"This Old Wound"
I’ve been bleeding well
From this old wound
Cleaning it with salt,
So it will still feel new
Sometimes eyes turn black,
And sometimes scars are tracks
But every time that you’re gone
I wish that you’d come back
And everyone watched me waste myself
And everyone cheered at last
And all of them found it comforting
Its better it’s me then them.
I think I’m doing well from what they say
They’ve taken both my belt and shoelaces away
Well I believe in luck
I think I do
Well I believe for sure
If ever I see you
I’ve been fanning flames from these old coals
Feeding them with tender
And hoping they will grow
And I’ve been savoring
What I can’t hold
A blind belief in goodness
That doesn’t seem to show
But I’ve been bleeding well
From this old wound
Cleaning it with salt,
So it will still feel new
- dashboard confessional
Saturday, April 24, 2004
Friday, April 23, 2004
What do women want i saw a book titled that in the lib yesterday when i was looking for references for my bodybuilding essay.
I've figured out that If theo thinks women don't know what they want, then he is very wrong. We know extactly what we want, we just know we'll never get it from any male on this planet. If you get rejected by a female - obviously your not what she wants. Women aren't fussy or picky - we just know what we like and what we don't like.
So my new assumption is that Men only think that women don't know what they want. But its the opposite. We know what were looking for, but i think the main problem is where do you find it?
I've figured out that If theo thinks women don't know what they want, then he is very wrong. We know extactly what we want, we just know we'll never get it from any male on this planet. If you get rejected by a female - obviously your not what she wants. Women aren't fussy or picky - we just know what we like and what we don't like.
So my new assumption is that Men only think that women don't know what they want. But its the opposite. We know what were looking for, but i think the main problem is where do you find it?
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Today Theo and myself got into one of those conversations about relationships with friends. And the old age argument that males and females can never just be friends. Okay well it got well off topic, but the idea of dating friends was the main discussion. He argued that its better to be friends and to get to know a person first - I said that sometimes knowing someone too well can be bad, then he pointed out after i said that my first relationship was with someone i hardly knew, that i had jumped into it impulsively. Ultimately in my case that may not have been the right decision, and i think i agree that next time i'll be more careful. BUT it is possible to be too good a friend with someone and then try a relationship which is just too awkward and odd. We both agreed that some friends you just don't see them in a certain way, some are just strictly friends and other you kinda think about as something else but usually nothing eventuates from that (in my experience, i dunno about theo...never insult him about him getting with chicks- its something he doesn't take lightly). Theo was telling me about one of his good female friends and how one night she kissed him then the next day acted like nothing had ever happened. My guess is that sexual attraction got in the way of their friendship for a moment and she probably was wondering what he'd be like, so that kiss was basically just to confirm something she either already suspected or knew and she probably did it just to get that sexual attraction out of the way. Obviously she didn't mean anything by it, but left Theo very confused (and he's easy to confuse). So basically by this stage Theo had concluded that Women don't know what they want. But Men do. Theo also said he was an honest guy (but i can only take so much weird bullshit theories in one day). So do women know what they want? or are we a confused lot?
Theo did go on to speculate that guys who are insecure with themselves are usually confused and don't know what they want either...but is that saying women are also insecure. probably. I countered with "But most women have a list of what they want in a guy" theo countered that with a blunt "Women are too picky".
He thinks that every guy a female rejects could have been a postive relationship/partner for her, but because she was too picky she passes it up not realising this. Theo said i would probably end up alone...he said that jokingly of course.
I told him he could come visit me and my cats.
Okay, i believe in attraction. Its not always about looks, but i feel there must be some kind of attraction or some feature in a person that stands out. If any old joe comes up and asks you out, i'd expect you would say no unless something about them was really appealling to you.
I know that being rejected by someone is not the nicest of feelings. But obviously everything happens for a reason, just have to figure it out before its too late. and that's what fate is. And that as they say is that.
Theo did go on to speculate that guys who are insecure with themselves are usually confused and don't know what they want either...but is that saying women are also insecure. probably. I countered with "But most women have a list of what they want in a guy" theo countered that with a blunt "Women are too picky".
He thinks that every guy a female rejects could have been a postive relationship/partner for her, but because she was too picky she passes it up not realising this. Theo said i would probably end up alone...he said that jokingly of course.
I told him he could come visit me and my cats.
Okay, i believe in attraction. Its not always about looks, but i feel there must be some kind of attraction or some feature in a person that stands out. If any old joe comes up and asks you out, i'd expect you would say no unless something about them was really appealling to you.
I know that being rejected by someone is not the nicest of feelings. But obviously everything happens for a reason, just have to figure it out before its too late. and that's what fate is. And that as they say is that.
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
$130!!!!!! YOU must be kidding me! I would even pay that much to see ...ANYONE! let alone Justin Timberlake. No. im sorry, but you won't see me there unless by some miracle I get 130 dollars to spend on a concert ticket. Anyway, i'd rather see the producers right now than JT.
