im stuck on a chorus. can't think of one to fit. Im getting close to working it out - but now im stuck.

Alot has happened in the last week and a bit. And alot of what has happened i wasn't there for. lol. I couldn't go to Al's party cos i came down sick that morning with some mysterious 24 hour bug that attacked my stomach - and oddly i blame my sister's cooking from the night b4 - so i missed that party and getting drukenly stupid with the others, but by the sounds of the party everyone had a great time and one massive orgy.

lisa had some problems during the week, i tried to help her our with that. And i learnt some things about ppl close to me that made me sick. But then i realised i didn't actually care. People can do what they want, that's fine. Just people need to start being responsible for their actions i think. I know we are all almost 20 or 21 and having a fucking good time getting drunk..but sometimes u gotta step back and think about what ur doing and the implications of it etc etc.
Sorry im getting all moral on you, didn't mean to. But i've had a wake up call, im not the same Ev that you all knew a week ago. NO. i've gained a deeper sense of my morals, of what i want. Essentially its still me underneath all this, but i think im less confused now. Mainly cos there is nothing left to confuse me.

anyway. i gtg. please write some comments, tell me what you think, or if u want to know something or bitch at me. All of it is welcome. just click the link comment at the bottom of this blog and away u go.

nite all. And merry christmas. *muahs*

im just tired. soo tired. and no one has written me a comment! GRRR. I know people read this. Are you scared? is that it? Is it scary to write down a line? a word? COME ON! don't be anti-social with me and TALK! let me hear your thoughts - your deepest darkest secrets - share with me your feelings on subjects ANYTHING. abuse me, do whatever as long as one of your bloody well leaves me a comment.

i was gonna write more stuff. but i can't be stuffed again. BUT if someone leaves me a comment then i shall reply here. so make it good!

ok. just testing. below this blog, after the line "posted by evesy @ blah time" is a little blue link that says 'comment' and a little number after it. I've been meaning to put some sort of comment system on this blog for awhile...and im just testing this out to see if anyone would actually bother writing me their thoughts or whatever on what i've got here. So give it a go, write crazy stuff and abuse me for the fun of it - i don't care just as long as someone uses it. someone other than me.

Im tired. my arms are sore. my feet are sore. my eyes are sleepy. My head is headachey. And people suck. I just read someone's blog and it made me wanna slap someone. And i read alot of blogs - cos other people's lives are just more interesting than my own. I decided the other day that i would write things in this blog which mean something more and something more profound than just what i did and didn't do today.

But whatever i say your all gonna judge me anyway. You will all criticise me for my bad spelling, my incorrect truths, indecisive-ness, for my ignorance and fucked up point of view. Why i do things, no matter how stupid, usually have some sort of reasoning behind it. Ok. thats not true and i knew it, but still wrote it. See i even try lying to myself somtimes. doesn't really work.

Tell me, who in this world knows what they want? What they really want. Not some half-baked idea of what they think would be nice or would like to have. Who has everything they want, is anyone truly happy? And how can someone live with their decisions - even the bad ones.
I wish i had some idea why i'm never happy, why i can't be happy. Why i have to turn everything into some dramatic tragedy.
I wish i had back what I lost. And i think im looking for that again, for a feeling. For all that time and energy i spent when i was younger being in love with idols. And now im not prepared, now im just making it up as i go and fucking it up every step of the way.
And i can't stand it. I hate myself more than anyone will know because of this, because i won't let myself fall into a trap, because i don't want to play the game but secretly want to.
I used to know what i wanted. I had it all figured out. I never really thought about relationships, boys were just something to look at. But maybe now i see that i want something more, i want someone. But right now isn't the time. I just disappointed myself with Jon, i just couldn't see him as something more than as a friend.
Everyone thinks im so fucking careless, indecisive, and fucking clueless to what i want. And yeah, maybe i am alittle. I do act like its all no big deal, and i can't believe im writing this all down, but really for me, it is a big deal or it will be some time in the future. I don't think about it much because i really don't want to, But i've always imagined myself finding the right person, but considering the traditional values of marriage etc, the idea of staying with the same person for my whole life is kinda daunting and sounds boring, but i guess if i find that someone i want to spend my life with then im sure i'll think differently about it.
Im not looking for That someone now though, im just looking for something. What that is i don't know yet, but i hope i'll know it when i find it.

i feel dizzy now. like im about to fall of this chair.

