way, it would end with me feeling like i want to jump around and scream.
I dunno if things are making sense yet....not for me...probably not for those of u reading either. lol. my head is spinning. literally. if im not careful my head will explode..

and im hungry and tired now.

OK, i'll get to the long awaited point of this blog. I am well i guess u could say...no longer single. Which is weird..cos i remember telling my nail girl that i was currently happy being single...whoops. that has to be a lie - cos i'm fucking over the moon about not being single now.

A few things were revealed tonight, and its safe to say that Jon Tu and I (Ev Ham) (lol) are together after one long phone call of giggles and incomprehensible sentences.


and now i am going to bed. And I know I will get no sleep tonight....




p.s - my last post are lyrics i wrote awhile back. u could prolly guess what their about..but some of it confuses me...cos i don't remember it all or what was going thru my head at the time. But i really like it .

15-10-03 – Cruel -
I think of how easy it would be
To leave you lying
Alone with the guilt and blood on your hands

I wanted to leave you broken
Make you feel as sick as I do now
I hated you then and the sight of you makes me ill

Every single moment we spent together
I hate the memories I have of you
I was so bored with you and your like

I let you go because I didn’t like you
You were dismissed because I didn’t need you
I left you because of what you said
And of what you didn’t say

It was cruel of me to do it
But I wanted to make you feel
All my sadness,
Every single scar you left
I was so sick of feeling hurt
And I blame you for it.

Playlist:
Daft Punk - digital love
R.Kelly - Thoia Thong
Maroon 5 - Harder to breathe
Planet Funk - The Switch

Hey all.
Today has been hot! hot as. nice but hot. And its making me sleepy this weather.
On Wednesday I handed in my last essay for the year, it was exactly one week late...but at least its done. And i've enroled on the net soooo all i have to do is wait for the results on the net and wait for my enrolement form which i may not get till january...i dunno. Anyway, so i'm relaxing at home. Not going out this week, i shall next week. Im just catching up on sleep, playing some PS2 (kingdom hearts kicks booty) and i'm just downloading some music to send to my sister at MM.
She'll be back on the 1st of december...arghhh. which means i have to clean my room, cos it is...mess. total chaos. there are clothes everywhere...i haven't made my bed properly in a month...My logic is, why make my bed when i'm only gonna sleep in it and mess it up again in a couple of hours anyway! But yes, i am lazy. I'll clean my room tomorrow...yep. tomorrow.

Im planning on seeing KILL BILL and Matrix next week. Cos if i don't see it like now, i'll never see it and then i'll be all bummed and annoyed with myself. So i must go see. And i'll prolly go out next week, see what morgs is doing...U know, I've seen her TWICE in less than a week. I saw her last week at the bus stop at shoppo and i saw her again (but in her baker's delight uniform...pleats in shorts?) at the bus stop at shoppo on wednesday. Keep running into her there...we've agreed that we'll both go out one nite with shazz...go and boogie and such.

ahh. i really don't think my mum should complain about my room though...my brother just moved all his stuff back home and there are bags everywhere! gotta set up his computer later and play my game of sim city...hehe.

Meanwhile, u should all go anc check out the U.S site for FFX-2. it's in english, which means it makes sense...unlike the jap site which totallt confused the hell outta me...too many buttons. http://www.square-enix-usa.com/games/FFX-2/

And steve sent me an addy for a FFX-2 "which character are you" type quiz....he got Yuna...LOL...hehe
Myself on the other hand..


You're Paine! Fighting can solve anything and get
you you're way in life! nobody better cross
your path!


Which FFX-2 Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

So there ya have it folks.

OH! there is a doco on missy E on sbs tonite! so make sure ya'll watch it ;)

Yellow - coldplay

look at the stars
look how they shine for you
and everything you do
yeah they were all yellow
I came along
I wrote a song for you
and all the things you do
and it was called yellow
So then I took my turn
oh wh at a thing to have done
and it was all yellow


your skin
oh yeah your skin and bones
turn into something beautiful
and you know
you know I love you so
you know I love you so


