(this was written previously - and may be edited from what i originally wrote down)

Thursday 6th March 2003
third day of uni
9:45am
In room HU2 122
Waiting for radio theory class to begin
Situation: I'm early. too early.
Thoughts: Well at least I found the room.
Three hours of this - 2 hour break. or 3 hours break?
Then two hours of media @ 3pm. Then home. yay.
I think there might be a few third year students in this class, but god willing I won't feel "too young".
looking at my nails now...the polish is all chipped and worn away.
{end}

Well this morning was eventful. I had class. it was long. interesting. But it looks like i'm in for a hard year. lots of research. so much i'll be knee deep in books and papers and essays. i hate paper cuts.
Anyway. after my morning class, i had my break then met up wit lisa and went along to her biology lecture where i took notes for her. that was fun. and informative. I was learning about cells. and i saw her chickens. live baby chics. and ever since then i've been thinking about eating chicken nuggets.

Musically speaking:
HOWIE DAY - Ghost + Sorry, So Sorry
BOOMKAT - Wasting my time

Hi my name is Job-less evelyn. I've never had a job that's lasted longer than two weeks. I have experience in retail, communications, and customer service. I am in dire need of training for any job i apply for.

Its funny how so many jobs are advertised, and even though you don't need a whole lot of experience to do the job - they still want someone with experience. How the hell am I supposed to get experience when no one will give me the chance to get the experience. See what happens when you spend high school studying instead of working?
I can't even get a job at some cafe's beacause i don't have enough experience to take orders on a pad, or serve a customer their coffee. It doesn't sound that difficult. I can handle stress, i can handle standing up on my feet for four hours on end. I won't like the standing up bit, but i'll do it as long as I get paid.
And what's wrong with employers? they don't have the courtsey to call back and say thanks for the resume, but no thanks? Is that too much to ask for? Just a little confirmation that my resume experience sucks. Even if i gave in a five page resume i'd still get told I didn't have enough long term experience or whatever they like to say.
But being a university student, and looking for a job that can fit around my schedual can be hard, but its not impossible. I mean, i'm an art's student for heaven's sake! We're the biggest bludges of the lot! All i could want is just one little break, one little chance to proove myself. but even that seems like i'm asking too much.

anyway - i recently opened a new e-mail account for professional purposes (i signed up with monster.com.au - i don't want job e-mails getting mixed up with adult porn junk or chain letters), and on msn they have this sign up for newsletters thingy before you go into ur account for the first time. So i thought, well i'm single and all i'll be doing is reading the advice colums in these e-mails- so i signed up for the lavalife newsletter. And I found something interesting, and relevant to current situations that i've been placed in of late.
here is something from that e-mail,
"Obviously, you're going to have your best experiences with the partners you find most attractive...don't feel pressured by your friends to get interested in someone they think is attractive. If you don't agree, it's sure to backfire. Attractiveness is a highly personal thing. Everyone's entitled to an opinion, but in the end, the deciding vote goes to you. " quoted by Dr. Irvin Wolkoff .

I agree with that, thats probably another reason why i don't always like people trying to push me into sumthing i'm not comfortable with. I believe that for me to like someone, i have to feel physically attracted to them also, not just like them. I have to feel like there is that attraction between the two of us. I'll admit, this attraction i talk about has perhaps only happened...three times. Of course, i'm an idiot and let each one of them slip away. ok. it was all for the best then, but now if i find someone that i'm attracted to, the way i was to those past "interests" of mine, i'm not gonna give up that easily. But for awhile i haven't met anyone i'm really attracted to..or anyone I really like. Its good that i'm meeting people again, but there's no one i'm interested in. i guess thats just the way it goes. when your looking for "it" you'll never find it..but when your not looking for it..it finds you. damn one day those words will turn on me and bite me on the bum.

time and date: 10:47 pm 16th of Feb 2003.
listen: anything

its oh so quiet: I never used to be one of those people who could sleep all day. I've always been an early riser, mostly out of habit. But I like the mornings when i'm not feeling like shit, or the ones when i don't feel as tired. But while sleep is good and all, I also like the staying up late, and getting to sleep at 5-6ish am then waking up around 9:30-10am. that's always fun. Then when i wake up i feel like a zombie, or like i have a cold in the hed, and i'm about to drop any second and sleep where ever i land.
This morning was different, when i got home i was bouncing around - quietly until late afternoon when i finally got my well deserved sleep.
I suppose I should talk about the last few days here on blog. Friday nite - the dreaded valentines day - Lisa was my valentine's. lol. Well we all went out to brunswick street. and thats rocked, bars are cool. expensive, but cool. and anywhere that has good drinks and comfy couches rocks.
Last nite was switch at casey's. and that was a lot of fun. it was also very loud, my ears were slightly buzzing afterwards. Lisa said to me that her ears had gotten used to the loud music and stuff - then i remembered yr 11 Vet music when we did the module on safety and hearing protection, and that your ears never get used to it - its just your hearing fucking up on you. But i hadn't the heart to tell her. lol. anyway, i was deaf to begin with. But i think its just me, i seem to tune out alot when people speak. lol. habit i guess. Or i concentrat so hard on trying to listen to what someone is saying, and the i realise i hadn't heard a damn word of what they just said. Like my first subway interview..the guy was speaking but i just didn't catch a word of it. maybe thats why i didn't get the job.
But last nite was like "hi" "WHAT?" "HI!" "WHAT!" i didn't hear much. i decided to was safer to stop talking than scream in people's ears and have to repeat everything three times. but anyway, it was good. i liked it alot.

I watched "birthday girl" today, the film with nicole kidman playing a russian mail order bride. It was an interesting little film. I rather liked it, and i thought the acting talent was pretty good, but it was lacking in a little..oomf. i dunno, i just thought that perhaps there could have been more to the ending, really make it climatic, but still while being a good ending for the film, it could have been just a tiny little weeny bit better.
Also, another film, "strange fits of passion" - while the title is cool, the main female lead gets on my nerves. its an aussie one, so all the actors are extremely familiar.

well i feel another sleep coming on, i might leave while i'm still somewhat awake. nite.

www.geocities.com/evesygal

"Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got - im still jenny from the block" - j.lo

who the fuck calls j.lo Jenny? its always jennifer lopez, or j.lo, not this jenny shit. And bragging about your career and sucess(failures) in ur songs isn't cool. Its more like miss jenny lopez needs to be reminded that she's still jenny from the block. so basically this whole song is a piece of cod's wallop. (what is cod's wallop you ask? i don't know, it just sounds dirty and fishy).

"Till i ride to the very end.."

Well i got back from anglesea just today, the 8th of feb and i arrived home sometime in the late afternoon. And the first thing I wa greeted with was a threatened punch in the face if i complained about my lack of clothes (i really need a new pair of jeans and sneakers), also i got yelled at about my nails (wtf?) and my bro was being a shit to my sis, and i (badly) threw a shoe at him. So it seems life goes on even when I'm gone. But after returning home, i very quickly realised how far away from my family I wanted to be. The are seriously shitting me up the wall. Anglesea was so peaceful and fun, and now i'm home and everything is loud, and horrible. Raised voices and fights over the control of the tv remote greeted me. I stayed right out of the firing line. I've realised how sane I feel when i'm not at home living in this fucking hell hole. So on monday when they all return to work, i shall have the house back and everything thing will be quiet and sane, if only for a few hours.

Anglesea rocked. I had a blast. but i've returned feeling a little heavier, and bloated. also tired, and not to mention on the ride home, i was tipsy. But it was a great week, and i honestly didn't want to leave. I think what kept me sane about returning home was that i would be able to listen to my music again. I missed my mp3's more than my family. now thats fucked. The beach was great, the walks and fishing was fun. it all just kicked ass. and the company wasn't too bad either ;) i would so love to do something like that again, because it was just so good to get away from everything that was driving me crazy. I swear living in this house is making me mad - i feel like a caged animal just waiting to jump out and run away never to return.
Ok, i feel like i'm about to be sick, but b4 i run off and spill my guts out (hardy ha ha) happy birthday to Lisa, Mark and Justin.
*MUAH*

the music of the moment:
Justin Timberlake - Rock your body/What you go (oh no)
Missy E - work it feat. 50 cents
Eminem - lose yourself & 8 mile road.
Aaliyah - miss you

the wonderful world of me:
Well tomorrow i'm leaving for anglesea! finally! Its so funny how much everyone has been looking forward to it, and now its here. LOL. so the party on the wednesday will rock. i'm looking forward to just doing stuff. I've spent too long on my ass. And a week without playstation? How will i cope? easy. i'll be back on the 8th and in time for justin's birthday! shite. i haven't got lisa a present. It's her b'day on the 5th, and Mark Street is having his b'day also (its a joint b'day - a very smart idea. so it'll be huge, hopefully). OK. so no b'day presents. I haven't bought a present for anyone in ages, i've just been giving ppl cards. lol, i'm getting lazier in my old age. hehe.
Anyway, i don't have heaps to say at the moment. But i'm very excited about tomorrow. yay.

Peace out - and have fun for the rest of ur holidays kids!

luv eves.

What i'm listening to at the moe: John mayer, missy E, jimmy eat world, justin timberlake, alicia keys, christina Ag, puddle of mudd, new radicals.
what i'm doing at the moe: reading a Dune book - the prequel to the prequels! lol. Also, doing a lot of writing finishing stuff and doing some rom searching on the net - I got all the final fantasy game roms - except no. 2 is fucked, but oh well. FF I-III are way too slow for me to bother with. also watching alot of vids, 'bend it like beckham' and 'Australian rules'.

