and i said hey!

spice of life - beck mongolian chop squad
one way ticket to hell - the darkness
hit in the USA - beat crusaders
better version of me - fiona apple
hung up - maddonna

I think i don't need some things anymore. I was once dependent on others to provide me with their creativity and thoughts...and now i don't feel the need to satisfy that fantastical urge anymore. I don't feel like anything is missing from my life..i just feel content. no, i actually feel better than content. nothings perfect - i hate my job, i hate the unnerving reality that awaits me. i need to get my arse into gear now. but there are some things that i feel will be harder to leave behind. i'm putting certain things off, but oh well. if i was to stay i suppose i'd still be happy.

I'm sorry.
I've been neglecting you.
I didn't mean to. It just happened. myspace has taken over. I've writen 45 posts there since i started. And people actually read it! wow. not alot...but more than this one.

Well Stevo just got the Job in Ballarat today. They called him this morning - so he'll be moving up there in two weeks time. YAY. sleep overs at Stevo's place. It'll be like when he and petey came to visit me in Goulburn. I almost wish I had stayed in Goulburn. I wish I had that job. I could do production. I feel like I am holding out for jobs up there at Eagle to open up. But I shouldn't do that. There are so many more opportunities, I might end up pigeonholing myself at Goulburn. and its 8 hours away from home. I might aswell just go to the other side of Australia for a job...no point staying in Victoria. I have the rest of Australia to see. Radio is such a hard industry to bust into. I've already been in it for 5 weeks...and im back here dealing with the reality of uni and band...Im gonna play more than one gig in this band even if it kills me. I don't want to leave the band..but i know its not going anywhere...but our music is good and people need to hear it. Even if its only a few people. gig this friday 18th nov at the CUE BAR on brunswick street...be there or I kill you

in my head:
jessica simpson - these boots are made for walking (don't ask, its been in my head since this morning)
i'm feeling you- santana feat michelle branch
can i have it like that - pharrell feat gwen stefani
do you do you want to? - franz ferdinand (or whatever its called, fucking love it)
Rob Thomas - ever the same
Two More Years - Bloc Party

Albums: Bloc Party Silent Alarm & 30 seconds to mars

Well this is my last week in Goulburn, i've updated the myspace.com/onlyclouds blog more regularly than this one. I'll be back in Melbourne sometime this weekend, i haven't decided yet. Depends on how cookie and I feel...we're just gonna play it by ear and one extra night in Goulburn thanks to 2GN won't be such a bad thing. But I'm dying to come home and just hang in melb and go to uni...but everyone seems to be leaving. There will be none of us left!! But I'll be able to finish all my work in melb..haven't done much here at all...naughty me. I've been busy with other stuff. Well my schedual for this week is fairly good - taxi ride interview and acoustic gig this thursday arvo. I'll be handling that and recording it and such. I need to stop eating chocolate. I've eaten more m&m's in these last four weeks than i've ever eaten in my whole life. And i've decided that I won't eat KFC this week. anyway..got stuff to do! i'm outtie!

*muah*

listen:
nickleback - photograph
her space holiday - japanese gum
the postal service - such great heights
end of fashion - she's love
drag - You and I

Well I just did an interview with Darren Middleton from band Drag and Powderfinger. It went okay. Interviews are actually very hard...it wasn't one of my finest moments. especially since i ran out of shit to ask and say. So right now i can't wait to interview taxi ride...woo hoo. that was sarcasm btw. My interviewing skills at the moe suck...well i've never had to interview musicians before! I interview nerds and businessy people...not musicians. The only musician i've ever interviewed has been James and he sucks. He's the only person I've ever interviewed who becomes shy when he knows he's being recorded....oh well there was that nerd guy - but he had never ever had two females ...or even one..in his room before. James is odd like that - he'll be all talkative and this and that and then you put a mic in front of him and he clams up. Which is funny cos he reckons he's the frontman of our band - yet if he ever had to do an interview he'd fuck it up. ahh well...thats what media training is for.

anyway - i'm looking for -----------FUCK-----------------forgot the news....station went off air for like ten seconds. and i put the wrong playlist on. double fuck. ah well. crisis over....until next time.

the beautiful girls - let's take the long way home
the used - i caught fire
jimmy eat world - futures

myspace is fucked. So i'm writing here lol. I've got to be on air soon on eagle. Doing the hot 20 tally room thanks to tully park tavern. 48 triple2 93 5 is the number i have memorised. if people feel like it they can call up and bother to vote or request a song. hmm...things are busy here in goulburn. Im staying up here one extra week. I spoke with Rossco today - he misses eagle and his hot 20. I told him that i'd swap shifts with him lol...i'd do mornings in jindy and he can do hot 20 here. lol. Im getting into the hot 20 more now, it's good. I had fun last night and i usually do. But something isn't right for me. Im fully planning on coming back to melbourne after my 5 weeks are over here. I want to do all that uni work - do my production and write those essays and do interviews. I want to play a few gigs with the band - but things are moving out of my control now. Things are moving quicker than i'd like them to. Its funny how im back here again though - after all this time - its odd how things work out...and its even more odd that things happen when you least expect them to. Half of what has happened this year I would never have ever expected - i mean its not every day when all your career dreams come true - its not every day that you fall for someone - its not every day that life seems to just work out. BUT the problem here is that I'm not happy about staying for an extra week. I am trying to look on the positive side of things, like interviewing taxi ride the band and doing lots of stuff...but honestly even i can tell when something isn't right and i've been walking around like an emotional wreck for days now. I should be more excited than this - more enthusiastic than this. But I'm not. I guess if i think about it too much it will do my head in. But i don't think i'll end up staying here for longer than needed. I'd rather work in canberra or somewhere else...a night time music show is my ideal gig. I know music like no body's business - i've always been up on music and charts and videos and artists. i think this is just one small stepping stone to my next gig - whatever happens- happens.

I'm sorry, I've neglected you. I've been posting on myspace all week and not here at all!
check out www.myspace.com/onlyclouds to see what you've missed eh.

Im at the station now its almost 20 past 9am...i have to put some ads on so i'd better get a move on and do that. Then i'll come back. Oh this coke is making me burp.

Well this week has been crazy so far - it all began on Monday when my radio class visited the MCM entertainment studios. That's where they make the syndicated radio shows like Planet Rock, Take 40 Australia and several other shows. In fact Miss Ricki Lee from Australian Idol was there being interviewed by BARRY BISSEL while we were there. And any Aussie who doesn't know who Barry Bissel is needs to be shot on site (eg. Rosie who takes our class for webdesign). He's like one of Australia's radio legends. He is awesome.
Anyway so we were all there waiting for some business cards to put in our contact books when Jim says to us all that eagle fm in Goulburn is looking for someone to replace Rossco the hot 20 host for four weeks while he goes to cooma. Immediately my jaw drops - I was there for two weeks last semester - it was right up my alley because i knew how it worked. Michelle and Fitzy were also interested as we all do the Hot 20 show on 102 the Basement (which you can only listen to if you go to Swinburne Uni in Hawthorn and sit in the foyer of BA building on level 1). And I thought okay, i should make up a demo - i'll do it later.
I turn up on Tuesday for the tutorial and Jim is like - "Evelyn, Blair talked about getting you for the hot 20" and i thought - Holy Shit this is serious, they actually wanted me for it. So Jim is like, Let's call Blair right now.
But we didn't - i freaked and decided I shoudl calm down first and think about what I was gonna say. So about two hours later i made a call spoke with Blair about getting a demo in and then started making one right away.
I pre-recorded a hot 20 shift tuesday night - finished it than decided i would air check it with jim and take the best talk breaks and use that in a demo. The next day i turn up and Jim was like "Some of it is good - you need to stay more focused. Do a few more breaks" So I spent an hour re-doing a few breaks did some hot 20 specific things like the quiz and stuff...and then got jim to listen to it. He liked it alot better - in fact he was extremely happy with it - I put the breaks together, edited the endings and starts then i made it into an mp3 and then ran up stairs from level 6-10 (the lifts were fucked) and got onto a comp and emailed it to blair. Ran back down from level 10-6 (lifts were still fucked) then i got my stuff, left, went to the swinny courtyard tuckshop (IT'S NOT A CAFE) got a roll walked to the train station and went home. When I got home and checked my email I recieved a reply already from Blair asking for my mobile number.
So that's where I am at right now. Last night I was also freaking out about the band - i thought they'd hate me for going away for a month , but they denniz was the first to speak up and say that career comes first. Which i feel better about, and they understand i think..so it went better than expected. I thought i was gonna get this commitment shit again - i think james also did some more truth stretching back then. but oh well - it's james. he's most well known for talking from his rear end ;)
But it'll be good - i'll be able to save money and buy a fricken bass amp cos im sick of spending 12 bucks each week hiring one.

BUT THIS IS NOT DEFINATE. I may not get the job - but i think i have an extremely good chance of getting it. BUT if u do get it - i'd have to leave this weekend. pref sunday.

Playlist:
James Blunt - You're Beautiful
M.I.A - Bucky Done Gone
Kelly Clarkson - Because of you
The Postal Service - Sleeping In
Fiona Apple - Not about love

I almost got blown away today. This weather is craaaazy shit. At Swinburne- between the BA building and the swinburne walk from the station, there is a wind tunnel. It's crazy, like every time I cross through there to get to BA, some part of me gets messed up by the wind. But Today was crazy - like Pete, Liam F and Myself were on our way to Maccas sometime after 4pm for lunch after our Tutorial - and I just remember walking down the stairwell and hearing this strange howling sound. And Pete just opens the door and gets blasted by this crazy wind. Like stepping out into it was dangerous, and people were like being physically pushed along by this wind. I know that I almost knocked into Liam cos it was so strong. It could literally have blown us away to fricken camberwell lol.
And the fricken radio studio was boiling - i swear i was fricken sweating up a storm under my three layers of clothes. I mean I always knew that room was hot - but it was unbelievable today. I just wanted to get out of there and hang outside. I skipped the 2 dollar bag of crap today and went for a not-so-satisfying custard tart. which incidently cost me 2 dollars.

