Whats happened? to all of us. What happened to the traditional forms of communication? No one writes letters anymore. Letters were personal, usually hand written. And there is no other feeling quite like it when you recieve a letter in the post. Someone out there cared enough to write you a letter, stamp it, then send it. But the traditional methods of communication concerning the letter is beginning to die now that Email has become the most common form of communication on the internet. Its quicker, you don't have to deal with ques at the post office just to buy one stamp and the other person is just one click away from the send button on your screen. But email is one of most annoying things ever invented, because its become a chore. You need to always be checking for junk mail, you get sent these stupid chain-letter emails, and usually viruses and other nasty thingys get sent to your inbox. The only thing Post mail has to worry about is the odd anthrax letter, but that sort of thing usually only happens in America.
But the other point I wish to make is how impersonal emails can be. Okay, i have had the odd occasion where someone sends me an email, and its the most expressive thing and a true insight into the other other person's mind, but usually its the "Hi, how you going" type of email. I can have conversations like those any time. But email has become the way we all communicate with each other now. Its good, because it can reach everyone quickly and it doesn't cost a thing if ur using a public computer and hotmail. So it does have its advatages when organising events and things alike.

My other concern is the lack of telephone conversations. We now use msn, icq, irc, aim etc. We chat sometimes once a day, a few times a week. Most people now have mobile phones, which means you can reach people anywhere, no matter where they are - as long as they have good reception. So we chat on our computers, we chat on our phones using text messages. But what happened to the long phone conversation? The one that went for longer than an hour, where you'd stay up all night just talking about anything and everything. The kind that leaves you feeling afterwards that now you really know a person. And just like mail, getting a phone call from a desired person or from a friend is also one of those little pleasures in life we sometimes take for granted. Speaking now from my own experinces of late, i don't talk on the phone as much as I used to, like back in Highschool i would be on the phone to one of my friends every single night. But since everyone has gone their own ways, I hardly hear from some people unless their on the internet. And sometimes talking to them on the internet is so different to what it would be like if we were to talk in person, that i just choose not to talk to them while on msn or icq. Because the conversation really would go nowhere, like so many I have with alot of people. And I prefer to talk in person to alot of people, because that's how we met, that how we are friends. From the conversations and meetings we've had. Not from the long night chat conversations. I don't meet many people over chat anymore because I got bored of the same old thing, the same typical "getting to know you" conversations that usually start with some horny nerd on the other end wanting to see a picture of myself and asking if i have a bf.
And why would someone in the US want to know if I have a bf? their too far away it shouldn't even concern them (unless it concerns the content of the chat).

Now, we are too lazy to pick up the phone, pick up a pen and paper. Or are we too "busy". What's so important that we can't take just ten minutes, 15 minutes of our time to write a letter or call someone? But it seems we're never too busy to blog or to meet up with people for a couple of drinks or a movie.
This blog is just an example of what free time I have. I have archived blogs from 2001, from when i first began this blog to now. Some even have two - three blogs that they keep up in their free time. I always have time to come online, like i always have time to write in-between classes at uni, during those breaks I could write a letter. And sometimes I did. Back in first year I wrote heaps of letters, but i never sent them. But i have a blog, so now instead of writing letters and telling people how im doing or how i feel - people can just look on this site and get some sort of idea of my going-ons and happenings. So that means basically once people read my blogs, then i see them in person or talk on the phone - every time i mention something they just say 'Yeaah, i read your blog'. Im glad people are reading it, but now i have nothing to say cos you've read it already.
But now instead of calling people, writing emails to people etc, we just look at a person's blog. I admit it, i read blogs. I love blogs and online diaries. I read some frequently, and others less so. But its now got to that stage where all we do is read blogs and diaries online. And now all i do is write these for you. And i don't get any feedback from any of you, so I feel like this is a one-way conversation - and its become a conversation with myself. I used to nag people to read my blog, now i don't have to because this blog is the thing that stands between me and other people. This is what people refer to when they want to know something about me. When they can't be bothered to call me they read my blog instead. Now everyone knows i talk alot, and i probably could talk about myself a whole lot more than I do on here. This is not an accurate report on my life though. Due to censorship reasons, and for the sake of some people, I do not write everything. And it angers me that some people just read this blog, and then don't bother to call me or talk to me when they could get so much more out of me than they could out of this blog. But then again, this blog is me right? what i write here is me? At least some part of me. And i don't like how some people are using blogs as a battle ground for their own hate and insecurities. If there is a problem with someone, fix it. Don't just talk about it. If you really care about the people around you, don't just call them or a be a friend to them when it suits you. Don't just say, 'I do care.' but how? By reading a blog? We all do this, we all have limited our communication by creating these blogs. I admit that i am also at fault by taking the time to read a blog, instead of writing an email.


Lets get a little communication back into our lives, considering we are living in a communication rich age, where the ability to speak to someone is only One phone call away, or even just a text message. Be impersonal if you have to. But it would be nice to see sometimes just one person taking the time out of their 'busy' lives and just say hello. So how come its so hard for us to communicate? How come its so difficult to just be honest and say what you mean and feel? If we have all this technology, if we could call someone at anytime we want to and just have a chat, then how come we can't do it? Is it because we feel no need to? or because we don't want to?


if you have any opinions, or understood the above HUGE paragrahs please leave a comment or write in the tagboard. thanks.

playlist

Johnny Lang - Breakin' Me
Taking Back Sunday - You're so last Summer
Utada Hikaru - Letters
Yellowcard - Way away
Usher - Yeah
DC - so beautiful
Hanson - penny and me (i've been watching the clip of the video Over and Over and Over)

Random thought:
That Zac Hanson is so hot right now.

Idea for a post:

The internet, blogs, and You.

Want to know how im feeling? because reading this saves making a phone call - or bothering to contact me. But im not gonna make it easy on you. The song lyrics below are almost exactly how i felt about half an hour ago. Rite now, i don't feel anything except this numb feeling..........because i no longer care.


How's it going to be - third eye blind

I'm only pretty sure that I can't take anymore,
Before you take a swing, I wonder what are we fighting for,
When I say out loud, I want to get out of this, I wonder,
Is there anything I'm going to miss, I wonder
How's it going to be, When you don't know me,
How's it going to be, When you're sure I'm not there,
How's it going to be, When there is no one there to talk to,
Between you and me, 'Cause I don't care,
How's it going to be,
How's it going to be,

Where we used to laugh, There's a shouting match,
Sharp as a thumbnail scratch,
A silence I can't ignore,
Like . . The hammock by the doorway we spent time in, Swing empty,
don't see lightning like last fall when it was always about to hit me, I wonder

How's it going to be, When it goes down,
How's it going to be, When you're not around,
How's it going to be, When you find out there was nothing,
Between you and me, 'Cause I don't care,
How's it going to be,

How's it going to be
When you don't know me, any more
And How's it going to be

Want to get myself back in again,
The soft dive of oblivion.
Want to taste the salt of your skin
The soft dive of oblivion, oblivion

How's it going to be, When you don't know me, anymore,
How's it going to be,
How's it going to be,
How's it going to be.

I've been asleep all day. well almost all day. Saturday nite I went out with shazz to saratoga. very cool, but tiny place. Then we went to zimmer(?) down st kilda way, which is one funky cooooool as place with lots of comfy couches and nicceee musssic. Didn't get home till 5:30 - then about 5 minute later my brother also arrived home. I stayed up on the couch playing FFX for about an hour, then at 6:45 decided that i should probably sleeeep. Woke up at 8:30 on Sunday. And i was like the walking dead - or waking dead. I had like no sleep but somehow i was awake all of yesterday tilll that nite when we were watching Moulin rouge on tv, then i just closed my eyes for a second and woke up during the end credits. That is stillll one of the most entertaining films i've ever seen.......but i suppose it would have been good if i was awake for the film last nite. After that To die for was on...which is one of my faaaaave films. But i fell asleep through that also and ended up sleep walking to bed at about 3am. So now im still catching up on sleeep...i was lazing around on the couch earlier watching the goodies and i fell asleeeeeeep again. My eyes feel tired...my skin feels tight on my face, and if i was to lie down right now i'd probably sleep some more.
I had KFC yesterday...went all out. I had the buger, the chicken, the graaavy, the chips. it was sooo good. oooh i could go for some fried chickeeen rite now..



playlist:
joss stone - fell in love with a boy
chemical brothers - come with us
sweetbox - unforgiven

Im bored. Entertain me!!!!

I don't finish till 2pm todaay...and its gonna be 38 or something like that degrees....grrr. I like hot weathe..But not when i have to take public transport home. I just spent wayy too much money one books for two of my uni subjects. Well when i finish class i'll meet theo afterwards, we're gonna get our cards updated and then prolly go to shoppo and hang. lol. we're shoppo hangers now...hehe. I do still have a craving for kfc though. I want to start saving money now. But ittsss so hard when you don't have any money to begin with.

I had 52 new emails in my atsroboy email. some of them were interesting. Most were about stupid sailormoon fan fiction shit that i don't care about. Im sure i've ranted on about this before..BUT it really givess me the shits. Im thinking of unscribing to that email list because its just soo fucking annoying. i got class in a few mins. mite go now.
cyaaa

Im trying to recreate the dashboard experience with a copy of a live show that was taped awhile ago - and i downloaded it awhilleee ago. like last year...but its coool. nice and live.
Im excited today. had a good class at uni. And i just looked up a utada hikaru site and her new album will be released in MAY! woot. thats not too far away. the new hanson stuff will be released in April in japan and americaa...dunno about Oz though.
I was at eb today....i stood and stareeed at the FFx-2 games on the shelves for a good minute. Im thinking maybe i should do the trade two ps2 games and only pay 50 bucks..but i dunno what games to trade. I was thinking the bouncer maybe..and something else we don't play often...but we don't have a lot of games anyway..so...i dunno. but its an idea..i would get the game sooner that way. But i have a cunning plan. So cunning you could brush your teeth with it.