I swam across
I jumped across for you
oh what a thing to do
'cos you were all yellow
I drew a line
I drew a line for you
oh what a thing to do
and it was all yellow


and your skin
oh yeah your skin and bones
turn into something beautiful
and you know
for you I bleed myself dry
for you I bleed myself dry


it's true
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine


look at the stars
look how they shine for you
and all the things that you do


GOOD MORNING everyone! actually i should be saying good evening..but fuck the formalities.
Well My studying is going OK. i know what i have to do..planned out my whole essay, it just might take me an extra day to write..fuck. Yeah, i probably could have had it done today, but for some reason i'm getting distracted really easily...like..oh there's my cat....stare for a good minute...huh...oh back to work.
I've been like that all day. and music is distracting even when its turned down really really low. BUT i have the windows media player no.9! yay..i discovered it today when i couldn't find the icon for windows media..and somehow the new version has installed its self...hmmm..maybe my brother had something to do with it.
Do you know he was watching his new porn dvd on this computer? THAT IS JUST SICK..cos....eww...this chair..i should swap chairs. Him and his strange friends were all having a porn video session last saturday morning in geelong..which i'm soo glad i missed.
Its soo funny cos he's so ashamed and embarressed around other girls with his porn birthday presents..he tried not to show the "gifts" to his chick friends at his party...lol...soo funny.

But anyway back to my windows media player..i am currently playing every single song on this computer thats in a My music folder...ehehe. well i'm skipping thru the johnny cash and elton john tracks of course - my dad has baddd music taste though..he really likes hick type music...its fucking strange the shit i hear him listeing to.

Anyway gtg the bill and the simpsons are on. later. ah but first alan needs my help...alas my work here is never done.

Songs i've been singing today:
Lara Fabian - I will love again
Limp Bizkit - Nookie
Christina Ag - Come on over
50 cent - thug love
702 - where my girls at
Hanson - This Time Around and Can't stop
Joey McIntyre - stay the same
j.lo - if you had my love

I can't find the shuffle button on my winamp! lol. its not on the skin and its kinda annoying. lol.
But i have a pretty good winamp skin..its a Utena skin, its bright orange, pretttty mad. My winamp 3 player has a rikku skin which i rather like also. and i have some flamey skin that rocks my socks..so my winamps kick booty.

Today was the longest day ever. You know i actually ate dinner at 6 pm. I had some microwaved stuff...which i think was a rip off cos its now 10:51pm and i'm still hungry.
I actually did work today, tomorrow i have to write it up and then hand it in on wednesday and then i have to start the next essay. A few days late won't matter much, so its ok. Anyway my tutor is overseas while we are all slaving away on essays...sooo by the time he gets back my essay will be waiting with the rest to be marked...so lateness shouldn't be an issue. i'm not making any sense, my head is getting alittle dizzy.

I've been a bad bad girl. I was planning on buying a video game this week, AFTER i did my essays, well after the geelong adventure, me and my brother were in the city wasting time before the bus was to arrive, and i decided i would show him the video game store in the city and then we would go to missing link..cos they've moved to a nice location on burke street. But we disagreed with their shop sign..go read it - cos there are alot better independent stores in melbourne..such as..my brother tells me Au-go-go. Just a little pretencious and full of themselves.

So anyway! we went to the store..had a look at the dvds...had a look at the new sims game...cos i was tempted to buy another sims expansion pack...THEN we looked at the PS2 games..they have the new buffy game and we were looking at dark angel, and all these other titles, too many to name.
Then we came to the platnium games..NOW i'm not a cheap ass - i paid full price for my beautiful copy of final fantasy x which was worth every cent, And two games that i've been wanting for awhile just happen to be platnium..so cheaper for me..which equals yayness.
So it was a toss up between Kingdom hearts and Rachet and Clank. Both equally fantastico games. AND i wasn;t gonna buy a game that day..but since i was there..and my bro would need something to do while i took over his room and the computer for the next few days, i thought WHAT THE HELL and we tossed a coin and it landed heads and we were supposed to buy rachet and clank. BUT last minute i changed my mind and got Kingdom hearts..and i must say i am very very very happy with my purchase. And my bro doesn't think its as stupid anymore...cos I MEAN it HAS CLOUD, and Aerith(voice by mandy moore lol) and it had wakka and tidus and yuffie and selphie! and Leon/squall! AND IT HAS TARZAN! how mad is that! and you can have tarzan in your party and he kicks booty! and i've always been a fan of Tarzan..maybe cos he looks so much like IKE! LOL..some of you would get that..But when the Tarzan film came out, I was with leanne..and we were like IKE IKE IKE! the whole time...ahh memories. But damn, the voice talent is pretty cool...when i heard Aerith speak i was thinking...that sounds like mandy moore - and it is! AND leon is david boreanaz....mmmm...and
BUt so far its a great game and to quote justin Timberlake "i'm lovin' it" .