Anyway, my day was almost uneventful. And I learnt stuff in radio today. That was cool. I can beat match now. And I can use news boss - i even showed michelle how to use it..and i only learnt it today. How fucking cool am I?

Okay your right. I'm not very cool at all. I'll keep trying. i'll be become a try-hard. and the no one will like me. Fuck you all.

www.seafm.com.au

just a reminder.

next time we'll go to reddish

is it cos im cool?

daft punk - around the world
her space holiday - something to do with my hands
brand new - secondary
funeral for a friend - the getaway plan
mxpx - everything sucks (cos all i ever needed was to eat popcorn with you)

and for those who like their music dirrty...

pussycat dolls - don't cha
timbaland & magoo - love 2 love ya
koffee brown - quickie
J-kwon - tipsy
ludacris - stand up

AND the obligatory Amerie song - 1 THING

WELL KIDS - i could post another sad bastard blog about how i'm feeling all down and upset about the shit thats been going down. BUT that would be just too depressing even for me. Despite what i feel now - Im more determined than ever now to be in this band - and if they wanna throw me out of the band they'll have to do it with me kicking and screaming. Cos im not going fucking anywhere.

So last nite was supposed to be the night "we'd be clubbing" ice cube and dmx style - but like it didn't happen. Almost happened. Instead i picked up the girls and we went to the tempy and met up with da boyz. Well that lasted about ten minutes, because the tempy is pretty quite and underconstruction on a thursday night. So we went to the irish pub Flanaggan's down at the donnie hotel. Which I don't mind - and there were more ppl there than at the tempy. The tempy will actually be really cool once it's renovated - but right now its a hole. Literally.
So at Flanagan's morgs got all drunk - lisa drank lemon lime and bitters, and i drank coke. after alittle gambling and Al making only 15 cents on the pokies ..we left for maccas and then I left after that and didn't get home till 1am with the car. Considering my car curfew (my parents care more about the car being out late than me) was at 11 according to my dad and 12.30 according to my mum - neither one of them has said anything about my 1am return. Im alittle miffed that i didn't get my alcamhole - but like i got to see friends and that made me feel 100 times better than any alcoholic high could.

I feel like what im doing isn't worth it anymore - because people who i respected don't respect me enough to tell me to my face what i'm doing wrong. Instead they choose to talk behind my back, make plans to replace me - tell others that my backing vocals aren't working out - that i don't know this, and i won't do this and that. I don't feel like i'm being heard - and i feel like i've just been gutted from the inside out because these people care enough about the band to be good - but don't care enough to tell speak to me. I don't feel like i'm part of the band - because well...im not. I'm just there and do what i'm told. The only one i speak to is james but his attitude of late has been giving me the shits and i have no allies in the band whatsoever. cookie doesn't count cos he's not in the band - he's just always there. But even so, last nite was between me and james and the others could have spoken up - told me to stop being stupid and given me their opinion - but they didn't. and quite clearly it shows that i've got nowhere to go. I want to give this band my full commitment - but i honestly don't know whats going to happen. I've been learning the songs - and i now have to go out and buy some head phones cos none of mine fit into the bass synth. So im waiting for my dad to get back with the car so i can head down to JB or somewhere and get sum. might msg cookie about the keyboard stand. Thinking of borrowing one for the gig - but i might end up having to pick one up this weekend reguardless. Everything costs money, and i have a limited supply. James forgets that i hardly work at myer cos im a casual - he forgets that i can't save, not because i spend it all - but i don't earn enough to save with all my costs of mobile bills, and public transport costs, (which is quite alot even on concession cos i have to travel zones 1,2,3 almost everyday during uni), uni stuff like books, minidiscs for class and cds. He thinks only of what he wants to happen and after last night he gave off the impression that he didn't even want to help me out. I mean where am i gonna find a stand for a a fricken two octave keyboard ..it's a fucking midget of a keyboard..it'll probably fall off the stand when i'm playing it anyway..i'll have to buy some blue tack also...
I don't blame deniz for questioning my commitment to the band - even im not that sure. I know i want to be in it, but everything is so up in the air and with uni...i want to stay in melbourne, heck i'd love to stay in victoria - but the point of my course is to get a job and that could mean moving well away from here. And while the thought scares me, i have to do it - but i'm also excited about it. But i guess i could also be getting ahead of myself - i may not actually get a job at all....but i want to think positive. About all aspects and honestly - if i didn't want to be in the band i wouldn't turn up every week. I just wish they'd ALL talk to me about it...because im sick of hearing everything from james.

I'm feeling alittle under the weather today. You know, its the usual shit for me. Good thing i didn't have that shift at myer today - otherwise i probably would have ended up throwing up on a customer and that would have been very very bad...ah well. customers suck. I'm so over myer and working - i'm so anti-myer is not funny. Honestly its a bad attitude and one that could get my ass kicked if i don't fix it up. I just wish i was anywhere but at myer. and im sick of getting screwed around by them. but they sent my group cert. in the mail so i can do my tax now.

My family is expecting a Japanese student this coming Thursday. So that shall be exciting - and awkward. oH FUCK. I was supposed to go to a 21st tonite! WHOOPS. just remembered that exact second ago. hmm oh well. I'm reading white ninja right now...very funny. I saw star wars with lisa last nite - that was fun. we scared the ticket girl at the cinema. haha...memories.
and im downloading ep 7 of family guy season 4, which is turning out to be pretty good so far. If you haven't seen the puking scene - i suggest you all watch it now. Also i've been listening to some new music, mostly all the cds cookie lent me...
The bravery, nine inch nails, finch...yeah its all fucking good.

And my most favourite cd - Her Space Holiday "the young machines" ...one of the best records i've ever heard, its like happy emo electronica. its sweet as and i was told that missing link was getting more of HSH's records in so im gonna go visit and pick up whatever they've got and the anadivine records which i've wanted for awhile now.

anyway im gonna read sum more of the new harry potter book while i wait for episode 7 to finish downloading....

I want to hurt something - I want to strangle my father and take a knife and thrust it into the back of his bald head. I want blood. Because someone FUCKED UP - and ruined my night. yes. that's what my murderous rage is all about. Let me tell you what has happened so far tonight that has made me uncontrollably angry.
Firstly, the plan was to see star wars and go out for dinner with lis + carlos and co. Well, after waiting half an hour and realising that no one was coming home with a car on time - i decided that i would bus to the restraunt instead. So just before ten to 7, I made my way down to the little bus stop near my house. Figuring that if i was early - i would get the bus at 7 then get to blackburn rd just b4 7.30. Well...no bus turned up and at 7.25 i made my way back home to beg my father for the use of the saab. After finally getting in the car and driving down the drive way, I realised I had no P plates on the car. After turning the backseat, front seat and the glove compartment apart - i also realised that the plates were not in this car. Oh no, after storming my way back to up the drive way and into the house and asking my dear sister if she knew of the whereabouts of the p'plates, she promptly told me that she saw two sets of P'plates in the honda.... OKAY now this is where i got fucking angry. WHAT THE FUCK ARE TWO SETS OF P PLATES DOING IN THE ONE CAR? I know that I didn't take the plates from the saab and use them in the honda..cos the honda has its own set...so what are they doing in the other car....WELL. MY dad claims ignorance as usual saying "I'm not the one who looks after the P-plates" ...which that means if he sees them still stuck on the car's back window or front, he'll take them off but leave them on the backseat or somewhere that's not in the glove box. Once after one of these times i found a missing P plate hidden between the side of the backseat and the door. SO since Fred would never own up to this time, i figured the only other idiot who uses P plates is my brother. So i left him an angry message on his mobile: "Hi Redmond, it's Evelyn. Did you take the P plates from the saab and put them in the Honda? If you did THEN I FUCKING HATE YOU"
Since he's not actually here to defend himself - i can;t assume it was him. But fuck there are some idiots living under this roof...and i'm sick of it. Physically sick of it. I want to crack someone's skull open, I want to fucking destroy something. I've already screamed alittle, stamped my feet and kicked a door...and my own revenge so far has been eating half of the chocolate pastries...fuck i'm evil. Nah if im really provoked i'll usually go break something or mess something up...i already steal my dad's spare change on a regular basis...DAMNIT
this is supposed to make me feel better but it's not. It's making me worse. FUCK. i even put make up on and now i have to take it off? DAMNit. now mum's home and giving me shit...FUCKING HELL. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK..fucking VCUNT SLUT BITCH WHOREE EEEE FUCKING IDIOTS! fffffffffffffffffffffffffaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacccccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkk!
FUCK OFF

finch - insomniactic meat

How am I not myself?

colours - utada hikaru (live in budokan)
honest mistake - The Bravery
nivea feat youngblood + lil jon - Okay
Brave Captain - All watched over by machines of loving grace
and the i heart huckabees soundtrack

I'm loving the new episodes of Family Guy - can't wait to buy season 4 on dvd,...if i don't download it all first! hahahaa. anyway. yes it seems big pond have put a great big black X next to our name and are now slowing down our broadband. Apparently we've (I've) downloaded too much and despite having unlimited broadband, we've seemed to have reached the limit. So I'm still online -they've just slowed us down alittle...but im still on the Bit torrent...last weeks episode of naruto was cool...but im waiting for the good shit to kick in. But okay - im in the wrong...i did download way too much recently. I went alittle crazy with the Laruku music videos and mp3s...BUT IT WAS WORTH IT. and the hikki making of videos - i now know how utada hikaru made the Traveling music video...and the awesome thing was it was subtitled. SO it was worth it.
Well I'm gonna go drink green tea, eat some buttery pastries and watch tonight's season finale of the o.c - peace out.