Evelyn's To do list for this week:
Photocopy cinema and media stuff
Write 500 word cinema topic statement
Write Media essay, approx 2000-3000 words
Find sound fxs for radio piece
...I really don't want to go to uni tomorrow. Maybe because i know it'll be another class where i sit and get bored for a good hour and a half, then finally find myself in front of a computer at 12pm helping people who don't pay attention in class...why oh why. Then at 1pm i'll leave, get a bus, then maybe another bus or a train, then another bus home. Then by about 3 i'll be home...and then write my 500 word topic statement. Or sit in front of the ps2 for a good hour and a half.
I just don't want to wake up tomorrow morning at 6am. This morning i slept in, and i would have slept in longer if i didn't have to get up because the woodfire heater thing ppl were coming to install it at 10:30...but they turned up at 9:30. totally catching me up awares and in my pjs. I could have slept in. I haven't slept in all week, and i've been on holidays. But when i have uni, i don't wanna get up. I just want to stay in bed...Ok truth is, im not having a great time at uni. I sit in boring classes, while the topics are interesting, the lack of interesting people annoys me more. I have made friends in the radio class, but in animation i sit alone (almost prefer it though) and in the media class the girl i talked to for the first three lectures has disappeared...Okay, i snubbed her off - but only cos i wanted to sit further in the back. Im more comfortable in a lecture theatre when im not up close...But in animation i sit usually three rows to the front only cos in that room less ppl sit in the front, andtherefore less tall annoying ppl will sit in front of me and obstruct my view. What annoys me most are the people who are late and come in half way during a film and always choose the seat in front of ME. shit always happens to me, I always get looked over in a class, or stuck in some weird awkward situation. Im sick of it. I shouldn't say the words "SCREWED UP" to describe to logic audio programe when it fucks up. Especially not to my lecturer, cos it just sounds vulgar and stupid. But hey, thats me. The girl who burps and plays ps2, and is weird, and used to chew blue tack (actually im kinda not ashamed of that. Most kids ate dirt or crayons.. but obviously my love for all things gummi springs from my early blue tack chewing). Basically i feel fustrated in that class, like im surrounded by idiot people or idiot tech people (seriously, the woman who takes us for the logic audio tutorials is a boring, dull woman who repeats the simplest of steps and treats everyone in the room like they have never even seen or used a computer b4 in their life. Honestly, how would u even get to 2nd or third yr uni if u didn't know how to use a comp or do the most simplest of functions like SAVE).
The only thing good about uni at the moment, apart from the radio stuff when i go wild in the editing suites, is when i see lisa or go shopping with theo. Or when i hang with jon and chris and others. To me uni is boring. Without the random social interactions with my friends, uni is just another dull place with stupid people, bad lecture theatres, and boring lecturers with monotone voices.
But maybe tomorrow will be different? Maybe something will happen. but then again, maybe not.
Evelyn's To do list for this week:
Photocopy cinema and media stuff
Write 500 word cinema topic statement
Write Media essay, approx 2000-3000 words
Find sound fxs for radio piece
...I really don't want to go to uni tomorrow. Maybe because i know it'll be another class where i sit and get bored for a good hour and a half, then finally find myself in front of a computer at 12pm helping people who don't pay attention in class...why oh why. Then at 1pm i'll leave, get a bus, then maybe another bus or a train, then another bus home. Then by about 3 i'll be home...and then write my 500 word topic statement. Or sit in front of the ps2 for a good hour and a half.
I just don't want to wake up tomorrow morning at 6am. This morning i slept in, and i would have slept in longer if i didn't have to get up because the woodfire heater thing ppl were coming to install it at 10:30...but they turned up at 9:30. totally catching me up awares and in my pjs. I could have slept in. I haven't slept in all week, and i've been on holidays. But when i have uni, i don't wanna get up. I just want to stay in bed...Ok truth is, im not having a great time at uni. I sit in boring classes, while the topics are interesting, the lack of interesting people annoys me more. I have made friends in the radio class, but in animation i sit alone (almost prefer it though) and in the media class the girl i talked to for the first three lectures has disappeared...Okay, i snubbed her off - but only cos i wanted to sit further in the back. Im more comfortable in a lecture theatre when im not up close...But in animation i sit usually three rows to the front only cos in that room less ppl sit in the front, andtherefore less tall annoying ppl will sit in front of me and obstruct my view. What annoys me most are the people who are late and come in half way during a film and always choose the seat in front of ME. shit always happens to me, I always get looked over in a class, or stuck in some weird awkward situation. Im sick of it. I shouldn't say the words "SCREWED UP" to describe to logic audio programe when it fucks up. Especially not to my lecturer, cos it just sounds vulgar and stupid. But hey, thats me. The girl who burps and plays ps2, and is weird, and used to chew blue tack (actually im kinda not ashamed of that. Most kids ate dirt or crayons.. but obviously my love for all things gummi springs from my early blue tack chewing). Basically i feel fustrated in that class, like im surrounded by idiot people or idiot tech people (seriously, the woman who takes us for the logic audio tutorials is a boring, dull woman who repeats the simplest of steps and treats everyone in the room like they have never even seen or used a computer b4 in their life. Honestly, how would u even get to 2nd or third yr uni if u didn't know how to use a comp or do the most simplest of functions like SAVE).