Im still reeling from last night. It seems like it happened in a dream now. But i know I was there - my clothes are outside airing - the smell of smoke and beer attached to the fibers. I woke up at 10 am, to my cat who was begging for food and to my dog who was wondering around the house, her paws scratching the floorboards.
I was right, I knew i would have a hard time speaking today. I sung my lungs out last night - like the rest of the crow at the Hi-fi bar. so right now, my attempts at dashboard's "swiss army romance" is terrible. lol.
Im not going to uni today, because yesterday i spoke with my lecturer for radio and i've signed up for wednesday's class, so lucky me gets mondays and tuesday's off. Im still tired, didn't get home till 1am. I stayed up alittle longer sitting on the couch watching 'just for laughs' and some weird show afterwards while eating left over safeway salads and doritos. that might explain why im not hungry now. But i feel like i could sleep again.
I just felt the need to play dashboard songs this morning, since the songs have been swimming in my head all night long. I couldn't go back to sleep before because 'ghost of a good thing' was playing in my head.
The gig last night started at 7:30, the bands b4 them were pretty cool actually. I can't remember the name of the first band but the singer was hot, and Blueline medic played and they were pretty good. My brother will be jealous that i saw them, hehe.
Lisa told me the plan for the night before we got into the venue, while we were eating her KFC chips. Go straight to the merchandise table then straight to side of stage for a good view. So we picked up a teeshirt and some badges each (im now broke, i only have three dollars left in my wallet and that's supposed to get me to uni for the rest of the week), and headed down to the gathering crowd. We met up with Mark and Melissa in the pit, watched teh first band from there and then headed up to the left side of the stage on some stepss which weren't the most comfortable spot, but we had a clear view of the stage. So we watched blueline, then waited a good 40 minutes for dashboard to start. Once the stage went dark, the crowd was just hyped. And chris dashboard walks out onto the stage and plays like first two songs acoustic and the crowd was nuts just singing along. The whole show was just purely amazing. The acoustic songs, they played a cover of Wheatus' 'teenage dirtbag' which wassss coooool! lol i actually like that song now that they played it. They played like two new songsss and they were prettty goooood. I tried to learn the words to a few songs from the new album - but i was stuck only knowing the choruses forn most..lol BUT all the old stuff was great. Chris doesn't even need to sing, the crowd does it for him. He could have a gig of just instrumental stuff and the crowd would do the rest for him.
Actually they played one song, it was really short it wall all instrumental very cool though. The band just kept adding more songs to the set list - so instead of a 11:30 end the show went to about 12 i think. It was very very cool. Just blew me away how amazing Chris is. He has this amazing presence on the stage, and just being apart of that audience last night was amazing. OKay. im over using the word Amazing here - but reallly no word comes close to howwww good dashboard was last night. but one word describes chris dashboard - HOT. yes indeedie. Overalll it was a great night, i wish i could hear dashboard play every night, i wish i could have the dashboard hoodie i like, i wish i could have Chris - and he could write sad songs about me - But right now i wish for some KFC. it may only be 11 am today, but KFC sounds really good right now.
Im so excited about my DC tee shirt - i mite wear it to uni tomorrow. hehee. but after seeing dashboard last nite made me realise i really should go buy one of their records - cos im a bad fan with all my illegal downloads....umm..anyway.
im gonna go find some junk food. KFC. nahhh...i think today im gonna be a lounge lizard and just play some FFX. while listening to dashboard. hehe, yeaaaa.

cyaaaa! *muaaah*

So Beautiful - Dashboard Confessional

I heard that you were home again
But you don't look like you're back to me.
Well, if your focus is changing,
Your gaze is transfixed on the part I cannot see.

You've got your new ties.
I've got my old lies.
You've got your inside line
But you're never happy with what you've got.

Careful now, you're so beautiful
When you've convinced yourself
That no one else is quite as beautiful

I heard that you were living well
But you don't look like you're living to me.
Although the sparkle is gone,
Your smile is in place so that everyone watching will see.

You've got them all convinced,
And I know it so well.
That you have missed your friends
But you can count on them.

Hold it now, you've got everyone convinced
That you're alright.
No one else is quite as wrong with it.

As soon as you've got it you want something else.
It's not the sell that you love, it's yourself.
It's the not price that's gonna cost you.
It's just the weight that's gonna bring you
Down, down, down, down
It's gonna bring you down, down, down, down, down

Hold it now.
You've got everyone convinced that you're alright.
No one else is quite as beautiful.

Careful now, you're so beautiful
When you've convinced yourself
That no one else is quite as beautiful

As soon as you've got it you want something else.
It's not the sell that you love, it's yourself.
It's the not price that's gonna cost you.
It's just the weight that's gonna bring you
Down, down, down, down
It's gonna bring you down, down, down, down, down

Careful now, you're so beautiful
When you've convinced yourself
That no one else is quite as beautiful

As soon as you've got it you want something else.
It's not the sell that you love, it's yourself.
It's the not price that's gonna cost you.
It's just the weight that's gonna bring you
Down, down, down, down
It's gonna bring you down, down, down, down, down

"Never mind the sloppy mess I left on your jacket,
I didn’t mean to rip your heart out "

broken glass
shattered windows
smashed table
splintered chair



playlist:
joy division - love will tear us apart
nelly furtado - try
run dmc - its like that
dashboard - as lovers go
michelle branch - find my way back

now i don't know how i should feel.

I've had such a good day. And I found my self sitting on the bus on the way home just thinking about what to write about today here. Well first off I spent some quality time with lisa in the city, then we met up with steve and made our way over to Federation Square for the channel V Detour thing, and hid inside until it was safe to come out when The Cat Empire started their set. Then we emerged and went to the cool bar cafe type place which had a good view of the stage and had some chips and drinks. Then we saw CHRIS from dashboard - Melissa was like, "Is that him?" And i was like "Ohh yeah it is!"
so we left and got our photo taken...then after that realised how stupid it was that we were finally meeting HIM and all we said was "can we have a photo?" So finally after a bit we went back, he signed my note pad and steve's unopened cigg box (which shall remain un-opened to preserve its value!!!) and then we sat down near by. Finally saw dashboard play at like 5 something, and they only played twp songs! Soo glad im going to the gig on monday....im sooo excited about it.
There was alittle drama today..but it was a great day overall. Im so happy i met chris dashboard - he is like a god/idol. I wish i could write lyrics and songs like his. It was just amazing meeting him, he was really cool. I only wish i had said more...stuff - other than blurting out my "And i really like your music" line. lol.
But i had a great time - rolled on grass with mark - ate chips with lisa (i've seen alot of chips today) - did weird dancing - saw Kim from mlc - and I SAW DASHBOARD. wooooot.

okay that's all from me.

i'll post some lyrics tomorrow or something...ideas im working on or stuff i've got. I've been in a writing mood of late and i'd like some feedback.

playlist:
Howie Day - More you understand
Thrice - Artist in the ambulance
Muse - time is running out

random thought:
orlando? Orlannnndo...orlando. hmmm...

mood:
bored. *looks around the room...*


Where are my comments? they have disappeared. that's weird. mite be something odd....i'll fix it later.
As you can all tell, i am bored. very very bored. I have my Tv back in working order now...but im still bored.
For those who didn't know, my tv decided to break down on Sunday afternoon and wasn't fixed and returned to me till tuesday afternoon. lol and after some confusing conversations with lisa and carlos about taping with a vcr (which you can't do if you don't actually have a tv). But thankfully my tv was back in time for last night's episode of Alias! WOOt.
This morning i finished my game of Kingdom hearts - nice ending - can't wait for the sequel. But the secret ending at the end credits didn't make a whole lotta sense..but damn it looked cool. So im looking forward to the sequel now ;)
Tomorrow afternoon at 4pm - DASHBOARD at Fed square. woot. also 28 days and cat empire will be there...but no one really cares about them....well i reckon it mite be cool to see them but no one else thinks so cos their not interested anyway.

well im so bored. im gonna go watch some homestar runner stufff i guesss....and fix those comments.

Yes I am an Addict.
Im addicted to Final Fantasy. I need to go on some 12 step program, a support group or even rehab to cure my self of this addiction. BUT i can't help it if the characters are soo cool - if the story and plot is exciting - or even if the lead male characters are hot. It's not my fault im addicted. I BLAME the video games stores - damn EB for slowly leading me on with their enticing games and pretty FFX-2 posters in the shop windows. I've been waiting almost a year for the sequel to FFX and finally my wait is almost over. I can't wait to have that game in my hands, the white PS2 game cover, the cd, the PS2 controller in my hand as I play the game i've been anticipating for - I'll be disappointed with the vocals of Jade from sweetbox on the english versions of the jpop songs I've so dearly loved and listened to constantly for the past (approx)6 months. BUT i want so dearly to hear the opening lines, to see the FMV sequences in all their glory - to play the game and have job classes and spheres and TIDUS AND WAKKA in my gaming life again. *sigh* I'll go insane if i don't play this game soon, if i don't purchase myself a copy of it. I could have my brother buy it, but i want to buy it myself - like i did with FFX. It was the best $99.95 dollars i've ever spent (and then six months later it went platnium and only cost $50 - but a six month wait would have been too long). Meanwhile my game of Kingdom hearts is going along nicely. Very close to finishing the game, will take me a while longer i still got some ass to kick - such as the ass of a bad guy from FFVII hehe...now that will be a challenge. Im excited though, i want to start the game again already. ahhh.....maybe i should finish KH off b4 i start thinking about FFX-2....BUT I CAN'T HELP IT. i need to stay away from all EB stores forawhile...they just make me go alittle odd...and i start breathing funny when i see FFX-2 on the shelf and then and then...OH NEVER mind. ITS only just a game - THATS What your all thinking. YOu all think im immature, i need to grow up, get over this unhealthy obsession of sitting in front of the PS2. Well i don't play PS2 often, if i was on it 24/7 i would have finished all my games by now...and im half way in most of them. And anyway, PS2 is usually better than watching TV considering the shows that are on offer by the stations at the moment.
My personal favourite reality tv show is that Paradise Hotel - exciting stuff. But seriously....there is too much shit on tv at the moment. the worst is 'WHO wants to marry my dad?' but wait...i think that the hot house is pretty crappp too. Meanwhile the most exciting game shows on tv is deal or no deal and those damn shiny gold suitcases.
So while i could watch day time television, or crappy late nite movies on channel 9, i sometimes prefer my PS2 and the magical worlds of disney and Final fantasy. but tonite i think i'll give it a rest. im gonna go do something old fashioned..im gonna read a book.
nite all.

