I'M IN!
woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot!!!!!

I can't believe how bad i was stressing out over the myer job...but yay! I just have to fill in some stuff which will be sent to me soon and organise some training and stuff and YAY.

Of course this is just for christmas trading...but my plan was to get my foot in the door - so lets hope i don't fuck this up.

I need black and white clothing ....i think another shopping trip will be needed soon....OOH. im gonna go to Cue and buy that hot black skirt i saw...mmm...i love that store.
Anyway. i got an essay to write, have fun kids.

Also does anyone want to come to manifest?

20 MINUTES!

ONLY 20 MINUTESS...it was so quick I didn't even notice it.

And to think I left my film criticism class early FOR 20 MINUTES OF NOTHING?!!!!

all we had to do - was turn up. sit in our designated seats. then listen to some nice person talk - then we had to stand up, introduce our selves and say why we wanted to work at myer.

im not gonna go into details here about what I said. BUt lets say - i was original compared to everyone else. and i made a total fool of myself! BUt the worst thing was, when i sat down I thought...hmm maybe when we get to the good stuff i can redeem myself...BUT noo..they thanked us and we all left....and i was on the 4.20 bus back to warrandyte going home. That was it. anti-climatic. oh well..i guess in a few weeks i'll find out if i impressed anyone...but i doubt it. but..then again..I still hope it was okay and that i get the job! lol.

I can't seem to shake off this feeling today.

Like I've messed up, that my good streak has finally run out.

I haven't felt this lonely or depressed in awhile. I feel like no matter what I can do, nothing will change this feeling.

I've been thinking of ways to improve myself today, maybe there are little things i can do to salvage a friendship which i think is near the edge of no return. But one particular person has been on my mind the past week - and its driving me crazy, because i think i don't deserve this - what have i done to deserve this attention?

Its the not knowing, the not talking to them which gets to me. I think i finally cracked today. My mind has been wandering all over the place, I've been asking myself questions like 'What did i do? how can i fix this?' what did i do, except be myself? is that why i should be punished? And some things just don't help. I've had almost no contact with people the whole weekend, I'm tired, I'm sick of everything. I just want to crawl into my bed tonight, and i just want to cry out all these feelings and hope that tomorrow will be better.

But I feel so alone even when I'm with people. I saw tracey today, and we talked alittle about Theo...he's very sensitive to gay jokes. And on the bus i talked with this nice guy called lee who is a first year agriculture student. I met him last week, on the bus...incidently. But I just don't feel like myself today. I just felt drained and emotionless. apart from the depressing emotions - but void of anything resembling happiness.

I bought a second love hina manga today - in hopes that it would cheer me up. It did alittle.

And i bought a pencil case also, because I'm sick of finding my pens all strewn at the bottom of my backpack.

I have a job interview tomorrow with myer. I don't know what I'm going to do.

All i know today is that I've been wanting to get online, i've wanted to blog this all out of me. get it all out of my system. I remember feeling so horrible, so sick in my stomach that i wanted to leave and not resolve anything. and i still don't think any thing has been resolved. then again, this could all be in my head.

I just want to stop thinking things over too much. i can't handle it anymore. if i over analyse one more thing, one more line, one more gesture - i'm going to crack...like an egg. and go splat.

i'm tired. i mite get an early night.
not too much has happened. friday nite - vids at ian & ben's house...that was aiiight. and then saturday nite i saw Battle Royale II: Requiem - which was aiight. better than azumi. But still not fantastic, it could have been GREAT. but it just wasn't. But i liked the blood...and the plight of these teenagers, although the film felt alittle drawn out. But i liked it.
There were a few other films i wanted to see, but i think i might see that one about the monks who play soccer. lol.

I'm looking at a website for teaching in japan at the moment...i thought about doing this back in first year uni...but i dunno...it would be exciting though.

meanwhile..because i've run out of ideas for this post.

www.utada.com

- the new single 'devil inside' is up, only listen to it on high streaming...low sounds like shit.

Directions
you must play dashboard's "the swiss army romance" to get the full effect of this next post - so turn it up loud....now!

Sleep with all the lights on.

You're not so happy.

You're not secure.

You're dying to look cute in your blue jeans,but you're plastic just like everyone.

You're just like everyone.

And that face you paint is pressed

impressing most of us as permanent

and I'd like to see you undone.