To be honest, to myself esp, my life really sucks at the moment. I mean, i haven't been going out that much due to lack of cash. Every day i've been out in the sun - i've been badly burnt. I'm still feeling the effects of last sunday. my sun burnt legs are now itchy and scratchy. so the rest of the week has been spent hiding from the sun, and the rest of the world. But i did come out of my hole last nite to go to lisa's house for a vid night, and while waiting for my lift home played a great game of 'trouble' and I won due to dumb luck. of course, in the state i was in last nite, i was kinda only half there. Tiredness is consuming me. I almost fell asleep in front of the computer this afternoon. I think perhaps i need more sugar, but my tiredness could be due to many things. Laziness, heat..laziness. I'm not being that lazy, i mean i went for a walk today! returned a couple of videos. The more videos i borrow the better, cos it means i have to get up and walk back and forth to the video store all week long. So thats my exercise.lol.

anyway my highlight today was seeing the quick lil piece on the matrix that was shown on ET this afternoon. I dunno about you, but two matrix movies in one year? FUCK YEAH! i cannot wait, it shall be tooo good. and plus ET mentioned Aaliyah in their lil exclusive report, which was nice.

anyway. i'm off for sum blitzball. ta ta.

"Screaming Infidelities" dashboard confessional

I'm missing your bed
I never sleep
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak,
And this bottle of beast
Is taking me home

[1.]
I'm cuddling close
To blankets and sheets
But you're not alone, and you're not discreet
Make sure I know who's taking you home.

I'm reading your note over again
There's not a word that I comprehend,
Except when you signed it
"I will love you always and forever."

[2.]
Well As for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs
And sit alone and wonder
How you're making out
But as for me, I wish that I were anywhere with anyone
Making out.

I'm missing your laugh
How did it break?
And when did your eyes begin to look fake?
I hope you're as happy as you 're pretending.

[1.]
I am alone
In my defeat I wish I knew you were safely at home

I'm missing your bed
I never sleep
Avoiding the spots where we'd have speak, and
This bottle of beast is taking me home.

[2.]

Your hair, it's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities
And taking its wear.

Today I got out my old notebooks. I hate to refer to them as journals or diaries, because their not just for documenting the past, but my life, and my thoughts and my lyrics and poems and stories. especially my stories. I have pages of unfinished fanfiction that I started such a long time ago. It makes me wish for the fantasy world I used to surround myself in. The world that was un real with its false expectations and dreams that were never meant to come true. At least I can look back on that period in my life and smile, and think fondly. And for some reason, my stories still live on in my notebooks. whats left of them anyway. and i still get sucked into the stories and the characters that i created. I can look at them alot more critically now, and i almost feel like finishing one of the last stories i wrote. It needs closure. That time in my life when fan fic writing meant more to me that the real thing, so i think it needs to be finished. I finished my other stories, this one needs to end properly. I always wanted to post them on the internet, that being my original intention, but i dunno if i can be fucked since most of the stories are all on paper.

anyway. must dash. books to read. playstation games to play and enemies to defeat.

songs for the day:
HOW COME YOU DON'T CALL ME - alicia keys (remix).
I CARE 4 U - aaliyah (i was listening to it this morning, and i keep the cd case on top of the player..but somehow while listening to track 8 on the album, the case flew off the cd player, and crashed & broke on the floor..i now have to buy a new clear cd jewel case for it..)
SHE FUCKING HATES ME - puddle of mudd
KATE - ben folds five
DON'T MUG YOURSELF- the streets
BLACK HOLE SUN - soundgarden
CRY ME A RIVER - justin timberlake
CRIMSON & CLOVER - jimmy eat world (recently nova started playing this track. i believe its a cover song..but i'm not sure yet.)

Another social casualty....I really wish i had something to say right now. But i really don't. mostly beacause in the last few hours since my las post, nothing has happened. well, after i finished my post i did return to the faithful playstation for some more FFX but realised that i couldn't play because i had no fucking idea wtf i was doing. i realised that i had become dependant on my brother for his rpg skills...he does all the technical stuff like customising weapons and armour, i just play and kill the characters. But can you believe that when we didn't have a memory card for the PS2, we played the game for the 3rd attempt, and left the playstation on for 48 hours..or longer, without saving the game once. we didn't play for 48 hours, we just left the PS on for that time till we got the memory card, then we turned it off knowing finally our game would be safe, and no more late nights of endless playing till 5 in the morning.
But really, it is all worth it. final fantasy 10 is the best rpg i've played yet. and i've played alot, especially the old skool rpg games, like chrono trigger, and the first final fantasy games to suiken(secret of mana) and suikoden(personal fave). of course all rpg are pretty typical, but ffx pushes the boundries of an ordinary predictable game, and makes game play exciting and of course the story and characters just kick ass. i honestly can't stop going on about it because the game really is that damn good.

CARD CAPTOR SAKURA: i was awake at 7:30 to watch card captors. i love it. my new fave anime. hehe. which reminds me, i have some wall paper downloading to finish.

I have returned. if any one noticed - i have been away from good old melbourne, and hiding out in a little holiday house near the beach. Its good to be back home with all my lil luxuries, like a playstation, net, a phone (other than a mobile). my mobile phone bill will be pretty expensive..yikes.
But alas, my return to civilized society will be short, hopefully i'll be going back again next week. Good, cos i have a really un-even tan at the moe. lol. lets just say, it looks funny with a bikini. which also reminds me that if i want to look half decent, i need to starve myself. chubby thighs are not the best look. but at least the weathers good at the moment.

Well friday nite, since the tv almost blew up at the holiday house, everyone was going a little fustrated because of lack of things to do, so we all went off to the cinemas, and saw "Catch Me If You Can" and it was a a good entertaining film for a friday nite. leonardo was great as the hero, yet villian, at the same time. villian because you knew what he was doing was wrong, yet so fantastic and outrageous. It was so great to see leo in a good role and no sinking ships. I was skeptical about seeing it, mostly because it was a steven spielberg film - and i'm not his biggest fan..and yes, the south park episode did put me off a bit (the episode where spielberg fucks up Indiana jones with his special effects). meanwhile, since i've had nuthing better to do while i've been away, i've also been catching up on my reading. I finished "Pride and predjudice" the other day. I have to say that while the book is good, and the original, i prefer watching the tele series of it, cos then i can perv on Mr.Darcy just a little bit more.

Watch: Scrubs 7:30 sunday on 7
play: Final fantasy 10 "Some can't wait to die!"
listen: john mayer "my stupid mouth" jay z "bonnie and clyd 03" counting crows "big yellow taxi" and others

I changed it :)

i'm hating this layout. I wish i knew how to do my own, but i don't and probably will never learn. no time for these things anymore :(
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
tomorrow...in a couple of hours, it shall be christmas day! woohoo for the 25th of december. I've done most chrissy shopping, haven't bought gifts for friends though. I sent a few cards out..about 5. lol, i was running out of time and money. And if i had money i'd give everyone gifts and cards. but i have none to spend.
i did buy two books today, i got 'interview with the vampire' by anne rice and 'area 7' by matthew riley. i thinhk thats how u spell his last name. anyway, he rocks - best damn books i ever read.

I saw "spirited away" with lisa last week. THE most beautiful, wonderful, imaginative, fantastic anime or film for that matter, that i've ever seen. I loved it. I want to see it all over again. It was amazing, and i left the cinema content and calm, thinking about the ideas put forward in the film, and the specatular animation. i can't seem to find the right words to describe the film, only that it was so good everyone has to see it now!

and happy new year while i'm here online. by the looks of it..mine's gonna be fucked up.

I really want my own bay blade. Like i know, its childish to want such a stupid toy. But i'd really like, two fo them, so i could see how they work in reality. Cos the tv show is(crap) all nice and shit, with these little blades fighting each other, but i'm sure the toys that can be purchased for $14.95 or for $50 on ebay, are pretty shite. I mean, these little plastic spinning top things, they can't fight each other, not like in the tv show anyway.

OMG ZOIDS THIS MORNING ROCKED. fuck bayblades when u can have ZOIDS! i think it was the last episode of the Chaotic century series of zoids. but i want more. i love zoids. and i haven't watched sailormoon for like a week. But i hear on foxtel they have a sailor moon marathon on this weekend. i want foxtel.

anyhoo. today another session at syn fm @ rmit wit lisa. should be fun again. woohoo!

i need to get drunk.

shut up: my theme song for the moment seems to be TLC's 'No scrubs'. and probably for far more reasons than i am willing to entertain here on blog. so, you'll all have to be satisfied with the obvious reasons, 1. that i like the song and 2.i don't want no scrubs.

Bills Bills Bills: I have almost spent all my money from last week. I started with a hundred dollars on monday, and now its thursday and i have only 30 left. Well my nails cost a fair bit, and i joined syn fm with lisa. Its great, sort of, cos now instead of being just bored teenagers, we're bored teenagers doing something. Kinda exciting. but its a very depressing time at the moment, a lot of shit is happening at the moment, and though its not stressful for me at the moment, i can see that lisa is feeling the after affects of year 13.
I'm still amazed that she managed to get through a whole year of folio prepration. Almost seems a bit much, but her work rocks. Well i think so, but then again, what do i know about fashion? i only wear clothes...
Christian la croix!