The best thing on days like this is a foot bath.
I wish i had one of those electrical ones, you know a spa for your feet. But for me, just sitting on the edge of the bathtub and sitting my feet in a few inches of water does the trick.
And ice cream is good too. I had some before - and ahhh bliss.
It's weird how on hot days i appreciate the little things, how good a foot bath feels, how refreshing ice cream can be.
But i also realised that public transport is the devil and who ever decided that those mini buses don't need proper air cond should be SHOT IN THE HEAD. fuck it was hotter in the bus than it was outside.
Right now all i wanna do is have a cold bath and wash my hair. so if you'll excuse me. ta ta

I must be invisible. No one can see me. Or no one cares to see me. or wants to. When i come online ppl must be like this "Oh...its ev. *sigh*"
I don't talk to everyone online...but a nice HI is good enough. BUt nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...i am invisible.

I went out last nite to lily's party - and klein was there, and lisa was there and Eamon was there. and i had a pretty good time. lisa got to sit on me, i got very very light headed, and mark's teeth got hurt. i think. mark also got lost on the way to my house hehe...like a little lost puppy. heheee.
ANYWAY - im in a pretty good mood today, i sat on the couch this morning watched DEAD MAN and the naked chief.

and im pretty hungry rite now actually.

i was gonna post but now i don't feel like it.

I just wrote a whole thing. AND NOW ITS GONE! ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!STUPID COMPUTER STUPID INTERNET THAT DECIDED NOT TO WORK!
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

I'LL COME BACK LATER AND WRITE IT ALL AGAIN. I REALLY CANT BE BOTHERED RIGHT NOW ANYMORE. argh!

Im trying to sort out my feelings. And maybe thats wrong of me to do so right now. But i need to figure out how i really feel, why im feeling like this, and tonight is just a test for myself. Can i do it? Can i be what he wants? Can i be what i want? WHAT the fuck do i want? it would be nice if i wasn't so complicated. I don't know why i am. I think im just in a weird place, and i don't need ppl reminding me of what a past bf was like - because it just makes me regret and think i made a mistake and makes me wanna slap myself for not being smart back then. But i live with my mistakes. and no, i don't like steve or anything like that. BUT im gonna compare right - so steve compared to jon - so far steve gets the brownie points - but i know jon reads this and he will get offended - BUT fuck these are my thoughts, deal with it. BUT then again with JOn i like the not being bugged every day by a boyfriend - of course steve didn't really bug..he did afterawhile though. maybe i shouldn't be writing this here - i'll stop. i'll continue on my other page.

this blog mite get deleted cos of its content - SO for a good few hours it'll be online - and tomorrow i mite post something i actually wrote b4 all that junk up there - but for other reasons i won't be posting today.

This morning I was greeted to th sweet sounds of 1970's Funk on Syn fm. and it was sooo damn good. And now im craving more! but rite now i lovveeeeee missy E's pass the dutch - makes me wanna boogie.
Im trying to write a cover letter and fix up my resume for a new job i want to go for. But for some reason i doubt i'll get the job, but i might as well try you know. No harm in that, just another rejection letter.
OOh i have my results for the last semester of uni! It seems i have passed yet again. My marks could have been better - but yayness its over. Next year will be better, im doing funkier subjects, animation and radio will be soooooo damn cool. I don't get why they put all the good subjects in first semester though - cos second semester is just so...shite. My only options were digital media cultures and two other odd subjects. I can't see how im gonna do film critism, i know i can be opinionated, but can i be detailed in my dislikes of a film? big words are not a part of my vocab either...well not my everyday vocab anyway. and my spelling had worsened, as you can tell just by reading this blog.
Im gonna go do something interesting, like watch neighbours...or eat chocolate.