 

College night will draw the crowds.

Dorms unload & your heading out.

Here is your moment to shine.

Making up a history.

It's nothing from the life you lead

but man, will they buy all your lines.

 

Sleep with all the sheets off

bearing your mattress

bearing your soul.

And you're dying to look smooth with your tattoos

but you're searching just like everyone

could be anyone.

And the friends that you have are the best

impressing most of us as permanent

and I'd like to see you undone.

 

Youth's the most unfaithful mistress.

Still we forge ahead to miss her.

Rushing our moment to shine.

Making up a history,It's nothing from the life you lead

but man will they buy all your lines.

 

We're not twenty-one,

but the sooner we are,

the sooner the fun will begin,

so get out your fake eyelashes,

and fake i.d's,

& real disasters ensue,

it's cool to take these chances.

It's cool to fake romances

& grow up fast.

 

 

I have to say that I am happiest when I am listening to music.  and i last nite i was stoked.  And last night when I was at the dashboard gig - I couldn't have been happier.  Seriously, that gig was greeeat.  I think he puts on an awesome show, and i love the crowd and how everyone knows the lyrics (except for the girls standing on my left, who only knew like 3 songs well) and I love the atmosphere. Everyone singing along to the songs, i love how chris handles the audience and he has this aura about him, He has a quiet yet powerful presence on stage.  Chris from dashboard is fricken amazing...and he's hot. and talented. and when he sings...sometimes he can hold a note for longer than 10 seconds...i kept thinking he was going to turn blue.  My only problem was I wish I could have had someone to share in my second dashboard experience  but talking with steve afterwards about it was great, because it was his first time and finally and he totally shared in my enthusiasm for the gig.   Well it was a great gig and i had a good time.  And i got cool dashboard hoodie - which im looking forward to wearing once i get the ciggarette smoke smell out of it.

 

meanwhile, i woke up this morning - not alot happened except i read some more of this book called nineteen-eighty four by george orwell - i think he also wrote animal farm...and i like that book alot...but its taken me awhile to start reading it. 

took mum to the airport this arvo, then reds and i went to office works in search of stuff and cds..then we went to hungry jacks - or HJ's as my brother calls it...and waited too long for our food...then went home - i finished my essay, emailed it. and now we're thinking about seeing a movie tonite, but tomorrow nite me and reds are going to see the sequel to battle royale as part of miff...

 

i feel like getting some vids tonite though. anyway...im hungry. cya.

 

Well would u believe it?    No. probably not.
I started this Blog back in 2001 and I didn't think anything would come of it.  And I'm right, nothing did happen.  Maybe a few more people are reading it now then compared to back then, but not many more. 
So I'd just like to say  happy 300 blogs to me. 

 
(..but officially this is post 301 - i didn't check the last one. )

Songs to Sing to:
Dashboard confessional - Saints and Sailors
black eyed peas - weekend

is anyone else scared?

Uni is starting again.  And i don't want to go. I'm already nervous and stressed out about tomorrow's class, at 11am.  And its media, and media classes are always something to dread.  My cinema classes this semester should be entertaining though, yet difficult.  The media subject has a tutorial thingy too...a two hour tutorial....urghhh.  I'm gonna need to stock up on the caffine this semester me thinks.   so at the moment i think i'm looking at about 11 hours a week.  And i'll have fridays off, and possibly wednesdays.  at least my media class won't be in the HUED 101 room...that room gives me the shits. i hate it.  its crappy and crap. 

My weekend has been uneventful.  And now im in debt to two people. lol.
Friday was cool, went with street to the manifest pre-registration party which was cool...watched some kick ass anime and i got to see the Naruto video game which KICKS ASS.  also i played hack./ cards...which was interesting.
Then street cameee along to the city - and we met up with my bro and saw the film AZUMI. which..was okay. I meaan, it wasn't exactly a great film...in fact most of it was pretty...silly. But there were lots of samurai swords and crazy bad guys that look like monkeys and one reeeally freaky villian who was totally crazy - and yet very amusing to watch.   I didn't mind it at all.
meanwhile, there are some more films that i want to see on - But the Astro theatre is showing most of the Studio Ghibli in August on tuesday nites - So everyone must come and see Nausicaa and the Cat returns then!

anyway, enough about me.

