Do you want to know what i realised today? That i am living a lie. I am a lying fraud.
I'm fake, phoney, and i'm beginning to see clearly since...last wednesday..that i am making the biggest mistake of my life.
And i'm not joking here...cos this is serious. And i've only just realised what i'm supposed to be doing with my life.

You know how some things just simply make a person. A passion for art can mould ur personality, interests and likes.
What i mean is, Music is something that is the driving force behind me. Without music..i won't die..but i won't be able to be me. Music is who i am..and i've only just accepted that. While i love listening to music, and i love the business side of the industry...i see that I was given the ablity to sing. I'm not fantastic...but i'm not that bad either (*www.mp3.com/studio_414 -listen to pretty eyes*).
The real thing that has been holding me back (apart from my parents who don't fully support my music ideas..but pretend to go along with it anyway) is that i haven't always been an out-going person. Even now i will argue that i'm still not like that. I'm not always loud or bitchy. Despite what some people might think of me; is that i have feelings and fears. I've always wanted to be someone else...something that people won't expect. But the truth of it is..that I am very very shy. That's why meeting people can be scary for me. Now if i find that scary...Imagine performing in front of strangers...and your friends. People who will judge your every move..every wrong note. Cos when your on stage..Someone is always watching you. Always.
Now i dunno about u..but all that attention kinda freaks u out if ur not prepared for it. And my confidence levels have always been low...u could say that by me being shy..kinda affects my confidence.
Now for those who know me..don't think i'm shy at all. not at all. I remember first telling some people about it..and they laughed at me and didn't believe that i could ever be shy. Well..now itz a known fact.
But i have to say that..i'm not always lacking in confidence*hehe ;)*... Only when it comes to my limited "musical ability."

The last time i did a public performance was mlc speech night. And i have to say that it was finally nice having people tell me they thought i was good. And ya know..being told ur fantastic kinda makes ur day :)

And what brought along this realisation?
It wasn't until a few days ago...when i accepted my offer from la trobe uni to do arts...instead of accepting JMC's music business offer..i realised instantly the decision i had made. I had trashed my dreams of working in the music industry...to waste three years of my life doing an arts course..that i don't really want to be doing. It's what my parents want me to do. And since when have i taken career advice from my olds? I mean...i fully intend to pursue the music industry career..i'll only be 20 by the time i finish the arts course..so i guess i still have time.
I just hate thinking that i'm signing my life away for three years...when it's music i should be doing. And ya know what..i realised that performing is what i should be doing. I should be performing to my hearts content. Because if i wait too long...its not gonna happen.

Do you want to know my biggest problem? That itz taken me so fucking long to figure this out.