'I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.'

I feel like I've been wondering around. Lost in my own thoughts for too long. I feel like Im waiting to wake up any moment now and all this will be a dream. The un-satisfying ending, but an ending and a beginning to all of this. I suppose i would feel cheated if I was to wake up and realise everything I'd ever known so far was only a dream. But sometimes I feel like im watching life rather than living it. I've always feared growing up. Getting older. and wasting my life. I think I'm wasting my life right now. This time next year, i don't know where i'll be. I had it all planned out - and then i went to university and my plan changed slightly. Now its changed indefinitely. So now I fear not being able to get a job, now I fear all my dreams have died, now I fear the change that's to come. Some how this litany of fear is comforting. Some how the ideas within it, the thought of it is almost calming like it would be to the fictional bene gesserits. But my world is non-fiction. There are so many realities within realities. One person's lifestyle would seem extreme compared to mine or vice versa.

'To the world you are one person - but to one person you are the world.'
Is this how I used to think it would be like? That I would be stuck here, living this mundane existance. Im confused about a few things at the moment. I read something the other day - about things I already knew about myself, but seeing it written, from another total neutral point of view was alittle scary. Maybe i do need to change my ways. About how i play the game. As i was watching today, 'Love is a game. Easy to start. Hard to finish.'
When i say game - i could be refering to the game of life..etc. depends on how you want to interpret that. I know how you all will anyway. so that was pointless. anyway.


sneaker pimps - walking zero
blondie - heart of glass
de la soul - stakes is high
new order - blue monday
sweetbox - unforgiven
pete murray - please
basement jaxx - get me off


Im drowning in what pity is left for you
here in my heart only darkness surrounds
what i used to believe in was you
Now only i remain
i feel the weight of the world on my shoulders
you've drained me emotionally.
I want to walk on my own
i can do it without you
i know that it'll hurt you
But im too tired to care