BE BOP COWBOY: I must remember the 10 & 11 of december. because thats when i get my end of year results and when i can re-enrole via the web again. Also next week on wednesday - the syn fm training session. then the next day, its the practise/rehersal stuff to see if me and lis are any good at radio. lol, the moment of truth before we put in a tape for program submissions. lol.

job finders suck: i need a job. but finding one is proving difficult. grr @ ppl who have to put no effort into finding jobs. There are jobs everywhere, yet i just can't seem to get one. Maybe its just not my time. THEN WHEN IS IT! and i've decided that if i am to continue living the way i do - i need a job. i need a little bit of independance, sadly it seems that everytime i get somewhere, i keep falling back into the trap of what my parents call 'home'.

harry pothead: TOMORROW NITE WITH MY HOME GIRLS! woohoo. finally, i'll get to see my bestest buddies all in the same place at once, and see the harry potter flick. sweet. i can't wait. maybe tomorrow i'll ask lisa what time the syn fm training session is supposed to start on wednesday, cos i think maybe i got it wrong. lol..whoops. and i've worked out how to use the calender on my mob phone. it rocks, and it reminds me of stuff. so thats pretty damn cool. see, i learn something new everyday!

I'M SOOOO TIRED
*burp*
sooo tired. so very, very tired.

i hate: buses and school kid fucks with their stoopid mall rat ways & gatorade bongs. pathetic.

listen to: 'Stina feat. alicia keys - impossible. its interesting, and out of all the divas- christina's got da betta voice.
kelly osborne - shut up, its raw, its punk, i love it.
TLC - Girl talk - its tlc - it rocks. but it's 'no scrubs'.

ok. so i'm tired and bored right now. and i have 21 e-mails to delete :) most of them from the bangers list. not that i'm complaining, i like being on the list, but four word e-mails are a waste of time and inbox space.

more later.

mood:starting to get tired..its almost 11pm on sunday, i have to wake up early tomorrow..
listen: 30 seconds to mars, kelly osborne, the streets, john mayer, imperial teen, sugababes, tea party, tlc & Missy Elliot

hurt me more: i've run out of things to say. i'm working tomorrow! yay, just as a temporary thing though. But still experience is better than none. and i still haven't figured out how i'll get to justin's house for the bbq on thurs...hmmm.. public transport is the devil.

intervention: coming soon. I think its nessecary to achieve understanding. So i'm planning one for a friend(s) :) except, it won't be like one of those "you need to stop drinking because we say so" type interventions. No this will be the, "its ok, we all feel like that sometimes". I think that sometimes you just need reassurance, just to feel needed, wanted and useful again.

blah blah blah: the dvd broke a week ago - we got it back on wednesday, then the tv broke on thursday. useless. But tv is fixed again, so all is good in the land of ev. Do you know, that every time i watch 'monty python's meaning of life' i fall asleep, right in the middle of the film. Every time, i've tried watching it at least 5-6 times since wednesday, and i keep falling asleep. Maybe its just me - or the film bores me? i dunno..i'm more amused when watching monty python.

anyway. bye for now.

www.geocities.com/evesygal

"The Good Fight" dashboard confessional

Consider the odds,
consider the obvious.
The martyr is meaningless,
the campaign has died.
In the planning stages and the fallen faces
are the singular proof that it was ever alive.

This purchased rebellion has been outdated,
denounced and rescinded and left to die championless.
I begged you not to go.
I begged you, I pleaded.
Claimed you as my only hope
and watched the floor as you retreated.

Hope has sprung a perfect dive
a perfect day, a perfect lie.
A slowly crafted monologue conceding your defeat.

Does it comfort you to know you fought the good fight?
Basking in your victory,
hollow and alone
to boast your bitter bragging rights to anyone who'll listen.
While you're left with nothing tangible to gain.


You must all think i'm obsessed with dashboard confessional - cos i seem to post alot of their lyrics up here. Well i'm not obsessed, i just really really like the music. So don't worri, i'm not about to start some teeny obsession over them.
I'm having issues this week. well since last week, but since yesterday they've escalated. And of course, they involve boys. I'm beginning to hate them. Because, i'm getting alot of un wanted attention. But you know, its like saying "ur own fault for wearing low cut tops that boys can see down" - but its true i guess. Anyway, decisions. But i think i've made the right one concerning one friend of mine. Just to stay friends with a person is more important. But i really gotta stop fucking with chris - not literally - just giving him naughty ideas, that of course will never happen. Because i think i'm too good for that kind of shit. I'm gonna stick to the hotties at the virgin record store at eastland :)

Ahh problems solved.
i'm hungry - i've been trying to drink water instead of reaching for the nutella and supply of sugar..but its hard this self disciplin stuff!
anyway, i should go cook dinner, cos my bro was in the kicthen b4- and his cooking skills are crap. Plus he made some papadams thingys in the microwave b4 and stunk out the kitchen worse than our burnt popcorn...ick.

cya *muah*
www.geocities.com/evesyga;

p.s queen of the damned soundtrack rocks.

"This Ruined Puzzle" dashboard confessional

This ruined puzzle is beige with the pieces all face down
so the placing goes slowly.
The picture's of anything other than it's mean to be.
But the hours they creep,
the patterns repeat.
Don't be concerned, you know I'll be fine on my own.
I never said "don't go."

I've written a note,
it's pressed between pages that you've marked to find your way back.
It says, "Does he ever get the girl?"
But what if the pages stay pressed,
the chapters unfinished,
the storied too dull to unfold?
Does he ever get the girl?

This basement's a coffin.
I'm buried alive.
I'll die in here just to be safe.
I'll die in here just to be safe.
'Cause you're gone.
I get nothing
and you're off with barely a sigh.
I never said, "Goodbye."

Does he ever get the girl?

I hate to say it, but "does he ever get the girl?"...probably not. Unless he's in a movie, cos as we all know, in the movies - the guy always gets the girl. well almost always, i can't think of an example when he doesn't. Even in the film i watched yesterday, "Angst" which was a good effort for an aussie film, thought it was a bit 'clerks-esq'. but insetad of a convience store(which isn't always convient) there was a video store with a depressed clerk, who falls for a goth. some very funny situations, like the internet blind date, and the stuffed toy pig.

i think everyone has heard about the new hanson baby - and this time it's Taylor and Natalie's! kinda shocking, i tried not to listen to the rumours, but turns out their true! so yay for them i guess. but can anyone say "shotgun?"

My stars or this week were really good - why haven't they happened yet? grrrr. damn woman on GMA lied!!! bert - i command you to sack her if she doesn't get next week's right! actually maybe they have happened - but i'm trying to ignore it. cos i have my eyes focused on something else. hehe.

i'd better go *muah*

"Love Song For No One" john mayer

Staying home alone on a Friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
I'm jaded
I hate it

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

Searching all my days just to find you
I'm not sure who I'm looking for
I'll know it
When I see you
Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom
Staying up all night just to write
A love song for no one

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
You'll be so good
You'll be so good for me

mood: can't be fucked.
listen: screaming infidelities - dashboard confessional & missy E's work it
watch: dashboard confessional live peformance d/l directly off da net :)

good morning everyone! how are we all? well melbourne weather is offically fucked. its november and we have beautiful hot weather...this probably would be good - if victoria wasn't having water problems, and droughts etc. considering water restrictions are being enforced, i certainly haven't seen much of a change. Ok, the other week, we saw an old man lesuirely watering his garden. Where are the water law enforcers where u need them huh?! in these days of drought, you don't just lesuirely water your gardern, you water it carefully, so as to not waste or over water ur plants (this old man in question, was sitting down reading a book while he was watering his gardern!). next time i see someone doing that, i'll wind down my car window and yell out "ARE YOU A WASTE OF WATER" - the line i took directly from a segment from the hugely popular show, sesame street. lol.

Our dvd is out of order at the moment. We took in it last week to be fixed. a suspicious dvd fucked it up. I have no idea how it did that, but it did. so no more suspicious dvd's. because i'm thinking, maybe i was the one who fucked it up with the foo fighters VCD disc that comes with the "there is nothing left to lose" album. kinda a pointless vcd. its only got a few videos on it, nuthing special. But of course, we were blaming my brother and his 'something for kate' dvd - cos its the only dvd that still works, but i could be blamed for that aswell, since i told my mom to buy it for my brother's birthday. so i guess i'm in the shit for it.
But star wars is coming out soon, and queen of the damned is out. so i need my dvd fixed now! i need my dvds. i need films and movies to inspire me.
meanwhile, i should be studying for my anthroplogy exam, which is tomorrow morning. Fuck. i hate bloody readings, i mean after i spend all that time, energy and money photocopying them, i can't be stuffed to actually read them.
Quads! - series return was on last nite. i taped it of course :) it is the funniest episode, i love how animation can be so controversial and poke fun and be satire and all that about the media and get away with it. The episode was about reality tv shows, it was very entertaining.

Echidna's are pests. in new zealand they think possums are pests(road kill!), in australia - they just piss and live in our roofs and keep us up late at night with their midnight antics. But all this is nothing compared to the australian echidna. It appeared in our courtyard(dump), right in the corner of the front fence, where my dog lives, on friday morning. It finally left on saturday night - sunday morning. thank god. Because i don't know how much more shit i could take from my dog's barking, and that damn echidna that wouldn't budge. I called the rspca on the friday, and they told me to move it..well i tried. so i called 'helpful wildlife' who weren;t so helpful, they just told me to leave it alone, and get my dog out of the way. it was just hell. damn echidnas. ya know, they look all cute with their spikes - but their bloody devils. I now dislike them. i wonder....is it an offence to kill a native animal? not that i killed it..i just thought about whacking it with a spade...or covering it with dirt. i wouldn't kill it! i'm not that aggressive.

anyway..quake 3 is the coolest damn game i've played in a long time. its better than playing tekken or sailormoon - cos this game is like running and shooting and killing ppl and blowing them up into lil tiny pieces with rocket launchers (my personal favourite).

anyway, must dash. studying to start. *muah*
www.geocities.com/evesygal - bookmark the page and sign the guestbook!

luv, eves.