Well glumbert.com is one of my favourite destinations - since finding the hilarious dance, white, boy dance video - i've found something else alittle less awkward yet still very amusing. Its got special effects and everything - its Azn eminem!
Also I've found these cute dolls called Dollfies - their fully posable but you can buy different wigs, eyes and clothes for them. very cute - in fact theres one website that has a whole heap dressed as Hyde from L'arc en ciel...its also alittle disturbing cos the Hyde doll is with the Gackt doll - not for those who are homophobic. which is pretty much all my guy friends...just watch the first link. Also for those who like their sprites - Naruto - GO!

anyway. well...Jackie Chan's Kitchen was alright today...went there for lunch with a few of da boyz and lis. A tad expensive, but we did eat alot. well me and lis started b4 the boys got there...they were soo late and damn we were starving. But it was good, except that jackie chan himself wasn't there...nor were there any pictures alluding to the fact that he owns the restraunt. Its just like any other yum cha.
I'm watching the video of Hyde when he met megumi - who is his wife...how odd...meeting ur future wife on television. It was one of those awkward moments - where neither one of them knew what to say or what to do...and everyone else keeps interfering...its certainly amusing when hyde gets a slap upside the head for his poor performance. lol

I got my hair done last night - it took four hours of sitting in a chair with coloured goop on my head - but its done. lol and it looks awesome. But sorry, I don't have a picture so you'll just have to imagine it. But there's red in it. and my nails match my hair...yes i did plan that one. I think sitting at home all day long is making me nutty.
I'll post pictures when i work out how to get the email working on my phone...or if i find the crappy digital camera...and put batteries in it. ANYWAY. last night after i finally got my hair done, cookie picked me up from south yarra at like...8 something and we drove to brunswick street and went to the Evelyn Hotel which was very cool. We saw nevereleven play and i got some cute badges that say "I fancy the guitarist" and "I fancy the singer" ...cookie refused to wear one. BUT so we saw nevereleven and they were good, i think they get better every time i see them - but the band that played after them, In The City, were amazing. they like wiped the floor with nevereleven's butt...oh they were good. We coulda stayed around to see Augustus but since cookie had work the next day we left early and had a wonderful drive home in the fog. and when i say wonderful drive - i actually mean DANGEROUS drive, because we couldn't see a fricken thing. anyway, i can't find any blogskins i like...so this changing and updating of my blog might take alittle longer. But i might change the name of it finally, so we'll see.

I want to post a picture of our new puppy up here - but i'm too stingy to start an email account on my mobile phone - mostly cos i know its gonna cost me more money, and i'm sick of paying those jerks more money. They trapped me into this 79 dollar cap plan + monthly fee and i'm paying like 100 dollars a month. I can't even afford to get my nails done :( haha...who cares. ANYWAY. I have a plan to get my hair done on Thursday night,
then I'm gonna show lisa my hair cos she NEEDS to see it while it still looks good.
BUT this is what I was thinking of : It's of course a picture of the
Lovely KODA KUMI Japanese pop star who offers fantastic "fan service"in each one of her music videos...Not that i go for that kind of thing, i'm more interested in her outfits and CRAZY dance moves than to be tempted by the seductive qualities of an overly attractive jpop star. That and I'm female...So see her hair - That's sort of what I had in mind...the pink and red, i was thinking of also purple at one stage, but might let that one go for now...so that;s kinda what i was thinking, but the only problem is that my hair isn't that straight...so i might have to do alittle rethinking on the cut...Oh well. YEAH i bet you all wanted to know the logistics of my hair and hair cuts...but sadly that's all i have for you today. Yes I'm bored out of my mind...well not totally. It's weird how sometimes you just can't get a person out of your head - anyway time for the obligatory playlist:

Everyday Is Exactly The Same - Nine Inch Nails
Lip Gloss and Black - Atreyu
Juneau - Funeral For A Friend
Secret Letters - HYDE (my new rock god - see www.myspace.com/onlyclouds for more)
You make me want to be a man - UTADA (tom neville remix)


..i just checked the utada forums - 12 replies to my request for the making of the colours video! FUCK...see what happens over night..CRAZY stuff goes on without me!

Just letting you know that there will be a few changes to this blog. I'm just deciding where I want to take it for now. So since Celebrity gossip has become a hobbie of mine - you can thank mr. fucking simon kirby for that one - I've decided that i'll be posting links to sites and stories of interest. And I've been wanting to compile a list of links for awhile..like a blog roll or something. I dunno...i want more linkage i guess. Also I'm looking at podcasting...I think maybe I could start doing that if i can think of a cool idea of a show or something...cos that way I'll be still doing my radio thing but like..online. Any-hoo. Also the layout will change. I've been sick of this layout for about a year now...lol/ but i'm too lazy because of the shoutbox here and i've realised it really serves no purpose so- i think it's gonna go. Comments are easier to look at anyway. Also i'm thinking of putting up a radio blog thing here...well basically once you see it you'll get what I mean..it's kinda like a streaming mp3 player on my blog, but with songs i've uploaded or whatever. I thought that might be nice to have a continually updated music playlist so you can all check out what i'm listening to.

Anyway today's breaking news:

Courtney love is fat

Lindsay Lohan is still going through puberty - and she won't go nakie

Tom Cruise tried to Convert Scarlett Johansson - but that's not why she quit the mission impossible gig...no, it was cos of schedualing conflicts..uh huh. She saw those crazy Scientology creeps and ran the other way...'that's what i'd do if i saw tom cruise.

Lindsay threw a hissy fit of diva porpotions at the Herbie: Fully Loaded Premiere...Apparently she was upset because the song "First" she broke her back making for Disney, didn't appear until the end credits...and no one stays for the end credits except for movie nerds - so no one will ever hear it. Damnit.

Katie Holmes has been dropped from the next Batman film...Well she didn't really do anything in the film anyway - except kiss batman...whoops did i just give away the ending of her career?

A spice girl reunion is on the cards for the next LIVE8 concert in London...BUT Mel B is making it difficult as she's the only one who's stopping the reunion to take place on July 2nd. But she's all for getting back in 2006..for the ten year anniversary...

***I found this link on the immoderation blog and i couldn't resist - Dance, White Boy, Dance
Maybe you kids can learn some new dance moves...hehe.

Speaking of dance moves learn to dance like NAPOLEON DYNAMITE!

The 4 men who were arrested over the 'water-spraying prank' on Tom Cruise at the Premier of War of the Worlds last Sunday were released on bail. The prank was for a UK television show and was supposed to be 'light-hearted' yet turned into very very nasty. Apparently now the pranksters might be charged with assult for the incident.
. . .
POSH HAS BINGO ARMS!? wtf? Posh now think's she's a bit flabby...which is funny because last time I looked she didn't even have arms.
. . .
FAMILY GUY MOVIE? September 27th DVD release - Finally we can get an epic-like episode of STEWIE! woo
. . .

If your like me and waiting in anticipation for the new melbourne international film festival - don't wait...check out the new program of films online now.....i'm buzzing with excitment..and also because AZUMI is out on dvd now..HAHAHA! yeah i know...it was a bad film, but hey i'm still gonna pay my 30 bucks for it.

IN EVELYN news: well i got a copy of three air checks i did at eagle fm in Goulburn. airchecks are just the recorded talk spots i did for the hot 20 weekly show. So if you'd like to hear what Goulburn heard i'll send you some mp3s, just leave me a msg in the comments if u wanna hear..i personally find it hilarious - but im sure you'll all be like..."ev, all you do is giggle"

also I have found a new jpop band to become obsessed with, L'Arc~en~Ciel - their music is pretty good and they've been around in japan since like early 90's...i have the music videos to prove it. lol. but their good...they used to be like weird grunge back in the 90's...they were a bit glam and now they look kinda j-punk but not. bUT ITS so confusing cos every memeber of the band has like several solo projects and there is just SO MUCH music and they've done like 39 music videos...im jusy trying to collect their new ones now...and i downloaded their new album AWAKE which i must say is pretty good. You'd think i'd be bothered by the fact that I can't understand what their singing about, but it doesn't really bother me at all. Hyde, the lead singer is actually extremely good...EXTREMELY good. and he's hot. in fact their all hot. that helps in me liking them more ;)

SO listen with your heart ;)

L'Arc~en~Ciel - New world
L'Arc~en~Ciel - Killing me
Shiina Ringo - Kabukicho no Jouou
Foo Fighters - best of you
Coldplay - X&Y
From Autumn to Ashes - Autumn's Monolgue
Koda Kumi - SHake it

It's the year 2005...and Paris Hilton decides she wants to give up her famous party lifestyle, Tom Cruise wants to marry Katie Holmes - but swears its not a publicity stunt, and Newlyweds is one of the dumbest yet most entertaining shows on televison. Is this what Hollywood has succumbed to? Is this the best news they can give us? I think not..

I'm scared of Tomkat cos - Cruise is the devil
Lindsay Lohan has nothing better to do than do the cruise

this is gross

The queen now has an ipod - which makes me wonder what she might be listening to...perhaps to the sex pistol's ''God save the queen'?

Britney thinks she's got psychic powers - whoops i mean prophetic powers...ah whatever...she probably thinks it all the same thing.

Hilary Duff has big teeth

Does anyone else not get why Jessica Alba was cast as the invisible woman? I mean she's too hot to be not seen and her clothes are more invisible than she is.

Leo got was in stitches after a hilarious hwood party went wrong and a bottle was thrown in his general direction.

Kelly Osbourne Has no Regrets

Okay so Im a bit behind...but give me time and I'll find something new.

Are you listening?

if only - hanson
in my head - Queens of the stone age
maybe - N.E.R.D
Killing me - L' Arc en ciel
Azoura - Shiina Ringo

I've been thinking alot. I've been feeling like crap because of some things a friend said. My relationship is different not because there isn't communication, not because we don't feel the need to talk about sex, sex and sex - just because i won't rush into something with someoneI've just met - doesn't make my relationship anything less than what it is now. It's fantastic now. I think distance does make the heart alittle fonder. I think i've come back from my two weeks refreshed - smarter - i know whats good for me now and what's not - I know where I want to be in 6 months time, I know that that nothing lasts forever, but it could if i wanted it to. If i wanted to stay in the one place, be lil old dependable me...but i can't do that. And I won't become what someone expects of me...i'm sick of assumptions and this and that. I'm sick of other people's ideals when i have my own to stick to. I'm happy where i am now...but forgive me for wanting more. I'm not satisfied anymore with just the ordinary life i've been living now. And I'm sick of people rubbing my face in it ...yeah right so you got to third base with a chick you've only known two months - you say your in love...fuck that. What is love? does anyone really know? I'm angry and pissed for the way a friend is making me feel inferior...like my relationship doesn't matter cos he's found a soul mate...while i'm taking things casually and slow. Im allowed to - i have my reasons...he can go fuck a tree...wait he's already doing that. Giving me shit when he's the shit giver. Fuck him. I don't care anymore. I'm over it. Back to being happy thank you.