BUt i should be doing my work. I should be. I did today though...so thats good. Lisa did my survey :) which is v. good. so now i can write lots of stuff about it. I'm report writing..so that'll be a nice welcome change from doing stupid usual essay format crap.

anyway, i'm off. NITE *MUAH*

i was gonna write a post. but i feel too sick to write anything. And i'm supposed to be writing an essay now...gah. i'm behind in all my work, and i have to go to my bro's 21st...which i really shouldn't go to, but i will cos i'm a nice person. and no one can come with me cos they all have work and stufff...i don't blame them..im so stressed about work..i dunno how i can have any fun on friday.

songs:
underneath - hanson (kinda my theme for the week)
good charlotte - emotionless
nivea- feat jagged edge + mystical - don't mess with my man (remix)
Yeah yeah yeahs - miles away

Underneath - Hanson

Waking up this morning thinking this can't be real
They say there's nothing love can't heal
Why don't you come on down so you can feel what I feel

Sitting all alone in this place
Even though we're here face to face
There is nothing gone but there's something wrong

Can't you see that I'm stuck here underneath
That you make it hard to breathe
Take a look around and tell me what you see
You'll find me underneath

I don't know what to say, would some know where to begin
I'm feeling that it's you beneath my skin
Well, if there was a notion for this pain that I'm in

Sitting all alone in this place
Even though we're here face to face
There is nothing gone, but there's something wrong

Can't you see that I'm stuck here underneath
That you make it hard to breathe
Take a look around and tell me what you see
You'll find me underneath
You'll find me underneath

If only you could feel what I dream
Maybe you hear what I mean
There is nothing gone but there's something...

Can't you see that I'm stuck here underneath
You make it hard to breathe
Take a look around and tell me what you see
You'll find me underneath
You'll find me underneath
Underneath

* * *

IT'S DONE! THE HAIR HAS BEEN CUT. lol. sorry, i know i'm making a big deal. i have pictures if anyone is interested? lol, i took pictures to send to my sister, cos she's away..and she's in a shit attitude at the moe, so she needs cheering up and pictures of me. naturally.

I am in a very good mood. the weather is great, i've been busy, and its been goot! I went out last night, which at first i was alittle worried about it, Shaz took me out to the 'Pool room' which is out in fern tree gully...far away. lol. I was expecting heaps of yobos and shit..there were a couple, but the night was pretty good. And i met shaz's friends and they are all very cool very nice people. But i had a few too many drinks last night, Shaz said he counted that i had about 6 drinks, and then started asking him not to give me anymore..and i still can't remember if i had both drinks...nevermind. lol, my memory is a little fuzzy, but i funnily enough i still remember everyone's names...lol. actually...no i do :)

But apart from all that from last night, i've been having a good day here. I made a cassette for Aub, i cleaned the house, and i've done stuff. And i've sat here in front of the computer for alittle too long looking at the sanity website and going through the pages and pages of animated dvds and videos...i'm up to page 29. But sanity is having a little sale, and a couple of anime films are on sale really cheap! BUT i will tell u all now, the uncut version of Ninja Scroll is coming out really really soon. But Sanity have wicked city, and vampire hunter and ghost in the shell cheap...sooo yay. But im looking forward to the uncut version of ninja scroll - which i've only seen once, and it really wasn't that graphic...the rape scene was kinda tame. But what really excites me is that sanity have Legend of the Overfiend on dvd. And i've been wanting to see that film, mostly because its mentioned in all my academic readings for my media topic.

I got into the animation class for cinema studies next year, woo! I'm really happy i got my first preferences for all my classes in cinema, but i can't actually remember what the codes on my form mean..and i don't exactly remember what the classes are...so i'll have to check that. I only hope that tomorrow when i get my media preference form back that i'm not too disappointed, because i dunno what i'll do if i don't get into radio production. there go all my plans..for a second time.

my mum got the matrix reloaded from the video store, so i'm gonna go watch, and eat something while i'm at it. hmmm...tim tams.

Mood: content
songs in my head: Third Eye Blind - Another Life

On the 14th of October it was Rach's birthday. She's 20 years old now. I wonder what she did, if she had a party, if she went out for dinner, anything.
But i'm not supposed to care, right?
Its hard to stop caring and to hate someone you've known for so long. But its even harder to come to terms with, when you realise that you never knew them at all.