"Without You"
(feat. Michelle Branch)

It's been two weeks
Three days long
I'm all alone since you've been gone
I can't keep myself from asking why
Just wanna see my reflection
In your eyes

Just know that I'm with you
And what you feel
I feel it too

[Chorus]
I'm feeling lately
I'm going crazy
Wondering how I'll go on without you
I keep on trying
Slowly dying
Thinking about how I need you here with me

I wear your shirt
The scent of you
Reminds of the night that we became two
There's nothing else
That feels the same
Everyday there's sun, it feels just like rain

Just know that I'm with you
And what you feel
I feel it too

[repeat chorus]

If you think it's easy for me
Well, you're wrong
Sometimes I'm weak and baby you know
I'm not that strong

You're in New York
And I'm in L.A.
There's so much to tell you
Words I need to say
But your phone keeps ringing
[ringing, ringing]

[repeat chorus]

I need you here with me

How will I go on without you?

It's been two weeks
Three days long
I'm all alone since you've been gone

watch: Sailormoon(moon cosmic make-up!), baybladers(sucks), Zoids(I LUV), Passions(urgh), Girlfriends(funny) & THE MTV MUSIC VIDEO AWARDS (from august).
listen:
dashboard confessional - screaming infidelities
justincase feat. michelle branch
matchbox twenty - disease
silverchair's 'neon ballroom'
Daft Punk's 'Homework'
Robert miles - 'childern' & 'fable'
Hanson's 'this time around'
Vanessa carlton's 'be not nobody'
***The AVALANCHES 'since I left you' ***

OK..two essays done, one to go.
Two exams, start this wednesday and finish on the 13th.
I've had two subway interviews, and numerous calls asking them why the fuck(not in those words) don't they call me back.
Expecting one phone call today from subway. If i don't get a call...i shall be one angry hippo.(that is an intertextual reference, not literal - i do not look like a hippo at the moment).
And i've discovered i no long need to spend an extra 8 dollars at the beautician this week. So i'm thinking I shall go to the vid store and get me "QUEEN OF THE DAMNED" on DVD. but first, i would like to watch 'citizan cane' because i have it on vide at the moment.

I watched 'the blair witch project' for the first time on wednesday. I watched it in the early afternoon, had the volume up, to increase the scare factor. Well considering the film is based on suspense and mystery to get its kicks and thrills from the audience. Also the hand held camera work was making me sick, over all it was an interesting film, and i give it 7 out of ten. Mainly because, it was probably one of the most low budgeted films ever made, and it was more effective than those big budget event films like scream etc. Blair witch focused alot of its tension on the un-seen dangers and threats. And i'm sure if i ever go camping again (fuck no) i'd get no sleep for fear of the blair witch attacking me in my sleep. Which reminds me, i've been meaning to see the film 'final destination' again.

well must dash. i have some readings to finish.
OK..for my essay - should i focus on darkangel fandom or music/hanson fandom? e-mail me evesygal@kittymail.com with ur suggestions. soon i'll post parts of my essay up - cos fandom is really inetersting, especially the stuff about trekkies or "trekkers." its amazing to think that 32% of trekkies are virgins(thespark.com).

www.geocities.com/evesygal

"Big Machine" Goo Goo Dolls

Ecstacy is all you need
Living in the big machine now
Oh, you're so vain
Now your world is way too fast
Nothin's real and nothing lasts
And I'm aware

I'm in love but you don't care
Turn your anger into lust
I'm still here, but you don't trust at all
And I'll be waiting

Love and sex and loneliness
Take what's yours and leave the rest
So I'll survive
God, it's good to be alive

[Chorus]
And I'm torn in pieces
I'm lyin there waiting for
My heart is reeling
I'm blind and waiting for you

Silly love with all your sins
Wait and stop and I begin
And I'll - I'll be waitin'
Livin' like a house on fire
What you fear is your desire
It's hard to deal
I still love the way you feel

Now this angry little girl
Drownin in this petty world
And I'm who you run to
Swallow all your bitter pills
That's what makes you beautiful
You're all a lie
I won't leave what you ain't got

[Chorus]

I'm blind and waiting for you
I'm blind and waiting for you

And I can't believe it's coming true
God, it's good to be alive
I'm still here and waitin' for you
And I can't believe it's coming true
I'm blind and waiting for you


"No Such Thing" John Mayer

"Welcome to the real world", she said to me
Condescendingly
Take a seat
Take your life
Plot it out in black and white
Well I never lived the dreams of the prom kings
And the drama queens
I'd like to think the best of me
Is still hiding
Up my sleeve

They love to tell you
Stay inside the lines
But something's better
On the other side

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the
Top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
Just a lie you've got to rise above

So the good boys and girls take the so called right track
Faded white hats
Grabbing credits
Maybe transfers
They read all the books but they can't find the answers
And all of our parents
They're getting older
I wonder if they've wished for anything better
While in their memories
Tiny tragedies

They love to tell you
Stay inside the lines
But something's better
On the other side

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the
Top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
Just a lie you got to rise above

I am invincible
As long as I'm alive

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the
Top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
Just a lie you've got to rise above

I just can't wait til my 10 year reunion
I'm gonna bust down the double doors
And when I stand on these tables before you
You will know what all this time was for

photocopying makes my hands black. *shakes fist at photocopying ink for being so damn inky*

good morning one and all! hows everyone's week been?
mine has been exciting. I've been working hard, i helped out at the phone shop on monday - i did very well indeed. And i actually finished my linguistics assignment - and handed it in on time - AND i have photocopied all my readings for anthropology this week - and that is a first! wooohoo. I'm on time and doing fine! sorry, that was so corny even i had to cringe.

Damn uni computers, damn mouse's that don't work properly. And the mouse pad is too far away, i can't move it, cos i think its stuck to the table now.
Ok..remember october 17th. Michelle branch is on letterman. must remember that date.
I'm in a very good mood this morning. I have been chatting with a new friend lately. still on to the simple conversation topics..but its a wonder i'm making friends at all in this uni.

It may be 9:30 am but i am in a good mood. Ok, so i'll admit i'm still a little tired. I stayed up late last nite to watch the arias and buffy. It was very good. yus yus yus. But i missed sailor moon this morning. but i don't mind. its only repeats..of episodes i haven't seen.

I was just wondering, where are all the hot boy's at this uni! they must all be hiding somewhere. probably in archelogy. but cinema does have an average collection of boys. but not enuff to tempt me. aww well. Yesterday was such a strange day. I swear, i felt like i was coming down with a fever or sumthing. The weather was fucking with me. it was cold, then sunny, then cold and windy, then a little rainy. urgh! damn melbourne. can't we just have normal weather. Like 20 degress, little cloud. hardly any wind. that would be perfect. I'm looking forward to summer. so i can shed all these layers(of fat&clothes). It may be spring, but it doesn't feel like it. It feels like we are in a transitional period. its not really winter, its not really summer. spring weather is fucked in my books.

damnit. time for class.

listen:
Christina Ag - Dirrty (video is softporn w/o sex)
Mya - Fear of Flying (Album)
Craig David - What's your Flava?
Dashboard Confessional - Best Deceptions & Hands down
Goo Goo Dolls - Big Machine (one of the most overlooked bands..they simply rock)
John Mayer - Love song for no one & No such thing
Missy Elliott - Work It
N.E.R.D - Rockstar (video version)
Beck - Paper tiger
Midtown - no place feels like home

OK..i had my first ever job interview. @ subway. LOL. but ya know..its a job. its experience. and despite the stress of a subway lunch shift - it sounds like fun. they guy who interview me..said they would teach me to cook eggs.
LOL...yay.
my lip doesn't hurt anymore - its a little tingly now. lol. and my nails are *silver* ooh ahh.
I've been watching 'Mallrats' this weekend. Its soo good to watch that film again. I love the characters and script. Despite the fact the film didn't do half as well as 'Chasing Amy' and considering is was lacking the raw satire humour and strange characters and fucked up situations of 'Clerks'. Still 'Mallrats' is a favourite of mine.
I think I know what to get rach for her birthday :) its a surprise..so i'm not saying it on the blog for fear she might read it. Its nuthing great or extremely expensive - i did want to treat her to nails - but i don't have over $70 to pay for a set of nails - with french tips.
But its the thought that counts right? Anyway..i like to give ppl things. Gifts containing sentimetal value. even something that may not appear to be special (like a cd) will always carry a special value or memory - because maybe it was given as a present. All presents or gifts..no matter how big or small - or who they are from - have value or memories attached to them. Some people believe that the 'spirit' of the gift-giver is carried over. I like that thought. Gifts create bonds between people.
I feel like going for a walk. Its dark outside..but its still warm. perfect weather for a stroll at nite.
OMG..M1 was on today. or maybe still going on today. LOL. I missed the tea party. grrr. makes me wish i tried harder to win tickets to M1. oh well..i'm sure that was one bogan and mullet fest..and i should be glad i missed it.
ahh well..there shall be others. eww. mullets.

my lip hurts.

