"Screaming Infidelities" dashboard confessional

I'm missing your bed
I never sleep
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak,
And this bottle of beast
Is taking me home

[1.]
I'm cuddling close
To blankets and sheets
But you're not alone, and you're not discreet
Make sure I know who's taking you home.

I'm reading your note over again
There's not a word that I comprehend,
Except when you signed it
"I will love you always and forever."

[2.]
Well As for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs
And sit alone and wonder
How you're making out
But as for me, I wish that I were anywhere with anyone
Making out.

I'm missing your laugh
How did it break?
And when did your eyes begin to look fake?
I hope you're as happy as you 're pretending.

[1.]
I am alone
In my defeat I wish I knew you were safely at home

I'm missing your bed
I never sleep
Avoiding the spots where we'd have speak, and
This bottle of beast is taking me home.

[2.]

Your hair, it's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities
And taking its wear.

Today I got out my old notebooks. I hate to refer to them as journals or diaries, because their not just for documenting the past, but my life, and my thoughts and my lyrics and poems and stories. especially my stories. I have pages of unfinished fanfiction that I started such a long time ago. It makes me wish for the fantasy world I used to surround myself in. The world that was un real with its false expectations and dreams that were never meant to come true. At least I can look back on that period in my life and smile, and think fondly. And for some reason, my stories still live on in my notebooks. whats left of them anyway. and i still get sucked into the stories and the characters that i created. I can look at them alot more critically now, and i almost feel like finishing one of the last stories i wrote. It needs closure. That time in my life when fan fic writing meant more to me that the real thing, so i think it needs to be finished. I finished my other stories, this one needs to end properly. I always wanted to post them on the internet, that being my original intention, but i dunno if i can be fucked since most of the stories are all on paper.

anyway. must dash. books to read. playstation games to play and enemies to defeat.

songs for the day:
HOW COME YOU DON'T CALL ME - alicia keys (remix).
I CARE 4 U - aaliyah (i was listening to it this morning, and i keep the cd case on top of the player..but somehow while listening to track 8 on the album, the case flew off the cd player, and crashed & broke on the floor..i now have to buy a new clear cd jewel case for it..)
SHE FUCKING HATES ME - puddle of mudd
KATE - ben folds five
DON'T MUG YOURSELF- the streets
BLACK HOLE SUN - soundgarden
CRY ME A RIVER - justin timberlake
CRIMSON & CLOVER - jimmy eat world (recently nova started playing this track. i believe its a cover song..but i'm not sure yet.)

Another social casualty....I really wish i had something to say right now. But i really don't. mostly beacause in the last few hours since my las post, nothing has happened. well, after i finished my post i did return to the faithful playstation for some more FFX but realised that i couldn't play because i had no fucking idea wtf i was doing. i realised that i had become dependant on my brother for his rpg skills...he does all the technical stuff like customising weapons and armour, i just play and kill the characters. But can you believe that when we didn't have a memory card for the PS2, we played the game for the 3rd attempt, and left the playstation on for 48 hours..or longer, without saving the game once. we didn't play for 48 hours, we just left the PS on for that time till we got the memory card, then we turned it off knowing finally our game would be safe, and no more late nights of endless playing till 5 in the morning.
But really, it is all worth it. final fantasy 10 is the best rpg i've played yet. and i've played alot, especially the old skool rpg games, like chrono trigger, and the first final fantasy games to suiken(secret of mana) and suikoden(personal fave). of course all rpg are pretty typical, but ffx pushes the boundries of an ordinary predictable game, and makes game play exciting and of course the story and characters just kick ass. i honestly can't stop going on about it because the game really is that damn good.

CARD CAPTOR SAKURA: i was awake at 7:30 to watch card captors. i love it. my new fave anime. hehe. which reminds me, i have some wall paper downloading to finish.

I have returned. if any one noticed - i have been away from good old melbourne, and hiding out in a little holiday house near the beach. Its good to be back home with all my lil luxuries, like a playstation, net, a phone (other than a mobile). my mobile phone bill will be pretty expensive..yikes.
But alas, my return to civilized society will be short, hopefully i'll be going back again next week. Good, cos i have a really un-even tan at the moe. lol. lets just say, it looks funny with a bikini. which also reminds me that if i want to look half decent, i need to starve myself. chubby thighs are not the best look. but at least the weathers good at the moment.

Well friday nite, since the tv almost blew up at the holiday house, everyone was going a little fustrated because of lack of things to do, so we all went off to the cinemas, and saw "Catch Me If You Can" and it was a a good entertaining film for a friday nite. leonardo was great as the hero, yet villian, at the same time. villian because you knew what he was doing was wrong, yet so fantastic and outrageous. It was so great to see leo in a good role and no sinking ships. I was skeptical about seeing it, mostly because it was a steven spielberg film - and i'm not his biggest fan..and yes, the south park episode did put me off a bit (the episode where spielberg fucks up Indiana jones with his special effects). meanwhile, since i've had nuthing better to do while i've been away, i've also been catching up on my reading. I finished "Pride and predjudice" the other day. I have to say that while the book is good, and the original, i prefer watching the tele series of it, cos then i can perv on Mr.Darcy just a little bit more.

Watch: Scrubs 7:30 sunday on 7
play: Final fantasy 10 "Some can't wait to die!"
listen: john mayer "my stupid mouth" jay z "bonnie and clyd 03" counting crows "big yellow taxi" and others