life is always ruined by a member of the opposite sex.
I was reading mark's last blog, and it struck a chord with me. While his first para was about his movie-esq like moment, his second reminded me of something i'd only gone through 30 minutes ago.
Its weird how you can be surrounded by people and still be alone. Still have that sense of or idea that you want to be with someone, any one at all just so it'll all stop. Mark's problem is a little different to mine i guess, but i understand where he's coming from. I watched the film 'the hours' yesterday, and the idea of what is happiness, the beginning of happiness IS happiness, it doesn't begin, it is that moment. Im thinking about the themes of that film now, which now makes me think about my happiness, or lack of happiness. When was I ever truly happy? You can fake happiness, its easy. Every body is does it. "happiness is a warm gun" -who said that? i can't remember. So if that was someone's definition of happiness, then what should mine be?
I had an interesting discussion today about life, and the little things that we dwell on. One day all these problems that i'm facing now will seem trivial and irrelevant. I'll probably laugh at them. And at others facing what I did once, lol, i laugh at other people's misfortunes and i'm sure someone is laughing at mine.
Angst is a strange thing. We need it to feel numb, we need it to remind us that life sucks, that everything around us is wrong, that we are wrong. reminds me of consumerism. (more like advertising actually). But that's stupid. Because life isn't boring, or stupid or wrong. Life is what it is, and today when i was sitting inside at pings, by the window reading, the sun shined in and everything for a moment seemed better than ok. if only for a moment.

So right now i'm gonna leave. and walk to my next class. because i have to keep going, because eventually, everything won't be so bad.

(and on a bitchy note: THIS KEYBOARD SUCKS. fuck latrobe can't afford a new keyboard that works? fuck!)