I haven't unpacked yet. Im too tired...drove half way home..my legs hurt, my hands hurt. my toes hurt...and i'd rather curl up in bed and cry myself to sleep because i'm still not over anything. and i can't look at that damn puppy without thinking about the pet we lost.


i feel older today. I feel like im still somewhere else...like my body is here but my head is still in Goulburn. and maybe i want it that way. im glad to be back...maybe i'll feel better tomorrow...i need some sleep. I reallly need some sleep. I'll tell you about my day later.

Well you know...not much happening. Just ate food...all i seem to do is eat. I've had macca's three days in a row already and i don't wanna repeat that today. I've already decided that when i get back to melbourne, there are several important things i need to do.
I shall list them here for you to read:

- go to the dentist and cos i think some teeth need pulling!
- go to the beautician cos my eye brows need some shaping - but other than that they look okay.
- call myer and find out when my next shift is
- go to myer and find out why my discount card expired LAST WEEK!
- email jim and orgaise some studio time at swinny
- go out with lisa and have dinner somewhere...we made plans last night...
- go to jackie chan's restaurant @ donnie for yum chaaaaaa mmm...
- get cookie's b'day present (if im lucky i might be getting tickets off a friend for taste of chaos - if not then im fucked haha yeah yeah i bet i know what ur thinking "that would make a fucking beautiful present for cookian )

B4 i leave Goulburn i need to:
-get copies of my ads
- do the mid-dawn compliation(which i should be doing now)
- finish off my cup -o-soups.
- possibly do laundry
- order breakfast at the motel
- order dinner at the motel
- get as much room service as possible cos im not paying for it
- Panel on saturday for the outside broadcast
- Buy bottles of mount franklin water cos Goulburn water tastes like someone shat in it, then pissed in it,then spewed in it, then boiled it, then spat in it.

kanye west - jesus walks
daughterboy jao
don't phunk with my heart - BEP

mmm..maccas...hello kitty toys. awwwweeeesomeee..
i'm at the station still. 25 mins till the hot 20. yep, tonite will be my third night co-hosting. its fun you knowww...i guess cos i just sit there and giggle alot...but its easy. im not freaked out about doing it or anything. im gonna order dinner tonite from the lil restaurant at my motel. mmm..make the radio station PAY! lol. I'll be panelling for the OB on saturday - so i won't be back in melbourne till either saturday night or sunday day. hmm..well i'll try for saturday night you know...my dad is coming up here on the saturday arvo on his way home from thredbo and jindy so he'll be here around 1 or 2...which is good for him. i don't care as long as i get home this weekend sometime. I want to meet our new puppy...yes..my mum went impulse shopping the other day - and came home with a miniature schnauzer last thursday. Apparently its very cute and tiny - but i have to get home b4 my sister officially names it cardigan. hmm. yes she's crazy. AND my sister took my hanson ticket right...NOt even a message or a call saying thank you or telling me about the gig. All i know about it was that "it waz awsum" cos aubrey replied a day later to a message i sent to her. FUCK. anyway. i heard some hanson on barry bissel's countdown...yes barry is still around! lol picked it up off the satellite...which is where certain shows get streamed to stations in case the cds don't make it on time...but this station doesn't do barry, but i listned to a little of it when i was compiling the mid-dawn shift. almost 10 hours of music and sweepers and promos from 8-6am. yep and i threw in a few diff songs...like bloc party..and my chemical romance. They play better music on the night rotation than they do during the day!
haha! rossco was giving me shit on the radio about tonite! he thinks i have no idea about what im doing! how insulting...yet how true! lol...haha
anyway im feeling lonely..maybe i'll give YOU a call.

Crusty Dippin' Chunks

I'll tell you this kiddies - kfc tastes sooooooooooooo good. I've been asked to stay on at the station for saturday.i think its because they'll need some one to do all the dirty work for the outside broadcast. i'm gonna try amd score some free shit...might be a bit late getting a copy of the coldplay album but...damnut. Anyway im having a great time in Goulburn. This weekend i went up to Jindabyne which is past Cooma and about an hour away from Thredbo. It was reeeally nice - and great to see water...cos Goulburn has none. So yeah I met up with a few other Swinny kids, pete, michelle and dave (dave drove me up - he is increidibly nice - in fact one of the nicest most polite people i know). So that was fun, we got alittle smashed - cheap drinks and all that jazz. Cable tv is also good - watching alot of films. SO anyway the weekend was great - also met the old swinny boys who work at snow fm and 2XL - so that was great. they were telling us soooo much, i now know everything - but the bad thing about that nite was that they didn't shut up at all. Chris was just going on and on and on and on so much that i was like falling asleep. We ended up crashing in chell's hotel room - like three of us on her king size bed and pete on the couch. It wasn't until the next day that michelle realised that the couch folded out into a bed lol!

i've found that people in radio love to talk about themselves and give you advice - they LOVE it. don't have to have an ego - but when they find someone else who is radio inclined - like us swinny kids, they just go off. They love us - cos we'll fricken listen. and they lovvvvvvvvvvve that. Well im co-hosting the hot 20 tonite, exciting eh. in 20 mins! arghh!!! i'd better go and get stuff..i dunno lol. shouldn't be too hard, just gotta prepare in my head - ah well..cya kids.

In a studio

playlist:
Amerie - 1 Thing
john ledgend - used 2 love u
foo fighters - best of you


well here i am. its wednesday - so far its been good this trip to lil old goulburn. I'm having a great time - and its so nice getting messages from lisa and calls from cookie and james and everyone. I'm staying in this small hotel - the station is like a 30 minute walk from the hotel and i froze my ass off this morning. I kid you not - it was fucking freezing. But the town seems okay - and i have dodgy cable in my hotel room which makes up for the lack of entertainment in Goulburn. Seriously there is nothing to do in this one horse town - i dun even know if they have a horse here. They have a very large Marino Sheep though...me and dave saw that when we came into town..lol. i would have thought my email would be full by now...but it seems the junkmail filter is keeping most crap at bay...thankgoodness. i bet my yahoo mail is like up to 1000 junkmail messages..god that shit just keeps coming. So who saw Hanson on Rove? I did...lol it was funny...it was like OMG..HANSON IS IN A VAN!

anyway - if anyone wants that ticket to hanson i will give it to you for FREE! FOR FREE! its just one ticket - and seriously its a great offer considering you'll spend a night listening to decent music and being surrounded by chicks. HOT chicks. Girls who don't wear bras with their tank tops! Seriously...its the place to go this Sunday night if you wanna pick up. You'll be able to have ur pick from 16-25 year old ladies...

Anyway - the radio station up here is cool - everyone is awesome...and i mean AWESOME. also im learning heaps and its great chatting with Ross - cos he's from swinburn too so he knows what im all about and what i can do while blair the PD is like "i dunno what u can do" ..he's like only 22 and a PD! its craaazy. but yeah i'm enjoying it here...i might get KFC tonite...and destroy my body with its toxins. yeah sounds like a fricken plan. BTW this blog will be posted on my space also. can't be fucked writing two diff blogs...OKay well i'm gonna go do something productive for the next two hours and then leave. CYA kiddiessssss...*MUAH*

btw - we have like advanced copies of the coldplay record...how fucking cool is that..mind you all the copies are fucked- the cases are broken and shit. but ah well. and next week i might be co-hosting the hot 20 with Ross ...yay! how cool...im doing vox overs and making ads and shit..its great. Anyway. I mean it this time. Im gone *MUAH*

Well i'm gonna miss this. Our little conversations...its becoming a regular thing. I talk, you listen and never respond. You remind me of a dog...always obedient, always listening out - but never able to tell me how much you love (or hate) me back. But you know what - I'm leaving you. Yes, you. I'm leaving tomorrow morning at 5am and i won't be coming back till the 11th of June. Yes you'll be able to contact me still - email and mobile calls still apply. I'll just be away from you all for two weeks, on my own, trying to survive on what little money I have left after paying my phone bill and going crazy shopping. But here's a tip - Myer stocktake sale this Monday, they've already started marking down stock - get in now and you could grab some items b4 the sale officially starts ;) hahaha...everyone misses me at miss shop, you know why...cos i actually did work while i was there haha. Well Goulburn isn't that far away - i'll still be nearish...just a few hours away by car...tomorrow will be an interesting day I think. We'll see if Dave still likes me after spending 8 hours in a car with me. lol. If i can blog I'll keep you all posted with my radio doings up there...im just burning cds now and waiting for naruto movie to download..probably won't be done unless i leave the comp on. I could sleep in here tonite...its so nice and warm. OKAY i'd better get offline and get some sleep....see you when i get back!

songs:
utada hikaru - deep river
koda kumi - shake it (OHMYGAWD ...if you do one thing b4 u die, it should be watching this video)
kelly clarkson - behind hazel eyes

