It's funny how quickly I can change my mind about someone. Its also funny how utterly terrible one person can make me feel in the time of 30 seconds. It also just shows how sensitive I can be sometimes. I can injure someone else with my words - and then they throw it back at me and I can't take it. It's true, I do contradict myself. But fuck it. I don't care. I still know what I mean and I still know what I feel. That's the only thing that's real for me. I get to this stage where I don't know who to trust and I know that some feelings I shouldn't act upon because I'll hurt someone else. So I don't do anything about anything - and then suddenly I'm so bad because I actually DIDN'T do anything. Maybe I should say what I feel more clearly. Maybe I should respect other's feelings more - I think I do, as much as I can. But I'm unsure now of some people and their reactions and assumptions. I think some people assume too much of me. And I think that's what I dislike - the assuming. I wish I could be me all the time, but I can't. I wish I could trust everyone - but I can't. Right now, I think I've realised how fucked up some people are and that they are dragging me down into their own confusion and fucked-up-ness. Didn't I say I didn't need that. Didn't I think that. Didn't I avoid that? why is it so easy to revert back to old feelings? When things were less complicated. But decisions I made I won't break. Anyway, you don't go out with your friends. You can't always go back after that. but sometimes you can. And there's always hope in that. I cling to hope sometimes. That's what I'm doing now. I'm wishing and hoping that everything will work out. That what's meant to be will be and all that stuff. I'm not so lost after all eh?

stem - shiina ring "the real is but a dream"
l0w - kelly clarkson "they look at me with sad eyes, well I don't want their sympathy"
gamble everything for love - ben lee "love me with an open heart, tell me anything"
forget myself - third eye blind "who am I we both don't know/ time ticks by, where did you go?"

meanwhile james is sick from the pizza hut food. THAT'S why vegeterians shouldn't eat meat on a fricken religious holiday!

Sydonia - Life in a cup
Queens of the stone age - no one knows
Ben lee - catch my disease

I've never been this confused about anything. But I'm also never very definate with my feelings either. So maybe this is just a temporary situation and I'll go back to normal soon...I hope so.
I think I like the idea of someone right now more than I like them. And I think if I acted on every crush I had on someone, then i'd end up nowhere without any real idea of what I'm looking for. I think I know what I want. It just gets mixed up - with my thoughts and ideas. Do I want something real? Something that lasts? or something superficial and nasty?
Nasty is such a nasty word. Do I want to go against the norm for myself? Should I chase or be chased? I think alot, about what it could be like with someone - but nothing ever comes of it. And I think that this is probably one of those times. but we'll see ;) who knows, i'm just going with the flow and wherever it takes me I guess i'l have to wait and see.

My birthday preprations are getting worse - I need to rethink and re-evaluate how much I actually want to spend on alcamhole. haha

There are some people in this world that are just not meant to get along. Ever.
And I think I found of those people that I will never ever get along with. And another thing I've realised is that I just don't care. Well my weekend has been busy, full of 21st birthdays (Nat's and Klein's) and i've been working at myer all weekend. Which has made it interesting. but i've been lacking a decent night's sleep. Oh well i'll catch up during the week ;)