AHHH. the morning. its 9:08 am. I've been awake for an hour now. Im only online because i needed to get a bus time table for the day, but i thought since im here mite as well blog for a bit.
But after logging in and getting this far - I realise i have nothing to blog except to say that YOU PEOPLE SUCK.
Im so sick of people doing stupid shit while drunk. AND im sick of stupid people! in my eyes YOUR ALL STUPID (but some people are naturally smart - but most are stupid) - for example - THE STUPID PPL AT KFC ELTHAM - didn't give us our coleslaw WHICH WE PAID EXTRA FOR - AND THEY TAKE FOREVER AT THE DRIVE THRU! OMG i was thinking at the time "JUST PICK YOUR FUCKING TOY AND MOVE ON" bloody annoying customers who take up MY precious time at the drive-thru. That's the point of drive thru isn't it? So you don't have to go inside the restaurant and deal with annoying customers and staff?!
And to add to this rant, I was so annoyed yesterday about things i heard from other ppl - and to make things worse im not having an easy time at home. Family politics prevented me from going out last nite, damnnnn it just makes me wanna rebel. but in my parents eyes i've done enough of that. Which is funny cos i could have been alot worse off in my early teen years. Parents are stupid. AND i was watching rage today and how the fuck did some of that bad australian pop shit get on the charts - THERE ARE STUPID PEOPLE EVERYWHERE - and they are all buying crap CDS! NOW today im going out. Im seeing lisa and nat hopefully. Which im excited about. because they are not stupid. SO finally i'll be around none stupid ppl - WHICH would be a first for this week (except for the other day with lis & carlos).


Meanwhile next thursday channel V is doing something at Fed Square - dashbaord will be there so if anyone wants to go - buzz me!!!!!!

well im off. GOOD BYE STUPID PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've changed my layout as you can see.

Its much prettier at the moment. I found this great site www.blogskins.com which has lots of different skins for your blog. And its great for me because im html challenged, so i can use skins created by other smart people! its great! Rite now im fixing my web blog comments system. Im deciding wether or not to have them - because now i have a little tag board which suits me just fine - but i like the idea of individual comments for each blog. Now i just gotta remember which name and password i used for the damn haloscan site!

Im visiting lisa today. we are going to do a site for her. She needs my help - but she doesn't need my help scanning! lol she made it quiet clear yesterday when she misunderstood my offer of help. I've never doubted her scanning skills, lol. but she needs my help in setting up a website, so today we'll go through the options. Im thinking of starting a msn group for everyone. Especially for those who don't have a website but would like to share photos and files with people in our group. I've been toying with this idea for awhile. Of course an msn group isn't as cool as ecircles but i'd rather go with the free option.

well i'd better get ready and do something today.
more later - i've got stuff to post about the orange job i went for - and i haven't got the job yet - but im having a dilemma.

playlist:
enrique - not in love
utada - wait and see
next feat 50 cent - jerk

American idol is on tv right now. So this will be quick.

Valentine's day isn't so bad after all. And its not bad when you spend it with friends. Because even if i don't have a significant other to spend the day with i can still use the day to express my love for my friends. And i loveeee all my friends heaps. So last nite was spent down brunswick street - a year exactly since we were there last. And i had a few drinks, talked alittle and had a nice time. Had a good convo with steve - he's not a bad person to chat with and he bought me a drink and was then pov after that - so that was nice of him. lol it was valentines day and the only person to buy me a drink was my x bf. explain that one. haha.

It was sooo hot last nite and today though. I slept on the couch when i got home...we were watching a chris farley film on tv...lol it was pretty funny from what i remember of it. But i slept pretty well until early this morning...but it was soo hot. I can't stand it even now. I had a nap on the couch earlier today and even then it was hard to sleep...what i can't stand though is annoying ppl who talk while im trying to sleep. And then they try talking to you! I was half asleep..and very grumpy after that. i was in a bad mood for a bit...i don't like my naps interrupted. and in this weather - don't mess wit me.

i've been told by lisa that there is a pool party at street's tonite. I mite go. anyway i want to get my present off lisa..hehe she got me a huge plastic baby bottle filled with those lil wrapped up marshmellows. hehe. can't wait to eat them. Lisa was my valentines for the nite anyway...but for some reason i don't think i was hers.


playlist:
outkast - i like the way you move
tamia - its a party
maroon 5 - this love

i left out one high light.

and it was silly of me to forget...because i had heaps of fun.

14. lis and i dancing our socks off to reel big fish 'take on me' - its now officially our song :)

hey cats. wat up

im at my dad's work at the moement. weird ppl work here. and the lady in this room at the other computer talks while she's typing. it's scaring me.

well im here at my dad's work in camberwell because i have a job interview today. WOOHOO.
I got a call yesterday from the orange mob shop and now i have an interview at 10:30. i had so much trouble deciding what to wear today - my terribly sunburnt back is now peeling and looks ICCKY ICCKY EWWW soo my plans to wear my funky yellow - yet appropriate- top went out the window. Instead im sitting here in my black skirt, my cue shirt, denim jacket and my black shoes with the cute pink flower cut out. okaay the shoes mite be alittle out of place, but its still okay. I just have to be confident and everything will work out. Shame about the weather though, i did my hair all pretty and its raining outside - sooo its gonna be frizz by the end of the day.

i changed the wallpaper on my dad's comp. looks much better now hehe. it's a naruto wallpaper. Damn no messenger on this comp...i could download it..hehe.

my brother told me i should check out the comic's r us store at ringwood. i'll be passing thru there today..so maybe i will.. i'd like some manga comics...but i've only got 15 dollars todaaay...soo at least 6 bucks will go to public transport...and i did want breakfast at macca's.

I came back.
I almost went insane.
I almost went skinny dipping.
I was almost broke till 11am - now i am broke - no money for me
I almost went home - instead i went to a gig - and now im home
BUt only almost.

I feel so out of it right now. My head is swimming somewhere..my hearing is buggered. Im tired, my feet and legs hurt from standing too long.

Lisa and I have put down this tiredness to a number of things:
1. lack of sleep
2. too much alcohol
3. lack of food
4. too much traveling

BUT the week just been hasn't been all bad, all tiring or all good. so here are some of my highlights of the past week: (not in any particular order...just looks good with numbers next to it)
1. ian giving klein a lapdance
2. 5AM walks on the beach
3. Skinny dipping - but i only took my top off...so not quite.
4. vodka & midori jelly
5. dancing to DMX 's Up in here all week.
6. Possum prowling where there are no possums.
7. the adventure playground with many swings and a boy named Tom or JAKE or DJ.
9. Having a REAL coffee and chips for breakfast with Lis and Rach.
10. Sparklers
11. Discovering that our next door neighbours were hot.
12. learning how to lapdance...and grace totally taught me everything i know.
13. being drunk almost every night - except friday night

more stuff happened...and im ignoring some events of the week. But these are just some of the good things which i think we need to focus on and realise that it wasn't such a bad week afterall. Anglesea was just an amazing week last year and this year was good - but i think alot of us have changed and situations have changed since then so comparing Torqay wouldn't be fair...but i had a good week overall.. and i hope everyone else who came had a good time too.

now im gonna listen to some music i've been wanting to hear all week and then im gonna watch some stuff and then fall sleep. so good night.

Im going away! yay!

playlist:
basment jaxx- good luck
kevin little - turn me on
& r&b stuff i've put on a dodgy cd.

I made a cd b4...and my fucking program fucked up on me. I really need to get nero or something..cos i can't stand this shitty fucking roxio shit anymore!
So now i have one fucked up cd and one sorta decent one. sooo thiss is pathetic..and these stupid mp3s don't even run properly..grr..

anyway.
I've been looking ahead at my horroscopes of late...and i thought that since i'll be away..here is a seven day forecast - so those of u reading can look it up and see what MITE or mite not be happening in my world for while i am away in torquay.
NINEMSN astrology stuff:

Aries Mar 21 - Apr 20
Sun February 1, 2004
Mercury and Chiron come together as the Moon clashes with Pluto. This will be a testing day for communications. Ride out the stresses of any arguments and try to discern what's being said underneath. Clashes with authority won't be won, so negotiate. If you learn from mistakes, you'll grow. Secrets or secret deals will cause problems so keep everything out in the open. Take particular care in traffic.

Mon February 2, 2004
The Sun and Neptune dance together today so cruise control will be your best option. You may be able to get what you want without even trying. Reflect on your hopes and wishes. Make sure you're not stepping away from important ideals - be guided by them always. Time spent with a friend may well serve a greater purpose. Creative or spiritual contacts play an important part in your day.