getting my nails done tomorrow @ 11am. 1pm - art house..lots of bands. still don't know if i'm going. Probably not. Saturdays are exteremly busy days. anyway, it my driving day. And i love driving. There's nothing better than causing a muck or recking havoc on unsuspecting drivers with my reckless, carless and unpredictable behaviour. I'm sure to get my P's by Janurary next year.
"BABY GIVE ME WHAT YOU'VE GOT - COS I'M EVERYTHING THAT SHE'S NOT" abs. long live 5ive the best british boyband ever.
i will write again tomorrow..after my whole day. Something exciting is happenin tomorrow - and i'm in an extremely good mood. I better stay in this mood too. my fastfood career depends on it.
"Would you like fries with that?" - Evelyn's (mis)adventures in the fastfood world.
I think..i need to learn some time management skills if i am to survive in this world of University. Damn essays. Do u know, next year i will have to write 2 essays in one semester...three subjects a semester...6 essays. That's 12 essays. And lord knows what else.
Oh god. what am i getting myself into? Is this what they call life? the real world outside of schooling and education?
Is this when they say "One day..when you grow up, you'll have a job..and live in a house..." I think my days of slacking off are coming to an end. But this will be good. I like being busy, it keeps my mind off other things - like what to eat for breakfast - and what shoes look better with that skirt. I should be thankful, but appreciative of the situation. Because this new found opportunity has come at almost exactly the right time. Finances at the moment are becoming tight. Ya know..uni student..lack of cash. It's funny because everyone knows university students have no money - yet they still charge students the earth. Have you seen the cost of just one univeristy text book? Its murder i tell you! It's unfair that we must suffer and pay full price - for a book we shall maybe only use for one semester! its stupid and inane. And what's funnier is that all the food places at uni are fucking expensive - slices at la trobe is a fucking ripoff. but i still go there..cos its closer than having to walk downstairs to the plaka(which is the dumbest name for a food place i've ever heard of. But it rhymes with tucka).

ok..must go. My brother is back from geelong and is already demanding to use the computer. And i should clear all my stuff off his bed..damn him..ruins my whole system of working...

ok..ta ta *muah*

I think I'm alot happier since the weekend. Like I can deal with my problems and issues now. After finally (somewhat) getting out how i've been feeling of late, i feel a lot lighter. Like a load has been lifted off my back, and now i can deal with what's troubling me. I think now i can act on how I feel. I've been too lazy this year, not motivated enough to so anything about it. I haven't done anything about anything! Its almost time i forget the bull shit, the little insecurities that make me weaker, and its time I did something about it. I've always dealt with whatever came my way. I've had to deal with alot of shit in the past - alot of un-expected things. For some reason i think my motto is "Deal with it". straight out like that. I'm not a cop out. I don't always make stoopid excuses, i just take the responsibility thats mine, and get on with it. And that's what I'm going to do from now on. Hopefully your going to all see a change in me. Maybe not right away, but soon. You know what they say "It doesn't happen over night, but it will happen."
Ok..so i stole that quote from a shampoo add. it still makes a point. despite its lack of cred.

So what do u all think? Do I need to change the template for this site. Green is becoming uglylier to me. its so heavy. Well considering my lack of html talent, i won't be able to make my own layout for this blog, unless i move it completely to my geocities site. But, i would rather my own dot.com or sumthing. geocities is just such a bitch. anyway, i'm not much of a wiz on the photoshop - but i try. i've been thinking i should maybe do a short course in photoshop..but i dunno. I'm thinking of getting back into singing lessons. that might be a good thing to do since now i'll have more free time and once i get a job - i'll have money to pay for my own lessons. Thats why i want a job..not just because i want material things..because i want to be able to pay for my own singing lessons. It's my dream, my parents don't need to pay for it anymore. (not that they really did b4 - my parents aren't very supportive of my choices and decisions - i bet they'd like me better if i became an architech..or an orthodondist..). I've never shared my plans with them. they just have to learn to accept that i actually am serious about pursing a career in the music business. Well actually my dad wants me to do some microsoft course - then i'll be stuck in front of a computer for the rest of my life taking IT customer service calls. and funnily enough, i don't think thats my particular calling in life. lol.

I need to get rach a b'day pressie. Dunno what yet. Maybe some jewllery. But i got her that last year. Maybe a giant teddy...with some jewllery? lol. i'm making her a mix tape/disc. I'm gonna be making everyone one eventually...and i'll make lisa one - but she hates my taste in music..well maybe not hate, just strongly disagrees with it..LOL. something like that. I think she thought i was gonna put pop and hanson music all over it. LOL. yeah right. I have got better musical tastes than that.

well i think i'd better go, got an assignment due tomorrow. yayness & gayness. i think taxiride(the band) is playing at uni tomorrow..not sure. but i think its free @ lunchtime. so if anyone wants to come along..just come visit la trobe. it'll be fun..and free food.

*muah* www.geocities.com/evesygal

"Hands Down"

Breathe in for luck breathe in so deep this air is blessed you share with me this
night is wild so calm and dull these hearts they race
from self control your legs are smooth
as they graze mine we're doing fine we're doing nothing at all.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst or break or bury or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.
The words are hushed lets not get busted,
just lay entwined here undiscovered.
Safe from the earth and all the stupid questions..
"hey did you get some?" Man, that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear, so we can get some.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me, so I die happy. My
heart is yours to fill or burst or break or bury or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.
Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
the dim of the soft lights,
the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers and
the time on the clock when we realized
it's so late and the walk that we shared together.
The street was wet and the gate was locked
so I jumped it and let you in and you stood at the door
with your hands on my waist and you kissed me,
but you meant it and I knew that you meant it,
that you meant it, that you meant it,
and I knew, that you meant it, that you meant it.

- dashboard confessional

Well this morning was bad. I went to bed late last nite after watching Ally Mcbeal. I never watch Ally. But lately i've been getting into it, its kinda funny and yet stoopid at the same time. Sadly the show got Axed. so its kinda a funny time for me to finally start watching it. But i bet i know why the show's ratings went down..it was because of that fugly vonda shepard. I mean, the woman's whole career is based around a fricken tv show's soundtrack. It just gets boring when ally and her lawyer buddies go out for drinks at the same place every nite. pathetic.
Normally when i don't have work to do, i try and get to sleep not too early not too late. But recently i've taken to eating chocolate covered coffee beans, and i think they're the reason i've been staying up so late - like sunday nite, i watched both back to the future films and read a book. But the real hell is trying to sleep, and getting up in the mornings is such a bitch. this morning i was contemplating to just skip school and go back to bed (this was after i got up) And even being awake so early, i still missed sailormoon! grr.damn cheez tv show it at 6:30. i guess i should be thankful since now i can actually watch it every morning.
Thank god there's only a few more weeks left of uni. I really like my sleep. screw sailormoon..if its not the third series, i don't need to watch it as religiously.
But i'm bummed about my media essay that i need to write, i would have so loved to write it all on sailormoon - but i did the presentation on anime..so i guess i'll just have to be boring and write about reality tv.
I have a lingusitics assignment - i got it off the net last nite. And i don't understand a thing. I'm so lost with it, so tomorrow i'll go and get some help with it. i think its about time i caught up. And anyway, after the essay are all done, linguistics is my first exam..so i'll have like a whole week to study (and hopefully not waste time watching tv).

I've thought about creating a zine. like about music, main stream or what have you. Or maybe just opinions about music and artists. I have alot of opinions, too many in fact. especially about music. the great things about zines is that they can be annoymous. So i could write shit about anyone and get away with it.

thespark.com have revamped their sex test. so i'm doing that right now. its kinda funny, i encourage u all to take it. lol.

well please drop me a line @ www.geocities.com/evesygal - i have e-mail there, guestbook(s) so please sign them. I really like feedback and i don't get enough of it. so sign away!

"Goodbye To You"

Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said,

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star

- One of my favourite songs ever. And today I was able to think about the song in a different way. I realised that, it doesn't have to all be sad to lonely when things (or ppl) go awry. Situations in life can motivate you. Like at the moment, I'm having a huge wake up call. And i've realised, that i've been stupid and silly about everything I've ever done. Last nite was a mistake. I had fun..i guess. before the barfing, after the dizzy double vision thing finished. Considering I couldn't even walk straight, and today I'm still feeling the after effects of it. Of course when i wokr up this morning, and my left eye was stinging - I remembered that some shmuck(andrew) squeezed lemon in my eye. I remember the evil feelings of alchol swirling around my insides then wanting to be brought up. I still feel guilty about the rug.
And I feel guilty about everything i said last nite. Because i know if she caught wind of any of it - i'm dropped as a friend forever. But i didn't bitch. It wasn't bitching. It was telling it like it is. I don't want trouble. I just needed to vent - and alchol gave me that release even if it was short lived. Of course, if anyone wants to know my true feelings, please try and live like me for a few days, see how i see things, try and feel the hurt, rejections and uslessness from my P.O.V.
But I see now, i know my limit. When i start seeing double, that's the time to stop. When i can't walk straight anymore..thats the time to stop. when all i do is fall and hurt my knees(i have a huge bruise on my right knee) that is when alchol is enough.
No more shots. well..not more than five.

"Tomorrow"

And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Ya I try to believe you,
But I don't

When you say that it's gonna be,
It always turns out to be a different way,
I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today, today...

I don't know how I'll feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day

It's always been up to you,
It's turning around,
It's up to me,
I'm gonna do what I have to do,
just don't

Gimme a little time,
Leave me alone a little while,
Maybe it's not too late,
not today, today, today, today, today...