 

 

this is cloud - spikey hair. My figurine looks almost like this.  

Its been a GREAT week.   And I'll tell you why. Because everything is finally starting to fall into place, things are fixing themselves and everything is good and well in my world for now.  So I'm happy.  But I'll give you all a quick run down of my week, and I'll omitt the boring details, so I'll just tell you about Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.

On tuesday (which felt like a monday) I was in the city with Lisa and we hooked up with Nat early on and went down to bridge rd in search of a vest for lisa.  We walked around for a bit then went back into the city to meet up with Leanne and we walked to the starbucks on the corner of burke & swanston st. We saw Alan in the city - after alot of..silly standing around Lisa and Nat finally went to say hi to him, while i stood out front of starbucks and wondered where leanne was, so Finally we all just thought OKAY screw this, lets go get some chippies, so we went to the lounge and called Leanne and told her to meet us there.  Finally she came and we all sat around and ate chips and drank the free water.  Then to finally break the ice between us all we went window shopping and explored melbourne central and the new QV building. And i must say...OMG shopping in the city will rock once i get some money.  

So that was pretty much Tuesday.   Wednesday I met up with Tristan at Donnie and we walked around, talked anime and video games and then got foood - my first KFC twista in WEEKS! since uni i think.  Tristan gave me a cool final fantasy trading arts figure he got from singapore - i had to choose between two identical boxes for one, and i ended up with a Cloud from FFVII...and he now sits here at the computer with me.  But i swear i almost speared my finger trying to put cloud's head on his body.  That is one dangerous hair cut.   (look at the picture above).    So that was Wednesday. Then Yesterday, Thursday - last nite I went to dinner with Lisa, Nat and Leanne at Rasa Malaya which is on blackburn rd, and it was sooo good.  Then we went to sugar art for coffees and hot chocolates afterwards.   I got to ride in Leanne's bf's car...its' a mini and i've fallen in love with it.   I want a car just like that.    And leanne has good taste in anime and music - we were listening some music from naruto on the way to sugar art.  It was very very cool.  So thats it sooo far.  Tonite im either seeing a film, or going to an anime thing with street. I think i mite go to the anime thing though.  i can see the film next week.  

 

 

Well I had a dream I stood beneath an orange sky

Yes I had a dream

I stood beneath an orange sky

With my brother and my sister standing by

 

 
- alexi murdoch "orange sky" from "music from the o.c mix 1"

The Problem With Popplers
 
It's only monday.
tomorrow: city w/ lisa & meeting nat and leanne
wednesday: hanging with tristan
Thursday: who gives a fuck.
 
 
I've been feeling a bit ick today.  Well a bit, ick since sunday. So sorry if i haven't been replying to mobile messages and stuff, i haven't been checking things at all.  Um...
Next week I start uni again, my mum goes away to england leaving me my slutty sister at home. My brother will be here weekends though and I'm planning on inviting a few ppl over, but its hard cos next week uni starts. But its not like i'll have work or anything to do...who does work in the first week of uni? Like no one. All u do is turn up, get urself a tutorial time and then leaave. But thankfully i'll only have one tutorial next semester and two four hour lectures for cinema.  But it'll be nice to start at 11 am on a monday for once. not that i'll be able to sleep in though. I need my P's...and a car.
 
I've decided i'm going healthy. And I mean it this time. I'm even going to exercise. I know...its so not like me.  But I think I've sat on my ass long enough this holidays.  So I'm going to look into doing these bodyjam classes or something. I mite join la trobe's gym thingy...or do swimming. swimming sounds good, and i haven't done it in years, so maybe i'll start swimming again.
 
I was just talking about being fit and healthy, and then without thinking i stick a fricken Lindt chocolate ball in my mouth. lol.
 
Oh. if ppl wanna go see a few kick ass films at the melb inter. film fest this year tell mee and we can all go. I want to see hero, azumi, the cat returns and a few other films about..ninjas and such.
 
meanwhile in FFX-2 today i raised 4 level 5 chocobo's and found the secret chocobo dungeon. So yay for me...of course i wasted like two-three hours doing that. 
 
 
pharrell & busta rhymes - light ur ass on fire
brand new - am i wrong
 
 
 

Its been a dull and boring week.