Tue February 3, 2004
Warrior Mars surges into earthy Taurus so your focus is on finances. The Ram is often a creature of the last minute rush, using dash and flair to finish the things that could have been done weeks ago. Set your priorities then get going on them. You're as determined as any Bull when you want to be. Start now and don't stop till things are done.

Wed February 4, 2004
The Moon sails through Cancer and your solar fourth house today, so emotional and domestic matters are high on your list of priorities. As the lovely lunar Light has crossed the path of sober Saturn, such things could have more than the usual importance. There are big decisions to be made and parents or older family members are likely to play a part in things. Don't be rash and take time out to reflect.

Thu February 5, 2004
There may be a parting of the ways if you don't watch your step. The decisions you make, especially regarding friends and money will have significant consequences. If you want to make a stand or go your own way, then be sure you're prepared to make sacrifices or accept the inevitable outcome. Much of this year is about taking charge, especially where home and money are concerned.

Fri February 6, 2004
The Moon blazes in brilliant Leo as she opposes both the Sun and mystic Neptune and you need to redefine your goals in accordance with the results so far. Creative projects need some disciplined work on your part. Children could be tricky, but romance is favoured with those who truly share your dreams. Plan a lost weekend with someone you love or doing something you really love to do.

Sat February 7, 2004
Mercury the messenger moves into Aquarius and your solar eleventh house, so friends and avid discussion will be high on your list of priorities for the following month. You can liven up your thinking and get a fresh view of your direction if you spend time talking. You may find yourself inspired to travel a new path or simply see better ways of doing things. Think laterally!

Sun February 8, 2004
Venus the Goddess moves into your sign now, giving the month ahead a passionate feel. You can race towards the horizon and take others along for the ride at the same time. You may want to give yourself a new look or just a bit of good old-fashioned nurturing. Love is definitely on the cards for some Rams and renewal of affection is there for others. An attraction for a work colleague is highly likely, but tread carefully with this one.


I'll come back after torquay and see if any of the above applies to me...probably not..but today's horroscope was pretty close to how i was feeling and acting which was interesting.
STupid cd. hate YOU! I HATE YOU CD!

anyway. have a great week everyone! i know i will have a very very very good time...and i promise not to do any drunken swimming, kiss too many boys or take neurofen with alcohol.
(i've had too many warnings in the last two days about what not to do while im away).

playlist:
Michelle Branch - 'til i get over you
Shawn Desman - SHook (uomo remix)
black eyed peas - hey mama
the starting line - Im real


It been an interesting week. Alot has happened. and i keep losing track of the days. went to chaddy today. Im pretty tired from walking around for sooo long, but it was fun. It had its ups and downs today....but i think lisa is gonna be alright. And she is strong - and will get through and over this. I though the timing of some things said were alittle inappropriate - but it was right for lisa to hear everything and i think she's now better for it. And she was eating with us so hopefully her sickness of all things food is over :) but when u feel sick - never try eating a bannana it will only make u worse. lol. not that she tried that...she was eating the cake i baked her though :)

Got the dashboard tickets - and now i've helped lisa be broke. But i'll pay her back what i owe her for the ticket which is $20.90 - if i didn't give her that extra 20 she probably wouldn't have been able to get me a ticket.....But im glad she'll be coming to dashboard its gonna rock socks if she's there - but chris dashboard could rock my socks anyway...anytime.

Im pretty tired tonite, im not going to steve's cheese and wine parteee. can't be bothered and anyway none of my chickadeees are going soo blah to that. anyway i don't think i could stand being near steve while he's drunk again...i mean..fuccck talk much?! Anyway steve only invited me when he was drunk the other nite - so the chances of him remembering would be slim..and it would be weird if i just rocked up and he'd be like "its you" and i'd be like "GAY!"
But for those kind ppl who went - tell me how it was!

well im going...maybe i'll watch something on the comp and hopefully fall asleep..i can't believe my sister is starting school tomorrow! Its alittle early..not even feb yet...anyway this means i'll only have limited use of her bus ticket..sooo damnuts no more free fun outings for me.

thought: i want some krispy kream doughnuts.
other thought: *sing* WHO ATE ALL THE PIE? - WHO AT ALL THE PIE? - YOU FAT BASTARD! YOU FAT BASTARD! - YOU ATE ALL THE PIE!

playlist:
One Voice - when you think about me
Britney - Toxic
Kevin Little - turn me on
cat empire - days like these
Shawn desman- spread my wings (remix)
Jason mraz - you and I both
Utada hikaru - simple and clean
Michelle Branch - desperately
Blaque - Im good
BoA - don't start now (english version)
Hanson - misery & underneath
John Bulter trio - Zebra
Nelly Furtado - powerless

Read:
'In the blood' + 'blood moon' series by Jackie French (teen fiction - my sister got me onto this)
Dune - the machine crusade

play-
medal of honour - ps2
kingdom hearts - ps2 (i fucked up my gamee...arghhhh)
the sims - pc.


I am covered in dust. Its in my hair. on my clothes. I mite have a bath later just to get rid this gritty feeling. I was cleaning the dust in my room, its like sawdust, and its everywhere. In every bloody corner and nook. I had to clean all my old soft toys cos they were covered it was disgusting. And some how my room has now taken on the smell of varnish and it won't go away. I have all the windows open but everything still smells like VARNISH!

I saw lisa last nite with rach. Rach came and picked me up and we stole lisa away and spent some of the nite having cake + milk, watching pathetic music videos from the 80's and having a very long conversation. But it was good. its nice to just sit down, just us girls and just talk about stuff - and hearing rach and lisa talk about their experiences and stuff makes me wonder what im gonna be like when i finall go through all that. im really not much help in the relationship department because i have no experience - but i help where i can. I hope lisa ate all that cake, i made it for her yesterday after i got off the phone with rach. I thought the best thing for when you're going through a rough time is cake - chocolate cake. Lisa said she liked it - but everyone knows my cooking isn't the best :) Remember my pink cup cakes? lol - they weren't very good.

i can't wait till dashboard. or torquay. realllly looking forward to that. should be good and fun and all that jazzyness.

some fun sites to note -
www.brightandbeautiful.org/foyk - only if u like reading hillariously funny rants by two girls who love to hate hanson.
www.utada.com - offical english island records site for utada hikaru.
www.rainbowbrite.net - 80's cartoon nostalgia
http://www.bakatoudaisei.curvedspaces.com/ - love hina site
www.80scartoons.net - very cool, links to all the cartoons we used to watch - like she-ra and others.
www.mylittlepony.com - lots of cool activites.....makes me wanna be 6 years old again.

"Your alive"
- "I am, are you?"
"Sadly, yes."



playlist:
DASHBOARD - so beautiful
Pete Murray - So beautiful
Michelle branch - all you wanted
The tea party - the messenger
Evanescence - bring me to life + going under


I need to write something here. I've been having conversations all afternoon. I can't help some people with my get over it advice it seems. Plus just saying that to someone makes me sound like an un-caring bitch which isn't me...not all of the time anyway. Im not a very good bitch though - i think i need some lessons. But i can't help everyone...and i don't know what to say all the time. I can't make someone believe in something thats not there, i can't make someone feel better about themselves. Because often they are looking for something that i can't give them, that i've found impossible to give to anyone.
I only try to be supportive, but is that even enough? I want to help, i wish i could cure someone's angst, someone's disbelief, someone's incurable hatred of themselves.
It must get so bad for someone to want to be killed, to want to be hit...to want to feel pain..anything other than nothing...than being numb.
And im no good to helping people who need it the most, because trying to relate sometimes is too hard, because i don't understand enough. I can't be the one to pick up the pieces and tape them back together...because even if thats all they need someone to pick them up. But there is only so much u can do, over the phone, on the internet...

like i said. If i could i'd send you to Canada.

Hey all!!!!!!!!

Im at Rosebud lib at the moement! woot. im making use of the public internet facilties. go me. i got a lib card and everything.
well not much has been happening at all. I've run out of dvds to watch and im stuck in my game of kingdom hearts - damn dalmations - and I saw the film Honey this morning at 9:30 am. grr...so im lacking in sleep rite now.
I read the Dune Butlerian Jihad prequel - exciting stuff..except nothing really happens in the book but there are some interesting characters that im looking forward to reading more of - and the lead female character - serena butler is suffering major relationship dramas and i love reading that stuff. And its soo over the top - i love it. But the rest of the book is a bit blah. I've learnt when reading dune books its better just to skim the large paragraphs. But the writing style isn't as good as Frank Herbert's original dune series.

I got the saves the day cd...its okay. i need some more music...im in an r&b mood since watching honey..i got Blaque song "Im good" on replay in my head...

anyway. i gtg. MUAH. see u all soooooooooooooon.

Happy new year everyone! i hope you all had fun. i know i did. and i know i got very drunk sipping on bailey's and tia maria with rach. very drunk, the ride home with my mum and brother was interesting. For one thing my mum asked me a simple question and i gave her a thousand word spoken essay as an answer. We had to pick up my brother from a party in kew, I met one of my brother's friends Robbie - who so kindly came up to the car and asked who we were waiting for - even while totally wasted this guy still had manners - very amusing. When my bro finally came out and got in the car I asked him what he had to drink and if he was as drunk as me, he said he wasn't. Of course the next morning I found my brother in bed with a bucket beside him, just in case.
I said to him "hey, i thought you weren't drunk, how much did u drink?"
and he replied, "Just the usual"..
"Ohhhhhh. yep you were trashed."