byesss.

playlist:
Missy E - pass the dutch
P.diddy etc - Show me your soul
Cowboy Be Bop OST - Tank!
Third eye blind - Misfits


I am soo very tired. And i can't type well rite now, cos its dark and i can't see my keyboard. damn black keyboards - should be fucking glo-in the-dark.
Anyway, so how was everyone's weekend? Mine was interesting.
Went to amber lounge. then went to spy lounge and danced. And was there till 5 something..my feet are still a little sore. My big toe is itchy - which is weird and it feels fairly numb. Im reading a book called "the ice storm" which was made into a film a few years ago...a really good film actually directed by Ang Lee.
There are some good shows on tv tonite - monday nite is the best nite on tv me thinks. Sbs has some new sketch show on which rocks my socks off..and south park is still v. enetratiing
And im just talking shit now. So i'll go sleeep.

playlist:
sugababes - hole in the head
blue + stevie W and angtie stone - signed, sealed, delivered.
NFG - head on collision
mxpx - everything sucks (all i ever needed was to eat popcorn with you)
Michelle Branch - breathe
black eyed peas - shut up
bodyjar - glossy books
Cat power - Cross bones style
Eve6 - think twice


so it turns out that i have ONE little spot on my tonsils. ONE. But its ok now, cos im on drugs now. So by tomorrow or monday i should be totally clear. But im feeeling really good tonite, like i wanna boogie. But those of u who know me, know that out of all my habits - singing everywhere is one of my worst. Usually i try to limit it to singing in ppl's cars - but when im home and say for instance, when im in front of the comp with my playlist running - im probably singing along. BUT cos im sick - im trying not to sing cos im having trouble talking at the moe so singing would make it so much worse.
Also another bad habit is talking to myself when im on the comp lol. My mom just came in here b4 and asked who i was talking too..I didn't even think i was talking that time!

You know everytime im on the net and i read someone's blog, im always inspired to write in my own but then i run out of things to say. i duno why. i think i used to write alot more back in the days when i didn't think anyone read this. And i don't think anyone actually does read it, but those few who do...thank u :)

I got an e-mail today from my old music teacher from back at MLC. Mr. Gardiner. He still has my e-mail addy...so he sent me info on a music lable cd launch thats on the 9th of dec. Its for electronic music and stuff...im not gonna go of course, cos that would be weird, but it sounds interesting.


I just got d/c by my mum. she used the phone WHEN she KNEW i was on the internet...grrr. meanie.
anyway gtg.

playlist:
joy enriquez - tell me how you feel
filter - take a picture

im off to the doctor's today! to have a check up, to check out my throat. woo.
So i'd better have breakfast, cos i won't be home till afternoon....cos im leaving in 30 minutes.
My jeans smell like smoke. ewww. i haven't decided if im going out tonite or not..rach wants me to come...but i have no cash..If i go i don't drink..i'll just try and be hyper without the alc.

went out yesterday with lisa and mark street. We went to studly park and fed ducks...lisa had one trained lol, and we sat on a pipe..looked at the boat house.

if you would like to bitch at me please SIGN MY GUESTBOOK ON THIS SITE www.geocities.com/evesygal - cos i was there the other day and i have no new entries! so give me some love or hate...just wanna know what u think

OK. first off. While i am insanely happy...i am also alittle weirder out already. I'd like to thank Justin for his e-mail - BUT please don't scare me with the Mr & Mrs Tu stuff...cos that just makes me wanna scream...i really don't like it...and i hated it when Will used to tease me about becoming ms. maunder....don't freak me out just yet. I don't like expectations...cos in the end whatever happens happens. And im not gonna get ahead of myself just yet. lol.

Also i'd like to say to JON - thanks for the icq msg, you told me not to take the last line seriously...BUT when ever u say not to take u seriously - I think u need to be taken seriously. Whatever happens in the end..you are worth my time....never think your not. I will give this relationship a try..but even if it doesn't work out u know i'll always love u as a friend - and as a friend you are always worth my time. I value friendship over many things, and some things will never change. I'll give u a better explaination later ok?

