Dashboard is coming 29th of July. Nova is sponsoring the gig. Its at the metro. I dunno when tickets go on sale. I'll find out soon :)

I'm only writing this for one person. He knows who he is.

I want to write this here because I know you'll read it. And also because right now I don't want to see you face to face. It would be better to say all this in person I think, but at least I'm going to tell this to you here. And I want to avoid the confrontations with you, because it would be useless anyway because no matter what you might have to say - nothing will change my mind.

We can't be friends. At least not now, not for a while. I can't be friends with you while you keep those feelings for me. I don't want to be rude, I don't want to hate you. That's why I'm doing this. I can't give you what you want ever. I made my mind up about us a long time ago and I've moved on since then. But for you to suddenly just tell me that you want to start again - just took me by surprise and it angered me. Because right now, especially after last friday, You are not exactly my favourite person. And the last thing furthest from my mind was starting again with you.
I'm sorry, I know this isn't what you want to hear. But what do you expect? I can't give you what you want. I can't help you, I can't fix your problems. And I won't enter into a relationship with you for those reasons and others which are too complex to explain here - and which I will not explain further.

All you want is a chance, but I'm not prepared to give it to you. I know what I once said to you, "I wasn't ready then, But I am now". I've realised how much of a lie that really was. So that makes us both liars then.

So there it is. I can't be friends with you now. Maybe some day, later on we can be friends again. But right now how can I be friends with you, knowing what you want from our friendship. But it was silly of me to think that we could go on being friends. So I'm sorry if I've led you on, it was never intentional.

I don't really know how to end this. But this will give me closure, and you'll just have to be satisfied with this.

http://p2pnet.net/story/1565

http://rocknerd.org/article.pl?sid=03/07/20/1141231&tid=7

http://themusic.com.au/

Today I was running around the uni literally. I was in AV forawhile this morning, then me and beate left and went to see John our lecturer and then I realised i had a message from julie the lovely lovely person from iicon communications who does the pr for Kazaa...and she was ready to do the interview today! So that was perfect timing. Totally perfect. We got everything set up for the interview to sydney. After alot of running around, had to go to the library and check my old emails because we realised we didn't have a list of the kazaa questions ourselves. So that was all rushed, and i went and saw John again and talked about the interviews and about radio and my other options and stuff for next year. So finally had the kazaa interview after being put on hold and waiting and calls back and forth. But we got it done, and I must say the people at Kazaa rock socks. They were soooo nice! Julie set up the interview for us, and she was totally very very cool about it. And they wanna hear the finished product. So now i feel like i need to make it extra extra good. So me and Beate deserve a pat on the back after getting thru today, and just getting the hard part over with. But it was great. After we did the interview we both hung up and did a few squeals and i did a jump around the room. I just got this huge buzz from doing that interview. It was funny cos b4 we even started the interview I was shaking, and after being on hold for almost 25 minutes all my nerves got calmed and it all ended well. So im REEAAALLY happy about that.

In fact life is suddenly very very good at the moment. Im in the mood for livin' it up alittlee...and go alittle crazy..and alittle naughty me thinks ;) well thats how i feel..once holidays kick in...woot.
i have cake here. And its been sitting on this plate next to me...for a good 25 minutes now...and i haven't touched it. I guess chocolate isn't my guilty pleasure anymore...its more of my 'fuck it i'll exercise the weight off later' pleasures.


playlist:
Rufus feat Chaka Kahn - Ain't Nobody (one of myyyy all time fave songs!)
Count the stars - Fight the fade
koffee brown - quickie
hanson - strong enough to break (maaaaybeeee you could take a look at urself lateeely)
Rufio - like a prayer (cover from the punk goes pop)
chingy - one call away
The darkness - i believe in a thing called love
yellowcard - way away

Yesterday I did alot of traveling. I went from Warrandyte to Doncaster to Heidelberg to Bundoora to Kew to Blackburn to Templestowe to Warrandyte.

That was my day basically. With stops inbetween. No yesterday was good. We did our interview with Andrew, who is mark street's friend and he is all knowing and knowledgeable about computer and direct connect hubs and stuff. I think it went well. A few sound problems. we'll try and fix them in the studio. I wasn't very steady with the mic...well can u blame me. I had to hold it up..a comfortable distance from the interviewee..but this meant i wasn't heard...and there was mic cord sounds...but it should be okay. I'll clean it up as much as I can in the studio. muahaha. destructive editing as we call it...muahaha.

Right now im logging the james interview...which was a good interview. The sound is okay..but i can fix that and make it sound FANTASTIC. woot. but its 12 pages long...urghh...i dunno if i want to print 12 pages of interview- i'll shorten it. But i gotta do the duration stuff first...urgggh. i mite just finish off the commenst by hand..anyway.

Today went shopping down bridge road with Mark S. It twas good. he got some funkeee clothes. Meanwhile im going back to bridge road some time in the future..i found this fantastic store with heeeaps of the Kitten label clothes...and the cool zoo york stuff...i want me one of those trucker caps..the kitten ones are great. Anyway..this store was like a general pants, but smaller.
And in every store we went to all the shop assistants thought we were tourists or from interstate. Apparently locals don't do much shopping during the week, hmm.

Im so very tired. after i do this log sheet i think i might pass out somewhere. I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow. 9AM start, im meeting Beate at the av loans desk and we;ll so some transfering of interviews and probably some vox pops and rough edit alittle. Yep. so thats what im doing. And i have to study for that stupid TEST! oh lordy...shit fuck shit fuck. I haven't studied at all. Okay well thats what im doing all friday i guess. Time to go over all the lecture notes i have........oh lordy. oh my. And friday is the test and i'll go home and then do some databasing research from there for the next two assignemnts.

Sorry, this post is more for me than for all of you. Nothing much of interest, just uni work work work. anyway. more from me sometime later on...maybe tomorrow. maybe not.

Sunday, May 30, 2004
Its strange how comforting music is at a time like this.
It reminds me that there is still hope left. That I still have so much time ahead of me to experience so much more. So I've been thinking alot, about so many things. About uni work, about people and relationships. About feelings and about growing up.
And I'm 20 years old. I feel like i've nothing to show for these years, I feel like i should have done something amazing with my life by now. But in the greater picture and scheme of things, i've yet to come into my full potential. I've decided that radio is what I want to do. For now. And that if i had to i would move from my beautiful melbourne to regional areas or interstate. So i'm prepared to do that, not that i've applied for jobs yet. I'm thinking about it though, about doing something soon. We'll see, i want to study alittle bit more first.

"Vindicated"

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine ahead has caught my eye
And roped me in so mesmerizing
It's so hypnotizing
I am captivated
I am

Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now
The things you swore you saw yourself

So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intention
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me so
Isolated so
Motivated I am
Certain now that I am

Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now
The things you swore you saw yourself

So tired of the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment for forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim
Against the current

So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip away

Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now
The things you swore you saw yourself

My hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption


Lyrics by Dashboard Confessional