Now i've been in a weird mood since yesterday, i didn't have a hang over cos im smart and drank heaps of water b4 i went to sleep, but i've been all low in the energy since yesterday.
Today I had to move more stuff, cos we are getting the floor boards done here at home, so im moving out with my mum and my sis for a few days, a week at the most. So i probably won't blog, im gonna hide for the week and just read. or go to the beach - and read there.
I'll have my mob with me - in case those of you with my phone no feel like contacting me......cos i'll be bored......BUT I will be taking the PS2 with me...i have a game of kingdom hearts to finish. finally.

Playlist :
Beck - Tropicalia
Kelis - Milkshake
Anadivine - Alchol & Oxygen

playlist:
Noise Rachet - Crush (mandy moore cover - is good if u can get past the first 20 seconds)
Further seems forever - bye bye bye (nsync cover)
The startling line - Im real (j.lo cover)
Snuff - I think we're alone now
[[the first 3 songs in the playlist are from the Punk Goes Pop cd.]]

"Crush"

You know everything that I'm afraid of
You do everything i wish i did
Everybody wants you, everybody loves you

I know i should tell you how i feel
I wish everyone would disappear
Everytime you call me, I'm too scared to be me
And I'm too shy to say

Ooh, I got a crush on you
I hope you feel the way that i do
I get a rush
When I'm with you
Ooh, I've got a crush on you
A crush on you

You know, I'm the one that you can talk to
And sometimes you tell me thing that i don't want to know
I just want to hold you
And you say exactly how you feel about her
And I wonder, could you ever think of me that way

Ooh, I got a crush on you
I hope you feel the way that i do
I get a rush
When I'm with you
Ooh, I've got a crush on you
A crush on you

Ooh, I wish i could tell somebody
But there's no one to talk to, nobody knows
I've got a crush on you
A crush on you, I got a crush

You say everything that no one says
But i feel everything that you're afraid to feel
I will always want you, I will always love you
I've got a crush...

Does anyone remeber their first serious REAL crush. Im not talking about the Kindergarten childish ones. Or the ones we had in primary school. Im talking about the real thing, when you can't eat, you can't sleep because when you try to sleep your thinking about your crush. When you sit in classes, your distracted because your thinking about what your crush said to you the night before in that 6 hour long conversation you had. You over analyse things, you think about that second time you saw him - when you really saw him - when you thought to yourself "Hey, this time it could actually happen".
The song lyrics above remind me of that. of the last time I seriously had a crush on someone. Actually, it was my first real crush. I had a few afterwards, and im not naming names cos its embarrassing - cos those ppl may actually read this blog. And im not gonna bring up the past. But i do. lol. i regret the past. because my past is filled with 'what ifs' and that just brings me down and i lose focus of the now.

anyway. im gonna see Kill Bill this afternoon in the city. can't wait. Im looking forward to some beheading/ bloodshed/ maiming/ decapitation. i'll write more later.

this blog is incredibly superfical. I write total shit in this blog. I've been wanting to be more opinionated here...but im lacking in opinions.

I see i have 23 comments for one of my blogs. And i see that not one of those blogs contains any decent comments. I'd like to say YOU ALL SUCK. well most of u suck balls anyway - im not gonna say who. you know who you are. i take back what i originally said in an earlier post, from now on ONLY intelligent comments. You know i try to do something good for my site and you all totally trash it with stupid comments. but i should be thankful cos some ppl actually bothered. even if they wrote crap.

im stuck on a chorus. can't think of one to fit. Im getting close to working it out - but now im stuck.

Alot has happened in the last week and a bit. And alot of what has happened i wasn't there for. lol. I couldn't go to Al's party cos i came down sick that morning with some mysterious 24 hour bug that attacked my stomach - and oddly i blame my sister's cooking from the night b4 - so i missed that party and getting drukenly stupid with the others, but by the sounds of the party everyone had a great time and one massive orgy.

lisa had some problems during the week, i tried to help her our with that. And i learnt some things about ppl close to me that made me sick. But then i realised i didn't actually care. People can do what they want, that's fine. Just people need to start being responsible for their actions i think. I know we are all almost 20 or 21 and having a fucking good time getting drunk..but sometimes u gotta step back and think about what ur doing and the implications of it etc etc.
Sorry im getting all moral on you, didn't mean to. But i've had a wake up call, im not the same Ev that you all knew a week ago. NO. i've gained a deeper sense of my morals, of what i want. Essentially its still me underneath all this, but i think im less confused now. Mainly cos there is nothing left to confuse me.

anyway. i gtg. please write some comments, tell me what you think, or if u want to know something or bitch at me. All of it is welcome. just click the link comment at the bottom of this blog and away u go.

nite all. And merry christmas. *muahs*

im just tired. soo tired. and no one has written me a comment! GRRR. I know people read this. Are you scared? is that it? Is it scary to write down a line? a word? COME ON! don't be anti-social with me and TALK! let me hear your thoughts - your deepest darkest secrets - share with me your feelings on subjects ANYTHING. abuse me, do whatever as long as one of your bloody well leaves me a comment.

i was gonna write more stuff. but i can't be stuffed again. BUT if someone leaves me a comment then i shall reply here. so make it good!

ok. just testing. below this blog, after the line "posted by evesy @ blah time" is a little blue link that says 'comment' and a little number after it. I've been meaning to put some sort of comment system on this blog for awhile...and im just testing this out to see if anyone would actually bother writing me their thoughts or whatever on what i've got here. So give it a go, write crazy stuff and abuse me for the fun of it - i don't care just as long as someone uses it. someone other than me.

Im tired. my arms are sore. my feet are sore. my eyes are sleepy. My head is headachey. And people suck. I just read someone's blog and it made me wanna slap someone. And i read alot of blogs - cos other people's lives are just more interesting than my own. I decided the other day that i would write things in this blog which mean something more and something more profound than just what i did and didn't do today.

But whatever i say your all gonna judge me anyway. You will all criticise me for my bad spelling, my incorrect truths, indecisive-ness, for my ignorance and fucked up point of view. Why i do things, no matter how stupid, usually have some sort of reasoning behind it. Ok. thats not true and i knew it, but still wrote it. See i even try lying to myself somtimes. doesn't really work.

Tell me, who in this world knows what they want? What they really want. Not some half-baked idea of what they think would be nice or would like to have. Who has everything they want, is anyone truly happy? And how can someone live with their decisions - even the bad ones.
I wish i had some idea why i'm never happy, why i can't be happy. Why i have to turn everything into some dramatic tragedy.
I wish i had back what I lost. And i think im looking for that again, for a feeling. For all that time and energy i spent when i was younger being in love with idols. And now im not prepared, now im just making it up as i go and fucking it up every step of the way.
And i can't stand it. I hate myself more than anyone will know because of this, because i won't let myself fall into a trap, because i don't want to play the game but secretly want to.
I used to know what i wanted. I had it all figured out. I never really thought about relationships, boys were just something to look at. But maybe now i see that i want something more, i want someone. But right now isn't the time. I just disappointed myself with Jon, i just couldn't see him as something more than as a friend.
Everyone thinks im so fucking careless, indecisive, and fucking clueless to what i want. And yeah, maybe i am alittle. I do act like its all no big deal, and i can't believe im writing this all down, but really for me, it is a big deal or it will be some time in the future. I don't think about it much because i really don't want to, But i've always imagined myself finding the right person, but considering the traditional values of marriage etc, the idea of staying with the same person for my whole life is kinda daunting and sounds boring, but i guess if i find that someone i want to spend my life with then im sure i'll think differently about it.
Im not looking for That someone now though, im just looking for something. What that is i don't know yet, but i hope i'll know it when i find it.

i feel dizzy now. like im about to fall of this chair.

The best thing on days like this is a foot bath.
I wish i had one of those electrical ones, you know a spa for your feet. But for me, just sitting on the edge of the bathtub and sitting my feet in a few inches of water does the trick.
And ice cream is good too. I had some before - and ahhh bliss.
It's weird how on hot days i appreciate the little things, how good a foot bath feels, how refreshing ice cream can be.
But i also realised that public transport is the devil and who ever decided that those mini buses don't need proper air cond should be SHOT IN THE HEAD. fuck it was hotter in the bus than it was outside.
Right now all i wanna do is have a cold bath and wash my hair. so if you'll excuse me. ta ta

I must be invisible. No one can see me. Or no one cares to see me. or wants to. When i come online ppl must be like this "Oh...its ev. *sigh*"
I don't talk to everyone online...but a nice HI is good enough. BUt nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...i am invisible.

I went out last nite to lily's party - and klein was there, and lisa was there and Eamon was there. and i had a pretty good time. lisa got to sit on me, i got very very light headed, and mark's teeth got hurt. i think. mark also got lost on the way to my house hehe...like a little lost puppy. heheee.
ANYWAY - im in a pretty good mood today, i sat on the couch this morning watched DEAD MAN and the naked chief.

and im pretty hungry rite now actually.

i was gonna post but now i don't feel like it.

I just wrote a whole thing. AND NOW ITS GONE! ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!STUPID COMPUTER STUPID INTERNET THAT DECIDED NOT TO WORK!
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

I'LL COME BACK LATER AND WRITE IT ALL AGAIN. I REALLY CANT BE BOTHERED RIGHT NOW ANYMORE. argh!

Im trying to sort out my feelings. And maybe thats wrong of me to do so right now. But i need to figure out how i really feel, why im feeling like this, and tonight is just a test for myself. Can i do it? Can i be what he wants? Can i be what i want? WHAT the fuck do i want? it would be nice if i wasn't so complicated. I don't know why i am. I think im just in a weird place, and i don't need ppl reminding me of what a past bf was like - because it just makes me regret and think i made a mistake and makes me wanna slap myself for not being smart back then. But i live with my mistakes. and no, i don't like steve or anything like that. BUT im gonna compare right - so steve compared to jon - so far steve gets the brownie points - but i know jon reads this and he will get offended - BUT fuck these are my thoughts, deal with it. BUT then again with JOn i like the not being bugged every day by a boyfriend - of course steve didn't really bug..he did afterawhile though. maybe i shouldn't be writing this here - i'll stop. i'll continue on my other page.

this blog mite get deleted cos of its content - SO for a good few hours it'll be online - and tomorrow i mite post something i actually wrote b4 all that junk up there - but for other reasons i won't be posting today.