The only thing good about uni at the moment, apart from the radio stuff when i go wild in the editing suites, is when i see lisa or go shopping with theo. Or when i hang with jon and chris and others. To me uni is boring. Without the random social interactions with my friends, uni is just another dull place with stupid people, bad lecture theatres, and boring lecturers with monotone voices.
But maybe tomorrow will be different? Maybe something will happen. but then again, maybe not.
Sunday, April 18, 2004
music:
black eyed peas - weekend
Maroon 5 - this love
dashboard - as lovers go
I had the strangest dream last nite. I won't go into details but it was odd. You know when you have dreams when the person in ur dream is someone u know, but they look like someone else? well i had something like that happen. The dream was probably a result of the phone conversation I had with steve earlier yesterday. Anyway.
Final Fantasy X-2 IS GREAT! im loving it. the dress sphere changes rock, okay can get annoying in the middle of battle sometimes, but its pretty coool.
My birthday was last thursday. I had a good nite. almost everyone turned up, and i think ppl liked the cake. But i was suprised with the getting of presents, to be honest i was happy with everyone just turning up. It was great having morgan there, hadn't seen her in awhile, and seeing everyone else was very cool.
Afterwards at the irish pub in donnie, that was alrite...me and theo (he's my new drinking buddy) had a good time. But thank you to everyone who came, i appreciate that you came along to help me celebrate my birthday. it was a good nite all round i think.
I went shopping friday, got the dashbaord cd with the bonus dvd. Just watched it. It kicks booty and makes me go all "AWWWWWW" and mush like. Well i gotta give credit to any guy who could do that to me..sadly its a guy who i've met once and screamed at him "AND I REALLY LOVE YOUR MUSIC". ...lil chance of anything happening with a guy who lives in America anyway. I know what those rock idol crushes can do to a girl, and it can leave u pining for a hot blonde guy who ultimately will never know you, and never love you because of the fact that you are a fan. Right now the line "But i can still dream" usally would sit here, but its stupid to create these little fantasies. I don't think i want to succumb to those unreal dreams and unattainable goals.
oh btw. there was a tiny tiny article on hanson in thursday's herald sun. www.fansfromoz.com but only if u care to look.
im gonna go now. and play some ffx-2 b4 i have to start my reading for uni tomorrow...hehe. can you believe its only been like one week? feels longer some how eh.
black eyed peas - weekend
Maroon 5 - this love
dashboard - as lovers go
I had the strangest dream last nite. I won't go into details but it was odd. You know when you have dreams when the person in ur dream is someone u know, but they look like someone else? well i had something like that happen. The dream was probably a result of the phone conversation I had with steve earlier yesterday. Anyway.
Final Fantasy X-2 IS GREAT! im loving it. the dress sphere changes rock, okay can get annoying in the middle of battle sometimes, but its pretty coool.
My birthday was last thursday. I had a good nite. almost everyone turned up, and i think ppl liked the cake. But i was suprised with the getting of presents, to be honest i was happy with everyone just turning up. It was great having morgan there, hadn't seen her in awhile, and seeing everyone else was very cool.
Afterwards at the irish pub in donnie, that was alrite...me and theo (he's my new drinking buddy) had a good time. But thank you to everyone who came, i appreciate that you came along to help me celebrate my birthday. it was a good nite all round i think.
I went shopping friday, got the dashbaord cd with the bonus dvd. Just watched it. It kicks booty and makes me go all "AWWWWWW" and mush like. Well i gotta give credit to any guy who could do that to me..sadly its a guy who i've met once and screamed at him "AND I REALLY LOVE YOUR MUSIC". ...lil chance of anything happening with a guy who lives in America anyway. I know what those rock idol crushes can do to a girl, and it can leave u pining for a hot blonde guy who ultimately will never know you, and never love you because of the fact that you are a fan. Right now the line "But i can still dream" usally would sit here, but its stupid to create these little fantasies. I don't think i want to succumb to those unreal dreams and unattainable goals.
oh btw. there was a tiny tiny article on hanson in thursday's herald sun. www.fansfromoz.com but only if u care to look.
im gonna go now. and play some ffx-2 b4 i have to start my reading for uni tomorrow...hehe. can you believe its only been like one week? feels longer some how eh.