Anyway...I'VE MADE THE LEGO CASTLE! WOOt. i shall have pictures soon once i bother to upload them on the comp. I thought it would be cool to make a little web lego comic or sumthing though with it...cos...it would be a waste to take down the castle just yet.

I remember stormy weather
The way the sky looks when its cold
And you were with me
Content with walking
so unaware of the world

Please don;t drive me home tonight
cos i don't wanna feel alone
please don't drive me home tonight
cos i don't wanna go

Tuesday morning
In the dark
I was finding out who you were

I took your picture
While you were sleeping
And then I paced around the room
If I had known then
That these things happen
Would they have happened with you?

Please don't drive me home tonight
'Cause I dont wanna feel alone
Please don't drive me home tonight
'Cause I don't wanna go
Tuesday morning
In the dark
I was finding out
Who you are

And if you turned around to see me and I was gone
You should have looked outside your window
'Cause the sun was coming up
The sun was coming up

Please don't drive me home tonight
'Cause I dont wanna feel alone
Please don't drive me home tonight
'Cause I don't wanna go
Tuesday morning
In the dark
I was finding out
Who we are
who we are


Michelle BRanch - Tuesday Morning -

i need to write this. my other blog just has three lines. Maybe i should go into detail.
I know later on when i calm down, and when my thoughts settle...this will all make more sense.
I feel so excited about this, im scared too. I don't want to run away again, cos it could be the biggest damn mistake of my life, and i regret too much already.
But this is the next step I guess, and i think im ready to take it. I dunno if i deserve it, but fuck that.

I wasn't looking for this, i was hoping that it would happen eventually. Maybe not this soon, but this is good. Sooner than i expected. I've been happy lately, but i can't explain how i feel it would be impossible. Because there cannot be one word that sums up every little thing i'm feeling. i feel like im at the top of the world. For real. But im scared too...because this could just come crashing down, i could make all this just fall and fail. But i can't let myself do that before i've even given this relationship a chance.

Tonight has been sooo weird. So good though. I never imagined it would end this way, it would end with me feeling like i want to jump around and scream.
I dunno if things are making sense yet....not for me...probably not for those of u reading either. lol. my head is spinning. literally. if im not careful my head will explode..

and im hungry and tired now.

OK, i'll get to the long awaited point of this blog. I am well i guess u could say...no longer single. Which is weird..cos i remember telling my nail girl that i was currently happy being single...whoops. that has to be a lie - cos i'm fucking over the moon about not being single now.

A few things were revealed tonight, and its safe to say that Jon Tu and I (Ev Ham) (lol) are together after one long phone call of giggles and incomprehensible sentences.


and now i am going to bed. And I know I will get no sleep tonight....




p.s - my last post are lyrics i wrote awhile back. u could prolly guess what their about..but some of it confuses me...cos i don't remember it all or what was going thru my head at the time. But i really like it .

15-10-03 – Cruel -
I think of how easy it would be
To leave you lying
Alone with the guilt and blood on your hands

I wanted to leave you broken
Make you feel as sick as I do now
I hated you then and the sight of you makes me ill

Every single moment we spent together
I hate the memories I have of you
I was so bored with you and your like

I let you go because I didn’t like you
You were dismissed because I didn’t need you
I left you because of what you said
And of what you didn’t say

It was cruel of me to do it
But I wanted to make you feel
All my sadness,
Every single scar you left
I was so sick of feeling hurt
And I blame you for it.