This morning I was greeted to th sweet sounds of 1970's Funk on Syn fm. and it was sooo damn good. And now im craving more! but rite now i lovveeeeee missy E's pass the dutch - makes me wanna boogie.
Im trying to write a cover letter and fix up my resume for a new job i want to go for. But for some reason i doubt i'll get the job, but i might as well try you know. No harm in that, just another rejection letter.
OOh i have my results for the last semester of uni! It seems i have passed yet again. My marks could have been better - but yayness its over. Next year will be better, im doing funkier subjects, animation and radio will be soooooo damn cool. I don't get why they put all the good subjects in first semester though - cos second semester is just so...shite. My only options were digital media cultures and two other odd subjects. I can't see how im gonna do film critism, i know i can be opinionated, but can i be detailed in my dislikes of a film? big words are not a part of my vocab either...well not my everyday vocab anyway. and my spelling had worsened, as you can tell just by reading this blog.
Im gonna go do something interesting, like watch neighbours...or eat chocolate.

byesss.

playlist:
Missy E - pass the dutch
P.diddy etc - Show me your soul
Cowboy Be Bop OST - Tank!
Third eye blind - Misfits


I am soo very tired. And i can't type well rite now, cos its dark and i can't see my keyboard. damn black keyboards - should be fucking glo-in the-dark.
Anyway, so how was everyone's weekend? Mine was interesting.
Went to amber lounge. then went to spy lounge and danced. And was there till 5 something..my feet are still a little sore. My big toe is itchy - which is weird and it feels fairly numb. Im reading a book called "the ice storm" which was made into a film a few years ago...a really good film actually directed by Ang Lee.
There are some good shows on tv tonite - monday nite is the best nite on tv me thinks. Sbs has some new sketch show on which rocks my socks off..and south park is still v. enetratiing
And im just talking shit now. So i'll go sleeep.

playlist:
sugababes - hole in the head
blue + stevie W and angtie stone - signed, sealed, delivered.
NFG - head on collision
mxpx - everything sucks (all i ever needed was to eat popcorn with you)
Michelle Branch - breathe
black eyed peas - shut up
bodyjar - glossy books
Cat power - Cross bones style
Eve6 - think twice


so it turns out that i have ONE little spot on my tonsils. ONE. But its ok now, cos im on drugs now. So by tomorrow or monday i should be totally clear. But im feeeling really good tonite, like i wanna boogie. But those of u who know me, know that out of all my habits - singing everywhere is one of my worst. Usually i try to limit it to singing in ppl's cars - but when im home and say for instance, when im in front of the comp with my playlist running - im probably singing along. BUT cos im sick - im trying not to sing cos im having trouble talking at the moe so singing would make it so much worse.
Also another bad habit is talking to myself when im on the comp lol. My mom just came in here b4 and asked who i was talking too..I didn't even think i was talking that time!

You know everytime im on the net and i read someone's blog, im always inspired to write in my own but then i run out of things to say. i duno why. i think i used to write alot more back in the days when i didn't think anyone read this. And i don't think anyone actually does read it, but those few who do...thank u :)

I got an e-mail today from my old music teacher from back at MLC. Mr. Gardiner. He still has my e-mail addy...so he sent me info on a music lable cd launch thats on the 9th of dec. Its for electronic music and stuff...im not gonna go of course, cos that would be weird, but it sounds interesting.


I just got d/c by my mum. she used the phone WHEN she KNEW i was on the internet...grrr. meanie.
anyway gtg.

playlist:
joy enriquez - tell me how you feel
filter - take a picture

im off to the doctor's today! to have a check up, to check out my throat. woo.
So i'd better have breakfast, cos i won't be home till afternoon....cos im leaving in 30 minutes.
My jeans smell like smoke. ewww. i haven't decided if im going out tonite or not..rach wants me to come...but i have no cash..If i go i don't drink..i'll just try and be hyper without the alc.

went out yesterday with lisa and mark street. We went to studly park and fed ducks...lisa had one trained lol, and we sat on a pipe..looked at the boat house.

if you would like to bitch at me please SIGN MY GUESTBOOK ON THIS SITE www.geocities.com/evesygal - cos i was there the other day and i have no new entries! so give me some love or hate...just wanna know what u think

OK. first off. While i am insanely happy...i am also alittle weirder out already. I'd like to thank Justin for his e-mail - BUT please don't scare me with the Mr & Mrs Tu stuff...cos that just makes me wanna scream...i really don't like it...and i hated it when Will used to tease me about becoming ms. maunder....don't freak me out just yet. I don't like expectations...cos in the end whatever happens happens. And im not gonna get ahead of myself just yet. lol.

Also i'd like to say to JON - thanks for the icq msg, you told me not to take the last line seriously...BUT when ever u say not to take u seriously - I think u need to be taken seriously. Whatever happens in the end..you are worth my time....never think your not. I will give this relationship a try..but even if it doesn't work out u know i'll always love u as a friend - and as a friend you are always worth my time. I value friendship over many things, and some things will never change. I'll give u a better explaination later ok?

Anyway...I'VE MADE THE LEGO CASTLE! WOOt. i shall have pictures soon once i bother to upload them on the comp. I thought it would be cool to make a little web lego comic or sumthing though with it...cos...it would be a waste to take down the castle just yet.

I remember stormy weather
The way the sky looks when its cold
And you were with me
Content with walking
so unaware of the world

Please don;t drive me home tonight
cos i don't wanna feel alone
please don't drive me home tonight
cos i don't wanna go

Tuesday morning
In the dark
I was finding out who you were

I took your picture
While you were sleeping
And then I paced around the room
If I had known then
That these things happen
Would they have happened with you?

Please don't drive me home tonight
'Cause I dont wanna feel alone
Please don't drive me home tonight
'Cause I don't wanna go
Tuesday morning
In the dark
I was finding out
Who you are

And if you turned around to see me and I was gone
You should have looked outside your window
'Cause the sun was coming up
The sun was coming up

Please don't drive me home tonight
'Cause I dont wanna feel alone
Please don't drive me home tonight
'Cause I don't wanna go
Tuesday morning
In the dark
I was finding out
Who we are
who we are


Michelle BRanch - Tuesday Morning -

i need to write this. my other blog just has three lines. Maybe i should go into detail.
I know later on when i calm down, and when my thoughts settle...this will all make more sense.
I feel so excited about this, im scared too. I don't want to run away again, cos it could be the biggest damn mistake of my life, and i regret too much already.
But this is the next step I guess, and i think im ready to take it. I dunno if i deserve it, but fuck that.

I wasn't looking for this, i was hoping that it would happen eventually. Maybe not this soon, but this is good. Sooner than i expected. I've been happy lately, but i can't explain how i feel it would be impossible. Because there cannot be one word that sums up every little thing i'm feeling. i feel like im at the top of the world. For real. But im scared too...because this could just come crashing down, i could make all this just fall and fail. But i can't let myself do that before i've even given this relationship a chance.

Tonight has been sooo weird. So good though. I never imagined it would end this way, it would end with me feeling like i want to jump around and scream.
I dunno if things are making sense yet....not for me...probably not for those of u reading either. lol. my head is spinning. literally. if im not careful my head will explode..

and im hungry and tired now.

OK, i'll get to the long awaited point of this blog. I am well i guess u could say...no longer single. Which is weird..cos i remember telling my nail girl that i was currently happy being single...whoops. that has to be a lie - cos i'm fucking over the moon about not being single now.

A few things were revealed tonight, and its safe to say that Jon Tu and I (Ev Ham) (lol) are together after one long phone call of giggles and incomprehensible sentences.


and now i am going to bed. And I know I will get no sleep tonight....




p.s - my last post are lyrics i wrote awhile back. u could prolly guess what their about..but some of it confuses me...cos i don't remember it all or what was going thru my head at the time. But i really like it .

15-10-03 – Cruel -
I think of how easy it would be
To leave you lying
Alone with the guilt and blood on your hands

I wanted to leave you broken
Make you feel as sick as I do now
I hated you then and the sight of you makes me ill

Every single moment we spent together
I hate the memories I have of you
I was so bored with you and your like

I let you go because I didn’t like you
You were dismissed because I didn’t need you
I left you because of what you said
And of what you didn’t say

It was cruel of me to do it
But I wanted to make you feel
All my sadness,
Every single scar you left
I was so sick of feeling hurt
And I blame you for it.

Playlist:
Daft Punk - digital love
R.Kelly - Thoia Thong
Maroon 5 - Harder to breathe
Planet Funk - The Switch

Hey all.
Today has been hot! hot as. nice but hot. And its making me sleepy this weather.
On Wednesday I handed in my last essay for the year, it was exactly one week late...but at least its done. And i've enroled on the net soooo all i have to do is wait for the results on the net and wait for my enrolement form which i may not get till january...i dunno. Anyway, so i'm relaxing at home. Not going out this week, i shall next week. Im just catching up on sleep, playing some PS2 (kingdom hearts kicks booty) and i'm just downloading some music to send to my sister at MM.
She'll be back on the 1st of december...arghhh. which means i have to clean my room, cos it is...mess. total chaos. there are clothes everywhere...i haven't made my bed properly in a month...My logic is, why make my bed when i'm only gonna sleep in it and mess it up again in a couple of hours anyway! But yes, i am lazy. I'll clean my room tomorrow...yep. tomorrow.