I don't know how I'll feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day

Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, and I know I'm not ready,
Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, maybe tomorrow

And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Yeah I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today, today...

Tomorrow it may change

p.s there is a point to my cuting and pasting (&editing) of these song lyrics. i have used them time and time again(papa roach) in my blogs, but today they seemed poigant, and in some way might be able to explain a little about how i feel right this moment. *muah*

"Ender Will Save Us All"
Dashboard confessional

It's just like you to contest
you wear it like a label on your breast
don't you see what this takes of me?
A certain callousness complies
with your charm & in your pride
a hopeful look draped in despise.

I want to give you
whatever you need.
What is it you need?
Is it what I need?
I want to give you
whatever you need.
What is is you need?
Is it within me?

It's hard to explain how I am getting by
on so little from you.
It's hard to believe that I would let myself
get so wrapped in you.
There's got to be something that would
be worthwhile for me to give to you.
We need a connection but you
seem to push me far away from you.

The harder I push the further I fall.
Well you don't mind me being headstrong.
But you don't want to sing along.
Maybe it's trite but I can always be wrong
Try not to be wrong.

BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO SING ALONG - I CAN'T ALWAYS BE WRONG

don't fuck with me today. I am not in the mood. I am sick of some people and their stoopid insecurities and problems. They let them get in the way of everything. And I mean everything! I wish i could tell people to grow up - and stop acting like lil bitchy primary school brats. My closest friends - are not so close anymore. I mean, I knew this year was going to be hard. I never thought it would be a walk in the park. Considering we are all split up and in seperate places, doing our own things. I just hate the distance factor. It seems now we all have new friends, new groups. New ideas are coming up. I mean, we're all growing up slowly. I hate being older. things suddenly become so fucking complex, especially when they don't have to be. Things are not all black and white. Now things are grey, and off-white.
But why can't ppl put the little things behind them. I don't see my friends that often. And you'd hope that when u call them or see them - they can be a little happy to see u or hear from u. I just don't like it when i call a friend up - and they sound surprised to hear from me. WELL DUH. i am ur friend. Friends do call each other to see how each other is doing. Just because one friend is too fucking lazy(bitchy) to call the other...ARGGHHH!!! I COULD SCREAM. AND WHAT IS IT WITH BOYFRIENDS. You know how you all say "I'd never let a guy get between me and my friends" OK - we'll when someone says that, then does THAT - in my book that person is generally called a Hypocrite. I mean fuck. THIS IS NOT JEALOUSY. tHIS IS a friend speaking - who misses another friend. who funnily enough..doesn't seem to give a shit. I've been asking myself, why do I care? Why - because she was my friend. And i don't dismiss friends that easily (not without a fight anyway). I guess it just hurts. friendship is a fickle business. they come and go so quickly. I feel unwanted. and it sucks.

"The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most"

Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself,
and covered with a perfect shell,
such a charming beautiful exterior.

This is one time
that you can't fake it hard enough to please everyone or anyone at all.
And the grave that you refuse to leave
the refuge that you've built to flee
the places you have come to fear the most.

Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself,
and hidden in the public eye.
Such a stellar monument to loneliness.
Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes
and perfect makeup but you're barely scraping by.

I'm thinking about moving my blog. But we'll see. at the moe, even though i may not like it..this does somewhat work.
remember to visit my site www.geocities.com/evesygal and sign the guestbook. I really do like feedback. I mean that. I luv it. It inspires me. And god knows we all need a lil inspiration in our lives.

I went to geelong today..to see my bro. Took forever to get there..and even longer to get back. But I rather like Torqay and bells beach. I would luv to get a beach house down that way. I'll buy a lil run-down shack perhaps. lol. that would be fun. And plus - every single surf label u can think of has it's shop down there. There's like this lil mall-ish place, and its just roxy, quicksilver, and all those brands. its like a heaven. And everyone down there dress like trendies. I found this shop though called rubarb. it had this tee shirt said something like 'I hate smiling in photos' and it was like 70 bucks. But extremely cool. almost made me wish i had 70 dollars to spend on a tee shirt. *sigh and thinks "One day...one day"*
go download 'hands down' by dashboard confessional.

i'M THinking about ideas for rach's b'day pressie. Do u know it's the 2nd of october! I had no idea it was october till this morning. The days just pass me by. I gotta keep up to date though...cos enrollments is coming up..when ever that is.

*muah*
p.s Yay for free CD's in the mail!

listen: I've renamed my moody playlist to 'rockme' i thought it was less depressing.
Is it just me, or does the internet suck. The final 15 minutes of fame is over, the internet is boring. Nothing is updated, there are no new things to look for, and e-mail and messaging is just a pain in the butt.
Even the downloading is slower these days with all the sites and gnutella programs getting sued by the RIAA.

I wrote a song last nite, its called 'She's a bitch'. It's not as angry as I thought it would be. I guess I can't stay angry at the people I care about. especially about my friends. Sure they can piss me off - but i can't hate them the way I hate other things, like busy supermarkets or human nature. I mean - I hate those things with a fricken passion - but hating my friends? I can't. not for long any way. I guess I just hate fighting with them more than anything.

mood: I wish I could see you again tomorrow..to take all this sorrow.. I'm hollow.. When I touch you can you feel it, when I need you can you give it, when I look in your eyes can you see me...when I fall will you catch me? Misery is what I feel when your not around so I can't heal(feel).

I can always rely on music to tell me exactly how I'm feeling. I feel good around my friends, I guess i shouldn't spend so much time without seeing them. Maybe next year, when things are a bit more settled, I'll organise things. I just miss my friends too much. Maybe its time I started doing something about it. I'm gonna get my P's...then I'll be able to drive around, and see my friends. There's something about getting my P's...and finally having more freedom to be able to do what I want. But i do need a job. Money is such a hassel. Nothing comes for free these days, it just sucks. Everything we do has a price. I spent 20 bucks today. All gone. But i guess it was worth it, since most of it was spent on food. mmm..food. itz all good.

I'm in a singing mood today me thinks. Or a song writing mood. All these lyrics have been slowly spilling out of me these last few weeks. I'm getting enthusastic again about it.

Downloads:
Justin Timberlake - Like I love you (THIS IS THE BEST DAMN SONG OF THE YEAR - ITS EXCELLENT)
A*teens - Can't help falling in love (aww lilo&stich soundtrack)
Raven Maize - Fascinated
Avril Lavigne - I don't give a damn

*muah*
p.s - I think I finally learnt how to tie..a tie :)

Listen: my moody winamp playlist
mood: ...

I've finally figured it out. That I don't belong anywhere. That I'm not welcome anymore. That I'm losing touch with people I cared about, and thought actually gave a damn about me. But now I realise that I was never liked as much as I thought.
Maybe it's just me. That I'm looking for attention, but in all the wrong places. Or that, i get pissed off with ppl for not trying to make an effort to get to know me..when i'm the one doing exactly that. I haven't been out for awhile. It was good going to the city with lisa the other day, i miss our outings. I miss leanne, and amy and rach. But i never seem to do anything about it do I. I just let things happen..let things pass me by. Or I let others do things for me, cos i'm nervous - or shy..or just don't know how to help. I just don't know what to do. That's the story of my life. I never know where to begin, how to act, how to do things the right way. What's the right away about doing things? I want so many things, I wish I could be so many things I'm not. But I'm just me. I'm just evelyn. The same old girl, who has basically been driving herself down her own little path of destruction.
Do I want anyone to care? I think I do. I think that's why I write this. Maybe someone out there will relate, and feel sympathy towards me. no. I don't think I write for that. I like to think I write for me. A place for my own fears, dreams, and passions. A place to put my emotions down.
Fuck. How can I let myself be so stupid into believing that anyone actually gives a damn. I don't understand this world, the way people work. Why friends hate each other so much in e-mails, then be so fucking fine with it in person. I don't understand anymore. I don't want to understand either. I'm sick fo trying to understand others and no one giving a fuck to understand me. I don't know what I want anymore. I'm just fucked. I have emotions spewing. All I want to do is cry, but fuck, this is for the tears that I can't let go.
Maybe i'm just selfish. I'm living a selfish life. Everything is a mess.
Isn't anyone trying to find me..won't somebody come take me home.
It's a damn cold night, trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand, take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are but I'm with you.

mood: i'm feeling empty and alone...
listen: to the humming of 40 something other computers.
passions update: sherdian is awake, not brain dead like they all thought. kay has lost her soul and is doing evil deeds for hecaba. while tabitha and timmy are trying to get out of harmony (timmy - the actual actor, passed away recently). Gwen and her mother think they can break up ethan and theresa with the truth about ethan's hertiage. but theresa already knows, so good fucking luck gwen. meanwhile, louis won't give his blessing to ethan and theresa..but their still going to marry no matter what (yeah, right).
Days of our lives: well its christmas in salem. and evil is still running rampant. Stepheno- the pudgy evil old man - not only did he marry vivian..and put some strange chip in her head that's picking up radio signals(literally, its very funny) but he is waiting for an eclipse so that Hope will turn into princess gina again. Princess gina is the missing identity of hope, while she was brainwashed by stephano. Billy is making trouble for Bo, cos she lied about not getting the divorce papers. Carrie and Austin's marriage is slowly breaking up, thank mike for that one. Meanwhile, Sammie almost tried to kill that guy - and his mother kate. But sammie is probably going to jail for the murder of her husband..so that doesn't really matter. I hope i've brought u up to speed. Considering u watch only five minutes of each hour long episode and u know the whole fricken plot.

