Tuesday, January 11, 2005



Stem - Shiina Ringo


There's a door here, but it will not break
There's a stone there, but it won't remain
Up there a heaven now, but it will not wait
And the lies there, the scent of it, just too much
So should you,Sow it once and make it grow, the sweet clematis
Let it flower, and paint it all of the colors bold
Instantly things fall and fade, return to silence
Why oh why, why does it all feel so sorrowful?
Dreams of what is real
There's a breath here, but it will not break
There's a face there, but it won't remain
Up there a heaven now, but it knows no name
And the stain is the color of red through red
And thus,
You cannot cry, confuse the lies, try to remember
When you rise, you take your steps with a strong desire
Time goes by, a breath it comes, like something given
Why oh why, why have these nightmares not long expired
The real is but a dream
From now on,
Should it grow and open full, the sweet clematis
Flower bold, but there's no need for rejoicing more
Precious life, this life, just once, it comes just one time
Keep it close, keep it from ever just leaving you
Crying tears confusing fears they are no longer
When I stand I know I'll never be down again
Nothing that I need now, once it comes just one time
Somehow, somehow, someone, ah
Entry Number One

Monday, January 10, 2005



I was just reading a fan fic and I've had this feeling all though it - something wasn't meshing for me. It wasn't as enjoyable to read a second time (rewritten) round and then a thought just hit me. It's not real. None of it makes sense nor do i find it believable at all. For the simple fact that this fan fic took real people and threw them into a fictional situation involving other fictional characters to work off. And it just doesn't work for me anymore. The characters are annoying now. Fan fiction is a weird thing...and it can be good or bad. And i've read alot of good - stuff that I can relate to, and right now its just unbelieveable and unrealistic. When it comes down to it, fan fics are just written by girls who idolise or want to sleep with famous rockstars or characters in a show. Im sure there is already O.C fan fiction out there about Seth and Ryan getting with the "female cast" but really its just the authors putting themselves in the lead roles. And reading about Zac Hanson - someone else's version of him - its kinda weird. I mean I've never met the guy, I'm sure he's nice...and nothing like the million different Zac's I've read about. Which is the annoying thing about fan fics - they perpetuate a myth about famous people...its all lies..and we'll never know what these people are really like in real life until we meet them. I've been over this so many times - But i'm not over it. I am in the sense i no longer have unrealistic expectation myself - but when will there be a time when we just leave it alone? i guess im experiencing what so many other extinct fan fic site authors went through awhile back...when it no longer feels right reading/making up stories about REAL people's lives.
anyway, thats all i wanted to say.