:: I have alot of stuff to put up here - but i don't think that even half of it will be posted. So here is something i wrote not that long ago. It's not too personal, but there are a few personal elements included. And some of what I had written was kinda...angry. and long. lol. So for some reason i don't think I'll be stuffed to write it out. ::

This was written the day after the antioch weekend...whenever that was. lol

The most heartbreaking thig is liking someone so much it hurts - then to realise that they could never like you back.
"The greatest thing you'll ever know is to love and be loved in return" - Moulin rouge.
I guess forawhile back there, someone was liking me. But of course it all went downhill. And All I remember was two blissful weeks of phone conversations that lasted hours and that dizzing high I got from it. I was so happy - finally.
I had never felt that way about anyone, but sadly it turned to shit and it was obviously never ment to be.
Of course that disappointment I felt lasted weeks, it tortured me inside and out. And then learning the truth that he had already found himself someone else - other than me - I didn't break. I didn't cry. I just didn't feel anymore. I just couldn't care.
I can't hate her for being the one to get the guy I liked at the time. It's no one's fault but mine - for letting myself fall so hard for someone.

Someone once said to me "That if a guy makes you cry, he's not worth it."
I did cry once - during those two intensly emotional blissful weeks - but that was part of the High. What goes up, always comes down hard. I had hit several lows that liking him so much made me cry and become upset over it.
Love hurts. I think when i fall in love, I'm gonna wear kneepads...to cushion my fall. But through whatever happens, you need to pick yourself up and try again.
"You never truly get over your first crush" - Well then i'm doomed for eternity.

I guess I hope better for my friends, that they all find what their looking for. They they find love, peace and happiness with someone.
For myself I want to be more open to people. To express my feelings better, not to run away from the possibility of love, no matter how much it scares me.

"I could give away everything I posess - but If I lack love - then I am nothing at all" - lauryn Hill "tell him"

I know that someday I'll figure this all out. Love won't be such a mystery, and I'll understand it better than I do now.
I'll find out that love isn't like it is in the fan fiction I read. I'll learn that it's even better than anything i've ever imagined - Or it could just be a shotty experience and a terrible let down. But i don't think it will be....hopefully. God willing.