Okay i take back what i said. This my space stuff is pretty cool....well the my space music stuff is. I'm listening to anadivine now...its goot. Well yeah I'm at uni just doing some database research...getting alittle bored with it because im not coming up with much. I might start writing the essay soon - cos i won't have much time to do so tonite ya know. So yeah i've been pretty busy and im extremely tired. Im kinda hungry though...well not really. I have a slight headache and dizziness...well i should probably eat something. Haven't really eaten all day long. Yeah...ate last nite though lol. I was here at uni yesterday from 3pm till 1.30am! ARGHH!! yeah talk about crazy. I'm good now though..well not really, i'm behind in my work. I spoke with Jim and he's cool with me handing in everything on friday. I just have to do one more hour on RCS, do two phone calls one interview...4 stop sets, 4 speed breaks, put it all together in Audition and write a 1,500 word essay. its actually all due tomorrow, but friday is as a good a day as any to get it all done. yeah so this essay is breaking my balls. I'd better start reading stuff...so maybe thats what i'll do. get a coffee somewhere...sit in the chocolate cafe and do some reading. I need a highlighter...don't have one on me i don't think. I haven't used on at all this year- thats really weird because all i used to do was do readings and highlight notes...this mouse is driving me crazy. I don't really wanna go to band practise tonite - but i should cos i won't be there for the next two weeks. I know where im staying in Goulburn now...in a central motorlodge...woot. basically i think its like a motel..or something. So thats my two weeks of fun. woot. i dun think i'll be coming back down for the hanson gig in melb...79 was alot for a ticket..but i might just ebay it or sell it to someone...or if im desperate give it away! i'd rather ebay it...i mean..row q isn't too bad....and someone else is selling tickets for the stalls...really mine is in a pretty good position...damnit i want to go - but ah well..next time if there is another next time with Hanson..their so damn annoying with their unpredicitability. ahhh well...i would say damn i wanted to go and buy a band tee shirt..but i've worn the hanson shirt twice..and i got weird looks both times...Hey it can't be as bad as the Kid who was wearing an old skool hanson shirt at Atreyu...that was ODD. someone is humming in here..lol its cute.

anyway. i've been listening to other radio stations..my essay is on nova so i figured i'd get a taste for other nova stations in Oz. And you know what, there is a difference in the sound...from the bands, to the promos, the announcers etc...so its actually quite interesting hearing essentially the same station but in diff parts of Australia.

Well I'm gonna be at 2GN & Eagle FM up in Goulburn- i'll have my phone with me of course..and hopefully some internet access to keep me sane lol. you won't be able to listen online though..the haven't quite got that going yet - but i'll try to record some stuff while im up there.
anyway...cyaaa kiddies later

another song to add to evelyn's favourite songs of all time list:

lenny kravitz - again

Well i can sleep easy tonight. All is well in my world and nothing you could say to me now will bring me down. I will never listen to another stupid group of people again - because they obviously don't know what their talking about. Nothing is black and white...lol. Lots of graay..or grey. That's something i'm learning, that nothing is so clear-cut or simple. Especially when feelings come into it. I'm gonna fix the way I think. My 'I'm still single"mentality has to go. Completely go. I like Cookie alot...and i don't think I can stress that enough. I'm sure alot of you are probably thinking, "Ev, we saw u the other night. you were frisker than a cat in heat"but i don't think if any of you understood any of what happened the other night, you would see that I had a bit to drink, I was having alittle fun - no one was safe from my antics and something I did out of a joke, out of fun ended up making everyone have a go at me - yeah yeah, pick on ev...the drunken girl - thats the way, fuck with my head some more kids. Okay, so it was a once off..but when i kissed bertie did everyone GO OMG ur cheating? No...that kind of thing is considered entertainment! So my P.O.V is alittle different, because honestly i think if i was gonna do the dirty disrespectful thing to cookie, i would have not done it in front of a room full of people, nor would i have picked klein. BUT none of that matters now. IN fact after this blog, I'm never gonna mention it again. Because i had forgotten it the other day, cos it didn't matter - and im gonna forget it now - cos it doesn't matter. I know how i feel - and i've been honest. and honestly, thats that. I'm sure cookie now will have to deal with the other truth about me now..lol i bet he's at james's house saying to him "dude...is she really a-" then I'm james will gives the full expose on the not so secret non-exisitant sex life of ev. Honestly - you people make me worry...but thanks nat. I feel better now its out in the open - and what u call an argument, I call a simple disagreement. But u know what - im young and this relationship stuff isn't exactly my forte, so every mistake i'll learn from, you just got to let me learn..okay. advice and telling me off is all good and well - but u know what i don't think i'll be kissing another girl so soon after this ;)

anywwway...cookie's coming over tomoz...he's visiting the sick (me) - bringing Napoleon Dynamite with him..i shall critque the film and then tell u all wether is worth your 7.50 at video ezy...

sing me to sleep:
9th wonder + BBC feat aaliyah - nightriders rmx
L' Arc en Ciel - jojoushi (what can i say...that Hyde is not only hot but has the most wonderful voices i've ever heard come from the mouth of a japanese artists - kicks SMAP's asses a million times over, plus the PV is magnificent! Ah i'm in loveee and i want moreeee vids..)
Koda Kumi - Cutie Honey (i cannot wait to see this movie. it'll be like pink barbie meets sailor moon on speed)

the new utada remixes have been put on the net - and they are awwwesome! i just wish they'd release her U.S stuff here! it's unfair if u can get it in the UK and from Germany, but damnit...she could do so well here with those remixes. IDJ sucks because of their lack of promoting artists - they'd rather see one of their artists sink out of the charts than pay money on advertising and publicity. Honestly, they did the same thing to Hanson back in the day and now their doing the same thing to Utada! arghh!!! so fustrating!!!!

anyway if u want to check out the Exodus remixes - go to www.utada-online.net/forums and check out the vault. Might only be avaliable to members...and the mp3s will only be up for a while...copyright reasons and all...damnit if i had a credit card i'd be buying these cds...

meanwhile my week has been crap. I've been sick, had no sleep. I'm stressed about uni work - can't do anything while im home sick..I'm feeling alot better today so im gonna do all the paper work and figure out who i should interview for my radio show...and im gonna see if i can pop into uni later or i'll just go in tomorrow and record some ads or something...put some music on selector or something...im sure the editing studios won't be too booked out, most ppl do their stuff during the week and not on weekends like me..so. it should be cool. I'll have to speak with Jim though...i'm supposed to record some vox over stuff - but its alittle hard without a voice!
BUt im on anti-bioticsss now, so hopefully i'll be almost better by monday. Might go in early then eh. Ahh Rulide...once again you swoop in and save the day! damnit..i have to cancel my biotherm facial! arghhh!! damn damn damn. I was looking forward to that..ahh well..

hit me baby one more time:
Bloc Party - Banquet (Phones Disco Edit)
Spoon - I turn my Camera on
Utada - Exodus (JJ Flores Double J extended remix & JJ Flores Dub #2)
Kelly Osbourne - One word - she's gone all 80's electro pop on us!

Ohhhh...

1 Thing - Amerie (remix w/ eve)
Wait - Ying Yang Twins
Ciara - Oh
brooke valentine - girlfight
okay - Nivea and lil jon + youngbloodz
john ledgend - used to love you
hate it or love it - the game
fat joe feat nelly - get poppin' (sounds stupid.)

Howie Day gives me the shivers......go listen to "Collide"NOW

I've had a weird day. Work was short - busy but good...until the end. I don't like it when people are telling me off in a non-telling me off way. What i mean by this is that a girl in the department was basically giving me attitude about the way I packed on the clothes onto the racks so much that it makes it hard to get the clothes off. I just told her I did it on purpose, i didn't mention because i didn't give a shit, and that next time i wouldn't do it. Seriously..this girl doesn't really like me...and i know this cos she doesn't talk to me ever - 'like ever. She thinks she's smarteeer cos she's like a few years older...Look i don't even know her...hardly work with her, but i know that i dislike her. So far i get on with most people at myer that i've worked with...there's another person i dun really like but i won't get into that...cos she's nice but just...i guess not who i get on with. Im so glad im working in personal care tomorrow....thank the lord...im back to my roots...woot. I need some more lip gloss in my life. I'd rather sell moisturiser and make up than sell crappy clothes that are annoyingly complicated with their key codes and apns and style codes and crap crap crap crap ...so i haven't been in the best of moods today..
A phone call from cookie earlier helped, and a few msn convos were amusing...except tristan..Fuck he'll get his GBA when he gets it...im over him bitching about it. I doný eveeen want it..he can have it. i have a nintendo ds...so much more awesome...haha..nah the gba is cool....sorri tristan. didn't mean to diss. its okay. don't cry...

I am thinking its a sign

that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images

and when we kiss their perfectedly aligned

I have to spectulate

that god himself did make us into corresponding shapes

like puzzle pieces from the clay

And true, it may seem like a stretch,

but Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled

Head when you're away when I am missing you to death

When you are out there on the road for

Several weeks of shows and when you scan

The radio, I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great

Heights, 'come down now,' they'll say

But everything looks perfect from far away,

'come down now,' but we'll stay...

I tried my best to leave this all on your

Machine but the persistent beat it sounded

Thin upon listening

And that frankly will not fly. You will hear

The shrillest highs and lowest lows with

The windows down when this is guiding you home

Such great heights - The Postal Service

listen:
spoon - I turn my camera on
BLOC PARTY - Banquet - Phones Disco Edit
her space holiday - my girlfriend's boyfriend



Isn't it funny how last nights O.C only played the new Beck Guero album..alittle TKO by Le Tigre and the evil lesbian girl has a Postal Service poster in her room? her awesomeness factor just went up by 5 points...except now its gonna go down 6 cos she wants to kick ryan's ass for hanging with marissa...talk about over-doing it with the jealously. Hey that always stops me from liking someone...when their crazed girlfriend brings over her posse just to kick ur ass...hmm..i think she'd better rethink that one b4 we all hate her...whoops too late. Anyway i rather enjoyed the O.C last night..and i have to say the only reason i'm watching Big bro 5 is because of this twin thing. I find it more interesting than the people in the house. in fact last night as i was watching the girls try to get all sexy with the pole dancing i remember thinking how bloody stupid this was. anyway big bro always gets better once you get rid of the dickheads...

ahhh...today i worked. and tomorrow i'll go to uni...have a mini-disc all prepared for the tutorial. I've gone alittle crazy with the sms's to cookie i think....in fact i've been sending him heaps of messages..and the nice boy that he is replies to everyone of them! lol...except maybe i need to give it a break, too many sms can get annoying...i must be annoying him. Anyway...its a wednesday today..and no band practice...so i guess since im not seeing cookie..the txt messages will just have to make up for it...I feel like being a bit riske towards him..i dunno, doing something alittle craaazy & naughty, but i dunno...might scare him.

