Playlist
The cars - Let the good times roll
Imperial Teen - Yoo hoo
Letters to cleo - I see
Transistor - Flow
Jack Drag - We are we
**These songs are from the Jaw Breaker soundtrack**

Well..Media and Cinema studies are a bitch. Two essays due on my birthday. I am very busy. I have..now..less than four days to whip them up and hand them in! But tomorrow..i shall conquer this media bitch essay and start on cinema studies on saturday.
Well tomorrow i'm having my birthday at TGI friday's - just a gathering type dinner and drinks thing. hehe..But for tomorrow only i'll be 18 - cos i wanna be able to drink at TGI's..so..itz cocktails and flings for me!

I have decided that teen magazines are the scum of the earth. I now believe that magazines have probably caused alot of teen eating disorders which could have been prevented if these magazines didn't publish such stoopid articles about weight loss and the ideal body image. But magazines sometimes don't even have to publish these articles - its the magazine as a whole that contributes to the bad influence. The pictures of young 14 year old models that look like 20 somethings are enough to make you want to be sick.
And the wonder why now bulimia and anorexia is becoming more and more acceptable with teens. Just look anorexia up on the internet and all these websites and communities about being thin as a lifestyle which follow the commandments "Thou shall not eat."
Society is letting this happen - it is letting these images of young women be advertised. Dolly magazine and girlfriend or the American Seventeen - who's main audience is 14-15 year old girls - They are promoting this type of life style which is only attainable through constant exercise/dieting and thru the purchasing of commodities (eg, fashion and cosmetics) and that somehow this will make them a better person "inside and out." Isn't it the same beauty magazines that tell their readers - to love and accept their bodies - to love who they are, but instead they give advice on how to change your looks so you can pick up, and how to "make you self popular." Popularity and trends are superficial. Of course the world is very superficial these days - You only have to watch an episode of Absoutley Fabulous to realise how superficial the trend and the people are.

"I didn't eat today, and I didn't eat yesterday, and I'm not gonna eat tomorrow - cos I wanna be a supermodel"
- "Supermodel" Jill Sobule

Girls read these magazines for advice, and because their curious about certain subjects. Of course - if everyone in the world thought that they were ok - and that they were beautiful in their own precious way, there wouldn't be a need for these types of magazines and advertising. Advertising is a form of education - it teaches us to be consumers, cos otherwise - how else will they sell these products to mindless and influential "potential" consumers? One advertising big shot once said "Take a 7 year old and introduce him to adverstising - and you've got him for life." If you want to know about modern and contemporary lifestyle/society - all you have to do is look to advertising.

Advertsing plays on our desires and emotions - it tells us "You're not Ok..cos your not using our products."
It will never say "Your ok - your fine just the way you are" because to do that - would mean you wouldn't need their products and you wouldn't help them make a profit off you. So they play on your insecurities, they make you feel ugly and tell you that your fat and not perfect - and not cool. They try to make your life easier by saying "Our product/service will make u lose weight" "We can change your lifestyle" and "You can be a better person(eg. Mother, friend, daughter) if you own one of our products."
You can't escape this advertising. It's a big business. Millions is spent each year on marketing products, and only 50% of advertising actually works - the problem is - which 50%? So it's a superficial world - and we just live, eat, breath and think consumerism.

I shall leave you now with some interesting quotes...

"I want to be the girl with the most cake
I love him so much it just turns to hate
I fake it so real I am beyond fake
Some day you will ache like I ache"
- Courtney Love

"Everybodu knows I wear Gucci and Chanel and I feel a more valuable person if I have them." - Atsuko, Japanese schoolgirl prostitute

"For when I ask him if this necklace is alright he replied, 'Yes, if no means looking at three others.' - Wendy Cope, 'My Lover'

"Sometimes when you can't feel anything, you'd rather feel pain than nothing." - Lydia Lunch

Playlist
S.O.A.P - Miracle *the whole album...too many songs to write up here*
Watch The princess diaries, the princess bride, crouching tiger/hidden dragon. THE MUMMY*oooh..spoookky*
Read: Cinema studies - 80 pages...grrr....

I just wrote my whole anthropology assignment. It was long and difficult. 1000 words of bull shit that's supposed to be an essay is very hard to fill. And now i'm dead tired. So i'll probably go to sleep early tonite because I have uni tomorrow.
We're watching Dity Harry in cinema..hehe :)
But my uni work doesn't stop there. Tuesday i have to hand in my linguistics sheet..so i'll do that monday night. It's pretty easy.
Then on the 15th *MY BIRTHDAY* I have two essays due, which i need to complete by the weekend. Cos my mother came home this afternoon and started yelling at me for having people over yesterday and not doing my essay then. I finished the essay! The cinema studies one should be easy - but all damn essays have refrence systems and stoopid bibliographies. Ya know...i haven't written a bibliography since...........ya know my essays at mlc never had bibliographies..or refrences. how long is that word..Bibliography...I'm probably not even spelling it right..lol..
I hate work. I do. only school work of course. I hate essay writing...itz such bull shit.

Anyway - Friday night was Andrew's party. And it was carlos's birthday! yay! So we all went to La Porchetta *how ever ya damn speel it* Yes...Lisa got impatient with the old waitress person. mmhehe.
But Andrew's party was good - maybe i mixed a really digusting drink and got horribly tipsy within my first 20 minutes of arriving. And yes I did dance my lil feet off - but the alchol got the better of me. Now i know what they mean by it not being a stimulant. I'm gonna stick to caffine. No more vodka - unles itz in a ruski or cruiser :)

But the party got me thinking. I'm seeing all my friends around me - and their all with someone. It got me thinking about Chris. Now if u don't know who he is by now...i'll fill u in. I met him at Matt T's party.
I don't know if i've made any mistakes - i don't feel like i have. I mean - i like being friends with people. Friends always come first. Guys second. that's how i've always thought of it. But it just gets so annoying when ur the odd one out.
I mean...I'm not really looking for any one. I just wish i could feel like I had someone. Someone who understands me...someone who actually likes me - and does something about it! No more dancing round the issue and no more crushes. I'm sick of crushes! They cause more harm than good to a person! trust me..i know. My whole Taylor hanson crush back in 97-99 was just not healthy. nahuh.
I guess maybe i'm just fustrated. I'll be 18 soon and i've never had anything - interesting. I have had a boring life so far. I had a shit childhood...and a few crappy teenage years. SO adult hood...well...turning 18 is nothing interesting. I'll just be one year older. BUt i'll be able to drive and buy alchol *and not get kicked out of safeway liquor store for not having ID* I'll be able to get into pubs and over age gigs. All this shit i couldn't do b4. But this means nothing to me. It's not important. Well it is - because when i'm 18 i'll have more freedom. But honestly, i lack knowlege and experince in so many things still.
Maybe all this - is just me trying to make sense of how I feel. I feel inadequet. not good enough. But that;s just one part of me...one part of how i feel. Yes i'm confused. and maybe i just confused myself more.

"What is a place doing in a girl like this!"

whateva..i'll post more later. *muah*