Im planning on seeing KILL BILL and Matrix next week. Cos if i don't see it like now, i'll never see it and then i'll be all bummed and annoyed with myself. So i must go see. And i'll prolly go out next week, see what morgs is doing...U know, I've seen her TWICE in less than a week. I saw her last week at the bus stop at shoppo and i saw her again (but in her baker's delight uniform...pleats in shorts?) at the bus stop at shoppo on wednesday. Keep running into her there...we've agreed that we'll both go out one nite with shazz...go and boogie and such.

ahh. i really don't think my mum should complain about my room though...my brother just moved all his stuff back home and there are bags everywhere! gotta set up his computer later and play my game of sim city...hehe.

Meanwhile, u should all go anc check out the U.S site for FFX-2. it's in english, which means it makes sense...unlike the jap site which totallt confused the hell outta me...too many buttons. http://www.square-enix-usa.com/games/FFX-2/

And steve sent me an addy for a FFX-2 "which character are you" type quiz....he got Yuna...LOL...hehe
Myself on the other hand..


You're Paine! Fighting can solve anything and get
you you're way in life! nobody better cross
your path!


Which FFX-2 Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

So there ya have it folks.

OH! there is a doco on missy E on sbs tonite! so make sure ya'll watch it ;)

Yellow - coldplay

look at the stars
look how they shine for you
and everything you do
yeah they were all yellow
I came along
I wrote a song for you
and all the things you do
and it was called yellow
So then I took my turn
oh wh at a thing to have done
and it was all yellow


your skin
oh yeah your skin and bones
turn into something beautiful
and you know
you know I love you so
you know I love you so


I swam across
I jumped across for you
oh what a thing to do
'cos you were all yellow
I drew a line
I drew a line for you
oh what a thing to do
and it was all yellow


and your skin
oh yeah your skin and bones
turn into something beautiful
and you know
for you I bleed myself dry
for you I bleed myself dry


it's true
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine


look at the stars
look how they shine for you
and all the things that you do


GOOD MORNING everyone! actually i should be saying good evening..but fuck the formalities.
Well My studying is going OK. i know what i have to do..planned out my whole essay, it just might take me an extra day to write..fuck. Yeah, i probably could have had it done today, but for some reason i'm getting distracted really easily...like..oh there's my cat....stare for a good minute...huh...oh back to work.
I've been like that all day. and music is distracting even when its turned down really really low. BUT i have the windows media player no.9! yay..i discovered it today when i couldn't find the icon for windows media..and somehow the new version has installed its self...hmmm..maybe my brother had something to do with it.
Do you know he was watching his new porn dvd on this computer? THAT IS JUST SICK..cos....eww...this chair..i should swap chairs. Him and his strange friends were all having a porn video session last saturday morning in geelong..which i'm soo glad i missed.
Its soo funny cos he's so ashamed and embarressed around other girls with his porn birthday presents..he tried not to show the "gifts" to his chick friends at his party...lol...soo funny.

But anyway back to my windows media player..i am currently playing every single song on this computer thats in a My music folder...ehehe. well i'm skipping thru the johnny cash and elton john tracks of course - my dad has baddd music taste though..he really likes hick type music...its fucking strange the shit i hear him listeing to.

Anyway gtg the bill and the simpsons are on. later. ah but first alan needs my help...alas my work here is never done.

Songs i've been singing today:
Lara Fabian - I will love again
Limp Bizkit - Nookie
Christina Ag - Come on over
50 cent - thug love
702 - where my girls at
Hanson - This Time Around and Can't stop
Joey McIntyre - stay the same
j.lo - if you had my love

I can't find the shuffle button on my winamp! lol. its not on the skin and its kinda annoying. lol.
But i have a pretty good winamp skin..its a Utena skin, its bright orange, pretttty mad. My winamp 3 player has a rikku skin which i rather like also. and i have some flamey skin that rocks my socks..so my winamps kick booty.

Today was the longest day ever. You know i actually ate dinner at 6 pm. I had some microwaved stuff...which i think was a rip off cos its now 10:51pm and i'm still hungry.
I actually did work today, tomorrow i have to write it up and then hand it in on wednesday and then i have to start the next essay. A few days late won't matter much, so its ok. Anyway my tutor is overseas while we are all slaving away on essays...sooo by the time he gets back my essay will be waiting with the rest to be marked...so lateness shouldn't be an issue. i'm not making any sense, my head is getting alittle dizzy.

I've been a bad bad girl. I was planning on buying a video game this week, AFTER i did my essays, well after the geelong adventure, me and my brother were in the city wasting time before the bus was to arrive, and i decided i would show him the video game store in the city and then we would go to missing link..cos they've moved to a nice location on burke street. But we disagreed with their shop sign..go read it - cos there are alot better independent stores in melbourne..such as..my brother tells me Au-go-go. Just a little pretencious and full of themselves.

So anyway! we went to the store..had a look at the dvds...had a look at the new sims game...cos i was tempted to buy another sims expansion pack...THEN we looked at the PS2 games..they have the new buffy game and we were looking at dark angel, and all these other titles, too many to name.
Then we came to the platnium games..NOW i'm not a cheap ass - i paid full price for my beautiful copy of final fantasy x which was worth every cent, And two games that i've been wanting for awhile just happen to be platnium..so cheaper for me..which equals yayness.
So it was a toss up between Kingdom hearts and Rachet and Clank. Both equally fantastico games. AND i wasn;t gonna buy a game that day..but since i was there..and my bro would need something to do while i took over his room and the computer for the next few days, i thought WHAT THE HELL and we tossed a coin and it landed heads and we were supposed to buy rachet and clank. BUT last minute i changed my mind and got Kingdom hearts..and i must say i am very very very happy with my purchase. And my bro doesn't think its as stupid anymore...cos I MEAN it HAS CLOUD, and Aerith(voice by mandy moore lol) and it had wakka and tidus and yuffie and selphie! and Leon/squall! AND IT HAS TARZAN! how mad is that! and you can have tarzan in your party and he kicks booty! and i've always been a fan of Tarzan..maybe cos he looks so much like IKE! LOL..some of you would get that..But when the Tarzan film came out, I was with leanne..and we were like IKE IKE IKE! the whole time...ahh memories. But damn, the voice talent is pretty cool...when i heard Aerith speak i was thinking...that sounds like mandy moore - and it is! AND leon is david boreanaz....mmmm...and
BUt so far its a great game and to quote justin Timberlake "i'm lovin' it" .

BUt i should be doing my work. I should be. I did today though...so thats good. Lisa did my survey :) which is v. good. so now i can write lots of stuff about it. I'm report writing..so that'll be a nice welcome change from doing stupid usual essay format crap.

anyway, i'm off. NITE *MUAH*

i was gonna write a post. but i feel too sick to write anything. And i'm supposed to be writing an essay now...gah. i'm behind in all my work, and i have to go to my bro's 21st...which i really shouldn't go to, but i will cos i'm a nice person. and no one can come with me cos they all have work and stufff...i don't blame them..im so stressed about work..i dunno how i can have any fun on friday.

songs:
underneath - hanson (kinda my theme for the week)
good charlotte - emotionless
nivea- feat jagged edge + mystical - don't mess with my man (remix)
Yeah yeah yeahs - miles away

Underneath - Hanson

Waking up this morning thinking this can't be real
They say there's nothing love can't heal
Why don't you come on down so you can feel what I feel

Sitting all alone in this place
Even though we're here face to face
There is nothing gone but there's something wrong

Can't you see that I'm stuck here underneath
That you make it hard to breathe
Take a look around and tell me what you see
You'll find me underneath

I don't know what to say, would some know where to begin
I'm feeling that it's you beneath my skin
Well, if there was a notion for this pain that I'm in

Sitting all alone in this place
Even though we're here face to face
There is nothing gone, but there's something wrong

Can't you see that I'm stuck here underneath
That you make it hard to breathe
Take a look around and tell me what you see
You'll find me underneath
You'll find me underneath

If only you could feel what I dream
Maybe you hear what I mean
There is nothing gone but there's something...

Can't you see that I'm stuck here underneath
You make it hard to breathe
Take a look around and tell me what you see
You'll find me underneath
You'll find me underneath
Underneath

* * *

IT'S DONE! THE HAIR HAS BEEN CUT. lol. sorry, i know i'm making a big deal. i have pictures if anyone is interested? lol, i took pictures to send to my sister, cos she's away..and she's in a shit attitude at the moe, so she needs cheering up and pictures of me. naturally.

I am in a very good mood. the weather is great, i've been busy, and its been goot! I went out last night, which at first i was alittle worried about it, Shaz took me out to the 'Pool room' which is out in fern tree gully...far away. lol. I was expecting heaps of yobos and shit..there were a couple, but the night was pretty good. And i met shaz's friends and they are all very cool very nice people. But i had a few too many drinks last night, Shaz said he counted that i had about 6 drinks, and then started asking him not to give me anymore..and i still can't remember if i had both drinks...nevermind. lol, my memory is a little fuzzy, but i funnily enough i still remember everyone's names...lol. actually...no i do :)

But apart from all that from last night, i've been having a good day here. I made a cassette for Aub, i cleaned the house, and i've done stuff. And i've sat here in front of the computer for alittle too long looking at the sanity website and going through the pages and pages of animated dvds and videos...i'm up to page 29. But sanity is having a little sale, and a couple of anime films are on sale really cheap! BUT i will tell u all now, the uncut version of Ninja Scroll is coming out really really soon. But Sanity have wicked city, and vampire hunter and ghost in the shell cheap...sooo yay. But im looking forward to the uncut version of ninja scroll - which i've only seen once, and it really wasn't that graphic...the rape scene was kinda tame. But what really excites me is that sanity have Legend of the Overfiend on dvd. And i've been wanting to see that film, mostly because its mentioned in all my academic readings for my media topic.