Nothing has happened. Except Im not much closer to finishing my game of FFx-2 this week. But tonite is the final episode of Angel FOREVER!
anyway. this is boring. but lookie. new layout. Im thinking of changing it again...i'll do it on the weekend.

go do urself a favour and download some Led Zepplin now - or better yet go buy urself the records.

Well the playstation is gone. my brother took it for the night. He's up at the holiday house. And i tells ya, the tv is looking empty and alone without it. In fact, i feel empty...and alone without it. But its probably good to have some time away from it. And im handling things well. I mean its not like i'm addicted to my playstation, i just like having it there, sitting under my tv with the dvd and vcr.

My short trip with lisa away was very good. We walked alot. watched alot of big brother. And I ate too much food. but it was all good. We got sum cool tee shirts.
But its good to be back, i would have liked to stay alittle longer up at the beach house, but i go alittle crazy sometimes when im away from melbourne sometimes. Its just nice having all my usual comforts and things around me. Im looking forward to this week though, I want to make the most of whats left of my holidays before uni starts up again.
Oh i got a B+ for my pornography essay! woot! go me. I handed that essay in a week late and I still got a good mark, so woot for me. So i think i'll be passing at least one class! still don't know what i got for my other assignments yet, i reeally want to know what i got for the radio assignment. Blood sweat and tears went into that one.

Well i gotta get ready. Im meeting grace at easty landy soon. i was wondering last night...where do u buy table cloths from? i'd assume a store, but i want a particular colour and they mite be hard to find...hmm. Yesterday i was looking through my sister's cook books and i was literally drooling. Ahh just the thought of eating food...im getting too fat now. damn winter. I always eat more this time of year, but this year im reeeally feeling it. Well i like to eat, is that so bad?

playlist:
goldfrapp - twist
utada, timbaland,& kiley dean - by your side (so hard to find a good copy of this!)
BEP - lets get retarded (not started)
joe feat g-unit - ride wit u

peace out.

playlist:
kelly osborne - right here
kelly clarkson - miss independent
kelis - trick me
kofee brown - quickie
koda kumi - 1000 words (english version)


Im going through the K's on my kazaa list..hehe.

Lisa and I are going away today. We shall be back sometime by the end of the week. If u wish to contact either one of us, try our mobiles. don't bother sending me an email because i won't look till late friday.

um...its been an interesting past few days. lots has been happening. and i've been asleep alot and watching too many films and big brother has taken over my life. its official. I am addicted.

well i'd better be off! leave me a comment or sumthing! *muah*

sneaker pimps - wasted early sunday
saves the day - you vandal

I've been at home all weekend. Its been nice :)
Lots of sleeping and lots of eating. I've taken to eating these lil packets of sugar crackers...mmm...i love them.
I watched a spike lee movie last nite..Clockers. it was aiight. hehe. i must say i liked 'do the right thing' alot better.
Im organising a few things for my short trip away with lisa. and dinner party stuff.

I haven't got much to write here today. maybe i will tomorrow. meanwhile - everyone watch Big bro tonite - cos they fucked up and kicked out bree when it was supposed to be someone else apparently.

anyway. GOODbyeee

last nite was good.
in fact the past two nights have been fun.
I wanna do something saturday nite. so any suggestions? something that doesn't involve alot of money. cos im down to about $3.50. Spent about 70 dollars on gifts and cards today.
Morgan & Aimee's 21st tonite! wooot.
apparently mark street is going to a 21st aswell. And my old friend Mark Wilko is having his 21st tonite..apparently. I bumped into Jon today and he told me. seems jon hasn't read my blog - so he didn't read that post i wrote about/for him. so he had no idea. at all about anything. didn't really speak to him that much today. anyway.
I gotta figure out what im gonna wear tonite! naughty or nice - arghhhh.

playlist:
kelis - milk shake
goldfrapp - twist
dirty dancing soundtrack - time of my life

itsss cold. cold cold cold.

Im gonna collapse and die.

no im not.

but i am hungry.

playlist:
Michelle branch - tuesday morning
Kylie - chocolate
2pac - how do you want it


i can't live a day without you. closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away..