It's weird, and im gonna share this on here because i can't be stuffed using THE OTHER blog. lol. but honestly i don't think i've ever liked someoned this much...and it doesn't scare me - but what does scare me now, is that I am worried about wether or not he really likes me. Which is weird because Of course he likes me...because if he didn't he wouldn't go out with me at all. But considering Cookie and are still kinda getting to know each other...sharing life stories and what not...i guess i'd want to know if he's feeling what I am. I don't know why i got all paranoid the other night, i don't know why i think these evil thoughts. Is this my way of trying to bring it all down? Oh no, i'm doing it again. Im sabotaging the relationship without even realising it...again! I must be one of those people who can never let themselves just be happy in a relationship. I'm even using that word now, i'm calling it a relationship. I've made it official, and i've now got a my space page, and written next to status it says "in a relationship".
Still kinda scares me, relationships mean things are serious and committed...im not saying i'm not committed...i mean it was kinda fucked up the other night when Ben drunkenly told me that if i ever screwed cookie over i'd be in deep fucking trouble...then i had to ask weakly, "when you say screwed, what exacly do you mean?"not that i'd cheat on cookie, hell no..im not as sluttaay as u biatches think i am - and i wouldn't classify that drunken kiss with Bertie at my b'day as cheating - but seriously one of the reasons i tried to get cookie off my mind was because i was worried that yeah i'd fuck it up somehow...knowing me and my fucked up ness - and then yeah ben and james and deniz would all be like "YOU EVIL SIN SPAWN - get out of the band now before we cut of your head and place it on a spike for all to see and scream at it, EVIL BITCH WHORE FROM HELL"...or something like that...ohh why can't tortures be like the ones in hentai? lol...i'd rather be pleasured to death than malled by a bear or decapitated by a large heavy, slicing object. Yes I'm fucked. but aren't we all? ...well it'll make me feel better knowing we all are.

I know I have problems when I hit the home button on my net browser and instead of ninemsn I get hansonfiction.com

I've been waiting for some answers:
nancythompson - mind,less
from autumn to ashes - the after dinner payback
atreyu - right side of the bed

This will be quick..i gotta get to work by one so i only have a few minutes here. But I felt like a blog so i'll blog dammit. went to a bogan party on friday, sooo boring. shoulda stayed home but I wanted to see cookie. the only reason i went out was cos of cookie. hmm...been having a lot of thoughts lately, I think i need to stress less. paranoia is not good.
Also can i please remind the kind readers of this blog - at the moment i think two people read it and the rest just write stupid shit in my shoutbox - im gonna compile a list of blog links and such soon...been meaning to do that for some time. should start soon while im not as busy...have lots of work to do soon.

anyway cya.

THIS BLOG IS NOT ABOUT YOU




Atreyu was awesome. the whole night was fucking awesome. I was really disappointed about the merch...no girl sizes..the xtra small was what we'd i'd call FUCKING HUGE. pisses me off. and there were no badges! so i came away empty handed...but its okay. cos i didn't really have the money to spend on band tee-shirts. So afterwards we didn't go to next..just went home..cookian drove me. hehe. i said i'd go out tonite to some party thing at matt's house..but i think i'll just spend a night at home...u know..doing stuff.


ANYWAY here is some fantastic news - There is a Wong Kar-Wai retrospective at Fed Square's ACMI CINEMAS and it'll be fucking awesome. Wong Kar-Wai has directed some of the most amazing HK films ever. I mean that...i'm not just saying he's fantastic...his films evoke emotion, memory, and his films go from beautiful to gritty and the camera work of Christopher Doyle is always an interesting and integral part of the films. In the mood for love - is one of the most beautifully shot films, and Maggie Cheung is the most beautiful HK actress...seriously see the film just for her cos she is amazingly beautiful. But also Fallen Angels is a great film...i have the dvd - its awesome. Chungking express is amusing and sad but hopeful - and should go down in history for the best pick up line "Do you like pineapples?" lol...see the film and you'll know what i mean. Also there is like a discussion panel and all this other stuff happening...like his music videos and short films also showing...if you've seen DJ Shadow's Six Days video then you'll get a small idea of what his stuff is like...that is one of my favourite music videos btw ;)

anyway im gonna eat lunch..gotta get moving soon to go to uni.

I just can't seem to keep away from the computers eh? lol. haha...
http://www.myspace.com/nancythompsonband - go hereee and hear some rock-socking music! woot. btw, that line sounded better in my head than on here...hmm.
Okay should i talk about my previous post (scroll down first and reeead it if u like) or shall i talk about ATREYU which is on TONITE. woootttt.. craaaziness...dunno how the fuck im getting there...night take a train or just go with lisa somehow...hmm..anyway, im just alittle bored now. I should go get something to eat or something...cos class is on at 2pm. My tutorial which i thought i was late for - turns out was running late itself. So rushing around didn't accomplish anything so hmm. But it was a good tutorial...im learning and i need to think differently about the way i say things on radio. I cannor say "Now" or "Coming up" because it sounds like crap. And i need to relax, slow down and work on my breathing. If I relax everything else should just fall into place I hope...just need to get go of what inhabitions i have already i guess...its easy to hear that i'm not relaxed in front of the mic yet..but it'll come with time i guess...alot of time. No one is ever perfect their first time...and im still learning. I also need to be less negative...think positive. positive. positive.

so how bout that O.C huh? Seth and Summer back together...Lindsay has left Ryan...aww..poor Ryan...and Marissa learns that moving out isn't that fun cos she no longer has maids that will clean up after her. She really is one spoilt brat...ahh life is hard in the O.C...

I FEEL weird when i look at cookie's myspace....and i see the simpson quotes..cos thats all he blogs...and then the status which says in a relationship. Now i wouldn't go as far to call it that..and probably for lack of a better term in myspace is why its there. Relationships sound so serious honestly...scareees the shit outta me and makes me wanna be sick. Its more of a thing...but that sounds too casual. You know what - I don't think I can define it. I'll just let it be.

listen:
basement jaxx - rendez vouz
atreyu - right side of the bed
the radio head cd tremain made for meee
lil birdy - excited

Well this week has been full of angry conversations, lies, and stupid attempts to try and undermine each other. In fact I get blamed everytime someone else opens their big mouth - but i don't help the situation by passing little information on. anyway its all sorted now I hope. Just some ridculous business about who said what, who believes what, and wtf? So its time to start minding our own fucking business...but everyone will have an opinion anyway so fuck that. My opinion? Well frankly, your not gonna hear it on here..cos that would mean that i'd have to write the whole story down and i have one minute to get to my tutorial so no, thats not gonna happen now. I think people have skewed ideas about what gossip is - and i think telling someone something they SHOULDN'T know or need to know can be classified as betraying confidence and essentially gossiping. But gossip is more of a bitchy thing honestly, its closer to backstabbing that anything else. And i've done little backstabbing lately...i like to think of it as an open discussion. Say what you feel and leave it at that. If you have a problem with someone you're gonna want to talk about it - and you shouldn't have to hide what you feel honestly. Anyway i'm late now. cya

I'll be your mirror

nancythompson - Mind,less
tokyo Jihen - dynamite
coldplay - speed of sound
the mars volta - drunkenship of Lanterns


...my stomach hurts from coughing so much. No i am not well enough yet...if i speak i'll cough and right now i dun wanna do that. I was so badddd last nite..i ruined a potentially good evening by coughing up a few lungs - and i though i only had one set. Meanwhile I worked today in jewellery...NEVER AGAIN.

the Naruto movie is out on bit torrent - after only two days after the raw was posted...ahh thankgoodness for the speediness of Dattebayo - the subtitling group that i download all my eps from now...i'll start downlooading later..its 700mbs so i'll have to burn it to cd right away...even though my new comp can handle it now...oh my this screen is 19 inches and looks riduculous...i think my eye sight will get worse now because of it...and why have a computer screen thats bigger than ur head? in fact..this screen dwarfs me totally. its huge. but we have a remote for the comp now...im sooo happy..no more getting up to change or fastforward dvds and eps...Oh no..i have a remote now that does all the work for me! woot.

I put together the cd stand tremain and carlos bought me for my b'day...i've started filling it withs cds..just need to figure out a good spot to put it now...

fuck im tired...http://home.iprimus.com.au/jbos/music/04mind-less.mp3 i shouldn't post this..but i have...hehehee....its awesomeee....go get some nancythompson into ur life ;)

meanwhile...i mite watch some vids...anchorman is calling me...

also..autumn to ashes kicks ass..and atreyu makesss me wanna bleed..i loveeeee it.

i'm in love with your strict machine:
goldfrapp - strict machine
johnny lang - give me up again
utada - wonder bout
gwen stefani - hollerback girl



Oh my its been a strange weekend. I'd just like to start by thanking everyone who turned up to my b'day on Friday. It was awesome because everyone who I wanted to be there turned up. And I really did fill up that room eh? lol. Well the party was a big success and thanks all of you wonderful ppl for turning up :)
I'm currently not feeling 100% right now..so this is gonna be a very short blog. I'm gonna just rug up and curl into a little ball somewhere...haven't much energy..yet i still have a big appetite for today lol..i've been eating all day.

Well also some news for ya all - mr. taylor hanson and his wife natalie are parents once again - they've just had a baby girl in the last few days...her name is penelope :) how cuteee...he can sing penny & me to her...awww...

this layout is really starting to bug me...