I got into the animation class for cinema studies next year, woo! I'm really happy i got my first preferences for all my classes in cinema, but i can't actually remember what the codes on my form mean..and i don't exactly remember what the classes are...so i'll have to check that. I only hope that tomorrow when i get my media preference form back that i'm not too disappointed, because i dunno what i'll do if i don't get into radio production. there go all my plans..for a second time.

my mum got the matrix reloaded from the video store, so i'm gonna go watch, and eat something while i'm at it. hmmm...tim tams.

Mood: content
songs in my head: Third Eye Blind - Another Life

On the 14th of October it was Rach's birthday. She's 20 years old now. I wonder what she did, if she had a party, if she went out for dinner, anything.
But i'm not supposed to care, right?
Its hard to stop caring and to hate someone you've known for so long. But its even harder to come to terms with, when you realise that you never knew them at all.

Its a really nice day today. I'm getting my hair cut tonite, woo. I've had long hair for long enough, its time for it to go! Kinda makes me wish i was going out tonight. The last time i actually cut my hair was back in April. lol, and its now October..you know how they say you should cut your hair every 6-8 weeks to avoid split ends? yeah..well i basically ignore that. my hair is all ends :)
Actually now that i remember, the last time i cut my hair..i went to Street's cocktail party - *sigh* those were the good old days. lol. i'm feeling alot older now, i think responsibility has finally slapped me on the ass. I want to start making it on my own now, because i think i'm finally ready to do that.

Lisa sent me an e-mail, and there is a picture of a kitten in a beer glass...reminds me of the bonsai kittens site. lol.

Its almost 9am. This is the second last week of uni..woo.
I think i should probably go and do some work...i've been trying to do work all week, lol, but i haven't been too productive. Yesterday i finally got round to opening word and then i wrote down a biblography listing of all the books i took out of the lib. So from 10:30am ish till 8pm ish what exactly did i do all day? well apart from chatting to people all day, i updated my website, again. I read other people's blogs and then wondered why they don't update often enough. I went to some old websites, wondered why they didn't update anymore, then i visited a few other sites, and downloaded a whole stack of mp3s..and i still have more to download....urghh..this downloading is soo draining...who knew u could get tired from doing nothing?

ha. horrid. thats a funny word. Say it in a sentence like "OH how horrid" and with an english accent. haha. You know when your not really hungry, but u go and have a snack and then afterwards your like, "mmm. i want more" i feel like that right now. I have lots of work to do..but i really can't be bothered doing it..cos i would rather write bullshit in this blog than be actually doing something productive.
I updated my website the other day, tuesday i think. the front page looks cool and the index looks shite. I should probably move away from geocities, cos makes me go "arghhh" and maybe i should get more creative...maybe its time for frames? LOL. i have no html knowledge whatso ever...but i like fucking with pictures in photoshop..i only know a few basic things, but its fun...anyway.
The anime pictures i used for my website were of Revolutionary Girl Utena...go here http://www.ohtori.nu/ this site has heaps of info and pics and is damn pretty to look at.


"Not A Pretty Girl" - ani difranco
I am not a pretty girl
that is not what I do
I ain't no damsel in distess
and I don't need to be rescued
so put me down punk
maybe you'd prefer a maiden fair
isn't there a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere

I am not an angry girl
but it seems like I've got everyone fooled
every time I say something they find hard to hear
they chalk it up to my anger
and never to their own fear
and imagine you're a girl
just trying to finally come clean
knowing full well they'd prefer you
were dirty and smiling

and I am sorry
I am not a maiden fair
and I am not a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere

and generally my generation
wouldn't be caught dead working for the man
and generally I agree with them
trouble is you gotta have youself an alternate plan
and I have earned my disillusionment
I have been working all of my life
and I am a patriot
I have been fighting the good fight
and what if there are no damsels in distress
what if I knew that and I called your bluff?
don't you think every kitten figures out how to get down
whether or not you ever show up

I am not a pretty girl
I don't want to be a pretty girl
no I want to be more than a pretty girl

DJ EV. that doesn't sounds too cool. Maybe because i should never become a DJ - because my name is too horrid and too evil to be allowed next to the title of DJ.
My bro is having his 21st b'day party on the 31st of October - all my friends are invited to come along (i don't expect any of my friend to actually go)- BUT its in geelong. LOL. how the fuck are people gonna get there...i dun even know how i'll get there...But its gansta themed - and my bro has basically asked me to do some compliation cds for him - just some funky stuff, and tracks from soundtracks. I can't believe that my brother would actually leave me in charge of music for his fucking party - he is sooo stubborn, ignorant, and biased when it comes to music. If i tell him a band is good..he'll say its shit just because - THEN a month later a friend of his will tell him about the same band and then its fucking awesome. and thats just stoopid. I was downloading The Distillers the other nite..and he was like "WHY the fuck are u downloading them! YOU don't like them! You listen to fucking pop" And he hates it when i like some band he does. But he is slowly discovering DC...which is nice...cos now when ppl see his DC logo on his phone he can also say he likes the band.

OK. I'M very excited at the moment, because yesterday i got my very own dvd copy of Hanson Live at the Fillmore! wooooooo. I watched it today..and yayness! my dad got me the dvd from ebay...cos i kept nagging him for it - lol now im gonna work on getting the acoustic EP. woo. yeaah i know. i'm all teeny cos i still like hanson..but fuck u. their music makes me happy.

omg..i just found a site....a site i haven't seen in agess..it moved! stupid ppl..wait. stupid people.
anyway. i gotta gooo. australian idol will be on soon. HOW DARE THE STUPID VOTING PUBLIC OF AUSTRALIA NOT VOTE FOR LEVI. that was disgusting last nite. Paulini and Levi were up with Shannon in the bottom three. Rob should have been up there instead of Paulini..that was soooo bad. And Levi gets booted out - soooo unfair. I voted for Levi..so neh.

boogie list:
Jungle Boogie - Kool and the Gang
Across 110th Street - Bobby Womack
Let's stay together - Al Green
Son of a Preacher Man - Dusty Springfield
As time goes by - Louis Armstrong

When i'm in a shite mood - i just put on some music and its just lifts me up and i'm in a fantastic mood for the rest of the day. A funky tune, a profound lyric - a good song can just make me forget about my life, make me forget about whats been troubling me. And make me feel like i can do anything to the right music.
Its kinda like this 'higher' spiritual music experience. So thats what i'll call it for now. But music has always done this to me, always reminded me of who i am, what my aspirations are..or were in some instances. Its inspiring. And damn well makes me want to get down and boogie.

here are some of my latest aquisitions:
Miles Away - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Me Against the Music - Britney feat. Madonna
A little less talk, more action (extended mix) - Tim Delux
Wasted - Cam Farrar
Tangled - Maroon 5
Bigger Than my Body - John Mayer
Troubled - Pink
Light your ass on fire - Busta Rhymes ft. Pharrell
Re-offender - Travis

Low - Kelly Clarkson

Everybody's talking
But they don?t say a thing
They look at me with sad eyes
But I don't want the sympathy
Its cool you didn't want me
Sometimes you can't go back
Buy why'd you have to go and make a mess like that
Well I just have to say
Before I let go

Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know?
Were you left out in the cold?
What you did was low

No I don't need your number
There's nothing left to say
Except I never thought it'd hurt this much to be sane
My friends are outside waiting
I've gotta go

Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know?
Were you left out in the cold?
What you did was low
What you did was low (low)
What you did was low (low)
What you did was low (low)

I walk out of this darkness
With no sense of regret
And I go with a clear conscience
We both know that you can't say that
Here's to show
For all the time I loved you so
So

Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know?
Were you left out in the cold?
What you did was low
Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know?
Were you left out in the cold?
What you did was low
Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
Cause what you did was low

I really really like this song. And somehow in my current state it fits. I think i made progress today, i finally came to terms with some stuff that i've been dealing with of late, and i've realise that saying i don't care about things and people is a crock of shit. I care all too much, and thats my problem. I worry, I cry over things that keep me awake at night. I can't sleep when something is on my mind, when something troubles me, when someone hurts me or offends me. I don't understand some people, and I guess i never will. I want to accept people for who they are, and i forget about the shit they've done, but how can u be friends with someone who isn't even a friend back. How can you care about a friend when they don't even have the decentcy to call you or write u an e-mail or let you know something, or trust you..or even tell you that they don't want to be friends with you.
Now, i'm not perfect. Trust me, i'll be the first to admit it. I hate my flaws, my imperfections everything about myself i want to change - i want to change myself my personality, everything, but i'm still learning things and the hard way. I throw myself into the deep end and try to swim. My whole life i've been stuck in situations, difficult situations that i couldn't escape only try to make the best of, my life isn't some comfy holiday, its hard - but i'm learning to appreciate it. And i appreciate every single person in my life, everyone i've ever known has affected me in some way. And i'm glad to say i've even learnt from my mistakes, and from other people - because i've seen how they treat people and i don't want to be like that.

I've done this stupid ranty shit so many times on my blog. I have to keep reassuring myself, that i'm not bad, that i'm not totally hopeless, that one day it will all be worth it. lol.

I wrote a short story last week, its about a boring married couple, who one day crack and try to break their routine lives. I kinda like it, but i needs work.

Anyway..i have a research report to begin.

Playlist:
Buried Myself Alive - The Used
Cute without the E - Taking Back Sunday
Asking Too Much - Ani Difranco
Beautiful - Me'shell Ndegeocello