Getting back to reality - what ever reality is - I am feeling fine again. The sick cold i had has almost gone away, i'm on my vitamines..and feeling somewhat normal. But i just want this year to end right now..so i can sleep in every morning...i'm so sick of uni. i really am. I just want this hell to end. thankfully, it will end very soon. But of course, i'll have like three essays to do, and two exams to attend..and grr. as long as i pass this year, i shall be happy.

Music news: arias are coming up - and on talk back radio they were discussing it, and they mentioned the vines...it was quiet amusing. And holly vallance's new video was screened on the weekend. Can u say Crap? Not only did she rip off J.lo, but she assured by comments of her the other day(you can sing and you can dance, unless ur holly vallance), with another non-display of her dancing. It's true..she can't dance. Why is it a non-display? because the editing in the video is so fast - it avoids her completely when she is dancing. thank god. not that torture again, like in the last video. urgh yuk.

anyhoo..more from me l8ter.

mood: sick - again
listen: johnny lang has one of the most..sexy husky growling vocals i've ever heard.
passions update: they dug up sheridan's body- she's alive, and ethan has chosen theresa over gwen. While Ivy's secret is sorta out there, i believe that evil bitch hotchkiss woman knows about it. And Kay is still bitchin' about charity and is now joing with the evil witch hectate. ooooh. and i'm still waiting for chad and whitney to get together :)

i have already taken tuesday off and now wednesday(today). Channel 7 programming has been totally dedicated to the events of sept.11th. I've watched one doco already, and tonite its like..all there is on tv. Ahh..i hate being sick! grr..ruins my whole week. And i havent been to a lingustics lecture for two weeks now..or a tutorial for three weeks. and i;ve missed three anthropology tutorials..i'm getting lazy again. bad evelyn *slaps hand* .
anyhoo,,must go. i'm starving, its 3:30 and i haven't eaten since 9:30 this morning. cya kids. be good. be safe.

mood: i hate moths - and I want(&need) cake
listen: dashboard confessional 'Screaming infidels'

ello - seen the new layout piccys at the site yet? www.geocities.com/evesygal
make sure ya'all sign my guestbook(s)! hehe..i am in a fairly good mood right now..unlike my mood earlier while supermarket shopping - which is becoming a permant hate of mine. Its evil. I only go supermarket shopping, cos i get to see bec, even if it is only for a brief five minutes while she is putting out the chickens, or when she's handing me chicken loaf over the counter.
Ahh..i miss seeing her and ther others from the bus. My new bus, stucks.
The people on it are funny, but not my crowd dude. I feel like i'm in year 7 again - like a virgin to public transport. Heidelberg buses suck ass. their ugly, and ugly. LIke ya know those buses with the seats that face the aisle..their bad, cos all u do is spend the trip trying to keep from sliding and falling off them. I like back seats, more comfortable, less people there. And i get a better view, and everytime the bus drives over a bump in the road, i feel it.
And all i want to eat at the moment is pie. I mean..meat pies, and chicken pies, and apple pies. Actually apple pies are starting to make me sick, i used to eat them all the time. I want more pies. But pies, though their probably from england, they should be classified as an aussie gourmet..just cos.

anyhoo..i must dash. that anthropology essay of mine won't write itself (i wish it would).
*MUAH*

eves.

www.mp3.com/Brandon_Wiard
I like his stuff.

www.mp3.com/stations/Evesy - My own station on mp3.com. It's on the Weezer artist page - yay for more hits. yay for more plays. YAY!

*MUAH*

I've been searching deep down in my soul / words that i'm hearing are starting to get old / feels like i'm starting all over again/ the last three years were just pretend/ and I said...Goodbye to you/ goodbye to everything i thought i knew / you were the one i loved/ the one thing that i tried to hold on to...

Woke up @ 7:30am. Started essay. finished @ 11:45am. left the house @ 1:30pm. what did i do in that 11:45-1:30 time period? Wouldn't you like to know! muahaha!

Missy E's 'one minute man' has to be one of my fave songs- ever. I can't stop listening to it. I'm listening to it right now. I remember one time someone asked me what she was singing - ha! If u can't guess from the title, which is a dead give away, i think u an idiot.
But if u download it, get da version wit Trina - its even better.

listen:
Olivia - bizounce
Saves the day - Firefly
Aztek trip - beautiful
Shades apart - Chasing after daydreams *I will catch your fall, and keep the world away. Catch a falling star..*
Sugarbomb - Hello




You're slick, sleek, and you waste no time when there's a mission to be taken care of. You do what you're told, even if it sometimes means risking your life. You care for others to such an extent that you'd do anything for the ones you love. Not only that, but you're stylish, original, agile, and passionate.





What's your claim to fame?

*If you sing..for the love you bring won't mean a thing unless you sing*

*muah* wit much luv and hugz..eves.

Mood: fustrated - I can't seem to write my damn essay!
listen: Vanessa Carlton 'Be not nobody' / Smashing Pumpkins 'Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness'/ The Cars

www.mp3.com/stations/Evesy

- my online mp3 station, its good. I also have a launch.com station - but that one was kinda crappy.

I don't have much to write. At the moment i have a serious case of writers block. And my only inspiration at the moment are old episodes of Absoutly Fabulous. classics though :)

well i must dash, i have an essay to start since i've wasted all day doing nothing already.
*muah*

"Wanted" - Vanessa Carlton

I have wandered far and wide
for something real something to die for
but I have found you and you do not see
all that is me all that is true

I am more than you will see,
I am more than you will need,
I am more than you will see,
more than wanted

as you float the flimsy surface
you should know life lies beneath it
don't pretend you feel what I feel for you
live illusion and i am real

[chorus]

I know, I know you like the way
you feel when I play
I know, I know you don't really
hear what I say
I know, I know you are waiting
for something to raid
I know, I know you wish you could be
more than you say

I have wandered far and wide
for something real something to die for
but I have found you and you do not see
all that is me all that is true and

[chorus]

more than you'll love, more than you'll hate,
more than you'll hold, more than wanted
more than you'll crave, more than you'll cherish,
more than you'll have, more than wanted

All I feel like doing is singing this song, because it holds so much passion..so much pain (not too sound corny). Its sung with such 'gusto'. And I would so love to sing this song to a certain person - not him. the other one. Because its almost how i feel. Well it explains it the best I think. It's funny how I try to avoid using his name on here. As if any of them would be reading this, but my close friends who read this know who I mean. But maybe I should give them different names, a nick name. How about asshole 1 and 2? nah..too much alike. I could name one 'Human Nature gay boy' and the other 'Horndog' but..maybe that's just too obvious. lol..i personally have nothing against these people. And I'm not afraid to bad mouth someone using their real name, eg. Blake for example. An example of that would be today Jon was saying he was wearing a skivvy or a turtle neck. Matt said that only girls wear turtle necks, to which i replied "Oh not all, Blake wears turtle necks...oh-wait.." (a direct refrence to blakes sexuality - which i argue is homosexual - and there is nothing wrong with that. It makes good television - see Queer as Folk).
If you have any nickname suggestions, please send them here: evesygal@kittymail.com

*MUAH*

74 minute r&b mix - OHHHH YEAH!

25th of August 2001, an entourage of 9 people boarded a small jet plane - They never were seen alive again. Aaliyah was one of them. So I'd like to take a moment to remember the souls of the nine who died in that fateful plane crash. And a moment to remember Aaliyah for who she was to the music industry and to her fans. And to her future, that almost was.

Well after that sad intro, hello everyone and how ya'all doing?!
Its been awhile...two weeks maybe? I haven't written anything forawhile, i've been busy reading. Lots of work due in the next few weeks, so i'll be knee deep in paper work..and i'll probably be really pissed off with a certain printer of mine that doesn;t seem to want to work.
And geocities is being a bitch. I have some nice new pictures i'd like to put up for the crappy make-shift layout i have. All aaliyah pictures of course.

I honestly don't have alot of say right now, mainly cos nothing has happened of late. Oh congrats to lisa getting her P's :)
Yea..and congrats to me..cos i've been on the freeway driving four times :) Yes..i'm young and dangerous in a car. Watch out pedestrians cos i'm driving now.