Its a really nice day today. I'm getting my hair cut tonite, woo. I've had long hair for long enough, its time for it to go! Kinda makes me wish i was going out tonight. The last time i actually cut my hair was back in April. lol, and its now October..you know how they say you should cut your hair every 6-8 weeks to avoid split ends? yeah..well i basically ignore that. my hair is all ends :)
Actually now that i remember, the last time i cut my hair..i went to Street's cocktail party - *sigh* those were the good old days. lol. i'm feeling alot older now, i think responsibility has finally slapped me on the ass. I want to start making it on my own now, because i think i'm finally ready to do that.

Lisa sent me an e-mail, and there is a picture of a kitten in a beer glass...reminds me of the bonsai kittens site. lol.

Its almost 9am. This is the second last week of uni..woo.
I think i should probably go and do some work...i've been trying to do work all week, lol, but i haven't been too productive. Yesterday i finally got round to opening word and then i wrote down a biblography listing of all the books i took out of the lib. So from 10:30am ish till 8pm ish what exactly did i do all day? well apart from chatting to people all day, i updated my website, again. I read other people's blogs and then wondered why they don't update often enough. I went to some old websites, wondered why they didn't update anymore, then i visited a few other sites, and downloaded a whole stack of mp3s..and i still have more to download....urghh..this downloading is soo draining...who knew u could get tired from doing nothing?

ha. horrid. thats a funny word. Say it in a sentence like "OH how horrid" and with an english accent. haha. You know when your not really hungry, but u go and have a snack and then afterwards your like, "mmm. i want more" i feel like that right now. I have lots of work to do..but i really can't be bothered doing it..cos i would rather write bullshit in this blog than be actually doing something productive.
I updated my website the other day, tuesday i think. the front page looks cool and the index looks shite. I should probably move away from geocities, cos makes me go "arghhh" and maybe i should get more creative...maybe its time for frames? LOL. i have no html knowledge whatso ever...but i like fucking with pictures in photoshop..i only know a few basic things, but its fun...anyway.
The anime pictures i used for my website were of Revolutionary Girl Utena...go here http://www.ohtori.nu/ this site has heaps of info and pics and is damn pretty to look at.


"Not A Pretty Girl" - ani difranco
I am not a pretty girl
that is not what I do
I ain't no damsel in distess
and I don't need to be rescued
so put me down punk
maybe you'd prefer a maiden fair
isn't there a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere

I am not an angry girl
but it seems like I've got everyone fooled
every time I say something they find hard to hear
they chalk it up to my anger
and never to their own fear
and imagine you're a girl
just trying to finally come clean
knowing full well they'd prefer you
were dirty and smiling

and I am sorry
I am not a maiden fair
and I am not a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere

and generally my generation
wouldn't be caught dead working for the man
and generally I agree with them
trouble is you gotta have youself an alternate plan
and I have earned my disillusionment
I have been working all of my life
and I am a patriot
I have been fighting the good fight
and what if there are no damsels in distress
what if I knew that and I called your bluff?
don't you think every kitten figures out how to get down
whether or not you ever show up

I am not a pretty girl
I don't want to be a pretty girl
no I want to be more than a pretty girl

DJ EV. that doesn't sounds too cool. Maybe because i should never become a DJ - because my name is too horrid and too evil to be allowed next to the title of DJ.
My bro is having his 21st b'day party on the 31st of October - all my friends are invited to come along (i don't expect any of my friend to actually go)- BUT its in geelong. LOL. how the fuck are people gonna get there...i dun even know how i'll get there...But its gansta themed - and my bro has basically asked me to do some compliation cds for him - just some funky stuff, and tracks from soundtracks. I can't believe that my brother would actually leave me in charge of music for his fucking party - he is sooo stubborn, ignorant, and biased when it comes to music. If i tell him a band is good..he'll say its shit just because - THEN a month later a friend of his will tell him about the same band and then its fucking awesome. and thats just stoopid. I was downloading The Distillers the other nite..and he was like "WHY the fuck are u downloading them! YOU don't like them! You listen to fucking pop" And he hates it when i like some band he does. But he is slowly discovering DC...which is nice...cos now when ppl see his DC logo on his phone he can also say he likes the band.