Well i just did a two hour show in the radio studio. I messed up a few times - yelled fuck (but not while on air) a few times and overall it was good but i know i can do better and there are little things i need to do just to neaten it all up. if anyone would like to hear my radio shows they can email me and i'll try to make up an mp3 or something of some of it. yousendit is the coolest site for uploading files, its so easy but it only stays up for a few days though which gets annoying when trying to download large files that refuse to be downloaded. lol.
Well im at uni now, it's almost 11.30 so im gonna see jim and have him listen to the show..but it is the show i was planning on handing in...i don't think i have enough time to do another one...well i might if i come in tomorrow. There is so much to do this week i don't know when im gonna find the time to do any of it! lol. and everything cost money too. 100 bucks here...60 there..i have a phone bill to pay and my dad has asked that me and my bro both pay some insurance...all he's asked for is 100 dollars at this stage. Well let me calcualte my costs for this week :
200 - layby
100 - insurance
60 - beautician
107 - phone bill - to be paid by the 28th...but my pay day is this wednesday not the next
and also whatever is left over is bar tab. I was trying to save some money for that too. damnuts.
So im gonna be alittle bit broke...already am a tad broke.
also i have another layby which is 119 - the his and her circumstances dvd box set from EB.
but i have two months to pay that off.

OKAY well i bet ur all wondering what lil evelyn got for her b'day...well...the present listing goes alittle something like this:
minidisc recorder
hello kitty bag
ffx-2 dark aeon yojimbo & vampire hunter d figurine
toxic earrings
and the most gorgeous bracelet from lisa! its sooo niceeeee!
Also i got a nintendo ds from cookie :)

a lesson to be learned from my last week
impulsive buying is very very bad. But stores that refund are very very good ;)

HIT ME!:
cubic u - how you doing'
vanilla ice - ice ice baby
eve - got what u need
Onitsuka Chihiro - borderline

I'm sitting here with my small yet cute bottle of sanpellegrino and I am reflecting on the past few days. I've seen some weird things - said even stranger things to people - and i managed to get rid of a shift in miss shop on wednesday ;) now just one more shift to lose and im a free girl for the week....wait did i just say girl? I mean WOMAN. lol i'm 21 offically now...nah i'm still not mature enough to be called a woman..i'll wait till im about 30 or 40 till ppl can start calling me that...shit i'll be 30 in a few years. How fucked up is that. I'm getting so old. I even have one grey hair which already causes me grief....Meanwhile..hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy starts on the 28th of april wooooooooooooooo...

It's weird. I've almost forgot that tomorrow is my actual birthday lol! I'm so focused on the party I guess I've forgotten my real birthday which is tomorrow. Tremain has already jumped in and wished me happy birthday which is sooo lovely of him. *sigh* he really makes it difficult for me to not like him eh lol. new naruto ep 130 is out - im gonna wait till the BT get's busy b4 i download otherwise i'll take me forever. last time i had the latest naruto episode in one hour. that was awesome. I'm not sure about this new Utada - exodus remix..the vocals seem skewed. Honestly I think it could have been handled better but maybe because the mp3 i have is shithouse quality is why i think it sounds alittle crap...the beats are good though.

I'm so busy its not funny right now. I'm sick of it. Im sick of myer stealing all my time and forcing me to go to uni on a saturday morning at 9am! I want to be able to go out and celebrate my birthday - i wish i wasn't working tomorrow...i have alot of work to get started on. the radio ads i need to do...i've got an idea for one already and i need to come up with some music for the alley tunes ads..i've got two creative ads almost written, just need to shorten it alittle and write it out and then record it and then edit it! woot. editing should be easy because now we're using audition - or cool edit as some old skool users call it - to cut up our sound grabs and bites so it'll be easy as pie. Logic audio can go screw its self...its so refreshing to have a program that will be easy to use yay.
and i want to make some promos for my two hour program which i have to hand it on mini-disc. So i need to write that up, organise it...write everything out word for word. Be extremely organised and make it all tight etc....its gonna be hard but im looking for a challenge. I wanna do well at this course and i need to start putting more time into it now. After this week Im gonna start knocking back shifts from myer. If i don't they will walk all over me.
And 8hour shifts and band practise don't mix well at all as i discovered last night. but band is going well..i'll be recording more bass and backing vox this sunday if things go to plan ;)

I can't believe how happy I am right now! is this it? is this what its supposed to be like? When everything is going well, when things finally fall into place and I discover things when I least expected I would...is this happiness? is this what i've been searching for? have I even searched for it or did it just land in my lap? Nothing can bring me down because the last few hours have been so good. Even just simply chilling and watching dvds - its amazing how more relaxed I am and how much I enjoy just being near him. At first the idea used to make me panic, but now I feel calm and resolved to make this work because I think that I really really like him. And I'm not just saying that cos I know that he likes me...in fact I don't really know because he hasn't said straight up - but he doesn't have to at all. He talked alot more tonight, which I'm glad about and i'm still laughing over the story about his friend getting kicked by a kangaroo. I don't mind the quietness, it just makes me want him more, it makes me want to know him more. But that's all it takes, just being near him makes me happy. and if i recall last rehersal it distracted me alittle, but i think i was smiling more just because of those thoughts and knowing he was nearby. I made him go home...which i regret and i don't. I just don't think my parents would be happy with the idea of cookie staying over...i think i need to explain a few things first b4 they'd be cool with it..like tell them that i'm seeing cookie as more than just friends lol. My sister worked it out pretty quickly...lol...she reckons i have a thing for stevens - lol also she commented on cookie being thinner than me...he's all bones..but so what...i like him like that. Gosh...hear me, i miss him already...i hope he gets home okay next time i'll make him stay over ;)

playlist:
the postal service - such great heights (john tejada remix)
MSTRKRFT - Thank me with your hands (panthers remix)
sharpshooters - japanese mathematics
lemon jelly - the staunton lick
!!! - Hello? Is this thing on?
Her space holiday - My girlfriend's boyfriend
dangermouse & Zero feat Doom - Somersault


My feet hurt so much. I don't want to stand up ever again. I'll just sit here and get fat on my ass. I'd rather that than the feeling of walking barefoot on glass. had a hard working weekend...friday nite had spur of the moment go out to bar eight moment...cover bands suck and some girls will do anything on stage to get a drink card except show nipple. but i had a good time :)
I worked at myer all weekend :( BUT im free next weekend wooot! crazyness shall ensue.

playlist of utada songs:
parody
time limit
For You
addicted to you

It's weird...in a good way though. I'm weird. haha.
I've been a busy beee this week...especially yesterday it was just go go go for me. I had a rehersal in the radio studio...so i recorded my ads and practised for an hour and tried to time getting the 3aw network news at 5pm...except the clock in the studio was off by about 30 seconds! so i totally missed the news and had to cut a song and ARGHH!! its annoying me cos i haven't got it right yet. So i need lots more practise which i shall do next friday cos its the only day off i have from uni and work. Im thinking i need to go in on weekends now because otherwise i'll never catch up...everyone else in the class know what their doing and I think i'm getting better at putting on a show..but i don't have the same experience as everyone else. But I try my darn hardest! yeeehaw.

Episode 127-128 of naruto is out now! I'm downloading it off Bit Torrent as i type this...i'm excited...its been one week too long without naruto to keep me happy. I was watching samurai champloo last night...it has to be one of the better anime series to come out of japan in recent years. Also i bought myself a copy of vol. 5 of Azumanga Diaoh - did i spell that right? And I love azumanga diaoh...i got my brother hooked on it too ;) its soooooo good. So that means there is only one volume left of the series to collect and watch and love...so thats exciting. Im seriously considering lay-buying the 'his and her circumstances' dvd set. it's $119 and it would be well worth it cos it'll have the dub and the orginal soundtrack and good decent subtitles on it (not like my samurai champloo dvds which are shockingly subtitled - thats what u get for buying cheaper inferior copies) Meanwhile i have only a few episodes of Revolutionary girl Utena to watch...and i must say that for when that series was made...they managed to get away with alot of innuendo and metaphors for sex - it's not explicit in anyway..in fact its very subtle and you don't even realise it till it happens..especially with the Utena and Akio scene.
And also i have too much macross plus to watch...Tristan wants it back i think..and he wants his gameboy back...woops. I haven't had much time for games lately..im waiting for a chance to just sit back and get a whole day's worth of gaming and anime in. See if i didn't have a job i'd still be sitting on my bum like a bum watching anime, eating noodles and playing PS2. meanwhile..my noodles are almost ready. excuse me.

nothing can bring me down...except one thing

The road to sanity has not been an easy one these last few days - in fact all my insecurities are starting to surface, I can feel the cracks already appear in my self-confidence. What I want and what I have are becoming two very different things. I was set on something - and then stupidly I agree to listen to things and people who tell me what I already know but all too late. And I don't want this "what if" question hanging over my head. Because it was there last night. I could feel the seriousness of what he was trying to tell me, even if i told him it didn't matter - it did to him. Even when i said i didn't care, he took the hint but still wanted to tell me everything that he was feeling and thinking. He was sorry for what he'd said thursday to me, but also that he realised then that I actually meant something...not alot..but I was someone he liked and it took his blutness to realise that. After so much abusive language in the car driving home last nite, i got over it. I'll think what I want to, I'll be friends with him, but I can't do more than that.


I know what I want now - I feel it so much. And it's driving me crazy. I wonder if he's out there thinking of me - if he's going crazy too ...lol i guess the cat is out of the bag now....but i feel very very lucky to have found something or someone as sweet as him. I don't deserve anything good right now, but i hope i don't mess this up. knowing me i'll mess it up and sabotage it in some way. My insecurities are already playing up - and all these scenario's are playing in my head like some bad melodrama. But i just think that if i think of the worst now - it won't come true. So I'm hoping for the best - that I don't run and hide and that maybe if i just go with the flow i'll be okay.

Last nite on the train to Frankston:

26/3/05

I haven't felt this way in so long. please don't let me down, please don't let me down.
Whatever happens tonight happens, whatever I wish for will and won't come true. but I don't care, just please don't take this feeling away from me.
It's been too long since I've been this excited. It's been forever since I've felt this way for someone. I don't even know if this is real, but I don't care because its the feeling I've been looking for. I've searched so many places, I thought I had found it again, but I was mistaken. Now it's here again, the same familiar feeling from long ago. It's knocking at my door waiting for me to open up.
Whatever happens, happens.
Whatever will be, will be.
No forcing, no changing.

