JAMES IS A MUTHFUCKER! AND DESERVES TO HAVE HIS BALLS LICKED BY CAMEL IN AN OVERCOAT.

losing the battle


Well i'm back here again on a boring sunday night. Last nite was interesting forawhile...then it got weird and i hated to rest of the nite. I was so tired i slept all the way home, it was good of carlos to give me a lift home...i owe him one - even though i get the feeling he will probably never take up the offer of a free ride of from me when i get my P's...in fact i think everyone will be alittle scared to sit in a car with me at the wheel ;)

I was sick all this morning - and i'm getting sick of being sick all the time. I think something must be wrong with me because this keeps happening. Im starting to think maybe its genetic - or that i'll have the same problems my mum has been having recently. I took some drugs b4 so hopefully i'll be fine for the rest of the night...my morning was hellish and i won't go into details because it wasn't pretty...actually it was pretty tame considering other times i've been sick...maybe im getting better, but i doubt it.

myer has cut back all my shifts,...but apparently all casuals are getting like one shift a week right now. Apparently this is always a bad month in retail...my last shift was so boring...i couldn't stand it. It was so good to just get out of there and do something that involved not serving testy customers and standing up.

last nite a few of us went to alumbra - which is this cool bar,loungey bbq place out behind the exhibition buidling near crown. its amazing what people can do with a small shed. although i had issues with the bathroom..it was alittle too weird for my liking - i mean mirrors go near the sink not in the fricken cubicals...common fucking sense was lacking in that design.

anyway....i've been trying to re-write some song lyrics and work out backing vocals for some songs with da band...i think the boys are gonna sick of me - for the last three weeks now james has put a microphone in front of me and i haven't sung a fricken line of backing vocals for them. lol..their gonna lose their patience with me i think haha. nah it'll all work out eventually...eventually...im working on it.

*sigh*
i think im gonna finish this up and watch a bad 80's movie...anime wise - i have new naruto eps and episode one of bleach now....interesting stuff it all ez.

Forget what you know:
kelly clarkson - since you've been gone
utada hikaru - first love (bohemian summer concert)
jay-z linkin park - encore/numb
beastie boys - sabotage

THIS POST IS DEDICATED TO EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHOM HAS EVER BEEN FUCKED AROUND BY THE NATIONAL BUS CO.

I AM SICK of this. it is not summer timetable anymore - SO WHERE THE FUCK IS MY BUS!
YEAH okay so i don't have my p's yet - and even when i get my p's i won't have my own car so i'll still be forced to take melbourne's shitty excuse for public transport every day to uni and work. ANd while im thinking of making a complaint - i have made a few in the past - this time i really can't be bothered. HONESTLY. they should get their friggen act together.
anyway. i have to go and be driven to work now. THANKS FOR FUCKING NOTHING YOU STUPID FUCKING NATIONAL BUS FUCK COMPANY FUCKERS!

Stem - Shiina Ringo

There's a door here, but it will not break

There's a stone there, but it won't remain

Up there a heaven now, but it will not wait

And the lies there, the scent of it, just too much

So should you,Sow it once and make it grow, the sweet clematis

Let it flower, and paint it all of the colors bold

Instantly things fall and fade, return to silence

Why oh why, why does it all feel so sorrowful?