Playlist:
Daft Punk - digital love
R.Kelly - Thoia Thong
Maroon 5 - Harder to breathe
Planet Funk - The Switch

Hey all.
Today has been hot! hot as. nice but hot. And its making me sleepy this weather.
On Wednesday I handed in my last essay for the year, it was exactly one week late...but at least its done. And i've enroled on the net soooo all i have to do is wait for the results on the net and wait for my enrolement form which i may not get till january...i dunno. Anyway, so i'm relaxing at home. Not going out this week, i shall next week. Im just catching up on sleep, playing some PS2 (kingdom hearts kicks booty) and i'm just downloading some music to send to my sister at MM.
She'll be back on the 1st of december...arghhh. which means i have to clean my room, cos it is...mess. total chaos. there are clothes everywhere...i haven't made my bed properly in a month...My logic is, why make my bed when i'm only gonna sleep in it and mess it up again in a couple of hours anyway! But yes, i am lazy. I'll clean my room tomorrow...yep. tomorrow.

Im planning on seeing KILL BILL and Matrix next week. Cos if i don't see it like now, i'll never see it and then i'll be all bummed and annoyed with myself. So i must go see. And i'll prolly go out next week, see what morgs is doing...U know, I've seen her TWICE in less than a week. I saw her last week at the bus stop at shoppo and i saw her again (but in her baker's delight uniform...pleats in shorts?) at the bus stop at shoppo on wednesday. Keep running into her there...we've agreed that we'll both go out one nite with shazz...go and boogie and such.

ahh. i really don't think my mum should complain about my room though...my brother just moved all his stuff back home and there are bags everywhere! gotta set up his computer later and play my game of sim city...hehe.

Meanwhile, u should all go anc check out the U.S site for FFX-2. it's in english, which means it makes sense...unlike the jap site which totallt confused the hell outta me...too many buttons. http://www.square-enix-usa.com/games/FFX-2/

And steve sent me an addy for a FFX-2 "which character are you" type quiz....he got Yuna...LOL...hehe
Myself on the other hand..


You're Paine! Fighting can solve anything and get
you you're way in life! nobody better cross
your path!


Which FFX-2 Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

So there ya have it folks.

OH! there is a doco on missy E on sbs tonite! so make sure ya'll watch it ;)

Yellow - coldplay

look at the stars
look how they shine for you
and everything you do
yeah they were all yellow
I came along
I wrote a song for you
and all the things you do
and it was called yellow
So then I took my turn
oh wh at a thing to have done
and it was all yellow


your skin
oh yeah your skin and bones
turn into something beautiful
and you know
you know I love you so
you know I love you so


I swam across
I jumped across for you
oh what a thing to do
'cos you were all yellow
I drew a line
I drew a line for you
oh what a thing to do
and it was all yellow


and your skin
oh yeah your skin and bones
turn into something beautiful
and you know
for you I bleed myself dry
for you I bleed myself dry


it's true
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine


look at the stars
look how they shine for you
and all the things that you do


GOOD MORNING everyone! actually i should be saying good evening..but fuck the formalities.
Well My studying is going OK. i know what i have to do..planned out my whole essay, it just might take me an extra day to write..fuck. Yeah, i probably could have had it done today, but for some reason i'm getting distracted really easily...like..oh there's my cat....stare for a good minute...huh...oh back to work.
I've been like that all day. and music is distracting even when its turned down really really low. BUT i have the windows media player no.9! yay..i discovered it today when i couldn't find the icon for windows media..and somehow the new version has installed its self...hmmm..maybe my brother had something to do with it.
Do you know he was watching his new porn dvd on this computer? THAT IS JUST SICK..cos....eww...this chair..i should swap chairs. Him and his strange friends were all having a porn video session last saturday morning in geelong..which i'm soo glad i missed.
Its soo funny cos he's so ashamed and embarressed around other girls with his porn birthday presents..he tried not to show the "gifts" to his chick friends at his party...lol...soo funny.

But anyway back to my windows media player..i am currently playing every single song on this computer thats in a My music folder...ehehe. well i'm skipping thru the johnny cash and elton john tracks of course - my dad has baddd music taste though..he really likes hick type music...its fucking strange the shit i hear him listeing to.

Anyway gtg the bill and the simpsons are on. later. ah but first alan needs my help...alas my work here is never done.