27/3/05

we got alot of time and it sure feels right:
The juliana theory - top of the world
dashboard confessional - hands down
david franj - oxygen
howie day - collide
steven speaks - passenger seat
ben lee - get gotten & into the dark

I'm so happy I think I'm gonna pass out!

Nah I won't. But I couldn't sleep last nite at all - I could only think of him and how close he was to me. I couldn't focus, I couldn't breathe half the night because my heart was racing. I knew I wanted him and I had him - But I still wanted his arms around me the whole nite. He was just so sweet and last night was all him. I swear I didn't do anything but turn up - and to think that if I hadn't turned up I wouldn't be this happy today. All that effort was worth it and I can feel it. I get these feelings in my stomach like butterflies - and I know that it's right. I just don't want this feeling to leave me ever again. I'm on top of the world - nothing can bring me down....

It's funny how quickly I can change my mind about someone. Its also funny how utterly terrible one person can make me feel in the time of 30 seconds. It also just shows how sensitive I can be sometimes. I can injure someone else with my words - and then they throw it back at me and I can't take it. It's true, I do contradict myself. But fuck it. I don't care. I still know what I mean and I still know what I feel. That's the only thing that's real for me. I get to this stage where I don't know who to trust and I know that some feelings I shouldn't act upon because I'll hurt someone else. So I don't do anything about anything - and then suddenly I'm so bad because I actually DIDN'T do anything. Maybe I should say what I feel more clearly. Maybe I should respect other's feelings more - I think I do, as much as I can. But I'm unsure now of some people and their reactions and assumptions. I think some people assume too much of me. And I think that's what I dislike - the assuming. I wish I could be me all the time, but I can't. I wish I could trust everyone - but I can't. Right now, I think I've realised how fucked up some people are and that they are dragging me down into their own confusion and fucked-up-ness. Didn't I say I didn't need that. Didn't I think that. Didn't I avoid that? why is it so easy to revert back to old feelings? When things were less complicated. But decisions I made I won't break. Anyway, you don't go out with your friends. You can't always go back after that. but sometimes you can. And there's always hope in that. I cling to hope sometimes. That's what I'm doing now. I'm wishing and hoping that everything will work out. That what's meant to be will be and all that stuff. I'm not so lost after all eh?

stem - shiina ring "the real is but a dream"
l0w - kelly clarkson "they look at me with sad eyes, well I don't want their sympathy"
gamble everything for love - ben lee "love me with an open heart, tell me anything"
forget myself - third eye blind "who am I we both don't know/ time ticks by, where did you go?"

meanwhile james is sick from the pizza hut food. THAT'S why vegeterians shouldn't eat meat on a fricken religious holiday!

Sydonia - Life in a cup
Queens of the stone age - no one knows
Ben lee - catch my disease

I've never been this confused about anything. But I'm also never very definate with my feelings either. So maybe this is just a temporary situation and I'll go back to normal soon...I hope so.
I think I like the idea of someone right now more than I like them. And I think if I acted on every crush I had on someone, then i'd end up nowhere without any real idea of what I'm looking for. I think I know what I want. It just gets mixed up - with my thoughts and ideas. Do I want something real? Something that lasts? or something superficial and nasty?
Nasty is such a nasty word. Do I want to go against the norm for myself? Should I chase or be chased? I think alot, about what it could be like with someone - but nothing ever comes of it. And I think that this is probably one of those times. but we'll see ;) who knows, i'm just going with the flow and wherever it takes me I guess i'l have to wait and see.

My birthday preprations are getting worse - I need to rethink and re-evaluate how much I actually want to spend on alcamhole. haha

There are some people in this world that are just not meant to get along. Ever.
And I think I found of those people that I will never ever get along with. And another thing I've realised is that I just don't care. Well my weekend has been busy, full of 21st birthdays (Nat's and Klein's) and i've been working at myer all weekend. Which has made it interesting. but i've been lacking a decent night's sleep. Oh well i'll catch up during the week ;)

Well yesterday was a very interesting day and I'll tell you why.

First off I made plans to go to St Kilda with lisa in the afternoon. There was a festival happening in the botanical gardens there and lots of world music and market type happenings. But before I could go to that I had to take my sister to my Grandma's house and help her out filming a 3 minute film. So I happened to drive that day, because my mum was too slow and if i was gonna go out later we had to get aubrey's stuff out of the way first. So driving to Bulleen started off well.

At first I was like "Oh fuck..i have to go through that bloody round about" those of you will know this roundabout as the one that has a HUGE green thing in the middle of it...and I honestly hate going through this roundabout. But oddly enough i get through fine - and i remember even asking my sister "was i in the right lane?" and she was like, "Yep, ur fine".

So things were dandy - i got over the hard part of our journey. BUt alas, don't count ur chickens until the hatch. As I was driving along the road towards the templestowe shops (there was a festival on there too) - i noticed a car up ahead that was waiting to turn onto the road. I didn't think anything of it - UNTIL the fricken woman at the wheel of that car decided to not give way to me! SO I break, she breaks and both cars just skim the sides of each other. It was kinda like a screetching sound...it reminded me of finger nails on a black board. So I quickly pull over. And I'm cursing absusive language..and i'm pulled over and I'm thinking "shit what do i do next" so my sister gets out of the car, cos it happened on her side of the car and she's checking out the damage while the fricken woman who didn't give way to me starts driving off! I WAS LIKE..OMG! and then she was gone...i didn't get her number plate or anything. So we drove to grandma's i called my parents - my dad went fricken crazy over the phone and my plans for the afternoon were ruined.

BUt my day was saved by lisa, mark and carlos - they picked me up and we went to the beach and then had chinese for dinner. It was great :) although next time i think we'll all think twice b4 throwing shells and rocks at seagulls. that kinda put us all into a sombre mood.

Today though i went to uni - spent three hours sitting and talking about advertising on radio. It was good! i'm loving my course so far. its just getting better every week i think. Okay.well dinner is ready and i'm starved. BA-HA-HI!

Hear it on the stereo:
TKO - Le Tigre
Gamble everything for love - Ben Lee

modeling @ justin's 21st

Justin thought that this picture needed to be here. lol..So I thought I'd share it. It's a pic of me and tom..I'm kinda..losing focus and he's doing the I'm-so-hot-and-i'm-an-asshole thing. He does that well. There's another picture of us doing that..well of tom doing that. Ahh the camera loves him. I found out that night that i've been blacklisted by his girlfriend though - which is odd..cos i always thought jo was a lovely person and to find out that i'm hated by her...didn't sit well with me that night. Its not like i'm a threat..oh no..i wouldn't want to go there with tom, especially not after i realised what an ASSHOLE he is all those years ago - that would be 3 years ago...i think. well it was a long time ago..most of which i've forgotten.
But yeah..so this was just one of many pics taken from justin's new website. if i can find the link i'll post it so you can all go have a looksie at his pictures..cos there are alot. And most of them are of justin's friend ian...lol..Justin commented on the lack of me in those pictures...well my legs and shoes appear in a few pics...you can tell..cos i stand funny, as lisa noticed the other nite :) Yeah

on friday nite we went to the greyhound hotel - lisa and mark s came along...we met james, bonnie and her friend cathy. We saw SYDONIA and they were awwwwwesome..especially that song 'pain and suffering' omg ammmmazing. the band that followed them were just...not as impressive as them..in fact they were a huge let down compared to sydonia..unfortunately...then there was this guy call zig zag and his freashow...which involved him setting his head on fire (thanks to lynx deoderant), eating a light bulb and walking on a bed of glass...in fact he was on the glass for awhile. it was crazy, shocking , and some of it was disturbing but no one could take their eyes off it...and everyone was in pjamas which was weird.

hear me out: Al green - let's stay together
chingy - jackpot
basement jaxx - jus one kiss
timbaland & magoo - up jumps the boogie (feat. aaliyah and missy elliot)

ON the 7th of March was the day my dog died. Thinking about it now - it was so surreal then. We made a decision which ended the life of our beloved pet. Everytime I look outside I keep thinking she'll be there...but she's not. When I walked up the steps to the house, I waited to hear her barking at me - but i heard nothing. I saw the back gate wide open and the first thought that jumped into my head was "She'll escape!" then I remembered that it didn't matter anymore. Its starting to sink in now...I'm waiting for it to get easier. I have to remind myself that it was our decision - and we have to live with it. But I don't want to...I just wish it was all so different. It could have turned out better for her.

I try to keep myself busy...but its hard. I'm reminded of it all the time - especially when i'm at home. Its all my mum talks about to me - its like she's trying to justify her decision to her self and to me...She had second thoughts, but its too late now. There was never a guarantee that it would work out..when so many things went wrong. She was only 7 years old. I'm making it worse for myself now by writing here. But the thing I have to understand is why. Why her? why did she have all the problems? But there are no answers, only theories and assumptions. One thing everyone keeps thinking is 'This shouldn't have happened'. Maybe I'd be better off now if i didn't watch...if i had missed the whole event like my sister did - "Where's Briggetta?" she said as the vet drove down our drive way with our dog lying in the trunk of his car. "Where do you think?" I spat at her through my tears - "She's gone". I was pissed. It was an important thing and she wasn't there to say goodbye. But aubrey doesn't reall care about the pets that much...she does, but only when it suits her. But that's how she is. Its better though I must admit...talking to people about this. Lisa and Tremain have been a big help to me through this...they both listened to my sobbing over the phone..they didn't have to, but they did. And James has been understanding...he let me skip bandpractise (not like i need his permission). And that shot of makers mark that i had...helped in a weird burning/warm way. I feel like calling one of them now...like...hearing someone else's voice will calm me...comfort i guess is what i'm looking for.

Anyway. I just got a call from mark S...me, lis and him are going to see a movieeee....my headache is almost gone...and i've just cried..Again. great...now i'm gonna have a red face. I'd better pretty myself up now.