Dreams of what is real

There's a breath here, but it will not break

There's a face there, but it won't remain

Up there a heaven now, but it knows no name

And the stain is the color of red through red

And thus,

You cannot cry, confuse the lies, try to remember

When you rise, you take your steps with a strong desire

Time goes by, a breath it comes, like something given

Why oh why, why have these nightmares not long expired

The real is but a dream

From now on,

Should it grow and open full, the sweet clematis

Flower bold, but there's no need for rejoicing more

Precious life, this life, just once, it comes just one time

Keep it close, keep it from ever just leaving you

Crying tears confusing fears they are no longer

When I stand I know I'll never be down again

Nothing that I need now, once it comes just one time

Somehow, somehow, someone, ah

Entry Number One

I was just reading a fan fic and I've had this feeling all though it - something wasn't meshing for me. It wasn't as enjoyable to read a second time (rewritten) round and then a thought just hit me. It's not real. None of it makes sense nor do i find it believable at all. For the simple fact that this fan fic took real people and threw them into a fictional situation involving other fictional characters to work off. And it just doesn't work for me anymore. The characters are annoying now. Fan fiction is a weird thing...and it can be good or bad. And i've read alot of good - stuff that I can relate to, and right now its just unbelieveable and unrealistic. When it comes down to it, fan fics are just written by girls who idolise or want to sleep with famous rockstars or characters in a show. Im sure there is already O.C fan fiction out there about Seth and Ryan getting with the "female cast" but really its just the authors putting themselves in the lead roles. And reading about Zac Hanson - someone else's version of him - its kinda weird. I mean I've never met the guy, I'm sure he's nice...and nothing like the million different Zac's I've read about. Which is the annoying thing about fan fics - they perpetuate a myth about famous people...its all lies..and we'll never know what these people are really like in real life until we meet them. I've been over this so many times - But i'm not over it. I am in the sense i no longer have unrealistic expectation myself - but when will there be a time when we just leave it alone? i guess im experiencing what so many other extinct fan fic site authors went through awhile back...when it no longer feels right reading/making up stories about REAL people's lives.

anyway, thats all i wanted to say.

I went to doncaster and boxhill yesterday with Tristan. We had lucky cup and walked round to all the anime stores....so that was nice until we got bored and started walking around mindlessly in target and centro. i purchased the love hina vol 3. manga and ghost in the shell: innocence dvd...woot. the day before yesterday i bought a sponge bob dvd with TEN episodes on it...woot. I should stop spending money though, i spent 250 dollars on biotherm products last week, and 170 on paying off laybys and buying the DEAD LEAVES & Sanjuro dvds. also i bought some levis for 100 on sale...and i got a 60 buck jacket from supre - i only bought the jacket so i could put this reallly nice pin on it that i got from toxic. So I'm wasting my money basically on just stuff....and its annoying me. Don't get me wrong, i love the stuff i bought, but i keep saying that i'm gonna save up and as yet i haven't saved a cent.

I need to fill out my swinburne form and send it out this week cos its due by the 10th and already its the 5th today...so i'd better hurry up otherwise i'll miss out and be a bum for the next year.

I saw the incredibles last nite. I liked it alot. I think Pixar did really well with the action family adventure thing. And the animation was AMMMMMAAAZing. go see it.

anyway i'm off to watch ep 115 of naruto - *muah* keep cool.

playing with the new ipod right now...putting on some actual good music...my sister is driving me crazy. She's become the bedroom nazi and the ipod nazi....i swear i was so close to slapping her. anyway i think i mite go shopping for some bed sheets...i feel like something black and red...no more of this pink room therfore pink bed crap. Christmas sucked, except when i saw lisa and watched house of flying daggers with her...the movie rocked my socks off...andy lau and the hot guy from chungking and fallen angels was in it..so was the chick from crouching tiger with that name i can't pronounce. it was cool go see it.

I love my taking back sunday cd...its awwwesome. i'm listening to "number five with a bullet" right now. its cool. can't wait till i get paid...im going shopping for some new stuff...biotherm products are ammmmaazing. and i've found some cool basic tees and singlet tops from giordano really cheap..so im gonna go there and get some stuffff...woot. and my astroboy delux box set...wooooooot...hmm and i need some popcorn to pop in my all new totallly awwwesome popcorn maker complete with those crazy popcorn boxes you get at the cinema...woot.

It's that time of year again...and if i hear one more christmas song i'm going to scream.