OK. I'M very excited at the moment, because yesterday i got my very own dvd copy of Hanson Live at the Fillmore! wooooooo. I watched it today..and yayness! my dad got me the dvd from ebay...cos i kept nagging him for it - lol now im gonna work on getting the acoustic EP. woo. yeaah i know. i'm all teeny cos i still like hanson..but fuck u. their music makes me happy.

omg..i just found a site....a site i haven't seen in agess..it moved! stupid ppl..wait. stupid people.
anyway. i gotta gooo. australian idol will be on soon. HOW DARE THE STUPID VOTING PUBLIC OF AUSTRALIA NOT VOTE FOR LEVI. that was disgusting last nite. Paulini and Levi were up with Shannon in the bottom three. Rob should have been up there instead of Paulini..that was soooo bad. And Levi gets booted out - soooo unfair. I voted for Levi..so neh.

boogie list:
Jungle Boogie - Kool and the Gang
Across 110th Street - Bobby Womack
Let's stay together - Al Green
Son of a Preacher Man - Dusty Springfield
As time goes by - Louis Armstrong

When i'm in a shite mood - i just put on some music and its just lifts me up and i'm in a fantastic mood for the rest of the day. A funky tune, a profound lyric - a good song can just make me forget about my life, make me forget about whats been troubling me. And make me feel like i can do anything to the right music.
Its kinda like this 'higher' spiritual music experience. So thats what i'll call it for now. But music has always done this to me, always reminded me of who i am, what my aspirations are..or were in some instances. Its inspiring. And damn well makes me want to get down and boogie.

here are some of my latest aquisitions:
Miles Away - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Me Against the Music - Britney feat. Madonna
A little less talk, more action (extended mix) - Tim Delux
Wasted - Cam Farrar
Tangled - Maroon 5
Bigger Than my Body - John Mayer
Troubled - Pink
Light your ass on fire - Busta Rhymes ft. Pharrell
Re-offender - Travis

Low - Kelly Clarkson

Everybody's talking
But they don?t say a thing
They look at me with sad eyes
But I don't want the sympathy
Its cool you didn't want me
Sometimes you can't go back
Buy why'd you have to go and make a mess like that
Well I just have to say
Before I let go

Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know?
Were you left out in the cold?
What you did was low

No I don't need your number
There's nothing left to say
Except I never thought it'd hurt this much to be sane
My friends are outside waiting
I've gotta go

Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know?
Were you left out in the cold?
What you did was low
What you did was low (low)
What you did was low (low)
What you did was low (low)

I walk out of this darkness
With no sense of regret
And I go with a clear conscience
We both know that you can't say that
Here's to show
For all the time I loved you so
So

Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know?
Were you left out in the cold?
What you did was low
Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know?
Were you left out in the cold?
What you did was low
Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
Cause what you did was low

I really really like this song. And somehow in my current state it fits. I think i made progress today, i finally came to terms with some stuff that i've been dealing with of late, and i've realise that saying i don't care about things and people is a crock of shit. I care all too much, and thats my problem. I worry, I cry over things that keep me awake at night. I can't sleep when something is on my mind, when something troubles me, when someone hurts me or offends me. I don't understand some people, and I guess i never will. I want to accept people for who they are, and i forget about the shit they've done, but how can u be friends with someone who isn't even a friend back. How can you care about a friend when they don't even have the decentcy to call you or write u an e-mail or let you know something, or trust you..or even tell you that they don't want to be friends with you.
Now, i'm not perfect. Trust me, i'll be the first to admit it. I hate my flaws, my imperfections everything about myself i want to change - i want to change myself my personality, everything, but i'm still learning things and the hard way. I throw myself into the deep end and try to swim. My whole life i've been stuck in situations, difficult situations that i couldn't escape only try to make the best of, my life isn't some comfy holiday, its hard - but i'm learning to appreciate it. And i appreciate every single person in my life, everyone i've ever known has affected me in some way. And i'm glad to say i've even learnt from my mistakes, and from other people - because i've seen how they treat people and i don't want to be like that.

I've done this stupid ranty shit so many times on my blog. I have to keep reassuring myself, that i'm not bad, that i'm not totally hopeless, that one day it will all be worth it. lol.

I wrote a short story last week, its about a boring married couple, who one day crack and try to break their routine lives. I kinda like it, but i needs work.

Anyway..i have a research report to begin.

Playlist:
Buried Myself Alive - The Used
Cute without the E - Taking Back Sunday
Asking Too Much - Ani Difranco
Beautiful - Me'shell Ndegeocello