HOKAY!
well i've just been chillin' and doing stuff. you know. And i went to the dentist today and he gave me a filling for my deformed wisdom tooth. and i got an x-ray done - and there was fun to be had by all!
I got my radio doco on cd! woot. it sounds goooooood. im exited about it. I can't wait till i get the marks for it back, i'll see if it was any good then. I'll send kazaa a copy off soon. tell me if u wanna hear it and i'll hook u up with a mp3 or a cd copy of it. I want to put it on my site, so i mite find a site which will let me store stuff...how cool is photobucket! that site is nifty as.

I have alot to do this week. and everything costs money. I'm waiting for an email from coles myer....i mite send out a few more resumes to some more places. I want to get some driving lessons this holidays..parents suck and don't want me driving.

My dad is going away on the 12th to england! woot. peace and quiet for once. Then my mum is going up to join him in england a few weeks later i think. so for a while it'll just be me at home. muahaha. except it sucks. cos probably it'll just be me. Mum mite ship aubrey off to grandma for the two weeks she's gone. She wanted aubrey to go with her but anyway.

OOH exciting news. Utada Hikaru's english album is coming out soon. its called EXODUS. very cool. and she's featured on UNITY - the official album for the olympic games. or something like that. she's done a few tracks with the legend of hip-hop and everything cool - TIMBALAND! woot. so that should be very very cool.

anyway. i gotta go and do stuff. peace out!

"Broken Angel"

So small, yet still so proud
At night before he dreams he looks into the clouds
A high flyer's what I want to be
Seems they won't let me, says I'm too small
I don't feel small at all

Break my dreams, that's what they'll do
Well I'm going to run away and learn to fly like you
I'm going to go so high and swoop so low
You can't bring me down, going to be so proud

Little angel you got to learn to fly
Get up and earn your wings tonight
Little angel just look in my eyes
Get up and earn your wings tonight

Push and shove then climb aboard
This is the shuttle train to the top of the world
When you look around what do you see
These are all high flyers
But none of these high flyers look like me

What is that supposed to mean
What am I supposed to be

I pull my way up through this crowd
To find your body crushed on the ground
It's so obvious, why couldn't you see
That you can't go high flying without a pair of high-flyer wings

Little one's broken lying on the ground
Trying to get up 'till his last breath out
Wings are strune everywhere, there's blood all around
'Cause even angel's die, but that light just fades
It's so sad, but he'd be so proud

Broken angel you've got to learn to fly
Get up and earn your wings tonight
Broken angel just look in my eyes
Get up and earn you wings tonight
Get up and earn your wings, earn your wings tonight

WHAT IS YOUR MALFUNCTION?

I've been busy this week. Monday I finished the Anime essay. I handed it in at like 8pm. LOL. I got my brother to drive me to uni and he almost got us lost on the way home. But luckily we got back just in time for queer eye. I've been busy doing readings for the pornography essay though, lots of reading to do still so i'll finish that today.
I watched Ring 2 last night. And i watched THE O.C..in fact i also taped it. and will watch it again in the next hour. Im cooking ravioli at the moment. mmmm...

I've been watching lots of naruto and love hina episodes, but in fast forward mostly. I've been looking at the anime style, stillness and time is very important in anime.
Also the Miyuki-chan in Wonderland video arrived yesterday. And i've watched it, and well its not the best anime i've seen, but its certainly weird. Very perverted. And there are no males in that anime at all!

So for your lyrical pleasure, here are the words to my fave anime song at the moment - Wind Sung and written by Akeboshib from Naruto:


Cultivate your hunger before you idealize.
Motivate your anger to make them all realize.
Climbing the mountain, never coming down.
Break into the contents, never falling down.

My knee is still shaking, like I was twelve,
Sneaking out of the classroom, by the back door.
A man railed at me twice though, but I didn't care.
Waiting is wasting for people like me.

Don't try to live so wise.
Don't cry 'cause you're so right.
Don't dry with fakes or fears,
'Cause you will hate yourself in the end.

(Repeats)

You say, "Dreams are dreams.
"I ain't gonna play the fool anymore."
You say, "'Cause I still got my soul."

Take your time, baby, your blood needs slowing down.
Breach your soul to reach yourself before you gloom.
Reflection of fear makes shadows of nothing, shadows of nothing.

You still are blind, if you see a winding road,
'Cause there's always a straight way to the point you see.

Don't try to live so wise.
Don't cry 'cause you're so right.
Don't dry with fakes or fears,
'Cause you will hate yourself in the end.

(Repeats)

for you 

wish me luck