Today has been a stoopid day, i have been busy all day. And its a sunday. I did some work..some reading, didn't get to finish it though, i walked the dog..to the local video store of course. And i was forced to vac the car and wash it. grr. I have vaucume cleaners more than anything, i just want to smash the damn things when i see them. But the one at home i have bashed around a bit...i'm normally pissed off when forced to do housework. I hate it. i do i do i do. its a bitch.

anyhoo..i'm gonna finish off my e-mails. write late

listen:
James dean - daniel beddingfield
Make yourself - Incubus mtv unplugged version
Get free - the vines
My neck my back - Khia (dirty, dirty, dirty lyrics)
Sing - Travis

*muah*

time: 9.38am
about to go to anthropology.
i just joined the justincase e-team. they rock.

i need to waste 15 minutes, so i came on here. I was photocopying before. All that radiation can't be good for the eyes.
It was raining cats and dogs this morning, i got drenched. So did my hair. grr. I feel like sleeping..oh wait, i'm going to anthropology...i'll get my chance to catch up on some Z's.

listen: ministry of sound 2002 annual - is excellent. It'll have you dancing and grooving..and its damn good.
I actually made some very stupid spelling error befoer. I must be tired, i can hardly type this morning,.
its another late night for me today. I'll be at uni till around 6ish. then go home..

everyoned needs to check their tv guides. I heard that dark angel is starting this week. on thursday nite @ 9:30 i believe. YAY.
I'm thinking i will actually go to uni on thursday. i should go to the linguistics lecture since i missed yesterdays. and i probably missed out on some tutorial sheets too..so. i need those. I'm kinda hungry right now. Yesterday in cinema, in the screening of 'Manhunter' i was starving..and my tummy was blubbing away..it was saying 'feeed me..feeeeeeed me FEEED ME!' in a tiny meanicing voice. While this morning my hair was saying, 'Cut me..cut meee..CUT ME!'
I think i am in an extremely weird mood this morning. and i'm slowly falling asleep. which is bad! cos anthroplogy were supposed to be watching a video or sumthing...maybe i'll get the nearest person to slap me. that should do the trick.

thought for the day: bright pink nails aren't tacky looking are they?

time: 9:05 am
mood: amused
listen: only to the music playing inside my head

Slang words are quiet funny. Especially English slang. And i mean, from england.
See..i saw bend it like beckham last saturday..and they used this word to say that the blonde chick was pissed off. 'Strop' it was. So i scoured the net for this word, and its proper meaning. Strop - is a noun. It stands for bad mood, or fury. Stroppy, the adjective, is for bad temper. So you could say, 'You're in a strop with me' and a person could reply with, 'No i'm not in a strop with you!'
So next time u hear that word. You'll all know what it means. I hope i have enlightened you all. :)

At the moe i'm reading the script for american pie. Which actually was orginally called 'Great Falls'. I think that was supposed to be the name of the high school. The script is extremely funny.

time: 9.21 am
i'd better get my ass off to class. I need to do some readings before then. I'll write more later

*muah*
www.geocities.com/evesygal - go and sign my guestbook(s) NOW!

Time: 7:50am Monday morning
mood: Extremly tired
listening: colour blind by counting crows, and Oxygen by David Franj

i'm in a slow mood. Cos i only woke up 45 mins ago. But i can't sleep, because all my dreams are of Lord of the rings.
I have watched that movie, so many times now. And i'm not sick of it at all. And last night on sbs there was..a documentry on J.R.R Tolkien..so of course i had to watch that. It was interesting, considering most hippies in america took to his lord of the rings books like a fly to sticky syrup. I never thought his books were hippish, because there's no sex (in fact there are hardly any female charaters), and no drug use. I guess because middle earth is a reflection on society then.

I have a lingusticis assignement to do..grr. of course they assigned it on the day i decided not to turn up to. So i need to look up those slang words today. Im thinking i'll just watch episodes of dark angel and buffy. Ya know..dark angel has the whole slang thing..with the boo..and the talking about ur self..the whole original cindy thing. LOL.
i might do that now. And the osborne's are not on TV tonite..channel ten thought that its new drama series deserves a whole two hour time slot. And as apart of channel ten's niche demographic (16-36) I would rather watch ozzy osborne off his head and saying weird shit..instead of white collar blue. lol..great name for a show though.
So my monday night is ruined. I want alias & dark angel back. That mutant X show just doesn't do it for me. well...the guys in the show do it for me. LOL.

*nite nite*

GOODBYEEEEE...NICE TO KNOW YOUUUUUU!
I haven't felt the way I feel today
its so hard for me to specify
I'M begining to notice how much this feels like a waking limb
PINS AND NEEDLES
NICE TO KNOW YOU!
GOOOODBYEEEE..nice to know you..

hehe. Incubus kick ass. Go download the mtv unplugged vids...its good.

excuse me while i take 20 minutes to write an e-mail....

*TWENTY MINUTES LATER*

WHEN U HOLD MY HAND YOU HOLD MY HEART
BUT LATELY WE'VE BEEN DRIFTING APART
...i can't remember the rest of the words. hmm.

YOU CAN'T BE ME I'M A ROCKSTAR

I'm having trouble breathing, since you walked in.

We've been on the run driving in the sun looking out for number one..

Suddenly the sky is falling, could it be too late for me?

I don't want you to feel sorry for me - you never gave us a chance to be

I hate to love to love to hate you - but there's no end for me in sight

I am no solution to the sound of this pollution in me..

How long must you wait for it?

So would I be out of line If I said..I miss you.

*lots of lines from songs - recent songs of course. If u can guess them all..i will send you something cute. Its just to test how many ppl have actually read my blog..lol. But if no one bothers..well i guess there's my answer!*

Desperately

Theres something about the way you looked at me
made me think for a moment that maybe we were meant to be
Living lives seperately
and its strange cause things change but not me wanting you
so desperately

I cannot ignore it
I keep giving in but i should know better
but theres something about the way you looked at me
and its strange cause things change but not me wanting you
so desperately..

I'm in a singing mood tonight. .I feel like writing something, like grabbing a guitar and playing a few chords.
I've been reading the manga translations of sailormoon. Its better than the tv series..which fucked up the whole story. anyhoo. I don't have anything to write. I think i'm more comfortable writing the old fashioned way. Ya know..pen and paper. There's something more poetic when u put words to paper. Computers just making everything so fucking impersonal and formal.

I had my first driving lesson today. Lets just say, i need practise. But overall, it was a good effort. But damn, those lil indicators are tricky to use. But my first day driving was good. I had a great time :)

Here is parts of a song i wrote not that long ago:
{You}
Its been a long time since i saw your face
And after it all - i've told myself
I'm over you
But I lied and told half truths
the sight of you makes me weak with sadness
I don't know myself beacause of your face
you walked into that room
you proceeded past my presence
I am nothing - not even a friend to you
Its always been that way with you - your always surrounded -
you have your love and I have my friends.

Its not like I need reassuring
I am assured that your not worth my time
But I can't help but feel
Sadness is all I am when your around

You don't treat me like you once did
Just someone who deserves to be ignored
Hey lets talk about it here, I never said what I should have to you
I left my feelings out
and you proceeded to trample all over them

Hey I don't need this
You - you used to make me want to die
I'm not welcome anymore
because you led me on
you hurt me
But i know better now

I almost feel sorry for her
what she has - she could do better
But if you were to leave her
I still wouldn't go for you
cos all i feel is sadness
everytime your around.

You like? That's it. I should do something with it. I kinda like that one. That song was written at a time when i was so sad and depressed with myself. I just felt so lonely and sad. And sad for someone, because you know what they say "You don't know what you've got till its gone" and I hope..he feels that way right now.

OK..top 5ive songs for the moement:
5. Beyonce - Work it out *cause this damn song gets played a 100 times a day*
4. Faith evans, feat. missy E & freeway? - Burnin' up *damn cool*
3. No doubt - Underneath it all *in my head*
2. Audiovent - Numb
1. Phantom Planet - HEY NOW GIRL
pootie tangin' by 702 is a mad song also.

Top 5 music videos
5. Missy E - One minute man
4. Britney - Boys n.e.r.d remix
3. Paul Oakenfield - Starry eyed surprise*Fluff*
2. Phantom Planet - California
1. Weezer - keep fishin' *MUPPETS RULE!*

*MUAH*

Loving you like i never have before
needing you just to open up the door
begging you might somehow turn the tides
and tell me too, i gotta get this off my mind
I never thought id be speaking these words
i never thought i need to say
another day lonely is more than i can take
Won't you save me
Savings what i need
I just wanna be by your side
won't you save me
i don't wanna be
just drifting through the sea of life

won't you
listen please
baby don't walk out that door
I'm on my knees
your all i'm living for
I never thought I'd be speaking these words
heaven thought I'd find a way
Another day lonley is more than i can take

Won't you save me
Savings what i need
I just wanna be by your side
won't you save me
i don't wanna be
just drifting through the sea of life

suddenly the sky is falling
could it be too late for me
well if i never said i'm sorry
then i'm wrong, yes i'm wrong
then i hear my spirit calling
wondering if your longing for me
then i know that i can't live without her/him

Won't you save me
Savings what i need
I just wanna be by your side
won't you save me
i don't wanna be
just drifting through the sea of life

won't you save me...won't you save me..

Save me - hanson

funny how life deals you out the good and the bad. the stupid mistakes we make, the regrets we have to suffer and live with.
I've realised that i'm not proud of some of the things i've said or done in the past. But i don't regret it all. No, i regret very little. But i am regretting my past decisions right now. That maybe things would of been different if i did things my way, if i didn't listen to other people, if i just did what i wanted to do in the first place and not hesitate in my decision making.
Life sucks. Its true. Its a shitty excuse for it all..and i'm sure i could go on and write 500 words on exactly why it sucks, but that would probably not even justify it in my mind. It wouldn't be enough just to write why it sucks, because to me..it is more emotion based..if anyone can get my drift.
I wish i was a lot of things that i'm not. I guess that's regretting too. wishing you had other qualities than the ones who were given when u formed your personality. I guess i shouldn't beat myself up over it. I am who I am. theres no changing that, just improving the way i live and behave around others.
I don't know where i went wrong. I've tried to map it out in my mind, where my confidence failed me. Over the years, i can see how i used to be, and how i am now.
I am too trusting of some people. I will share everything about myself if someone will let me. But even with those who know me best, don;t realise that behind the sarcastic comments, the is a real seriousness behind it all. I mean almost every word i say. I am honest, too honest. And sometimes i don't realise the harshness of my comments till much later.
Basically, to get the the point of all this scatty rambling, is..i regret it. I regret the decision i made - which has effected my whole life and completely changed my goals and direction in life. I used to feel like i knew what i was doing, i felt safe knowing my future. Now i can't see whats gonna happen in the future, i can't see myself doing what i used to think i wanted.
Life sucks.