Songs i've been singing today:
Lara Fabian - I will love again
Limp Bizkit - Nookie
Christina Ag - Come on over
50 cent - thug love
702 - where my girls at
Hanson - This Time Around and Can't stop
Joey McIntyre - stay the same
j.lo - if you had my love

I can't find the shuffle button on my winamp! lol. its not on the skin and its kinda annoying. lol.
But i have a pretty good winamp skin..its a Utena skin, its bright orange, pretttty mad. My winamp 3 player has a rikku skin which i rather like also. and i have some flamey skin that rocks my socks..so my winamps kick booty.

Today was the longest day ever. You know i actually ate dinner at 6 pm. I had some microwaved stuff...which i think was a rip off cos its now 10:51pm and i'm still hungry.
I actually did work today, tomorrow i have to write it up and then hand it in on wednesday and then i have to start the next essay. A few days late won't matter much, so its ok. Anyway my tutor is overseas while we are all slaving away on essays...sooo by the time he gets back my essay will be waiting with the rest to be marked...so lateness shouldn't be an issue. i'm not making any sense, my head is getting alittle dizzy.

I've been a bad bad girl. I was planning on buying a video game this week, AFTER i did my essays, well after the geelong adventure, me and my brother were in the city wasting time before the bus was to arrive, and i decided i would show him the video game store in the city and then we would go to missing link..cos they've moved to a nice location on burke street. But we disagreed with their shop sign..go read it - cos there are alot better independent stores in melbourne..such as..my brother tells me Au-go-go. Just a little pretencious and full of themselves.

So anyway! we went to the store..had a look at the dvds...had a look at the new sims game...cos i was tempted to buy another sims expansion pack...THEN we looked at the PS2 games..they have the new buffy game and we were looking at dark angel, and all these other titles, too many to name.
Then we came to the platnium games..NOW i'm not a cheap ass - i paid full price for my beautiful copy of final fantasy x which was worth every cent, And two games that i've been wanting for awhile just happen to be platnium..so cheaper for me..which equals yayness.
So it was a toss up between Kingdom hearts and Rachet and Clank. Both equally fantastico games. AND i wasn;t gonna buy a game that day..but since i was there..and my bro would need something to do while i took over his room and the computer for the next few days, i thought WHAT THE HELL and we tossed a coin and it landed heads and we were supposed to buy rachet and clank. BUT last minute i changed my mind and got Kingdom hearts..and i must say i am very very very happy with my purchase. And my bro doesn't think its as stupid anymore...cos I MEAN it HAS CLOUD, and Aerith(voice by mandy moore lol) and it had wakka and tidus and yuffie and selphie! and Leon/squall! AND IT HAS TARZAN! how mad is that! and you can have tarzan in your party and he kicks booty! and i've always been a fan of Tarzan..maybe cos he looks so much like IKE! LOL..some of you would get that..But when the Tarzan film came out, I was with leanne..and we were like IKE IKE IKE! the whole time...ahh memories. But damn, the voice talent is pretty cool...when i heard Aerith speak i was thinking...that sounds like mandy moore - and it is! AND leon is david boreanaz....mmmm...and
BUt so far its a great game and to quote justin Timberlake "i'm lovin' it" .

BUt i should be doing my work. I should be. I did today though...so thats good. Lisa did my survey :) which is v. good. so now i can write lots of stuff about it. I'm report writing..so that'll be a nice welcome change from doing stupid usual essay format crap.

anyway, i'm off. NITE *MUAH*

i was gonna write a post. but i feel too sick to write anything. And i'm supposed to be writing an essay now...gah. i'm behind in all my work, and i have to go to my bro's 21st...which i really shouldn't go to, but i will cos i'm a nice person. and no one can come with me cos they all have work and stufff...i don't blame them..im so stressed about work..i dunno how i can have any fun on friday.

songs:
underneath - hanson (kinda my theme for the week)
good charlotte - emotionless
nivea- feat jagged edge + mystical - don't mess with my man (remix)
Yeah yeah yeahs - miles away