Seriously, I am OVER it. I'm not over the presents giving and buying part - But I'm over stupid customers, bitchy customers, and the crap myer forces us low level sales assistants to listen to for 9 hours straight. Nothing turns you off a holiday quicker than working in retail or listening to crap christmas songs which are lyrically retarded and go something like this "I'M GEETTING NOTHING FOR CHRISTMAAASSS"....ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!*SQUEALS at the end of the argh* my ears.....anyway..im working 12am(midnight tonite) till 8am friday morning....I had such a hard time explaining that to my parents, they kept getting it all the times and dates mixed up...grrr... so im trying to get some rest now because otherwise i'll just fall asleep on my feet. Like who the hell is going to come shopping after 2am at myer? And the rest of the center isn't even open except for myer so whats the point? I know if i was still doing chrissy shopping i'd rather go to highpoint or chaddy for the 24hour shopping in the whole center not just crappy myer. not that myer is crappy - no only the eastland myer is crap. lol ;)

well i gotta meet up with lisa some time tomorrow hopefully and write up our fancy chrissy cards - yes we have expensive taste...but i'd rather send out nice chrissy cards than crap 79 cent ones that all look the same. anyway i gotta get some more sleep b4 tonite...stay cool kids.

listen to me:
Shiina Ringo - Kuki
usher - if i want to

watch me:
oprah's favourite things
willow
freaky friday (lindsay kicks Hilary's ass)

listen:
the avalanches - frontier psychiatrist
ollie and jerry - there's no stopping us
the chemical brothers - come with us (you must only listen to this song with ur speakers turned up to 11 - or 10 if they don't go that far)

Well i have some news for this week. And i thank my lucky stars (and god) for this one. I got into the Swinburne course! woot! i'm doing commercial radio next year! woot! i'm so excited and scared and shocked and amazed and I don't know what it was that they liked about me, but i am so grateful and thankful that I'm not going to be spending next year doing nothing. So thats one good thing about next year, its gonna be alot of work though. And alot different from doing my usual cut and paste radio. So i have alot of learning to do, but i'm gonna just throw myself into the deep end on this one and hopefully come up a stronger more mature and knowledgeable individual.

Oh well I can dream.

I have had the strangest 24 hours. I have had enough of these strange emotional ups and downs i've been having. While sober i seem fine and happy, then I get drunk and stay very high and fairly happy and then when i finally come down I'm so low that i've sunk to the deepest depths of the depression end of my emotional scale. And somehow when i woke up this morning my low was still with me. i've spent most of today as a sleepless zombie, (do zombies sleep? they are the waking dead after all) and i've been numb of anything emotionally stable and good. Even a work associate of mine (whom i don't work with that often) noticed a change in my demeanor. I wasn't rude...execpt when i knocked back the short bread biscuits that nadia made - but honestly I didn't want to work today. When i got into Miss shop this arvo i realised how stupid my day was going to be with nothing to do and no one decent to chat with (despite there being 7 girls working in that dept today). I was happy to be moved into christmas trimm dept, even though i had no idea about anything. Customers would ask me questions about the trees on display or about the crazy electrical singing santas and i would stare at them jaw open with a "oh fuck" look on my face...lol. I must admit though, speed wrapping is not my thing. even if its only tissue paper wrapping. And also i'll admit that i miss my personal care department. Yes it has its moments where it is boring and horrible, but i'd rather be there and comfortable than thrown into the deep ends into a busy department where i know nothing.

yeah anyway enough talk about work, its driving me crazy.

hyde - masquerade
dashboard confessional - screaming infidelities & For You to Notice(my anthem for the day)

Distance - Utada Hikaru (remix version)

Ki ni naru noni kikenai
Oyogitsukarete kimi made mukuchi ni naru

Aetai noni ienai nami ni osarete
Mata sukoshi tooku naru

Tokirenai you ni keep it going baby
Onaji kimochi janai nara tell me
Muri wa shinai shuugi demo
Sukoshi nara shite mite mo ii yo

I wanna be with you now
Futari de distance shijimete
Ima nara maniau kara
We can start over
Hitotsu ni wa narenai
Itsu no hi ka distance mo
Dakishimerareru you ni nareru yo
We can start sooner
Yappari I wanna be with you

Hito koto de konna ni mo kizutsuku kimi wa
Kodoku wo oshiete kureru

Mamorenai toki keep on trying, baby
Yakusoku toori janai kedo trust me
Muri wa shinai shuugi demo
Kimi to nara shite mite mo ii yo

I wanna be with you now
Futari de distance mitsumete
Ima nara maniau kara
We can start over
Kotoba de tsutaetai
I wanna be with you now
Sono uchi ni distance mo
Dakishimerareru you ni nareru yo
We should stay together
Yappari I wanna be with you

I wanna be with you now
Coz I know this can't be forever
We can start over, just you and me
I wanna be with you now
Coz I know this can't be forever
We should stay together, just you and me
I wanna be with you

-- This song just reflects my mood for today - so if you knew this song and what it sounds like, you'd know I'm very happy right now. Isn't happy such a strange word, its a very childish word to me. Yet its the only word i can think of that would perfectly describe my mood...hmm.

i've changed my tune about adsl - and while i'm not about to have one of those moments where i'll say i'd fuck the guy who invented it (past examples - the guy who invented napster or icq) but I will say FUCK I thank my lucky stars because those two episodes of naruto i have downloaded have been FUCKING AWESOME. now i bet your thinking, how many more times can evelyn slip the word FUCK into a sentence or paragraph. and you'll be pleasntly surprised when i don't finish this sentence with the F-word. lol..well almost (you'll be more surprised when the day comes that i decide to fucking proof read my blogs and get rid of all this bad speeling and crazy un-needed punctuation and grammaraaar. But it is not in my nature to proof read).

listen:
spinal tap - give me some money
utada hikaru - in my room
henry rollins - A rollins in the wry
Deepdish - flashdance (because i heard it exactly 5 times on the radio yesterday)

watch:
mean girls (cos their so meaaaaaan)
little Britain - I'm a LAAAADY! "you there, do you think i'm a laaaady?"
Naruto - ep 112 (chouji and his fat rolling jutsu)
the goodies - Kitty Kong ep.

I'm in one of those moods...i want to write something here but nothing i can think of really appeals to me. I've realised that ADSL isn't all that great because telstra sucks balls....literally honestly its been such a pain in the ass trying to just access some sites here. while the downloading of songs is usually fast - its not cool when stupid kazaa users decided they won't share their mp3s with my lovely speedy internet. hmm.

Right now. just then i had a craving for macca's fries. that really cannot be a good thing.

I think I'm becoming obsessed with lip gloss. Don't ask me why, but since trying the new rimmel jelly gloss...i think i'm hooked. meanwhile my new sugarbaby lip laquer is fantassstic - yet nothing seems to be as nice as the rimmel stuff right now.....i'll have to actually buy some gloss instead of just using the testers at work...haha. Honestly testers for lipsticks and such just become really eww and grotty after awhile. And to think ppl steal them, Eww...I wouldn't be able to live with myself if i did that, i'd just keep thinking about how many other ppl's lips have been all over that stick of lippy....eww....all the germs! testers are really not the most hygenic things to ever be thought of by cosmetic companies.
anyway...

oh goody - im now working saturday 2-7pm....damn christmas trading hours...looks like getting to james's 21st will be alot more difficult than at first thought....grr.

musiqueeee:
jojo feat bow bow - Its you

I was right. nothing happened. my night ended in a [G] rated way.

Aries Mar 21 - Apr 20

Sun December 5, 2004
The level of sexual chemistry flowing between you and you-know-who is so powerful right now that you almost feel you could reach out and touch it. This could lead to some X-rated scenes but there's also a chance that it could go another way and provoke a combustible atmosphere. So do your best to steer the situation in whichever direction you want it to take.

Your lucky numbers are: 18,22

Your lucky colours are: teal blue,apricot

Sexual chemistry...ooh X-rated scenes... Combustible atmosphere? Bring it on msn astrosurf...Bring it on. but somehow i doubt my day shall end in an x-rated way.

I know I don't know you,
But I want you so Bad
Everyone has a secret -
But can they keep it?
Oh no they can't.

Well my interview went well. Hmm...I'm not expecting too much, but you know I can only hope at this point. I have to make an audition tape - so i'll organise that tomorrow or something, yeah and i have work tomorrow 6-9pm, and Kristie's 21st...woot. it should be good.

I had more to write here...in fact I had a whole post written until blogger decided to not work. Tonite i'm gonna go see team america - i'll post a review about it tomorrow or on the weekend or something. I feel like doing a bit of criticism. hmm...well i've run out of things and people to insult. I think I've exhausted pretty much every topic i can think of...but just wait I'm sure someone will do something stupid tomorrow....ahhh tomorrow is another day....im excited.

songs that made my day:
third eye blind - semi charmed kinda life (i change the lyrics when i sing this so its "he goes down and he goes round for me" and not the other way round ;) hehe)
mylo - drop the pressure
maroon(ed) 5 - Sunday Morning & Secret(see above lyrics)
the chemical brothers - come with us

I love my new Ministry of Sound 2005 Annual - in the words of the teen girl squad "It's sooooooooooo good!"
Nah seriously it is THAT good.

Okay well I've been meaning to post up things about the Hanson gig - except I never bothered to re-write everything I had written about it here...so maybe i'll just leave it. All you need to know is that it was good. Really good. Although I left that night feeling alittle disappointed and and also alittle tipsy. Yes alchol and Hanson does mix. Also I met some really cool fans, and I've never really associated with other fans before but I had a really good time hanging out with them till Lisa arrived and got me more tipsy after the gig at the Gin Palace - a really cool bar/lounge place....the bar tender was hot. Okay so that was the Hanson gig in a nutshell. It was surreal, good, and a nice experience i wouldn't mind repeating next year (if the boys come back with an actual band).

Last Friday night was the alexisonfire gig - they played at the Espy with I killed the prom queen and a whole heap of other bands. i didn't get to the venue till like 10 something, i finished work at like 9pm then once in st. kilda trying to find a park was murder...until we found one literally right next to the espy. It was a good night, i got some tee shirts - and got squished by a crowd while watching alexisonfire - who FUCKING rock. It was one of the most crazy fucking fantastic shows I've ever seen. It was really good and i HONESTLY had fun lol - lisa somehow didn't believe me...lol. anyway.

At the moment I have been working at myer quite a bit. I'm so buggered. Honestly working 9-5.30 is killer - and today 9-1 was just urghhhhhh, yeah no words can describe the pain of it...
So I'm home now and I have some news concerning my up and coming study for next year.
Firstly, I have an interview at Swinburne university tomorrow at 10:15am for the Commerical radio course - so wish me luck. I'm having a hard time actually with the application because it requires me to have 2 referees and I only have one so far, who is only reachable via email...and my other media lecturer well, he only knows that write shit essays (58 for my last essay). So i could use him as my second, but really i'd need to find someone better than him. And its very last minute now. Well I only found out about this interview and the referee thing yesterday. So this is the best i can do. Well i should prepare for it...get out a resume of some sort I guess. hmmm...

i haven't been looking at my emails lately...after that scary one with the dead girl under the bed - and after watching the grudge i think im all freaked out enough...lol. i love the grudge btw, i think im gonna go get a copy of the japanese version...

meanwhile latrobe keep sending me emails about some career thing this week...i think i might be too late to apply for it. Its just gonna tell me how to write an interview and shit...but i already know how to do all that anyway. Im giving my brother tips at the moe on resumes and stuff...he seems to be at a loss cos he's never had a crappy part-time job b4. I might do some research on my own now...because if i don;t get the swinburne course..its very likely that i won't - then im pretty much screwed. And i don't want to spend the rest of my life at Myer - some people have been at myer for like 20 years! and thats too long in my opinion. anyway i'd better get a move on. im gonna visit lisa at her mum's shop at 2pm...muahaha...then maybe i'll go buy some new tops...myer is taking 20% off all the good clothing brands, sale ends today so i'd better be quick....urgggh..and i have that vodaphone bill to pay..super cap my arse...

anyway. cya kiddies. and i hope to see some of u at gracie's going away paaarteeee. it shall rock rock on!

playlist for Ev:
planet funk - the switch
Slightly Stupid - Sweet Honey (from the O.C)
utada hikaru - animato

http://www.livejournal.com/users/april_wednesday/36991.html?view=81791#t81791
-film criticism of the film casshern. lots of pictures to keep u entertained :)


im seeing HANSON tonite. I just thought i'd share my enthusiasm here.........oohhh my oh my...
I've been waiting for this day for years...and right now it all seems alittle surreal. I don't know whats gonna happen tonite..my excitment is slowly building - im in a good mood now...im half way through with my essay..i have work later at 12.30 today...i also got paid today ;) woot
im thinking of buying the ministry of sound annual...and possibly the new azumanga daioh if its out..might get it later this week or something...

The only song i've ever really liked by Madonna is 'Like a Prayer'. Of course over the years the song has lost some of its appeal - But i reeeally like the Rufio cover of it. It renews my love for that song all over again.

The first time I heard that song was on Hey Hey it's Saturday...and i was watching Molly Meldrum do his thing and introduce the song. I remember loving the music video mostly - although i don't really remember much of it now, just a few bits of it. Im sure if i watched it now it wouldn't be the same and would probably be more of a disappointment because it won't live up to my memories of it. Actually I can't figure out why I like that song, maybe it was something about the lyrics or the music (which is pretty daggy now by today's standards) but honestly i couldn't tell you what drew me to that song. I guess its a mystery.

Last night I went to a Formal Dinner with steve at his army barracks. It was a very strange, interesting and even educational experience. It was an ugly building - lots of hall ways and small rooms and the girls bathrooms were tiny! the que for the bathroom during the ten minute break involved every single female who was there that night.

I had no idea what alot of the people were talking about but still i enjoyed the jokes i understood and i like the free alchol except that dry sherrie is ick. The white wine was worse than my usual drink of lambrusca cask wine, the red made me sleepy and the cheesecake was a disappointment. But other than that it was a fairly entertaining night. There were a few weird formalities and odd traditions that these army folks like to do...like clanging on a gong/saucepan when ever someone important enters a room. The standing silently and waiting for someone to yell "THE MESS HAS ASSEMBLED" b4 you can sit down. Also the carrying of the colours - which are flags - was highly amusing. In fact everyone found that amusing and had a hard time containing their laughter b4 we all were seated.

The social aspect of it was really good actually. I met some very cool people - and one guy who goes to latrobe and likes animeee!! woot. in fact he even offered to burn me the entire naruto eps 1-107 for me...wooot he was cool, we had a nice chat about games and anime. I met a girl Emily - she was really cool and she's into performing music and stuff. But my night kinda wound down with a foot massages from steve's friend rob - lol sounds kinky i know - but we both kinda fell asleep on the couch, except we all left rob there cos clearly he wasn't going anywhere. Those army boys have a hell of a day cleaning up now though lol. After all that mess with hellium balloons and chips and crap everywhere lol. It was a good night - an odd night, but good. yeah but i didn't pick up...and i don't know if i'd want to do that again though, maybe - lol i guess it would be less nerve racking a second time round - also being told what to do and expect before hand would have been nice lol. Right now I'm finishing off an essay and i've got band rehersal tonite, if anyone wants to hear the demos drop me a line and i'll burn u a cd or send u the mp3s. aiight?

okay cyaaaaaa kids.

I figured i'd link to the first 5 blogs i find on blogger's little random blog thingy...and this was it!

[ W h E r E i S T h E L o V E ]

http://soujiro18.blogspot.com/

Manic Musings Made by Max

http://hamster-riha.blogspot.com/

IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME!!!!!!!!!!

I'd have to say that this is a pretty clear representation of blogs on the internet. teenage girl diaries, and adults with commentaries (which is just another clever way of forcing their right winged opinions onto others) - and interest blogs. which would be the last one...cos i skimmed through it and it was all about sport. In the words of Summer from the O.C "eww" ...